Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Trashy Christmas Special w/ Kippy & Foley!
Uploaded: 2024-12-26T00:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Trashy Christmas Special w/ Kippy & Foley!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Trashy Christmas Special w/ Kippy & Foley!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-26. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Trashy Christmas Special w/ Kippy & Foley!

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Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
A little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that it's
good to be classy.
Yeah.
Or just a big old piece of trash.
Oh, hello.
That's right, baby. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
Merry Christmas to everybody.
We're out back here at Toadies in a new edition.
She has started the holiday off on the wrong foot.
Oh, God.
A little trip to the emergency room.
Okay.
She says it's her back, but I know her guy's out of town.
It sounds like drug-seeking behavior.
That's exactly what the security guard at Lank and all told me.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.
And I'll tell you what, he's a gift that keeps on giving all year long.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
First of all, happy fucking holidays.
Get you a slay and some reindeer.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Also, over there on Spotify, too.
Get in there.
Start rating and reviewing.
Juice those numbers.
Let's go.
Full video available on YouTube and obviously the greatest website of all time.
A Christmas miracle, some would say.
We love you, gang.
Shout out to Sam, Yam, Jack Conte, and all the Army of Garbage over there on
patreon.com.
Slash are you garbage.
Go over there and get all your holiday bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir, gang.
We cannot thank you enough for a fantastic year.
We hope everybody's having a fantastic Christmas.
I'm tanking over here.
What are you talking about?
By the time you hear this, I'll be in Hawaii with the family.
And I'll be on a nine-hour flight back to fucking JFK.
Hey, my bad.
I'm mad.
I assume we'll be at some Thai restaurant or something like that, whatever the
hell's open
on Christmas Eve.
I'm going to be looking for my bags at Philly International.
Getting jammed up, dude.
Fucking the hot man.
I'm the gift.
You are the gift that keeps giving.
And it's cold every freaking time.
I can't wait to see how mad they all are.
I mean, we don't got a reservation or nothing.
It's going to be like a Corona commercial.
We're going to be sitting on the beach fucking sipping warm beers.
Trying to show up, get a reservation.
I got 68.
Can you fit us in?
Oh, man.
The jam-up Christmas of 2024.
Brought to you by H. Foley Incorporated.
Wouldn't be anything.
It was so funny.
We did that park show.
It was the last show of the year.
Hachi machi.
Shout out to everybody that came out.
Everybody, because you do a bit about it, everybody's like,
is he really getting married in Hawaii on Christmas?
I said, you better fucking believe he is.
Screwing me.
That and the people pulling you aside.
It's getting big.
That was a big talk of the town.
I had my...
You tell those fucking Philly dirt balls to zip it.
They said, I look like an Adonis next to you.
Goddamn answer, party.
Be paying that till 2026.
Yeah, to fucking...
Fuck, I dropped my cap.
Luke!
I got something I went wrong by you, because this is very, I feel, in your neck
of the woods
when it comes to the holidays and the Christmas season.
Your dad left and your mom's not talking to you?
That's pretty much...
Yeah, that's been it.
That's been it for about 15 years.
No.
So every year, it's just been since the kids have gotten a little older, the
grandkids...
Oh, okay.
What are you talking about?
Are you having a stroke?
Since my nieces and nephews got a little older, they like the theme style.
Oh, we're going to do ugly sweaters on Christmas.
We celebrate Christmas Eve together as a family.
Everybody goes their separate ways.
Sure.
Hot dog roller and some stretch-offs.
Maybe a fist fight or two.
Nah, me and my brother, we've been great.
It's been going real well.
Yeah.
But they want to do...
Everyone wears holiday pajamas to the party, which seems a little sexual to me.
What?
You're not wearing negligence.
I don't know, man.
Your mom's got a little teddy on.
A little nighty.
Just like...
I don't know.
I just like...
You shoot up dressed like a French maid.
No, I'm sorry.
So we're doing fantasies.
I'm stuck in the garbage disposal.
Who wants to hold my butt plug fob?
It just seems a little not...
I was getting called the Grinch.
You're no fun, but I'm like...
Because I'm like, I'm not putting on...
I don't know.
It's just too...
You guys did this.
You had this party.
Yeah.
Did they show...
Did everybody show up wearing PJs?
Some did.
A lot of the adults vetoed.
The kids...
That's a kid's thing.
But don't...
We're grown men in our 40s sitting around and with our fucking, you know...
Our fucking sausage flopping around, trying to eat an overcooked...
A fucking well-done piece of steak.
What'd you go, commando?
Just a thin layer of plaid separating from you.
I got a nighty on.
And a felony?
My dick and balls are hanging out the bottom.
Oh, sorry about that.
You got your seats on?
Yeah.
I don't want to disparage the family name by any stretch of the imagination,
but...
I think if you're having company over, you put on a pair of slags.
It's freaking Jesus' birthday.
Well, don't take this the wrong way, but don't...
I'm going to.
Don't most of your family drink in their pajamas?
What?
Isn't that a normal thing?
You're...
Come on.
You're...
We're not Eddie from Vegas Vacation.
What are you talking about?
Those old navy bottoms and a starter jacket.
No, we do jeans.
Most guys do jeans and a sweater.
That's what we're doing.
And...
It just seems...
I don't know.
It's like, just put on a pair of...
