Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!
Uploaded: 2024-12-30T00:00:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-12-30. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Are you sure about that?
It's that little show where you sit there with your favorite comedians, and we
find out if they're good to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of
trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She's upstairs in a K-hole.
Good for her.
That's one of our good friends on Patreon, but I can't remember the name right
now.
I want to say Clive Oven or Gary Owen, but I could be wrong.
Either way, it was a fucking home run.
My co-host is coming at you from a little too close right next to me.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman, and I think he's at his wits' end right now.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What's up, gang?
Shout out to you.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube, and obviously the greatest website of all time,
www.patreon.com.
Love that money, gang.
Yes, sir.
And gang, we could not be more excited to have two incredibly special guests
back with us again today.
It's the bugs from Men in Black.
Sugar water.
One is a rising star.
One is a rising star on the comedy scene, and the other one is hanging on by a
thin thread.
What the fuck?
You guys guess who's who.
Jesus Christ, lady.
One is over-medicated.
One is under-medicated.
We'll let you guys decide on that.
You know her from her fantastic podcast, R.I.P. with Jordan Jensen, and both of
them from
the fantastic podcast, B.I.E.N. with Jordan.
Sure.
Ian Finance.
And Jordan Jensen, everybody.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Respectively.
You got to go get paper towels already.
Yeah.
Please clean this up.
She's leaking.
She's leaking.
Holding on by a thread really got me.
Get off the phone, Jordan.
I know I won't get my makeup to see much money on my face.
I mean, she's worried about it.
Let her go.
You're yelling at her for her.
I'm not yelling at her.
And she called.
She couldn't find goodies.
You're yelling at her on the phone.
Be nice to her.
Thank you.
Here.
Thank you.
I'm yelling at her on the phone.
Pushing it.
Pushing it is crazy.
I was not yelling at her.
I was supporting her.
It's like we're in class and there's a substitute teacher.
Man, talk about mayhem.
Can I say this?
Please.
I should probably say this off the air, but this is copyright H Foley.
You should do an animated series where you guys are like Muppet babies, but you're
both
in preschool.
What?
You don't think that'd be fun?
I think it'd be funny.
I had an idea kind of close to that.
Yeah.
There you go.
About us being kids.
There you go.
That would be cool if it was animated and then our adult animated selves were
in
it too.
It'd be cool if we were in it as ourselves when we're older, but the kids
version of us
as little kids.
Because I talked to him.
Wait, what are you guys doing there then?
Hey guys, I gotta be honest with you.
I'm out.
I'm pulling the funding on this old project.
That'd be fun though if we were animated kids.
Like Muppet babies.
Yeah.
But you guys are terrorizing the rest of the kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ian's smoking.
Welcome back to the goofball brothers.
Jordan's walking around with a gun.
I had such a weird, when we were just in LA and Luke Bones was in the back of
the car
and me and Ian were talking about.
Do you guys travel together?
No, it just was weird.
It just works out that way sometimes.
It just works out that way sometimes.
Yeah.
Synchronicity stuff.
Were you both out there at the same time separately?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Their cycles have blinked up.
Did you have to tell the governor when you guys left?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We had to alert the media.
That's what all the drones are about, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When we fly out of Newark at the same time, they're like, make it insurance
cover.
They're going to shoplift everything.
But we were like scaring Luke.
Like we were talking about.
Yeah, you're both crazy.
I mean, we were?
Remember how we were like talking about, maybe it wasn't there, but we were
somewhere just
talking about our childhoods.
Maybe it was a steakhouse.
Oh, it's a steakhouse.
Oh yeah, about sexual exploration with other people when we were younger.
And he was like, you guys are sick people.
And I didn't even realize.
Yeah.
That's a nice way to say molested.
Yeah.
Yeah, like I didn't realize how.
What was weird is you were both telling the waiter this story.
Over the calamari hors d'oeuvres.
We were like, oh yeah, we were.
Calamari hors d'oeuvres.
What was the steakhouse?
But they're not hors d'oeuvres, you fucking dirtbag.
What type of hors d'oeuvres do you have here?
I'm not allowed to have sugar.
Well.
It was in between eating off other people's plates.
And the fried pickles that you, they took away from our table and you got so
mad.
You were like, these aren't ours.
And they took them away.
And you were like, oh my God.
That is a little weird.
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
And I was in the middle of grabbing them while they were taking them away.
And we were like, no, keep them.
It's a freebie.
You can't give that to another table.
That's what I'm saying.
At that point, that's on the restaurant.
I think it was a fancy move.
Like, oh, I'm so sorry.
I kind of understand that.
They're serving fried pickles.
They're doing fancy moves.
Come on.
What are we doing here?
It was a good steakhouse.
What was it?
Smokehouse.
Smokehouse.
Sounds like a weed shop.
Universal lot.
The Warner Brothers.
Yeah, the Warner Brothers lot.
And who went?
You two?
Us.
And we brought our son, Luke.
Your son, Luke.
And who picked up this bill?
Me.
Nuh-uh.
The Patreon.
The Patreon.
You can't say me.
Well, because I have the call.
No, you do that multiple times.
You've done that like three times.
And we get into a fight every time.
You're right.
You go, I bought food for everybody.
It's the Patreon.
I respect the dirtbag move, my friend.
The Patreon.
I also have a Patreon card.
I easily could have done.
Stop touching it.
In your face.
Are you pulling out your Patreon card?
Quit the vape.
