Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Brian Simpson!
Uploaded: 2024-08-11T23:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Brian Simpson!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Brian Simpson!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-08-11. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Brian Simpson!

Is it garbage if your dad won an episode of Fear Factor in 2005 and still talks
about it?
Cold ball of roaches.
Dude, that's such a dad thing to brag about.
He definitely still has the tape, too.
He said season six, episode three.
Gang, AYG live, AYG live, AYG live.
Grab the squad and come out and see the boys in Red Bank, New Jersey,
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and all along that Route 66 tour.
All tickets available at RUGarbage.com.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find
that they're good to be classy.
Yeah.
Just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in the new edition.
She just got picked up by the cops selling bootleg Pokemon cards.
Okay.
We'll be paying for that bail in a couple of days.
Sure.
Mike O's is coming at you from right next to me, unamused this week, swing and
a miss.
He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
He is an international businessman and the king of the boardwalk, baby.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
What up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
As you know, those numbers are...
Trudor up.
Cooking and obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RUGarbage,
gang.
It's a gosh darn party over there.
And how about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the old magic
man, makes us
all look good, works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours.
He crosses the T's and he dots the I's.
Give it up for T-Bone McScruffins, Toby McMullen, everybody.
What up, boys?
Hey, pal.
I'm stoked.
The guy we got in here, funny as hell and about as chill as you can be as a
human being.
Real cool cat.
Get a pulse on this kid.
Jesus.
You rolled in.
I didn't even know you were behind me.
Gang, the long hair ain't lying because we could be more excited to have our
incredibly,
and I mean incredibly, special guest here with us today for the first time.
He is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian and podcaster.
And you might have seen him in, but not limited to.
You got Lights Out with David Spade.
You got the stand-ups, nosy neighbors.
You got That's My Time with David Letterman, the Joe Rogan Experience.
You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, BS with Brian Spade.
He's on tour right now.
Go to briansimpsoncomedy.com to check out some dates.
And he's got a special over there on Netflix.
Oh, boy.
Live from the mothership.
Give it up for Mr. Brian Simpson, everybody.
There he is.
The big man.
What up, big dog?
What's happening?
Thanks for coming.
You did a little day drinking, didn't you?
You meant today.
Yeah, you know what I mean?
A little something.
Well, take the edge off, you know what I mean?
Yeah, but y'all just got a lot of energy.
It's mostly Coke.
Yeah.
Because I didn't, y'all didn't give me any kind of, y'all didn't go, we're
going to turn
it up to 10.
Right when the party, you know what I mean?
We were in here sleeping.
Yeah.
Just yelled hike real quick.
I was like, yeah, did you give him the breakdown?
Yeah.
I was like, welcome to the fucking show, everyone.
We started hitting each other.
Yeah, it just went straight Custy the Clown.
All right.
I love it.
I love it.
Give us the backstory.
Give us the origin story of Brian Sinford.
Where are you from?
Okay, I was born in Washington, D.C.
All right.
Put into foster care in Maryland, which is right next to the D.C.
Now, really?
At what age?
I didn't know this.
Yeah, I was six.
Wow.
No kidding.
Yeah, and then when I was 11, I got taken out of foster care.
Moved in with my dad.
Okay.
And then when I was 13, I got put back in with foster care.
Jeez.
Yeah, and then I bounced around until I dropped out of high school.
And then I joined the Marine Corps.
Really?
I did not know this.
I did know that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Moved to California.
Holy shit.
Started being encouraged to do stand-up.
Was too pussy.
Okay.
Got out the Marine Corps.
Worked at Intel for a little while up in there in Portland there.
Okay.
Then I left Portland, moved back home.
Worked at the Pentagon for a little while.
Got laid off.
What?
No shit.
Yeah, moved back to California.
This kid's been all over the fucking place.
Yeah, went to, started going to school, started taking philosophy.
Okay.
And tried staying there for the first time, and then that kind of made me drop
out of school.
That took off then there.
Damn.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Holy shit.
Any brothers and sisters, or was it just you?
No, I got lots of brothers and sisters.
You have lots of brothers, but you guys were all broken up.
Yeah.
And how was the foster care situation?
The first one.
Were they good people?
Were they cool, dear?
Or was it a bad situation?
The first one?
No.
No, the first one was dope.
What happened at six that that happened?
That had, yeah.
Oh, my, so my mom, my biological mom had disappeared.
Okay.
And left us with her mother.
Okay.
Okay, so you're with your grandmother.
Right.
Gotcha.
And then that was right when they started giving the fuck about latchkey kids
or whatever.
So we had a nosy ass neighbor there.
Sure.
Somebody better watch these kids.
Yeah, she called the cops and, you know, got taken from her.
Jesus.
And we got put with a-
How many kids were there at that time?
Just two of us.
Just two of you.
But we got put with our auntie, and our auntie already had two kids.
Uh-huh.
So it became like, we got to look for somewhere for them to be.
Uh-huh.
So then we ended up going with his, because he and I had different dads.
We went with his dad's mom, because she was already a foster parent.
Okay.
All right.
So you're relatively in the family a little bit.
No, not really.
I was trying to give it a silver lining there.
No, that's his grandmother.
If you think it's hard for a stepchild, imagine being a step-grandchild.
Step-granddad.
Yeah.
Ain't no, there's no love there.
