Name: PATREON PREVIEW! Are You Garbage: Bloody Woods!
Uploaded: 2024-11-13T00:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'PATREON PREVIEW! Are You Garbage: Bloody Woods!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'PATREON PREVIEW! Are You Garbage: Bloody Woods!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-13. Transcript available.

uh kevin made a movie um i don't know how this has gone under the radar for as
much as we've
mined our lives over the past four years how this has not come up i don't know
yeah somewhere in
between uh peanut butter and dinner rolls kevin decided he was a filmmaker at a
young age and made
a short film a feature it was a feature back then back when i was banging
entitled bloody woods he
instituted some of his connections that he had in hollywood which lived in
bucks county pennsylvania
for some reason to help uh edit the film and score the film and of course you
know several unknown
celebrities uh at the time are players in the film uh-huh and uh we're gonna
get a good look at that
here today this is a horror a high some would say horror you know i think it's
a horror genre it's a
drama as well is it a comedy at all no nothing funny never even tried it still
not we'll be the
judge of that so a group of kids decide to go camping and then you're in it you're
with a bunch
of gummy bears then you're kind of you're okay you're you're in the woods and
they're getting
bloody okay ladies and gentlemen for the first time anywhere probably the only
time anywhere we present
the feature film bloody woods all right there we go now is that you that's me
right we're gonna have
to blur all these names yeah we're gonna have to blur these names
go back
so i'm calling this set up this
bloody word terry there terry okay yeah terry there see that cut the cut hold
on pause it that we do it
that was the second take terry there terry there yeah it's coming yeah you want
to go camping is your
hair bleach there's there's some bleach in there man m&m just hit look how bad
that framing is it had no dp
behind the camera let me know also the guy on the right you can barely it's
like he's in couch camo
he looks crazy
so from what i from this is my first pass watch obviously this is a little
little clung we're not
even in the woods yet 7 37 a.m kids are go-getters early early call time huh
yeah you don't set by 5 a.m you
gonna get any good shooting done we're running out of light so all right this
is we call terry to see if
terry wants to go camping in the woods right then i think terry just knocks on
the door i think it's a
very we didn't show any time passing i understand so this is loosely this is
the squad assembling at the
house gotcha to go camping in the woods so let's go back and play it up until
terry knocks on the door
okay terry i think that's terry knocking on the door
what is that i don't know why his face keeps getting shown it's like a thing
for missing kids
i know well that's the whole thing was it i think he's alluding to that kid's
gonna go missing or die
i don't know now what's that stuff that's a thermostat or something i don't
know what that is
but if you see this i'll never forget this the stairway in that there was no
railing on the last
like seven stairs that's a that's a that's a finished unfinished basement sure
is that's where
the hot tub is baby that where that that's i remember being like that that that
goes up like
six or seven stairs with no no railing coming out of the basement free balling
it it just fucking
remember the one kid's brother the kid's brother fell down that set of he
flipped i've i've never seen
anything like just fucking somersaulting down those things oh that's a very
dangerous place
what's up there what's up there now kevin has not gotten off the couch thus far
in the film
real marlon brando move that's a real h foley move if i've ever seen i'm in the
back yelling
direction somehow the couch is in the woods you never get off the couch what's
up tear uh tear got
killed see you tear where's the remote i'm drinking a coke
i can't believe i never got off the couch they're all up moving around and i'm
just
fucking posted up watching tv while they while we're doing shooting goddamn
movie hold on the
game's almost over all right so three other children have come into the room so
that's you
know for characters names that's liam that's vinnie vinnie looks like he's a
grown man hanging
out with which one's vinnie right in the back you get a pretty good shot of vinnie
and then terry showed up so it's me liam vinnie and terry all gonna go camping
i think all right
all right so you guys are ready to start jerking each other off
all right let's go see y'all i'll see you guys
all right let's go see y'all
one more time who's moving tomorrow i don't know all right so you guys can try
and go yeah all right
the philly little dirt ball accents hey terry brought a tent you you want to go
all right where
he can't go he's moving tomorrow
all right so that's who's moving i think vinnie i think vinnie was moving
because me terry kevin
that was very not going into the woods with you a scheduling conflict thing i
don't recall he might be the killer