She's snoozing?
What are you doing?
She fucking vapes.
She does these fucking tobacco packs.
I'm going to rip a cigarette.
And she's like, you're killing yourself.
I've never seen a girl put one of those in.
That's crazy.
Have you never met Icebox?
By the way, I saw the clip.
You never met Dirty Knees?
On your pod with her sister.
Have you met the sister?
Oh, yeah.
I feel like both of them could beat up most
comedians in the city.
Oh, yeah.
She used to beat the shit out of me.
So I had to get big and strong.
It's got to be a tough broad.
Yeah.
Going toe-to-toe with you?
I watched it with the lights on.
Everyone in her family is like,
fucking Kit from A League of Their Own.
That was our favorite movie.
Yeah, mine too.
I was Kit, though.
She was-
I was Dottie.
Foley was Rosie.
Yeah.
I was a little kid with the chocolate bars.
You were Marla.
I was still well, baby.
I was not Marla.
Marla.
Marla.
Hooch.
You are.
You do have Marla vibes.
You were Madonna.
Yeah, I was.
I wish.
Oh, Marla the ugly chick?
Yeah.
She cracked dingers, though.
Uh-huh.
She was a good asset to the team.
So hold on.
Yes.
Now, when you both say that you have a Patreon card,
what does that exactly mean?
Your company card.
The company card.
I have the company card.
Uh-huh.
I feel like it's got split custody with you.
I used it to buy us dinner.
A year that ended a year dinner.
But Jordan also has one.
No.
I have it on my phone.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Okay.
Yeah, but I have the actual phone.
But it comes out of the Patreon.
Yes.
So that would be the company paid for dinner.
Yeah, so the company paid for dinner.
But he always said he did.
I know, because in my mind, I'm the one that took the card out.
That's not true.
I'm not trying to Stolen Valor fucking taking money, giving money.
This is the most dirtbag conversation.
I had the card, so I said me.
You are imagining who picked it up.
Yes.
But we, it's the Patreon.
And there was a woman taking photos, and we convinced Ian, when he went to the
bathroom,
we told the woman that she could come back and take photos, like, because they
sell a postcard with your face.
And I was convinced him that it was a big fan, and she was going to come by
with a camera.
Which I bought.
Why do you have that?
Did you know she was going to talk about that?
No.
No, I didn't.
It was in my bag.
That's crazy.
Look, you can see, we have the knives up to each other, and Jordan is actually
sticking the knife in my throat.
Marla Hooge.
Listen, I'm not saying I've been to a lot of fancy restaurants.
Ten dollars.
But I don't know many where they go around with cameras taking pictures of
people like you're on a goddamn rollercoaster.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, they were like, oh, she's a fan of yours, but she wasn't a fan of
mine.
I go, well, fuck her then.
Fuck her.
Was she a fan of anybody at the table?
She didn't know who we were.
She worked there, and she goes around and takes pictures of people.
I understand that.
Yeah, yeah.
No, she wasn't a fan of anyone.
She was a fan of when we left.
No, she actually hated us with a fiery punch.
No, you don't say.
You guys were holding steak knives to each other's throat.
And was like, now will you take a picture with my phone?
And she was like, I can't do that.
Yeah, she's like, I really can't do that.
Yeah, because she has to charge for the pictures.
She doesn't have to do anything.
She could have had the goodness in her heart to do it.
Man, you two are something else.
What?
Can I drink this?
Can I have some?
What's the matter with you?
With who, Oz?
You're not having fun?
No, me.
Let me try one of these rogues.
No!
Give me!
The second you two walked in here, the vibes completely changed.
In a good way.
In a fun way.
Also, I love how I walked in.
The plant died when you walked in.
How do you do this?
You just pop it in?
Like this.
Put in your butthole.
Upper Decker.
Upper Decker.
This is going to make me puke.
Oh, God.
Yeah, it will.
I kind of hope it does.
Made you poop?
It made me poop in a...
Remember when I took those antibiotics?
If this is anywhere but a bathroom, we got a problem.
Well, it was a bathroom, but it was in a nail salon that was four feet by four
feet.
And I blew it the fuck up.
Because I took antibiotics that day, and then this hit.
And then I went into the bathroom, and I came out, and I was like,
Caitlin, I was there with Palufo, and she was getting nails.
And I was like, we have to go, we have to go, we have to go.
And she was like, I still have to dry.
And I was like, we need...
No, I have to dry.
We have pee minus 10 seconds.
It was brutal.
I'll tell you this.
Speaking of blowing up, I blew up the Denver airport bathroom.
I shit so hard, it went up my back.
I had to wash my clothes.
This is crazy.
Look at that.
That's right.
How are you two just traveling like that?
This is crazy.
This is good work.
You shouldn't have that many away games.
Did you guys stay at the same hotel where you were?
No.
No.
What did you stay?
I stayed at the Ramada window.
The quip ragging out by the airport.
Dude, it's a trash hotel.
I love it.
The first time I ever stayed there, there was a guy on meth going to the guy at
the county.
Yeah, you.
There's a man in my room.
Look.
And it was just a video of nothing.
And the guy goes, sir, if this happens every week, why do you continue to stay
here?
And he goes, because it's cheap.
And I was like, yeah.
I like the free breakfast.
There's a man in my room and a photo of nothing is so funny.
Look at him staring at us.
That's so scary.
He's going, so what do you do for a living, bud?
Trying to make friends with him?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, there can be ano