Name: Stavros Halkias: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Business Lunch
Uploaded: 2025-01-20T00:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavros Halkias: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Business Lunch' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Stavros Halkias: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Business Lunch' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-20. Transcript available.

Stavros Halkias: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Business Lunch

Hey there, gang.
Do you want to come to an Are You Garbage live show and ask your question?
Sure you do.
Good news for you, back on the block, tour tickets are on sale.
We're talking about a nice stand-up comedy show, plus we play AYG with the
crowd,
so grab the squad and come out and see Kippy and I.
The big man ain't lying in March.
We're starting back up on the road.
We're going to Pontiac, Michigan, Indianapolis, Indiana, Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
Madison, Wisconsin, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland,
Ohio, and Atlantic City.
All tickets available at RUGarbage.com.
We'll see you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUGarbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find it out to be classy or just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She's down in the basement stuck in the dryer.
Okay.
So get why the getting's good, boys.
That's our good friend Goose over there on the Patreon.
Mike House is coming at you from right next to me.
He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world,
and I love him.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Hey, what up, gang?
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
And now full video available on Spotify over there.
The kids got in over there on Spotify.
Still waiting on the check, by the way.
Just in time, just in time.
Catching the wave, baby.
Full video available on Spotify.
And obviously the greatest website of all time.
I got to tell nobody in this room, www.patreon.com.
You go over there and get all that bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir, you do.
Thank you so much, Kippy.
And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly,
and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today.
He is one of the funniest, one of the hardest working men in show business.
He's got a movie, Let's Start a Cult, out.
One of the stars at Tires over there on Netflix.
You can hear him every week in his amazing podcast, Stavi's World.
And he's about to kick off the Dream Boat Tour February 21st,
Sacramento, California, at the Hard Rock Live.
Give it up for the Greek god of Baltimore.
Stavros.
Just of Baltimore.
Very narrow jurisdiction.
It's a niche.
I was banished from Mount Olympus.
They're like, we don't want you in Greece.
Here's a small, struggling mid-Atlantic city.
Take your lightning bolt and beat it.
That's your domain.
Made a move on Aphrodite.
Pissed a couple of people off.
Buddy, how you feeling?
Good, man.
Thanks for having me, boys.
Thank you.
Last minute, you know, we were just texting yesterday.
I pulled up.
A couple of girls chatting back and forth.
That was awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
Just got a little day-day going.
It was great.
I love it.
I wanted to promote the tour, the Dream Boat Tour.
From hitting the road, I pretty much took all of last year off.
And so, yeah, I was like, let's hop in the fucking, let's get in the basement,
baby.
Get the boys back together.
Let's get the boys back together.
Let's see what-
Let's talk recipes.
What chain restaurants can we discuss for an hour?
French onion soup pasta.
Have you seen it?
Have you heard about it?
Because it looks pretty goddamn good.
Like we were going to tackle the big topics.
I wanted to get back with the brain trust and really talk about topics.
You got to figure out the southern border thing.
Oh, yeah.
Speaking of which, let's talk burritos.
Yeah, exactly.
You got the bus for the tour.
I'm going bus.
That's fucking awesome.
I'm excited for that.
Yeah.
It is like, it is basically, you guys were saying it's like summer camp.
It's a, it's a, I mean, it's a bad-
It's a very expensive summer camp.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it's so, it's sad what culture has deteriorated to where guys like you
and me can
afford tour buses, but we'll take it.
You know what I mean?
That's for Journey and Metallica.
It really is pathetic.
Yeah.
You know, that it's like, you know, like even the theaters, I feel like, why am
I here?
This should be like an off, like they have opera in the same places.
And then we're up there talking about mashed potatoes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was just a David Mamet play here last week.
So a hundred percent, so, but I'm going to keep, until society catches up with
the mistakes
they've made, until we've reckoned with how bankrupt we are culturally, I'm
going to take
full advantage of it.
Uh-huh.
And, you know, we, this is a running theme, obviously, in terms of the, the,
the subtext
of your podcast and my life is like struggling with being fat as shit, I think.
And I don't think you've seen the shows, Tom.
Are you sure you're talking about this show?
I respect this because you guys take other, I, I'm all food and you guys have
the whole
trash, you know what I mean?
Sure.
We've had other aspects of life.
Other environmental, but it all comes down to poor health.
Of course.
You know, like, you know, lead paint, whatever, you know, not, not getting
enough fresh air.
Did you say lead paint?
Yeah, lead paint.
Asbestos.
Asbestos, that kind of, try, you guys are trying to find the, all the biomarkers
of poor
health.
Sure.
Whereas I'm just at, you know, food, but that.
It's all that insulation when we were kids.
Yeah, yeah, that cotton candy in the lace.
How good did that look?
My dad was a carpenter.
Yeah.
You know how many times he left me alone at Home Depot and I'm just staring and
it's like,
am I taking a bite?
Is this the day I finally take a bite of the pink?
And then they got the pink pants to represent that.
Exactly.
What the fuck?
But it was the ultimate, like, stab in the back because it made you itchy.
It made you itchy.
It wasn't even like, hey, if I touch it, it's just not candy.
It also hurts you.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Which I was sure my parents were lying to me about.
Sure.
And I had to find out the hard way.
