Name: Harland Williams Returns | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast
Uploaded: 2025-04-16T23:00:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harland Williams Returns | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Harland Williams Returns | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-16. Transcript available.

Harland Williams Returns | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast

Gang, the 2025 edition of the RU Garbage Card Game, third edition, is on sale
right now at RUGarbage.com.
Play it with your friends, play it with your family, and see who is trash.
Yeah, we got over 50 questions right here.
Was your babysitter a man? Hit me.
Yes, he was.
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Yes, I can.
Gang, available at RUGarbage.com, and they're shipping in a day or two. Get on
board.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out
if your
favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your
hosts, Kevin
Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we
find out if
they're good to be classy, or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here
with
Tooties and a New Edition. She just made a little breakfast.
Okay.
Newport 100 and some cooking wine.
Right, that's not bad.
It's going to be a short day. I'll tell you that right now.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
He is
an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world, and
I love
him. I don't care who knows it. Give it up for KJ, Kevin, James, Ryan,
everybody.
Thank you very much. Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please
make sure
you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also,
full video
now available on Spotify over there. Part of that program. Go check that out.
And
patreon.com slash RU Garbage. Gang, all the fun happens there.
Yes, sir. And we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean
incredibly
special guest back with us again today. One of the few, believe it or not, to
come up
classy. Put us through the ringer. In the RU Garbage algorithm, don't let the
sun-kissed
coffee and can of Coke fool you, or the MacGyver leather jacket that he walked
in. Give it up
for the one and the only, Mr. Harland Williams, everybody. Look out. Thank you.
I mean, he just said it was like he was doing panel. That was good. Thank you.
This guy's
a gosh darn pro. Thank you. Uh, so the last time you were here, we, we went
back and did our
research. We, you know, we, we, we had our, our data entry team, uh, uh, go
back and pull
all the facts from the last episode. And they said you were a big Coca-Cola
slash, uh, maybe
diet Coke kind of guy. So we went out and got you some, we went out and got you
a can of Coke
and a can of diet Coke. He's a soda man. And he came in with his own bottle of
sun-kissed
and I go, do you want a Coke? He goes, I got some sun-kissed in my bag I'm
going to
have, but bring the Coke in case I want to double dip. Very Harvey Picard of
you. Yeah.
Yeah. Harvey Picard, big, uh, big, big soda guy. Big orange soda guy.
He a comic? No. He was a comic book artist. He was, uh, did some very obscure
kind of Gen X style
comedy. I can't even hear myself. Is that bad? We're not even doing a podcast
right now.
Well, I like my voice. Yeah, but a stroke with a lot of sugar. Let's see. How
about that?
Are his headphones on? I really like my voice. Can you hear us?
Yeah, I can hear you. Oh, there we go. There you go. Thanks, Tim.
That's new guy, Tim. Charlie. New guy, Tim's all right. By the way, what does
it take to become
like a piece of garbage? Like, I guess I should have asked before I sat down,
like, how do you
qualify? You shocked us. He just turned the show on us. You shocked us a little
bit. Uh-huh.
I did? Yeah. We thought you were going to be a little more trashy, but you're,
uh, you know...
You're well-traveled. Well-traveled. Well-educated. Mm-hmm.
Come from good stock. Yeah. Very smart with your money. Good amount of cash.
Good amount of cash. The soda's not great, you know? Yeah.
Give it indulgence. But what makes you garbage?
I would have to argue two sodas on the table, two different sodas on the table
at the same time,
is a step into the garbage realm. Okay. So I'm sort of litter heading towards
garbage?
Yes. Yes. You're refuse at the moment. You're an old Big Mac rapper. Okay.
Okay. Good. Just outside the trash can. I love it. Um, but we do have, we do
have some,
is there anything you wanted to... I was just going to ask him how the flight
in was. Okay.
Oh, it was great. We only crashed twice. Those are good numbers. Yeah. As long
as we get here,
it's fine with me. You fly up front, I assume? Gentlemen such as yourself? Uh,
yeah,
I'm a cockpit guy. I like to look out the front window. Yeah. Now I know why
you crashed twice.
Yeah. That's probably about right there now. Okay. Huh. Yeah. No, I like to sit
right up front.
I like to know who's flying my rig. I like to know, get personable with the
captain, the co-pilot,
and just, uh, chit chat, uh, feel like I'm befriending them so that they're
invested more in
getting me there safely. You got to get Harland to argue garbage. Right.
You know what I mean? Like if I'm sitting back in the, in the, in the fuselage
in ambiguity row,
I call it where they don't know me. I don't know that. I want to be flying with
a guy and make eye
contact. Sure. And sometimes I even play REO Speedwagon. I can't take this
feeling anymore on my phone
while we're making eye contact. And I usually get there in pretty good shape.
The fuselage just sounds
bad. It sounds like you're not going to make it. You only hear it during a
wreckage. Like we've
located the fuselage. It's never like, Hey, I'm sitting back here. It's great
in the fuselage.
It's a really weird word. And by the way, it's also a sex act in West Hollywood.
You got enough cash on you on that before. Uh, now if you are on a plane and
you're back in the
fuselage, as you say, you know, he's not, he's flying up front. What are you
taught? This guy's
got cake. It's still the fuselage. Even the first class is a fuselage. I
believe. Will you,
will you ding the bell to let, you know, if you want another, you know, sun
kissed or so,
will you call them over? Do you wait till they make the rounds?
