Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bad Customer Service w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uploaded: 2024-10-09T23:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bad Customer Service w/ Kippy & Foley!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bad Customer Service w/ Kippy & Foley!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-09. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bad Customer Service w/ Kippy & Foley!

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out
if they get to be classy.
Yeah.
Like just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition.
She's down at the gym doing a little powerlifting.
She's into it.
She's got the pre-workout, the protein, the protein bars, which aren't bad.
I like the strawberry.
She's really getting after it.
Is she doing roids?
What's she doing?
I don't know, man.
She's doing clean jerks and hangs and the other stuff.
I'll give you a clean jerk.
Goblin squats.
That's what I call my shower time.
She's got the belt on and everything.
I've got the straps on her hands.
My co-host is coming at you from across the tables.
We call a family episode here at AYG.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
Just the way we like it.
Circle in the wagon.
Shaking some stocks and inventory.
Making sure everybody's okay.
A little check-in.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
As always, make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Slash are you garbage.
You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir.
A lot of videos.
Ireland, Disney.
Not to mention, if you heard the words Bloody Woods getting thrown around the
last couple of weeks,
you've been seeing it on the social medias.
Performance of a lifetime, people would say.
Find out over there on Patreon.
How is Shawshank this time of year, Kevin, by the way?
That's pretty good.
Thanks for asking.
Yeah, this is my new autumn vibes I got.
I'm a Levi's man.
They're cut.
Is that Levi's?
Yeah, they're cut for the bigger boys.
You're like Buddy Lee.
This is a medium.
You know Buddy Lee?
From what?
He was like the spokesman for a little while.
I don't know.
He was like a little cartoon, like a little fat guy.
Buddy Lee.
No.
No?
Nope.
Got an album out there.
It was pretty good.
Yeah.
Now, I'm a Levi's man in the autumn time, in the fall season.
That's what I'm doing.
There's Buddy Lee right there.
Oh, shit.
He looks like you.
Maybe a little bit.
A little kippy.
Yeah.
Buddy kippy.
Yeah.
Yeah, it does look like me.
Somebody get that kid a heater.
Hey, use that little freak to sell jeans.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, because you see them and you're shitting them.
You got to get a new pair.
Put that thing in a glass case.
Yikes.
Put the hex on you.
I wouldn't want that thing looking at me.
That thing going to get you.
I have to say, you're slightly reinventing yourself a little bit.
Okay, I don't like where this is.
This is when you ain't got nothing in the tank.
You go for personal attacks.
No, I'm not.
And I got plenty in the tank.
Where do you see the gem I brought for us today?
I've been wanting to do that as well.
I just, I don't know which direction to go.
What, steal my style?
No, that's what you do.
That's what you do.
It's well documented.
No, no, no.
No, listen, it's well documented.
You steal my style.
Well, I'm going back down these days.
Where to Burger King?
What are you talking about?
I'm on my way back down.
Down about 14.
Okay.
I'm not saying nothing.
Not a big deal.
And I'm getting it.
In a couple weeks, I'll be at my crossover where I can wear things a little bit
better.
Okay.
And I want to take this opportunity.
I think I'm done with the Hawaiians.
I just don't know where to go from here.
Plus, all my Hawaiians are all stained and the collar's all fucked up.
Sure.
I need a collar stay.
Stain to road hard and put away wet.
They are, dude.
Yikes.
They don't wash well either.
That big boy fabric.
Mm-mm-mm.
I got to figure it out, though.
Got to starch them things up real good.
I was thinking about that.
I should do more dry clean stuff.
Well, you saw-
When's the last time you brought anything to the dry clean?
Who saw a picture of my-
Oh, was it you?
We were talking about my dad.
Maybe the first and only time you ever met my dad.
You said-
Starch jeans.
He had a crease in his dungarees, and he would take them to the cleaners, and
he came out.
Those things were crisp.
This guy's on edge.
That and his jean shorts, he'd get pressed, though.
I'm going to go get them pressed.
Dude, even if your jeans are nervous, pull it back a little bit.
Goddamn rigid.
Take a Xanax.
I can have a beer.
Do something.
But I want to ask you this.
I've been doing a little work over there at the house, the kitchen, getting
everything organized,
you know, to really move forward.
Wait.
To be successful.
At your kitchen?
At my house.
Over at Hank's place.
What's the work you're doing?
You make it sound like you're putting in a new range or something.
I've been making it more user-friendly.
I got a cutting board.
I got a big cutting board.
Whoa, that's a lot of work.
Shout out to the food freak.
I hit him up and asked him what kind of cutting board I should get.
High-end prices, I'll tell you that.
Yeah.
Sometimes you hit somebody.
It's a block.
It's a wooden block.
Yeah, somebody something, and they come back when you're like, I can get this
for eight
bucks at Marshall's.
What are we doing?
This is nuts.
Yeah, this is $600.
$600.
Uh-huh.
I'm cutting up my Whopper on this thing.
I can do it on a plate.
Speaking of Marshall's, I went to Marshall's or one of them stores.
Wife loves them stores.
Sure.
I hate them, because there's no organization.
It's like digging through a FEMA tent.
It's horrible.
But we went to get an area rug, right?
And they're hanging out.
We can't find the price, whatever.
So we asked a nice gentleman to come over, and he's got on a-
You're asking for customer service at a Marshall's?
Man.
What are you, nuts?
They're not happy about that.
We were trying to ask a price.
That's all we were asking.
Pussy, I don't know you.
Because it was rolled up.
The carpet was rolled up, and we could see a little corner.
We go, oh, that's nice.
And I'm like-
The foot's sticking out.
I'm like, do I just unroll this in the fucking houseware section?
