Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Jim Norton Returns!
Uploaded: 2024-12-12T00:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Jim Norton Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Jim Norton Returns!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-12. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Jim Norton Returns!

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find
that it's good to be classy.
Yeah.
If they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She's upstairs washing her dainties.
Okay.
Her unmentionables.
All right.
In the bathtub.
Okay.
Using lava soap.
All right.
That's from our good friend Bridget Mahoney on the old Patreon.
Shut up to me.
The fifth tag got me.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, everybody?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash are you
garbage?
You go over there and get all that bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir.
And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean
incredibly, special guest
back with us again today.
He is a legendary stand-up comedian.
He's one of our absolute favorites.
He has a brand new podcast with his lovely wife, Nikki.
Nikki and Jim over there on the YouTube.
You got to check it out.
And you can hear him every morning, Monday through Thursday, 8 a.m., Faction
Talk Radio, Sirius
XM, Channel 103 with Jim and Sam.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the one and the only, Mr. Jim Norton.
Oh, wow.
There he is.
Jimmy!
Oh, guys.
There's a legend in the building.
Back with us.
Uh-huh.
Thank you.
Happy to have you, pal.
It's good to see you.
I love the new place.
Thank you.
Really impressive.
Thank you, buddy.
We appreciate it.
Yeah, yeah.
I was on the block, and I'm like, I don't know about this block.
Looks like the place De Niro sent Karen again dresses.
Keep going.
Keep going.
A little further.
We're in here doing rubbing tugs.
Got you waiting in the lobby, one of them little beers.
Remember that?
They always gave you the little beers.
They always gave you the ones I've heard about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The ones I've heard about, yeah.
You're a married man now, brother.
Justin, time for the holidays.
How's that going?
How's that treating you?
You know, it's, I go back and forth.
It's funny you say that, because I don't know when this airs, but today we put
up a video.
It's an argument we had a year ago today.
The YouTube channel has been live for a year.
Okay.
Holdin' grudges.
I like that.
Yeah, but she came back.
We had somebody filming us at the time, and she came home and was just
emotional and tired.
Sure.
And like, you know, certain times you, let's just say certain people partake in
certain activities.
But when they travel international, they don't partake in those activities.
Understandable.
So they begin to jones for it.
Understandable.
And their mood is a little hypersensitive and shit.
That's like me in Delaware.
I've got a guy down there.
That's kind of it, yeah.
I got you.
So she unraveled, and we had an argument.
And it's like, when I look at that, I'm like, that's what marriage is.
It's everything, every fucking hack comic in the 80s.
Dude, it's so bad, because I'll try to write a bit that I think is specific to
me.
I'm like, this happened.
And then I'm like, it's on an episode according to Jim or something.
I'm like, fuck.
Yeah, has anybody talked about holding the purse in the mall?
Stores get hot, I'll tell you that.
How are you guys traveling together?
Are you good with that?
Because we saw you on Bert's Cruise.
Yes.
You guys, you were together.
And that was my first time meeting your wife.
And we got on the bus together, and she was, it was very, you guys were doing
well.
Moving together.
It was still the first day of the trip, too.
Yeah, I think that was one of our first public events was Bert's Cruise.
We get along great.
Traveling is pretty easy.
She won't come to one-nighters.
Like, if I do one night in Boston, one night in New Hampshire, she's not coming.
Right.
If you set up somewhere for a weekend.
Yeah, if I'm like, hey, I'm going to L.A., then, of course, she wants to go up.
Yeah, and she wants to act like she belongs.
It's really fucking annoying.
I do that out there, too.
Let's go to Spago.
Over at the Brentwood Market.
And she just got, we got a dog.
We just got a dog.
Ah, there you go.
I like it.
And so the travel is great, because now, like, she has to stay home with the
dog.
It's, like, 10 weeks old, which is awesome.
Yeah.
Because I'm like, ah, I'd love to have you.
I know.
But I guess I'll have to sit alone and jerk off and eat whatever I want.
Fuck.
God damn it.
I love hotels now.
I love hotels.
Right.
It has that switch.
You were probably over hotels.
You've been working for a long time, so it's like.
Yeah.
Now you're like, yeah, you're a little refreshed.
A little rejuvenation.
I love it, man.
It's like, but I don't like, I would always have escorts come over, and, like,
I was a complete
creep on the road.
But now, it's just like, I'll go to escort sites.
I thought you were going to say room service.
I'll look at what I could do.
Do you do that?
Oh, yeah.
You'll go browse the inventory?
Kick a couple tires?
My wife dies.
I'll be back in Toledo.
Yeah.
You just look, but I don't do it.
I eat bad.
It's nice to have your time alone in a hotel.
Sure.
Sure.
Do you like a nice hotel?
I am a gentleman's accommodation snob.
Yeah.
We also just did, we were in D.C. with you.
Gentleman's accommodation.
That's a great, that is a great term.
We were in, we did the.
Send up your finest escort right away.
And the Beef Wellington, please.
Man, that poor escort.
You're getting somebody after a Beef Wellington.
I'm a little sleepy.
We were in D.C.
And you, remember he maneuvered?
We were shocked.
Dude, we were like, what the fuck?
You did.
You showed up.
You had already checked.
Adam Ray's show.
You got there the night before, I think.