It's funny on the flight up here. I had to ding the bell like four times
because the, uh, the,
you know, I haven't been drinking Coke all year. You said you've been doing
pretty,
I've been off Coke since January. I only had January. I've only had 10, but on
the flight,
I sort of broke a little, and it was a morning flight. And so I dung the lady
that sounded wrong.
That sounded like a German movie. They threw me off the plane. Yeah. I dung the
lady, uh,
but I dung her and, uh, she just sort of ignored it. So I, I wasn't going to
wait. When you get a
Coke fix, you need it. So I dung her again and then I dung her again. I think I
dung her four or
five times. Really? Right in the fuselage. Yeah. That's a lot of dunging. Yeah.
Will you take it
off or anything like that? No, we were midair, but she was just sort of, she
was, it was very
interesting. I have a hat that says, be a good human. And it's a blue baseball
cap. And everywhere I go,
people are like, you know, they love that they go out of the way to say great
hat. And when I walked
in this, this lady, she just went, yeah, good luck finding one of those, like
right out of it. And I
thought she was goof. And I was like, yeah, yeah. But everyone, she's like, it's
just like, not like
scowling. It's just a flight attendant. This is a flight attendant. The same
flight attendant that you,
that you had to dung four or five times. And so she, she was just not loving
her life, I think. And so I
had to dung her five times. Like I dung her real deep and, and yeah. So it took,
it took a while.
Funny you brought that up because usually it's dung and done. Yeah. But this
was dung and not done.
They recognize you on the plane, walking to the airport. I'm sure people stop
you. Hey,
let me get a pick. Yes. And that's, that sounds snobby, but that's part of the
reason why I do sit up
front because it's, it's a bit confining in the fuselage. You're sort of
trapped. And what happens
You don't want to be back there with the heathens. No, no, it's not that. Amen,
brother.
What happens is when one person asks for a picture, then it sort of causes a
chain reaction. And next
thing you know, and it's, it's very sort of, uh, it's flattering, but it causes
anxiety. So I just try to
sit up front just so I can just sort of have a little bit of privacy and yeah.
Yeah. Now do you
get that somewhat? Cause you're, you know, you're very recognizable. You've had
a great career. Like
even just not even the pictures or anything, but you're out to dinner. Does the
waiter say that?
Like, Hey, big fan. Do you get that a lot? They know who everybody pretty much
has, can recognize you.
Yeah. I get a lot of that. Sometimes they even sit down, which is, which is, I'm
not even joking.
Are you done with this mozzarella steak? I've had waiters where they just, they
get so ingratiated
with you. They just slide in and I've had it even when I've been with people.
Like they just,
I was at one restaurant where I literally used to go to in LA, the Wolfgang Pox
and I loved it.
You're a bit of a foodie. We've learned last time. You're like a nice
restaurant.
Foodie is a weird term. Whenever I, whenever I hear a woman go, I'm a foodie. I
go, well,
in my day we just called him a fatty really. Tomato, tomato. Good way to cover
up eating a lot.
I'm a foodie. Yeah. Sounds like you look like you're a foodie.
Sounds like you like having sex with a duck breast.
Do you like a duck breast?
I like it. If the areolize are brown, I don't, I don't like pink areolize on my
duck breast.
South American duck.
Yeah. Hold on. Wolfgang Pox. We forget about this now that we love the, you
know, we love the,
you know, we're very nostalgic when it comes to Hollywood around that time.
Yeah. You were there.
Yeah. Do you remember when Wolfgang's opened? Like you were going, were you
going there in the 90s?
Yeah. That's what I was saying. I would go there all the time. And one of the
waiters,
he would literally sit down with whoever I was with and start talking to us.
And the first couple
of times it was like, Hey, and then it was, he'd not only sit down, but he'd
stay for like five,
six minutes. And I literally had to go to the manager and say, look, I don't
want to get your
guy in trouble. He's a great guy. We love coming here, but it's very
uncomfortable. I said, if you
don't tell him to back off, we're not coming anymore. And can you just please
talk to him in a nice way?
We don't want him to get fired. He's sort of overstepping the boundaries. And
we went back
and it didn't stop. So we stopped going there. It was, it was, the guy was nice,
but he just had no
filter. He didn't realize he was really sort of imposing on an intimate moment,
you know?
Of course. Especially if you're having like a business thing or something like
that.
Yeah. Business or with family or friends, or it was just like, it didn't matter.
He just
popped down and a real chatterbox. Like it just on and on and on. And we were
just like,
can we get this, you know, the scallops, please guy. He sits down. He's like,
can we get more bread
around here? Yeah. You're also, which interests me from the time when like, uh,
you know, as you were
popping off, certain executives might, might want to, you know, work with you
and stuff like that.
They take you out to a dinner like that. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice to be taken out
and spoiled a
little bit when you're like the head of Sony or CBS or something like that
takes you out. Now,
when you would be in that situation, if like an executive would take, we want
to be in the Harlan
Williams business and they take you out back in the day, would you be back
knowing that they're going
to pay, they're going to pick up the check. Would you be banging them out or
were you pretty
no, I would