Your lungs swell up.
I fully, fully touched it.
Oh, yeah.
Like, I tried to do the math.
It's not strawberries.
Stop it.
Does it make me itchy?
Because if it doesn't, I'm taking a bite.
I'm closer to eating it.
Yeah, exactly.
If it doesn't hurt me on the outside, it might not hurt me on the inside.
I did the due diligence of that.
Sure.
But then I think I psych, I don't know if it actually does make you itchy or I
just psychosomatically
convinced myself it did.
No, it makes you itch.
Okay.
It's bad for you.
Yeah, okay.
Me and my brother were climbing through, we rewired a high school.
We got some job from a, like, a cousin.
Incredible.
And they sent us up.
Who hired you, Tony Soprano?
By the way, this is what happens when you privatize things.
Yeah.
Like, people think it's like, oh, we're going to get the pork out of government.
We're going to make things more efficient.
No.
It's going to go through eight subcontractors.
Yeah.
And some guy who's probably at the time kicking crack is going to fucking, is
going to be the
person putting drop ceilings in your high school.
Yeah.
They had to hire a certain amount of non-union workers and me and my brother
were both college
students, broke as shit.
And they gave us like $1,500 a week to crawl through the ceilings pulling wire
through.
It was all insulation.
By the way, they had to hire a certain amount of non-union workers means that's
not legal
at all.
That's not what unions do.
The exact opposite.
I'm aware.
Yeah.
You have to hire so many union workers.
You're working for an upside down union.
Yeah.
Three guys got union jobs and they're like, all right, someone's actually got
to do the
work.
Yeah.
Can we get anybody with a pretty bad drug problem?
Right here, sir.
We have any weekend warriors on the list?
I was actually up in the ceiling when they were looking for people and I just
stuck my
head down.
You were casing it for computers and stuff.
You guys looking for people?
Yeah.
He was casing.
He was going to end up stealing.
He stole the fax machines they were throwing away the next day anyway.
That was Hank's big come up.
I got a whole score of a dumpster full of fax machines and typewriters.
They got good printers in here.
Do you ever know any dumpster divers?
We, a little bit.
Like food wise?
Yeah.
I knew a couple, in Baltimore I knew a couple like, I did know a couple.
Oh, what a real cool crew, huh, Stan?
Yeah, well they were not my crew, but there was definitely like a-
More associates.
There was like kids that, like I went, so I went to like, I went to public
school in
Baltimore, but you had to like test into, there was literally, the way
Baltimore did it, it's
kind of fucked up.
There's three good schools in the entire system and they make you test into
them for the time
you're like 10 years old.
Yeah.
Sure.
One's in the back of a TGI Fridays.
But, so I went to one and it was so, I went to a good school in Baltimore, but
what happened
is rich kids that got expelled from all the private schools would end up at my
school.
Right.
It was, their, their parents would pull strings.
They get them into the, get them into the nice public school.
Exactly, exactly.
So, that's actually, it was rich kids pretending to be poor or that were like,
fuck you dad.
And we're like, you know, would smoke weed in eighth grade and then like dumpster
dive
and shit like that, who now are probably, you know, prosecutors.
Sure.
Like, fuck it.
You know what I mean?
Like who, they, they were blowing off steam.
Charge of the Southern District.
Yeah.
Blowing off steam.
So I knew a couple of those like fake freegans.
Fake edgy guys.
Like white, you know, like rich Jewish kids that were smoking weed and like
going like,
I'm living off the earth, man.
But, and then my brothers-
Or modest Yahoo years, if you will.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, and I, you know, am I going to sit here and tell you I didn't share a
couple Panera
bread croissants?
But you were there for, you were there for a different reason.
I was going to smoke weed.
And eat free snacks.
And if a gigantic plastic bag of Panera bread croissants-
Broccoli cheddar soup.
Were to, yeah, were to, were to fucking materialize.
These bread bowls for everybody.
Yeah, exactly.
All right.
Bread bowls without, bring your own soup bread bowl situation.
Am I above microwaving a clam, a Chunky's clam chowder and pouring it in a
three-day-old
bread bowl?
No, I'm not.
Beef barley out of a sock.
Dude, one of the, one of the first business-
Catch a movie or something.
One of the first business lunches I went on was a Panera bread and I did, I had
never
been there and I ordered the bread bowl and the guys looked at me like I was,
what was
this for?
I was, it was a business lunch.
It wasn't a business lunch.
You and Rubinoff talking about a sketch idea?
What are you talking about?
Who am a business?
You were, you were, you got a job interview for a multi-level marketing scheme
at a Panera
wrong, at a Panera bread.
You didn't have a business lunch.
Dude, that's always a sign it's a shady company.
When it's not at the office?
No, I had the job.
I had the job.
They're like, they're like, here's, in fact, we're going to, we're going to
show you how
sharp our knives are by cutting your fucking chicken Fontega sandwich in
quarters.
It's at the business center of a hotel, sneaking off to get free breakfast.
I'll go get a waffle and you come back.
Act like you're staying here.
A business lunch.
I would have loved to see the fucking khakis and the shirt out of a plastic box
that you
wore to that.
With the matching tie.
It was a pair of gray slacks that I got at TJ Maxx that I wore for every event
ever.
With an aquamarine shirt and 