Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bret Ernst!
Uploaded: 2024-10-27T23:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bret Ernst!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bret Ernst!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-27. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bret Ernst!

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that it's going to be classy or just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
I just saw her in the garage with a leaf blower and a four loco.
Okay.
I don't know what she's getting into.
All right.
Sounds good.
Trouble.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
Kind of a swing and a miss this week.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com
slash are you garbage?
You can go over there and get all the bonus content.
Yes, sir.
And gang, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly,
and I mean incredibly special guest, Backless again today.
It's been a minute.
He's one of the best, one of the cleanest, one of the sharpest guys in the room.
You know him from Cobra Kai, which the sixth season is about to drop.
And he's got a brand new special out right now at Wits Comedy TV YouTube page,
Uncaged.
Give it up for the one and the only, Mr. Brett Ernst.
Hey!
Look at him.
I can't get over how you guys grew up.
I mean, look at this.
We were Zooming.
Mortgage to the eyeballs.
We were Zooming.
COVID.
Uh-huh.
And now you got your own little candy dispensers.
You got video games.
I brought that from home.
You got a fucking knight over my shoulder.
Well, the whole idea with this studio was like, what would a dirtbag who hits
the lottery,
what would they make the room?
And it was this.
They had a beer coin.
Yeah, it was like, get a full-size knight.
You know what I mean?
And it's like a damn homage to Foley.
The glory days of once.
He's got a couple picks up there.
Young, handsome Foley with a jawline over there.
He wasn't a varsity athlete.
What do you mean to put up there?
You never had the makings?
You never had the makings of a varsity athlete.
You were a varsity athlete in a school with 300 people.
Relax, all right?
My graduating class was 340.
That was your weight at the time, but all right.
I know that because I was 339 in class.
You got the Rudy jersey, Frank?
That was already framed.
That's game worn, by the way.
I signed that, put that up on eBay?
Kidding me?
Buddy, congrats on the new special.
Thanks, man.
On Cage.
It's just the third part of the trilogy, right?
Yeah, man.
You know, yeah, I didn't mean it to be because like the first one I shot,
because, you know,
not bragging, but I was the first to do the YouTube thing.
Yeah.
Very first special, and then followed it up with Domesticated Animal, but then
I didn't
plan on getting divorced, so then this became the third, but then I'm done with
the trilogy.
I'm just going back to observational shit.
You guys ever been on a plane, huh?
I forgot about the divorce.
It's been so long.
Let's catch up a little bit.
You're living, you're out in Vegas.
Yeah.
Moved there in 2020.
And what do you got?
You got a house?
You got an apartment?
I bought a condo, man.
Because, well, prior to that, because I was in LA forever, and then bought a
house in Ohio.
Why?
Huh?
Why?
That's where she was from, and plus, you know, I got a 4,000 square foot home
on an acre
of land for, like, $400.
$187 a month out the door, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, so that's where you were based for a little while.
How long were you guys married?
We were, well, we were married, we were together almost 12 years, but we were
married maybe five.
Okay.
And then just shit went south.
But the cool part was, we signed.
Man, he's got such an Italian way of breezing over.
Shit went south, so I'm out of there.
You know, it was uncomfortable, because I don't know if you, well, we were,
like, separated
in the same house.
We had to move out and live in the other room.
So, I was like, fuck it, let it burn.
That shit, that shit your parents did.
Who kept the master bedroom, you or her?
Who do you think?
Who do you think got the house?
Who do you think got the master bedroom?
She got the whole fucking place.
So, you were in the guest room?
I was, yeah, down the hall.
What'd you put in there?
Was there, like, a king-sized bed?
Well, the thing that sucks, I'll show you the video.
The house is gorgeous.
He puts his posters up and shit.
Well, here's the thing that pisses me off.
No, for real.
Yeah, I had my Don Mattingly poster up.
Were you having broads over?
Those old 80s.
What was there?
The bobbleheads?
No, the models, too.
Remember the ones that would, like-
Oh, the fatheads or whatever they were.
No, no, no.
Talk about chicks.
That's you.
Oh, like the centerfold stuff?
No, like, what were their names?
They had all the Sandra-
Tony Katane.
They had all the hot models back then.
The chicks from, like, Baywatch or whatever?
Sure.
Anyways, we-
I ruined that.
No, so I was living in the other room.
And, you know, I put a lot-
Because when you buy a house, I'm like,
okay, we moved to Ohio.
Because, you know, you plan on having kids, and I don't want to fucking raise a
family
on, like, Sunset and Doheny.
Sure, sure.
You know what I mean?
Sure.
And, which we, you know, obviously we didn't have the kids, but I just, you
know, you do
everything in the house.
You know what I mean?
You get it all set up.
Well, I was grounding the outlets, you know, putting the drywall up in the
basement.
You were doing all that?
Well, yeah.
You got a buddy come over.
Well, I actually flew my friend in from South Philly.
Jesus Christ.
I'm dead serious.
Like the wolf.
My boy Vinny from Ionelli's Bakery on Pash Young.
Shout out to Ionelli's Bakery on Pash Young.
Shout out to Ionelli's.
Great tomato pies and crab gravy.
You do go down to Pash Young.
Gav a bunch.
I see you on your Instagram.
Shout out to Pash Young.
Gav.
I get food there.
I have some friends down there.
Yeah, I'm sure.
So, I flew him out.
We're doing the tiling.
Everything's going great.
