Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Summer Lovin' w/ @JoeListComedy
Uploaded: 2024-09-01T23:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Summer Lovin' w/ @JoeListComedy' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Summer Lovin' w/ @JoeListComedy' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-01. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Summer Lovin' w/ @JoeListComedy

Attention, middle America and the heartland, the boys are about to set out on
that old American pastime, Route 66.
Come out and see the boys. We're going to be doing shows all over Chicago to L.A.
We're filming the whole thing, so it's going to be absolutely fun and special.
Come hang.
We also got Philadelphia Parks Casino in Ben Salem in December. Tickets going
quick for that.
Get them. All tickets available at RUGarbage.com. We'll see you there, gang.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RUGarbage, the show where you find out
if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUGarbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find
that if they're good to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here
with Tootie's in the new edition.
She caught Kevin beating off this morning.
I wasn't supposed to say anything.
I didn't know she saw me. She could have came in and said hello.
She caught a peek.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate the view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And obviously the greatest website in the world.
You go over there, www.patreon.com slash RUGarbage.
You get all that bonus content needs, gang.
And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean
incredibly special guest.
Back with us again today, he officially takes the title of the most repeated
guest here at Aunt Tootie's.
And we have a special gift for him.
I'm touched.
This is unbelievable.
This is your eighth appearance on the show, Joe.
Is that right?
That's right.
Eighth appearance.
And what we have for you is an AYG solid gold sweatsuit.
Thank God it's not sushi.
Because it was in a sushi bag, and I was going to freak out.
My brain was like flipping around.
I'm like, I'm going to have to come up with an excuse.
Hope you like Goonie.
You went vegetarian.
This is spectacular.
There you go, buddy.
Oh, my God.
It's a matching golden tracksuit, baby.
Wow.
The first winner of the golden tracksuit here, too.
Tremendous.
I'll wear this out.
I'm sure you will.
Take my clothes.
I don't need this anymore.
This is unbelievable.
Thank you.
I'm so touched.
Go put it on and show us.
This is for special occasions.
That reminds me, there's a great Boston comic named Paul Nardizzi.
He had a joke about it.
You ever get a gift, and someone goes, hey, I kept the receipt.
He goes, yeah, go get it.
Made me laugh.
This is very sweet.
I appreciate this.
I'll treasure it.
Thank you, buddy.
Of course.
We appreciate all your love and all your support over the last few years.
And you're just one of the best, and we love you.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
Number eight.
I don't think.
I mean, Ian might be sick.
I mean, you're out in the lead by a minute.
I thought it was Ian, but he's dead.
He took his own life.
I'm in the lead.
God rest his soul.
R-I-P-I-A-N.
How's life treating you with the baby?
So first time back since you're a father now, Joseph.
I got a father, and I have to make him not garbage as best I can.
You said I got a father.
I got a father.
See, you can see where my mind is at.
What I'm doing is going through how I grew up, and I still have a father and a
mother.
Have you found yourself doing anything that your dad used to do with you?
Yeah.
Or is the baby too little at this point?
No.
Well, I'm realizing that my dad gave me a lot of things that I didn't realize.
Like, I would really do it.
And you guys are going to, this is garbage, maybe.
But I was giving him-
Turn it up the thermostat?
Get out of the fridge!
I was doing one, two, buckle my shoe, three, four, close the door.
Yeah, did you guys ever have that?
Yeah.
It all just comes back.
Yeah.
Nine, ten, do it again.
Little bug, big bug, my dad would do that to me.
Oh, I didn't have a little bug, big bug.
That's why you jerked you off.
I got a huge bug.
And then I do trot-trot to Boston, trot-trot to Lynn, careful little Marty that
you don't
fall in, and you drop them through your lap, which I thought everyone knew, but
it was
a Boston town.
We would do-
Yeah, it'd be weird if we were doing it.
We did like, it was a toilet.
You'd sit on their legs, and they'd-
Toilet?
This is weird now that I'm saying it out loud.
Yeah, I've never said this out loud, but we-
Flush the baby.
Yeah, come on.
Piss on the baby.
You would put your hand out, and they would hit it like a- and then you would
drop them
through your lap.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, we were into a little scat kind of stuff, if you catch my drift.
I also do-
Put your freaks-
On the knee, I do ba-da-bum, ba-da-bum, ba-da-bum, ba-da-bum, ba-da-bum, ba-da-bum.
That's a classic.
Yeah, the Lone Ranger.
He loves that.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
That's pretty good.
I like it.
Yeah, so I do those things, and yeah, I haven't hit them yet, but-
Getting close.
A little attitude on his kid.
No, it's great.
It's a lot of fun.
I love it.
He's not walking or anything like that.
He's crawling?
He crawls, but if he braces himself, he can kind of shuffle holding onto
something.
But I also think he could walk, but he doesn't understand it yet.
I'll hold his hands like this, and he'll take a step and then just go to the-
Be like, I got to crawl.
What are you doing?
Gotcha.
So he lacks confidence like his old man.
Is he still all formula, or is he eating some real food?
Oh, he eats-
Pizza and french fries.
Crazy food.
Well, Sarah is doing the feeding, so I'm in the cut, as they say.
You don't feed him at all?
I'll feed him, but I don't make the decisions.
She's making the food and being like this.
She has an app that's like, you can have this, because I'm like, a hot dog?
And she's like, what are you crazy?
Did you say, feel the dreams?
It's like you're fishing in a pond.
But yeah, he eats blueberries and oatmeal and what else?
Peanut butter.
Peanut butter?
You got to give him peanut butter early.
It turns out we made a big fuck-up as a society.