It's not for me.
Cold out there.
It's just what I'm talking about.
I'm going to not put my best foot forward.
So you didn't do it?
I didn't do it.
Most of the guys didn't do it.
The kids did.
But I was just...
They're like, all the girls, you know, my sisters and sister-in-law,
they're like, oh, we're doing it.
I'm like, I ain't fucking...
I'm not sitting there, grown men.
That's like what you...
That's what you wear to Franklin Mills Mall in a copper bag.
Sure, sure, sure.
That's what you use to go steal polos from the factory outlet.
I'm not wearing that shit.
You're on the body cam.
I was Christmas shopping.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
I'm not doing it.
And also, too, we have our annual Sullivan Christmas party, which is about 200
people.
I thought this is what you were talking about.
No, that was...
Oh, they want to do this for Christmas Eve.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm not sitting there with all my cousins and shit.
I thought you were talking...
Oh, well, that's nice.
You could do that.
Someone shows up in boxers and a beater.
I'm going to take a dump.
I'm sorry.
I was confused.
I thought...
Not that one.
I know you do the annual Christmas party with the whole family.
I thought you meant all them wanting you to show up.
You can't be drinking at a fucking VFW in fucking pajamas.
We upgraded this year.
We used to do Polonia...
The Polonia Polish Hall up there on the outskirts of Port Richmond, Bridesburg.
They're all out on the front.
Closed for the weekend.
We switched it up to the Plumbers Union Hall.
Ooh.
The Waterfall Room.
Whoa.
Yeah, it was...
Just a bunch of busted pipes.
I'm in there with a pipe wrench.
I can't get it.
Just on a side note, I have...
My algorithm has been serving me up Plumbers fix and shit on YouTube.
Oh, man, that's fascinating.
It's just all my uncles and shit.
They're bitching about the glass guy that did the job, and they got me out
there on a Friday night.
I told them what it was going to cost, they gave me pushback, and da-da-da-da-da.
That's great.
That's what 90%...
So we had that Christmas party, went to that.
All the wives all sit together, watch the kids, and all the guys just hang out
by the bar, post it up.
And, I mean, it is like Shop Talk 101, dude.
Smoke cigarettes and burp on each other.
Dude, so Gary can't get me to boiler in time, so I'm ass backwards in his job.
Man, those Swedish meatball burps must be fucking...
Shout out my cousin Kevin.
Holiday surprise.
He was doing side work with a miter saw for some broad and cut his finger off.
He took it clean off.
Clean off.
So we're sitting there, just as you do on Christmas season.
What the fuck?
He's showing everybody the pain.
Look at this.
God damn it, dude.
Trying to keep my Swedish meatballs down over here.
Instead of doing the elf on the shelf, he puts his finger around the house and
starts moving it.
Scares the kids.
I apologize.
If that's what they want to do Christmas Eve...
Yeah, you'll be at somebody's house.
Get comfy.
I'm not leaving my house in pajamas if I'm not just going to grab a quick parry,
a quick pack of heaters.
That's what pajamas are.
Going over your house, I mean...
I mean, when we wear, you know, flannel pants and a pair of dress shoes, that
don't make no sense.
It's not supposed to be worn outside except, you know, emergencies.
That's good for the kids.
We're in our 40s.
Grown men sitting around in their pajamas.
Speaking of which, Luke looks like he got fired at the office christianity
party.
Don't you?
Look at you.
It's been a tough year.
Made a pass to the secretary or something like that.
What?
She was giving me the eyes.
It's the boss's daughter.
He's still shaking off from SantaCon.
Look at that thing.
Look at you slept in the back of a Corvette last night.
Hickey's all over you.
I like that.
Yeah, I vetoed it.
Hey, can I tell you this?
Merry Christmas, boys.
Merry Christmas, gang.
We fucking love yous.
Shout out to another fucking awesome year.
Shout out to the fucking homies and the bozos.
And I mean, what do you want to...
I say we get into the Christmas...
Get my presents!
We get into the presents.
That's why we're here to rubber...
Fucking stalling it.
So as you know, if you've been following the saga of the Christmas extravaganzas,
there's been some ups and some downs, some bumps in the night, some bumps in
the road.
Dan Bastl sitting there from four years ago.
Some bumps in the bathroom.
Hello.
It's a white...
It's Christmas!
It's a white Christmas, gang, if you come into my Christmas party.
It's a white Christmas all year round.
So this year, we decided to change it a little bit.
Yeah.
Because we had...
Listen, we have bought each other a lot of gifts.
Some that we like, some that we don't like.
I wore your Christmas gift.
I haven't seen...
You just busted that out for now, though.
No, no, I've been wearing it.
That's a real dirt...
No, I've been wearing it.
I haven't...
Dude, I saw today...
The other one I wore once, that toy watch he got me.
See, though?
He's talking shit.
Remember that thing last year?
Sorry, not everywhere sells 5X clothes.
Dumped that in a trash can for Uncle Leo.
Deep cut.
So also, like, you know, we've got each other presents last year,
and you're like, oh, this is sick,
but then they kind of just live at the studio.
We've never really used them.
Luke, go get my Lego.
Putting that thing together.
Which I think Ryan D is listed on Craig's list at the moment.
So we wanted to do something a little different,
something a little more nostalgic of child.
You know, we'