You did the hotel the night before.
And then you show up to the, you show up to the venue.
You got your luggage.
You pulled your car right in the garage.
Yep.
And then.
Like a hit man.
And then he's like, he gets off stage.
He goes, all right.
I'll see you guys later.
Right back to New York.
I had an execution in front of the Hilton.
So I had to.
Took the rubber gloves off and walked out the door.
Didn't run.
Walked.
Casually.
I like, I'm a weird traveler, man.
I like to get there the night before.
I don't like to drive to, or to fly when I get a gig.
Because I get, like, nauseous and tired.
Even flight gigs, you get out there the night before?
Always.
Because this way, you're not stressed.
You don't fucking, you don't have to take your Dramamine
and be loopy on stage.
I get it.
So I like to drive late the night before.
Four hour ride.
Sleep in.
I really do.
That's Ted Bundy stuff.
It really is.
Driving overnight from Florida to Nevada.
Yeah.
Put the diaper on and hit the road.
We're not stopping.
Yeah.
Nobody in the car.
None at all.
That's because I took the passenger seat out, you know,
as old Teddy B did.
We always talk about this.
I mean, we do understand it.
I mean, especially something like that, where you're so,
even though it's D.C., you're still so close back home.
Like, you have to be somewhat over that shit.
How brutal was it, like, when you were coming up doing clubs and you're,
you know, we're lucky.
We go together so we can goof around.
But when you were by yourself, I mean, that had to wear.
Well, I was always hosting.
Like, when I first started, for the first 10 years, I was an emcee.
So you would, like, pick up comics.
Just, who were, could be serial killers.
Absolutely.
Or just criminals.
They're like, you're just getting whoever got booked that weekend.
You were hoping they were murderers so you didn't have to go through
with the shit gig in Lancaster.
I know that club.
I hope he just cuts my throat.
There's a piano wire in the back seat if you need it.
You're leaving weapons for him?
Yeah, but you would share rooms.
That was the worst part.
But I also look back on those days.
It was fun.
Like, you were sitting there with, like, I was so happy to be there.
I was so happy to be in the room with a comedian, like, who was, like,
talking to me.
Sure.
Like, it was great, man.
I loved this.
I used to do with Bob Levy and Florentine.
We would do a gig in Maryland.
That's just fun.
75 bucks for the weekend.
25 a show.
No food.
No room.
So they would let me share the room that they got.
And they would pool the money and keep the money.
It was great.
I miss those days.
The good old days.
Oh, Florentine must have been fun.
It was fun.
But Florentine would always fuck a waitress.
So it would always be – I would always – oh, me and Jim picked up girls
together
one time.
And it was so embarrassed.
He was a good-looking guy.
He's a good-looking dude.
I mean, good-looking guy now.
But back in the day, he was –
He was an eight-and-a-half.
And he had – Jim had a great rap.
I'm a three-and-a-half.
He had a good rap?
He had a great rap.
He's got that voice, too.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Yeah, what are you doing?
And we picked up these two girls, went back to the hotel room, and Jim is
pounding like
a professional.
Straight hotel room, beds next to each other?
Two, like, double beds.
They're not as sweet, dude.
No, back then, we know.
It was a regular small room.
And I was wearing all black, and I was dressed like the preacher in the poltergeist,
too.
And I'm fucking laying there.
I love it, girl.
What a deep cut.
You're all going to die.
And he – you're not going to get an erection, Jim.
And he was right.
I couldn't.
It was – it was shriveled in my pants, and I went down on her for about 40
minutes, and
she couldn't have an orgasm.
And then I finally went back up to my room with her and just made out.
It was embarrassing.
Jesus.
Yeah, so Jim Pound, what a professional.
Dude, I mean, I'm not going to be able to get hard for another week here in
that story.
He had his face in her neck just – a real man.
What would it take for me and you to hook up with two chicks in the same room?
A gun.
That was a lot of chicken fingers.
I was going to say an act of God.
Just to pull two chicks together?
Man.
You guys got to have groupies, though.
Come on.
You guys are hilarious.
I mean, we're big with welders.
Guys that make skateboards for us.
That's about it.
Has the home – I know you guys had work done in the house, but has the home
–
Has the home improved or your lifestyle improved now that she's there?
Like, does all the silverware match?
Is it spotless all the time?
All that kind of stuff?
No.
Is it more domesticated?
It's more domesticated, but spotless, no.
Because she's what they call – she's like a trad wife, but doesn't want to do
housework
or anything traditional.
What's a trad wife?
Traditional wife.
Okay.
But she's not a traditional wife.
Yeah.
She just wants to lay around and do nothing and smoke pot.
That's to her traditional wife.
So, yeah, the place is a mess.
She's new age.
What are you up for me?
I ain't dating a teenager.
I know.
Smoking weed with posters on the wall.
Yeah.
We're talking about flour, like smoking joints?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
In the apartment?
No, no, no, no.
But she's trying to quit.
Like, she goes through these periods where she'll quit.
Okay.
But then you have to deal with somebody's mood when they quit.
Like you were saying, yeah.
Yeah, it's never good.
What about the gummies?
She don't like the gummies?
No, she doesn't like – they make her too loopy or they make her nauseous or
whatever.
Mm-hmm.
But it sucks, though, because when somebody's smoking pot al