Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Boyscast w/ Ryan Long & Danny Polishchuk
Uploaded: 2024-09-22T23:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Boyscast w/ Ryan Long & Danny Polishchuk' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Boyscast w/ Ryan Long & Danny Polishchuk' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-22. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Boyscast w/ Ryan Long & Danny Polishchuk

Hold on there, gang. New York City, New York, do yourself a favor.
Come out to the Gramercy Theater October 1st for the second edition of the AYG
and Friends show.
We had such a great time there in September. Come out and see the gang.
Yeah, we've invited some of our favorite and your favorite guests and friends
to come answer your garbage questions.
The Gramercy Theater, 10-1. All tickets available at RUGarbage.com. Do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RUGarbage, the show where you find out
if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUGarbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that they have to grow to be classy.
Yeah.
Just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She's up in the room taking a very important business call.
Okay.
Talking to Tubi.
Okay. She's got Tubi on the line.
Life rights.
Okay.
All right. My co-host is coming at you from right next.
I got a little bit of a giggle out of him this weekend.
He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Then obviously the greatest website in the world, www.patreon.com.
Yes, sir.
Slash RUGarbage.
You go over there.
You get all your bonus content needs, gang.
And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have two of our incredibly special
guests here with us today.
Back again.
They are the hosts of the boys' cast.
Mr. Danny Polishchuk and Mr. Ryan Long.
Woo!
Big return.
And just a little bonus.
Mr. Ryan Long has a brand new special, Guys and Gals, out right now on his
YouTube page that you got to check out.
Congratulations, buddy.
Thank you very much, fellas.
Full, you know what I was thinking when I was coming in?
You guys are Hawaii wedding partners.
We are.
We've commiserated on this a bit.
We've commiserated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've talked about it.
How was it?
It was very nice.
Went off without a hitch?
For the most part.
There was on the day of.
She said no, but other than that, there's a big objection for me.
I already bought the ring.
Yeah, yeah.
But for the most part, other than because it's really hot there, it was like
all Jews at the wedding.
Point of contention for me, that was the objection.
But then it was so hot outside.
That was your objection.
It was like insanely hot outside.
And I was like, nobody's going to be able to sit outside under the hot Hawaiian
summer sun for an hour.
And then they're like, oh, should we last minute rent a little tent or whatever?
And then they're like, yeah, we can rent you a tent for an hour.
It's $6,000.
Sure.
Yeah.
Of course.
And we're like, okay, we're not doing that.
So everybody had little umbrellas.
How about a couple of cold plunges?
Couldn't see anything.
Straighten us out.
How'd you do on the back end of it, if you don't mind me asking?
Not bad.
I'd also like to know.
What'd you drop?
What?
I think I came in at five.
Okay.
Yeah, that's good.
Okay, very generous man.
Really?
No.
I mean, I was in for $1,800 for the luau.
Man, that's all I keep hearing.
Yeah, the luau was not that.
But your girl's actually Hawaiian, so you probably don't get the-
You're not going to get scammed the same way.
You don't get the custody, like, scam luau.
And we got scammed two times in one week at that point, because we went-
To a porking lunch?
Literally-
Just kids breakdancing?
Dude, the weekend before, we went to sumo and sushi.
Oh, yeah.
Back to back, we got scammed.
And then that was a total scam.
Like, that was the worst, crappiest thing I've ever been to.
Anything by locals for white people is to get you.
Sure.
Yeah.
And rightfully so.
I respect the move.
This was on tour.
Like, they were on tour doing this sumo and sushi.
Sumo was incredible.
And it was, like, fake.
Like, they were-
Like, first off, some of the guys were, like, our size.
Wait, I don't even know what it is.
Sumo and-
So it's just-
In New York.
It's sumo wrestling.
Sounds like a bad ska band.
Dude, it was a sumo wrestling, like, exhibition.
They had one guy who used to be, like, some, you know, high-up sumo wrestler.
Extra in one of the Vin Diesel movies?
Yeah, extra in one of the Vin Diesel movies.
That's a bad credit if that's the lead guy.
Dude, he got on the mic, too, and he's like, you might recognize me.
Nobody recognized him.
Like, he tried to be like, you might have recognized me.
All right, what about when I do this?
It was a valet from Fast and Furious.
45.
He was like, I was the guy in the barrel or something.
And then they served sushi?
They served, like, the worst, like, grocery store sushi you could ever imagine.
It was terrible.
And then they do these, like, little sushi-
Or sumo matches.
But a sumo match, I didn't know until we got there, is, like, they're 30
seconds.
Sure.
Right?
And there was only, like, six sumo wrestlers.
So then we got there, and we're like, this thing's three hours.
Six guys.
Cut to you up there wrestling.
They were killing time.
They were, like, literally, they're like, this is how we stretch.
This is-
And then they're like, any questions-
That's like a comic who runs out of material.
I've done that.
Dude, why?
I go, wait, wait, what'd you say?
What's going on over there?
You think that's good?
This guy was probably 240, like, tops.
Like, my size.
Like, my size.
Yeah.
And he gave-
He started giving speeches and answering questions about what it's like to be
that big.
This guy was the 20th biggest guy at the event.
He was like a basketball player talking about, like, what it's like to be on a
plane and stuff.
Literally, that was one of the questions.
Guys, I'm an extra large.
If you can believe that, it's tough walking around at my size.
And was it in, like, a restaurant?
That was a 510-250.
It was in the Navy Yards, like, in, like, a warehouse.
Right?
It was pretty, like, decently intense.