i i genuinely don't know i have no idea how this pans out these are all like
grown dude problems too
like they're all grown dude problems
i got court tomorrow dude
finnie's wife's about to have a baby
i gotta work the overnight dude
i got any more sick leave left
not do my kids sick
i can't hang in a woods week
my baby's got mono
hey you got dinner on my mother-in-law's tonight
i can't do it
i got the in-laws coming over
all right
this is us in the woods
hold on rewind that i think i asked what did you bring for dinner
man i did not know
not a part of the shoot
what if we get stuck out here
what if it gets dark and i get hungry
forget this movie man i'm starving
hollywood really
you think aldo's delivers out here
hollywood really chews you up and spit you out doesn't it get me
you might not eat for 25 minutes
long days on set
what is the glowing thing in the background
i don't know
why is there a halo around
i think the sun's coming in that way
wait the thing on the back wall
it's dark down there for the summertime
i don't know what
it's it's fucking 7 15 a.m
oh man i was not expecting it to be this bad
i mean hold on what did you think it was gonna be
a decent storyline well lit
yeah you're gonna give a professional
see you guys
later on
hey what'd you bring for dinner
um oh i think i forgot it
all right
fuck
i might have something in my bag
and that's when the terror started
it's just me
i'm hungry
i started killing everybody
oh that's okay
don't worry about it
jane's talking about
start eating this
start eating the other kids
ah
you fat little baby
all right we're in the woods
what did you bring for dinner
is crazy
dude meanwhile there's a road about 25 yards away
and i'm already going
yeah
what if we get stuck out here
okay
look at that thing
you moose
you fucking
fat little bastard
fucking broke your arm
probably eating a chicken wing
look at you
oh my god
jump back
that was my
that was danny's shirt too
if i remember
i know your butt's dirty
oh man
cargo
look at that can
they're moving like a trucker
there's streets in those undies
for sure
you're moving like a 45 year old dude
like
like a plumber
nobody brought anything
were the man titties
an artistic choice
i stared at the camera again
you're getting this right
go back
go back
i had hold on a pause
pause
i think i asked about food again
i go you didn't bring any dinner right
either i do or liam does
but the dialogue is about dinner
and i'm trying to get to the bottom of it
cut to i'm eating beans
hey those are our props
shut up
this is my movie
oh my god
the framing's a little bit better
i learned as the day went on
sure
nobody brought any food
did they
my eyes
my eyes look black
that was pretty good
i mean you're genuinely mad
i look like an owl
dude with the arm and the cast
oh man
what a fat sad little boy
ah you're alright kid
two t-shirts i assume
that doesn't look like one t-shirt
no that's one t-shirt
thick one huh
yeah
i'll go collect some wood
we're going to collect firewood
i went real far
just right out of frame
grab a stick
i'm going to rustle up some dinner
nothing here
ah i'm peeing in my pants a little bit
come back i get a pizza
hey domino's delivers out of here
i dropped the pin
okay
i'm sweating dude
okay
there's a car
there's something back there
we're looking at
some guy living in his buick
the hell out of my yard
we're arguing over summer
tensions are hot
dinner
you need more wood
i'm taking a nap guys alright
god damn it
i am a fel
i'm taking a nap
hey guys i don't know about you
but i'm poops
i'm going to put these sticks
for 30 seconds
and drain the life out of me
no dinner
i'm calling it a night
i'm going to take a nap
it's about 3 30 in the afternoon
we just got
i'm going to take a nap
i mean dude
the fattest kid wrote this
i'm going to hop in the tent
and scratch my ass
oh man
i'm going to take a nap
that is insane dialogue
so you're in there
i'm in there
uh oh
this is the killer
the killer's creeping up
he's got camu
pants on
i get attacked
what the hell
what the hell are you doing
back here
like a 35 year old man
hey watch it buddy
i'm taking a nap in here
oh man
what the hell is that
you goddamn pervert
get out of here
is that how you get your rocks off
scaring little kids
got no fucking dinner
hey with this pervert
hey can i borrow that
piece of wood though
trying to get a fire going
what the hell
okay
all right
jump back
i get attacked
oh really
so do you
but you die
no
pause it
obviously i'm going to kill myself off first
i'm not some sort of asshole
i know
i know i'm what sells tickets baby
if we want a national release
you need to look at him star power
these bozos can't carry the second half of the film
oh dude i'm crying
and sweating
all right
hold on
hold on
so
i get attacked by the killer
who is
vinnie in real life
sure
right
and one of the big special effects was
we'll find
like a rotted
log
that he can hit me with
and i have my cast
so he'll hit the cast
and it'll look like i got hit
you know what i mean
like that's how we're gonna cheat
any sort of violence
because
hey buddy
sex and blood sell at the end of the day
get a bunch of silverfish onions
they're freaking
fucking spiders nest in there
ah
god
god
all right
all right
all right
all right
all right