I mean, I'll show you the video of the house.
It was stunning.
And then shit just went south.
And then I-
So, anyways, long story born.
Signed the divorce papers April 8th.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, on the balls of my ass.
I had like 1,200 in my account.
I'm 48 sleeping on my mother's couch.
Damn.
And then-
Where was that at?
Where's your mother at?
In Florida.
You went down to Florida.
Gotcha.
I was in Florida for COVID.
You couldn't have been in a fucking bed.
They gave zero fucks.
It was like spring break down there.
Oh, yeah.
They didn't give a shit.
It was just you and mom during COVID?
Me and Carol hanging out.
And then I get a call from my agent that Cobra Kai got picked up by Netflix.
That's crazy.
After that, I got a fucking nice check.
Mm-hmm.
Took out an SBA and got the fuck out.
Oh, an SBA loan?
Yeah.
I got collateral now, dog.
I'm such a guido.
Ma, if anybody calls, say, Brent Ertz Industries, all right?
It's a latex distribution facility you got here.
Type on the computer when somebody calls.
Dude, and then I bought a car, you know?
What kind of car did you buy?
Cadillac.
Oh, dude.
You are a guido dirtbag.
Wait, still living at your mom's?
Yeah.
No.
Well, this is when I got to Vegas.
But anyways, long story.
What kind of caddy?
I got, well, right now, I just got the 2025, the CT5.
How you doing?
Oh, man, dude, Italians love a nice cab.
Are you doing?
Because I don't make the CT6 anymore.
I would have went up a model.
The 2025.
But I love how he feels he has to say, I couldn't get the CT6.
Sure, sure.
I don't make it no more.
Oh, man.
But anyway, so bought the condo out there because the house, you know, that was
my point.
I'm not going to own a house again.
It's a lot of work.
Right.
I mean, unless I, you know, get married, but I can't see that at this age.
And then-
Always the optimist.
How long were you guys separate?
How long were you in the house and you guys were separated?
Like a month and a half, two months.
All right.
Yeah, shit was uncomfortable.
Sure.
Cooking in shifts.
Yeah.
You're waiting for noise to die down so you can go to the bathroom and shit.
You're eating in your room.
Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
You just feel the awkwardness in the house.
Sure.
Of a relationship dead.
Yeah.
Had you filmed the pilot for Cobra Kai at this point or not?
We were on season two.
Well, we were about to.
We were season two because we originally shot it for the YouTube Red.
Yes.
It was on YouTube.
Yes, yes, yes.
Which they changed the name to YouTube Premium.
That's right.
Because everybody kept saying Red Tube.
Red Tube, which is a pornographic film distribution service.
And then, so when Netflix picked it up, then we, you know, because we never
aired season
three on YouTube.
The season three aired on Netflix and then they shot three more.
That's crazy.
And they would have kept going too, but the producer, I mean, you know, they
were like,
all right, you know, six seasons is good.
That's great.
How many more tournaments can we do?
How many more teenage kids can we have fighting battles for middle-aged men?
That's wild, man.
You're at your mom's.
You got 1,200 bucks on you.
The fucking show hits and you're out of there.
You move to Vegas, get the caddy.
Good night.
Well, COVID killed me too because all the income I had was-
You're a big road dog.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love doing a road.
Yeah.
And then, but Florida stayed open, so I was making a little scuttle doing one-nighters,
you know?
Sure.
But, you know, here's how I look at things, man.
Like, I've always, you know, shit happens.
Sure.
You know what I mean?
Because people get all upset about life.
It is what it is.
You just got to fucking deal with it, you know?
And then, but yeah, it just worked out.
Picked up a couple of residencies in Vegas and just been chilling there.
There you go.
Love that.
I fucking love it.
How's the condo?
You like the condo life?
Yeah.
Community pool?
Yeah.
You hit it?
You hit the pool?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, it's there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
In theory.
It's like, I'll be there every day.
Yeah, every day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fucking first two months, you go twice.
Then you're like, fuck this.
Uh-huh.
What's the clientele living there?
Is it younger people?
Older people?
Some older people.
Younger.
I mean, I like quiet, man.
Sure.
You know?
Like, even when I lived in LA, I was in Agora Hill.
I'd rather drive to the shit and then leave.
Gotcha.
When you're younger, you know, you love to see it.
You want to be in the mix.
You want to be in the mix.
Damn.
How do neighbors?
People upstairs tend to be a little loud.
Are you currently in a beef?
That's a big thing.
Are you in a beef with any neighbor at the moment?
Knock on wood, no.
No.
But I grew up in apartments.
They don't want to fuck around.
Seriously.
Turn your broiler off.
I never had a house until I bought my first house.
I grew up single mom.
You know, three of us, one room, me and my two brothers.
And then, you know, but we know, I know apartment politics and tricks.
You know, but.
He's fucking crazy.
I love it.
No, you don't fuck around.
I know.
No, for sure.
Dude, I got, I used to love.
Did you, but you guys grew up in houses, right?
Apartments were fun to be a kid in, man.
We used to play in the elevator shaft.
In the shaft?
Yeah.
Like what you do is you, you, you emergency stopped the elevator.
What is this?
Mission impossible?
You were holding the door.
Everybody did.
He's dropping glow sticks out.
Then we would climb on top of the elevator and fuck around.
At one time.
What?
Yeah.
Don't say yeah.
Like that's what everybody did.
No, you guys are like sayi