Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Doug Stanhope!
Uploaded: 2024-10-02T23:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Doug Stanhope!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Doug Stanhope!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-02. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Doug Stanhope!

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that they're good to be classy.
It's just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She's down at the playground doing a little bocce with the boys,
taking a little money from the Italians.
All right.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James, Ryan, everybody.
What up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Slash Are You Garbage?
You go over there and get all that bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir.
And gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly,
and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time.
He is a legendary stand-up comedian, author, actor, and podcaster.
And you might have seen him in, but not limited to,
you got Louie, Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
You got Punching Henry, Roseanne.
Wow, I don't even know these.
I think I'm such a drunk that, like, every few years I'll go on IMDB and see
what I've done.
I was never on Dateline.
12 episodes of The Rockford Files.
Yes, I was.
You got The Road Dog.
You got Howard Stern.
He's got his own comedy, Chantra Presents, Insomniac, The Man Show, of course,
The Aristocrats, Tosh.0, Killed Tony, Bar Rescue.
That's a first right there.
I love that.
WTF, This Is Not Happening, The Joe Rogan Experience.
No, we got to keep going.
We got to do it.
His literary work includes, you got Fun with Penophiles, The Best of Baiting.
You have Digging Up Mother.
That's the funniest one ever.
If you can find The Best of Baiting.
This is not fame.
It was, Best of Baiting was, it's the only thing I laugh at like I didn't do it.
Sure.
It was back in the early internet days and there was a site called baiting.org,
like fish bait,
baiting.
And you would, like, Chris Hansen.
Sure.
Bait Files and then just, like, I'm a 13-year-old girl that likes hot, sexy
talk with older men.
What?
And then you come into, and it always ends with, oh, and now I'm pulling out my
dick.
And you're like, what?
It's just Doug Stanhope, you asshole.
Well, no, I wasn't.
Yeah, Doug Stanhope didn't mean anything.
It still doesn't mean anything.
But now there's a few people.
But back then, no one knew who he was.
He also got no encore for the donkey.
We got to do it.
His albums and specials include The Great Wipe Stanhope, Sicko, Something to
Take the Edge Off,
Die Laughing, Word of Mouth, Deadbeat Hero, Morbid Obscenity, No Refunds, From
Across the Street,
Burning the Bridge to Nowhere, Before Turning the Gun on Himself, Beer Hall Putsch,
An Evening with Doug Stanhope, and the Dying of the Last Breed.
Dying of the Last Breed.
This podcast is called Here's Our Guest, and Here's His Credits.
Watch him squirm.
Good night.
Folks, thanks for tuning in.
You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast, the Doug Stanhope podcast.
But the big question in his mind today, is he garbage?
I don't know.
I believe the last time we saw the gentleman, he was stealing a cheddar omelet.
That was my first interaction with you.
From a hotel brunch.
Tell me.
Because I was going to come here and just steal everything off Delta, like Biscoff
cookies and everything.
They give them to you.
You don't have to steal them.
I know, but I was going to cram my pockets full like Grandma would with Splenda.
You got a seatbelt extender on you?
Yeah, and just bring it all to you to show you, you have no idea how excited I
am to be here.
Doug Stanhope, ladies and gentlemen.
The one, the only.
A true American original.
Yes.
With a Michelob Ultra.
Which he brought himself.
The first time we ever met was at Skankfest Houston.
Oh.
Right after the pandemic, just was in the middle of the pandemic.
Just coming back from Skankfest, I've been sneezing so bad.
Oh, great.
I've been to two Skankfests.
We got the Skankfest COVID going around.
And I've never not gotten COVID from Skankfest.
So, and I've been sneezing.
The Skankfest variant?
It is.
Penicillin won't even cure that one.
But I had met you, and I met you in that.
We were in a very nice hotel.
You were stealing an omelet, and I went up to you.
I didn't know you were stealing an omelet.
Oh, yes.
And I went, hey, Doug, how you doing?
I'm Kevin.
I'm a comic.
I have a podcast.
Are you garbage?
You went, I just stole this omelet.
And I went, okay.
Can you keep your mouth shut?
And you're like, you just have to dress.
You just dress like you're staying here, and you just walk out like you own the
place.
I didn't pay for this.
Which I believe you were in a full tuxedo at the time.
Yeah, he's dressed very similar to how he is now.
And I was just like, I literally walked back.
I was like, I just met Doug Stanhope.
They're like, what was he doing?
I mean, he stole a fucking omelet.
Yeah.
And the last time we saw you, he was down at the mothership.
And Kevin tells me the story.
It was you, him, and Rogan in the green room.
And Ron White.
And Ron White.
And I was on stage.
Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah.
And you leaned over to Kevin, and were watching me on the monitor, and said, is
he going
to die?
Because he's so big.
I went on the Ozempics the very next day.
Did you?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
That's so not garbage.
We're trying to keep him alive.
I got rent to pay here, Doug.
One thing they told me about, and I forget who it was.
I would rat them out if I knew.
I go, because we're talking about how much we love your podcast.
I go, the thing about Foley is, every time he laughs, his tongue darts out.
And once you see it, you can't unsee it.
It's a lot of tongue.
And then I couldn't unsee it.
It's a gorgeous tongue.
It's a big one.
I'm not on trial here.
What the hell is that?
If I had a vagina, I would try to make you laugh while you gave me cunnilingus.
So that would dart into me.
Some old Dangerfield bits.
Give us the back story on Doug Stanhope.
And is this known?
What the origin?