I'm big on that now.
What?
I've gotten to that age where I'll just open shit in the store.
I also, yeah.
Fuck them.
What, you're going to sue me?
Yeah, fuck them.
If I got to see it, I got to get the feel.
You know what I mean?
I'm going in.
I don't care what it is.
Eggs, it doesn't matter.
They're cracking them.
I want to see that orange yolk.
Make sure you don't catch a hanger egg.
Pushing off pasture raised.
Make sure there's no beak or nothing in there.
And the kid came over, and he rolled up the rug, and I was like, hey, man, can
I just undo
this?
He's like, yeah, I'll do it for you.
Nice kid.
Oh, I would have fucked.
I would have been like, are you going to buy this?
I know, I felt so bad.
I'm not, fuck, unroll a rug.
I felt so bad.
And there's also, there's no area to do it, so it's like leaning over a recliner.
Oh, you suck.
Who are you?
Roll the dice, you're at Marshall.
I'm not just buying a rug sight unseen.
Why not?
It's crazy.
So, break my goddamn back, carrying it out of there, shoving it into the trunk
of the
car.
So, I was just like, no, we asked him to, we didn't ask him to unroll it.
We asked to see the, this doesn't have a tag, and then I just watched him.
This is Marshall's dickhead.
Nothing's got tags.
I watched him make up a price.
I went, he started looking, because I, this is what I do, right?
I see that there's no tag on it.
I look for a comp that's hanging in the, you know how they have them hanging?
Oh, really?
So, I go like, all right, well.
Something comparable?
You don't know the thread count on that?
No, but I go like, all right, the brand, I forget what it was.
It was a whatever, maybe a Ralph Lauren, if I, if I remember correctly.
He's making rugs now?
I guess.
I mean, it's probably just old, old t-shirts that didn't move.
They fucking, it's all defective shit, or shit that didn't sell, but, um.
Some type of chemical on it.
This guy, so I, I see the size, it was like, whatever, eight by ten, or
whatever it was.
So, I go, all right, well, like, give me a ballpark.
So, I start looking at other eight by tens, like, all right, it's going to be
149 bucks,
or, like, whatever the fuck it was.
So, I saw him just look, he goes, ah, this one's, uh, 149 bucks.
I mean, you just made that shit up, dude.
You don't fucking know.
But, as he's on, he unrolls, he's like, ah, have you seen it yet?
We're like, not really.
So, he, he nicely offered.
Is this kid selling you?
To unroll it.
Hire this man.
Uh, no, because, and then he's bending over, and I'm like, ah, like, he unrolls,
like,
a little bit, and he keeps going more.
And now I feel weird.
I'm like, buddy, it's cool.
We both co-sign, like, it is, well, we'll take it, you know.
At least you bought it.
He's leaning over.
I didn't want to, because he's leaning over, and a huge fucking snot thing
falls out of
his nose, right onto the carpet.
And I'm like, and he just, like, rolled it up.
He's like, this will be waiting for you at the cashier.
I'm like, well, buddy.
That and a little COVID.
Yeah, I'm like, dude, come on, man.
I did that the other-
He looked up at me and was like, did you see that?
And I was like, ah, I just looked away.
I didn't have the heart.
I did that the other night.
I was on stage somewhere.
And you know, sometimes when you're talking, when you're doing stand-up, you
spit.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, this was like-
Hit her with a food bowl.
Bing.
It's like the size of a rigatoni.
And I saw this lady go-
Matrix did.
Talk to me.
She broke my ankles.
Listen, this is what I wanted to ask you.
So what I've been saying is, I'm trying to get the house more-
You bought a cutting board.
Stop trying to church this up.
I bought a cutting board, and I'm clearing off the countertop so I can have the
blender for
my protein shakes and all that kind of stuff so we can eat right and move
forward.
Okay?
So-
I hate this.
I hate this version of-
Healthy Foley?
No.
Like, all this work that goes into doing a thing that you never do.
I'm getting the kitchen ready.
You gotta have a good space to operate.
So you can make your milkshakes.
My milkshake brings out a boss at a yard, and they're like-
I got a real shitty blender.
Oh, I got a banjo.
Oh, things suck.
Upgrade that.
Yeah, upgrade.
Talk about a lumpy shake.
That's Dr. Lumps over here, gang.
Man, I remember Patty putting out a couple of lumpy shakes back in the-
I love a lumpy shake.
Sign me.
It's like, it's the best of both worlds.
You got a little bit of ice cream and a little bit of drink.
I'm drinking mashed potatoes out of here.
So I'm going through my ladle-
You're redoing the kitchen.
I'm redoing the kitchen.
Because that's what you made it sound like.
I'm going through my ladle cup.
What's a ladle cup?
Like, I have like a little bucket on my thing that-
What?
A bucket?
Okay.
A bunch of flies?
What do you mean a ladle cup?
Like where I keep like my ladles, my tongs, my whisks-
Gotcha.
All that kind of stuff.
Uh-huh.
Next to my dull knives.
Oh, man, dude.
I got the knives of a fucking bad cereal.
I got a-
Dude, it's bad.
Man.
Mine-
Mine don't even spread butter.
If you come into my house and I got to go to work on you, man, good luck
getting stitched
up.
These are going to be sloppy.
It's bad.
Yeah.
Handles loose.
Anyway, I'm going through and it's something that like we just bought at some
point.
Never really used them.
We got the wooden spoons and all that kind of stuff.
So I come across this thing and I got to go to war with the bird over what the
fuck
this is or why we need it.
Can you tell me-
I got one of them.
What the fuck that is?
That's a Marshall's-
Besides a dirty rug.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Jesus Christ.