So it was that kind of thing.
And then my biological dad popped up and took me out of it.
Okay.
But my brother's not his son, so he didn't take him.
So that's how we got split up.
You know?
And then he was like, oh, this motherfucker, I can't handle this mother.
Sure.
All right.
So you said at 13, he pulled you out?
No.
Actually, no, that's wrong.
At 11.
At 11, he pulled you out.
Yeah, it was 11.
And kept you until you were 13, then you went back into foster.
Right.
Did you go back to the same house or was it a different situation?
No, no, totally different situation.
And your brother was out of the picture.
Right.
Because the first time was DC foster kid.
Uh-huh.
The second time was Maryland's foster kid.
Different sister.
And how was that family?
The first one was cool, too.
The first one was cool.
The first few.
Actually, most of them was cool people.
They were nice.
But, you know, and the crazy ones, I just rebelled.
Like, the ones I didn't like.
How often were you switching?
I never lived anywhere longer than a year and a half.
No shit, man.
What the fuck?
Damn.
That's crazy.
Do you still talk to your brother now?
Are you guys cool?
Everything's good?
Yeah, I mean, you know, we all grown now.
Yeah.
I mean, everybody that survived is doing pretty good.
How many brothers and sisters total?
How many siblings?
Seven.
Okay.
Not saying mom and dad.
Different mom, different dad, et cetera, et cetera?
Different mom, different dad.
Okay.
Yeah.
Did they take you on vacation and shit as a kid?
Would you do stuff like that?
Or was it pretty brutal?
Oh, like, come get you out of the foster home and go on vacation with everybody?
No, no.
Would the foster care families take you on vacation?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it depends on the family.
Some people, it was just like, you're being warehoused.
You know what I mean?
Like, you're being stuffed in.
You're just being shelved here.
Yeah.
Jesus.
And so, it really depends on, like, the more you get moved around, the harder
it is to
find some way for you to go.
Right.
Right.
Everybody's like, well, what the fuck happened with the last one?
Why does he keep moving?
Yeah.
So, you get labeled like a problem child.
When you would rebel, what would that look like?
What would you do?
I would just use the only power every kid has.
It's like, no, fuck you.
Nope.
Fuck you.
Make me.
You know what I mean?
It was that.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
Like, one guy, he, it was this one home, one of the few that had both parents.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, and the, the dad used to have this paper route.
Okay.
And so, when I first got there, like, literally my first day there, it was like,
you know,
Sunday morning come around and, you know, I hear the whistle from the top of
the stairs
and all the other kids hop up, get dressed.
Come on, let's go, boy.
We got, we got this long-ass paper route.
We're all, like, putting together the newspapers, talking back in the truck.
And then at the end of that day, you know, I'm like, so, uh, you know.
Where's my cut?
No, right.
Well, not, it wasn't even that, but I was more like, hey, can I get a, uh,
can I get a juicy from the store?
You know, I was like, where are you going to get that from?
I'm like, well, I just figured since we helped you make money.
Spread the wealth, daddy-o.
And it turned into, and he, he was like, no, that's not how I work.
That's your chores.
I'm like, that shit might work on other kids.
Yeah, your chores should have been getting him paid.
How many kids were in that foster house?
At that time, probably six.
So, it's not like, I always had the assumption that a foster home was, you had
a wife,
a husband and wife, that took foster kids in and treated them as if they were
their family.
No, that's called an adoption.
Foster family seems more like he's starting a business.
So, he had six kids in there, and he was making them do his paper route.
Yeah.
And keeping the money.
Yeah, and the next day, he woke everybody up, and I didn't go.
Like, he kept calling down the stairs, and I was like, fuck you.
You know, and it turned into this whole thing.
No shit.
I'm like, nah.
Like, I know.
You know, and that was before I read Marx or anything.
I was just like, nah.
Before I read Marx.
Yeah.
God damn, dude.
I was just like, I'm not fucking working for free.
Yeah, I'm not getting taxation without representation.
And he wouldn't give you kids any money.
He wouldn't give me an allowance or anything.
He wouldn't even give me any money.
But not only would he not give me money, but he wouldn't even buy my damn 99
cent juice.
Sure.
So, I'm like, oh, nah.
Fuck that.
What was dinner like at, like, that house specifically?
Oh, dinner was great because the mom was a chef.
Okay.
Like, she was a chef at a resort.
Okay.
So, she was cool.
Yeah, she was hella cool.
Okay.
She was a little religious.
Gotcha.
I feel like a lot of them are sometimes.
Yeah.
From the stories I've heard.
But it's like, that shit's always capped.
Yeah.
But they would make you guys would sit down as a family and have dinner?
No.
No?
No.
Because you couldn't make these.
You know what I'm saying?
These ain't the kind of kids that you can make do stuff.
Sure.
You know what I mean?
It's more like a-
Were the kids worse than you?
Like, when you're acting out?
Were there, like, some bad-
Every single one of them was worse than you.
Really?
Did you have your own room?
No, absolutely not.
How many kids were in the room?
That'd be a big fucking house.
I mean, the most kids I was ever in one room with was three.
Jesus.
Bunk beds?
Yeah, bunk beds.
Were you able to put, like, posters and shit up on the wall and, like, make it
your own?
Depends on where you're at.
Yeah.
Man.
You know?
You know, the rules were different.
The dynamic was di