I mean, you're kind of the joker.
What is the origin story?
You kind of are.
I really.
You just came from the airport.
You got no luggage.
What do you mean?
I did get word ejected.
We did check into the Hampton Inn.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Well, that was another thing.
We're not paying for that.
That's really what homeless people.
It's very close.
I'm very big about close.
You are.
Oh, the Ron White story.
The Ron White.
We were all sitting in there.
Oh, my God.
And we were at the mothership in the green room.
You asked me where we were staying.
And I was like, oh, we got an Airbnb.
There's like a group of us.
And I asked you where you were staying.
And you were staying at an airport hotel.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You like the airport hotel.
I love the airport hotel.
And Ron White went, where are you staying?
And you were like, at the Marriott by the airport.
He goes, you're fucking Doug Stanhope.
And you're staying out by the airport?
I found a better place near the mothership is there's a hostel.
The United Hangar.
The United Hangar.
Ask Colm.
Are you really?
Colm Terrell?
Yes.
I actually canceled the gig.
I bailed out on it.
But yeah, he's like, it was last, whatever, Irish day.
St. Paddy's there.
St. Patrick's Day.
Irish day.
Irish day.
And he goes, where are you staying?
There's a, we get a rate at this.
I go, no, I'm staying at a hostel right next door.
And he's like, why would you do that?
I said, because it's funny.
Yeah.
This guy lives for beds.
And we did.
And it was, we had bunk beds and I fell out of the top bunk a third time.
No more bunk beds.
And scarred some college kid from Northwestern.
Yeah.
A bunch of Swedish guys being like, Ubin Glorbin.
So you grew up in Mass.
Give us, give us, give us, give us the origin.
I was, I wanted to call ahead of time Megan.
Yes.
And tell her, hey, by the way, I know you guys talk about what's your family
history.
I'm like, I am not a family guy.
I disassociated myself from that at 18.
I grew up in Massachusetts.
And as soon as I was legal to leave, I fled.
Okay.
I fled to the West Coast.
Perfect.
Doug's Dan O'Brien.
Yeah.
Like family means nothing to me.
Okay.
There were people, mother, we put her down like a dog.
Dad died on his own quickly.
He's like, oh, I got cancer.
I'm going to go.
Bye now.
Very nice.
Sure.
And my brother, we just kind of had a resurgence of talking to each other.
Okay.
Very nice.
So yeah, most of my adult life has been without family.
Without family.
Gotcha.
Okay.
Were you a good student?
How were you in school?
I don't.
You know what?
I have made a list of how I am garbage.
Let me tell you.
Hit me.
I told you the only reason I would ever come back to New York City is to do
this show.
And that means the world to us.
And I found a reason.
And in the meantime, like every couple of days I go, oh my God, I am so garbage
right
now in my life.
I should write it down.
But you don't make a list with one thing.
But every couple of days I think of one thing.
I'm like, ah, shit.
So I did start a list and I brought it, but I didn't, I left it at the hotel.
But there's so much garbage.
I pissed my pants at Skank Fest.
Okay.
And I want to give a shout out.
This was three days ago, by the way.
Well, it's over three days.
I pissed my pants one of the three days of Skank Fest.
No, I'm saying you just did this.
Skank Fest is really the best thing I have.
It's the best.
It's amazing.
That comedy has created.
Like, the just for laughs.
Fuck.
I was so happy that fucking thing failed and went bankrupt.
I hated those cocksuckers so much.
I never met them, so fuck them.
I don't care.
Oh, you never went to?
Yeah.
No one goes to Skank Fest.
I'm a Skank Fest man.
Yeah.
No one goes to Skank Fest to get a deal.
No.
You go to get COVID, apparently.
I had a little Kratom.
Yes.
I fucking wrestled the Almonika Sanders because we had a beef on a bonfire
eight years ago.
Uh-huh.
And I go, we'll make up for it.
And I'm getting bumps.
My coach, let's call her, my coach is giving me bumps of fucking ketamine right
at ringside.
That's all class in my book.
I'm 52 years old.
57.
You're doing bumps of K?
Yeah.
I'm in the middle of a goddamn fight.
I'm fighting for my life here.
No, before the fight.
I'm sorry.
As they're doing the intro.
Pre-workout.
Of course.
Bing.
Yeah.
Mushrooms.
We did every drug except for cocaine or fentanyl.
Yeah.
Fentanyl.
That's a drug you don't intend to do.
Didn't they?
Are you still back?
Is that like, how often are you doing drugs?
Not at all, ever.
You just didn't get him during a boxing match.
Well, don't say never.
How often do you wrestle a Foley-sized woman of color?
Probably not often.
That's a great point, Doug.
Yeah.
So pair them up.
Okay.
Did you play any sports as a youngster?
I played a year of football.
Did you?
Yeah, it was seventh grade, I think.
Yeah, seventh grade, where the equipment weighed more than you.
Your head's bobbling.
I sucked.
What position were you?
It was Iron Man, so I was a tight end and then something on defense.
Iron Man meaning you played both sides of the ball.
Yeah, because it was a tiny town.
Paxton, Massachusetts.
Yes.
That's great.
No ketamine back then.
Well, yeah, probably not.
What about injuries as a kid?
To stay away from the family, we'll focus on you.
Broken jaw.
Broken jaw.
My brother broke my jaw for me.
Okay.
Well, because I was a little brother and they would beat on me.
Him and his friend Jeff Brown, they would hold me down to do spit hangers.
And then suck it back up, but sometimes miss.