And they kept saying it's sold out, and you look around, and you're like, there's
a hundred seats.
And that was there or here?
That was in Brooklyn.
That was in Brooklyn.
But so anyways, we did that.
That was a total scam.
That was your bachelor part?
Or that was, like, an appetizer?
It wasn't even that.
It was an appetizer for the scam.
It was you guys.
You're like, oh, I'm going to, let's dump a bunch of money on something we don't
really care about.
It was, like, $200 a ticket.
I thought it was in Hawaii.
You did this in Brooklyn?
No, we did this in Brooklyn.
We're pre-gaming this, motherfucker.
Yeah, we're pre-gaming this.
Che Duran is the guy who got his fucking hookup.
And then bailed.
And didn't go.
And then he bailed on it.
I like that.
And then anyways, and then the next week, and then the main guy who ran the
thing, the sumo and sushi, was a Hawaiian guy.
And then we go to the, after, or before the wedding, we go to a luau in Hawaii,
and it's, like, a similar thing.
They're just like, this is how you open a coconut.
You eat the coconut, and sometimes it's $85, or $850.
It was, like, $300 for this thing or whatever.
And then I was like, man, I've been scammed by Hawaiians twice in, like, eight
days.
This is how you open up a coconut water, everybody.
That's the bottle.
It's the top.
Goddamn.
All right.
But you're still on stage cutting a coconut for a good 30 minutes.
Yeah, like, so much stalling.
Like, they're just stalling.
That's funny.
You got to respect the racket, though.
These guys are doing okay.
We were going to do the luau, but we canceled it.
We're trying to figure out what to do before.
Because we figured we got to have every sumo and sushi.
You have, like, a million people, right?
Yeah.
There's a, I think there's 60, 70 people coming from flying over.
Yeah.
And it's all family, plus the locals.
Yeah.
But the thing before, we just got to figure out what to do with them.
You know what I mean?
I don't know.
So what do we look at it?
I mean, we did some of those hikes and stuff.
Yeah, it's not going to happen.
You can't organize that many people, do you?
Maybe I'll run a fucking sumo and sushi.
It's hard being this big.
The zip lining guys are running a real comedy racket over there.
Show them how it's done.
90% comedy, 10% zip lining.
Oh, really squeezing their bits in there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I respect that.
I didn't do the zip lining, but Ryan got roped into it.
Well, it's one of those things when you get asked.
They go, what do you do for a living?
You go, I just, I'm an accountant.
You went by yourself, didn't you?
Just you and your lady.
Yeah, we're like, no, there was, yeah, yeah.
But there was a couple other people there, a guy and his son.
Four of us getting the show.
That's the world's worst date, dude.
I'm telling you, the son's not paying attention, so it's basically just me, and
it's two guys
just running every bit on me that they've run a hundred times, and I had to
laugh, because
otherwise I was leaving these guys out to dry.
Yeah, you've got to be a good audience member, dude.
They passed the bucket out at the end, too, for a big tip.
Did you hit him with anything?
Name's Phillip.
Don't be afraid to fill him up.
That's the line.
That's not bad.
That's not bad.
Ryan takes five out.
I was just as...
Fuck, I forgot the word.
God damn it.
They get you over there.
Yeah, I love it.
Boys, thank you so much for coming and sitting down with us.
We haven't seen you in a minute, I feel like.
Yeah.
It's been a hot minute.
I wanted to do one thing we have been doing, too, that people have liked.
We find out if you're on your high school's Wikipedia as notable alum.
I'm not, actually.
You're not?
You did?
Why?
Slow night, huh?
Don't ask me why.
I don't remember why.
Oh, you know what?
Because I was looking.
I was trying.
No, so my old gym teacher.
That's great.
I had this old gym teacher who he was like this super jacked guy.
And then he was like this massive, just like roided out dude.
And then he ended up, I don't know why, but I was trying to think of his name
and I couldn't.
And then I somehow wound up on the Wikipedia page, and then he ended up being
the coach of the Guelph Griffins where we went to college.
Let's go.
Yeah.
You guys went to college together?
We did, but we didn't know each other.
Didn't know each other.
Same year?
Yeah.
Same major?
Yeah, pretty much.
Randomly, the year me and Danny went to school was the year that two grades
went to school.
Ryan to the cafeteria with a boom mic.
Wait, did you say the Guelph Griffins?
They're called the Guelph.
Guelph, Ontario Griffins.
Guelph?
Guelph, G-U-E-L-P-H.
Is that the town?
That's the city, yeah.
Hey, they hit me up every now and then trying to get me to join the alumni
where you're giving my Guelphs.
Sure, you're a couple of Guelphs.
Have you ever given?
Hell no!
Are you kidding me?
I never got my diploma because I had outstanding library fines.
Griffins aren't going to crumb for me.
That's the most Canadian shit ever.
I'm not giving you my nickel.
They wouldn't give me your, they're like, I had so many library fines and they're
like, you can't get your diploma without it.
I go, I'll make it do.
How much money are we talking here?
87 cents.
It goes up.
No, we're just 8.50.
Compounds, man.
I'm in the same situation, which is how I know.
I also never got my.
Well, it starts out little and then it's 8.50.
And then also you can't do it over the phone, so you have to drive over there.
What?
Yes.
They get you.
If you wanted to settle that up now, you'd have to drive to Guelph?
I owe them.
I owe Guelph, Ontario at this point.
This is almost 20 years.
I must owe them a couple hundred K.
No.
With compounding?
You think it's compounding?
Oh, the jui