Baby's eating peanut butter?
Because they pulled it out, right?
They said, don't give the baby peanut butter.
And lo and behold, that's how you get peanut butter allergies.
So now, as soon as he's born, they'll shove his face in the peanut butter, or
he's going to die someday.
So I stick it right in his mouth.
He loves it.
He does like, it's beautiful.
He loves it.
He passed all his allergy tests.
You got to give him fish and shellfish.
You making them lobster?
Crab?
Shellfish?
Oh, yeah.
You don't eat shellfish.
I wouldn't touch shellfish with the stolen dick.
That's not my child.
No.
But yeah, he's eating everything.
As a pig eater, is there something you say you would be allergic to?
Like when you're ordering, or you're like, I don't want to do that.
I'm allergic.
And just make that up.
That's a great out.
I do that with mushrooms.
I'll do that for breakfast.
I'm not a meat guy for breakfast.
Really?
I know.
Okay.
Hey, to each their own.
I don't judge.
No bacon, no sausage.
And so I'll say I'm a vegetarian.
Give me the eggs.
I try to do the trade-off.
I say, can I get a fruit cup instead of bacon?
And then they go, well, you can't really do that.
I go, well, I'm a vegetarian.
Especially at diners.
They hold all those fruit cups like it's the fucking cure for cancer.
And fruit cups vary.
Sometimes you get a good fruit cup, and sometimes it's all melon.
Mostly they stink, yeah.
It's mostly hard melon, and it has like that, it's almost like a spice to it.
Like the juice in it.
Spicy.
You know what I'm talking about?
Spicy juice.
You got breakfast at an Indian joint?
What are you talking about?
Fruit cup marsala?
I don't know the spicy juice.
If they put a grapefruit in it, the juice at the bottom has like a little,
remember like the way Sunny D would like burn a little bit?
No?
No.
I'm crazy here?
Sunny D.
You know Sunny Delight, right?
I know Sunny D, but we weren't Sunny D people.
What was the OJ in the house?
I think like a Minute Maid.
It was one of the ones with the-
Yeah, Minute Maid.
Tropicana.
Tropicana, maybe.
Yeah.
I can't remember.
Sunkist.
You know like the little jugs, the little juice barrels?
Remember they have like a spice to them?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it has like that at the bottom.
I see.
Yeah, yeah.
I love those juice barrels.
I like a mixed berries is the way to go.
Blackberry, strawberries, blueberries.
That's a nice fruit cup.
Blackberry and raspberry actually do fuck with me.
I get like, it looks like I had a lip injection.
I get like puffy lips.
Yeah, I'm allergic to the-
I found out it's a real pussy shit.
Here, Joe Liss is getting Botox.
I'm like, it's just Bradberry.
Fucking real pouty.
He does it before late night appearances.
Yeah, I'm allergic to the proteins in the skins of fruit and vegetables.
No kidding.
You're a pussy.
I know.
I'm not fucking proud of it, but it is what it is.
A raw carrot would put me down.
What's your beef with mushrooms?
You don't like mushrooms?
Nah.
I'm not a mushroom guy either.
Really?
We're very similar.
Portabella?
Oyster?
I don't like mushrooms.
Shiitake?
I don't want a mushroom.
No mushroom.
I never even did like drug mushrooms.
That's how much you don't like it.
I used to love getting fucked up, but I don't touch the mushy.
I don't do drug mushrooms.
I don't do mushrooms.
Yeah, no.
They're gross to me.
They're a plant.
They're icky.
Okay.
Buddy, I'm right there with you.
Sorry, guys.
I was going to say, is the baby sleeping in a room with you guys, or does he
got his own crib?
No, separate room.
We did a good job sleep training.
We shoved him out there.
He cried and all that stuff.
Sarah and I are reverse gender roles.
I'm like, I got to go get him.
He's crying.
And she's like, shut up, you piece of shit.
We're never going to sleep again.
Can't even eat blackberries.
She's hitting you.
He sleeps through the night, seven to seven, which I've been saying this on
stage.
People are like, well, no more sex.
You got the baby now.
I'm like, you go to bed at 7 p.m.
What are you talking about?
You got all night.
I can wait him out.
He sleeps 15 hours a day.
We can have sex whenever we want.
Jeopardy hasn't even started yet.
What are you, nuts?
Yeah.
He sleeps through the night.
It's great.
And then, yeah, he wakes up and he doesn't even wake up crying.
He's like a really good kid.
He doesn't wake up crying.
We have the monitor and he'll just be sitting up, just kind of goofing around.
Come in and go, hey, what's up, man?
I got to ask you, especially with switching over to regular food, how's the
dump situation?
The dumps now are nice.
They're like, that's another thing.
People, they're delicious.
This guy really loves his kid.
They're like kind of, usually like a ball.
Every once in a while, it'll get mushy and wild.
Hey, who don't?
Yeah, exactly.
I got that right now.
Exactly.
But usually it's just like a nice, solid turd and it's not even a big mess.
The problem is now, he doesn't want to be changed.
As soon as you take him out, it's like a-
He's freaking out.
It's a change in six parts.
He rolls away.
You got to get him back.
He pees on the rug.
But it's all fun.
Okay.
Were you doing hand-me-downs?
People giving you hand-me-downs?
No, no hand-me-downs.
But being a popular public figure as we are-
Sure.
I mean, we got sent-
I have-
I'm not joking and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings because it's funny.
I appreciate all of them.
We got 50 My Father's Gay onesies.
Literally, I'm not kidding.
There's got to be 40 onesies that say My Father's Gay.
And people don't know because we're in New York.
So people are like, oh, his father's gay.
They're t