Name: Sam Tallent | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: House of Ham
Uploaded: 2025-04-30T23:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam Tallent | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: House of Ham' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sam Tallent | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: House of Ham' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-30. Transcript available.

Sam Tallent | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: House of Ham

Gang, we got a big announcement.
The Back on the Block Tour is going on sale tomorrow, Thursday, 10 a.m.
Local time.
Woo!
Do yourself a favor.
Get some tickets.
We're coming to a city near you.
We're doing big shows, some of our favorite spots.
We can't wait to see you out there.
Yeah, starting in September, we're in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle,
then Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, Atlanta, Georgia,
Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia,
Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the Met,
the biggest show we've ever done.
Let's go.
Then we're doing Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada.
All tickets are on sale, 10 a.m.
Your local time of the city.
Get them at RUGarbage.com.
Do it.
Yeah.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage,
the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, we're getting somewhere.
Hey, everybody out there.
Welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
Hey, ye.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that it's a group to be classy.
They're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, Tate Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She just hopped back from the Wu-Tang concert.
Okay.
She was hanging out with the boys late night.
She'll be sleeping one off today.
Shout out to Rizzo.
My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.
He is what we call the CEO of RU Garbage.
He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide
world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
Shout out to you.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Also full video available now on Spotify over there.
Check that out.
And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU
Garbage.
You go over there.
You get all that bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir.
And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean
incredibly, special guest.
He's back with us again today.
I think it's his third time or fourth time on the show.
Third time, I believe.
Very funny stand-up comedian.
Accomplished author.
Uh-huh.
Random house author.
All right?
He's going to be over in the UK in May.
He's going to be in Australia in July, but we got him right here at Toadie's.
Give it up for the one, the only.
Mr. Sam Tallon, everybody.
Hey, man.
Sammy.
Man, you really fired it up for that one.
Yeah, man.
I can turn it on when I need to.
Yeah, you were like morose when I got here.
It's like someone hits him with a shot of beef tallow.
Yeah.
Fucking jumps right up.
You were like Dominique Wilkins from the free throw line.
I had to craft singles in the bathroom.
Oh, is that what that rapper sound was?
You juiced me up a little bit.
I go yellow, not white.
Hey.
No one accused you of anything else.
The good stuff.
Man, that white.
You guys love the white.
That fake provolone shit.
I do.
Growing up, that white was, even in Philly, too, it was always white.
New York's more yellow.
Yeah, never had yellow cheese growing up.
Except for Valvita.
I always thought the white stuff was like, oh, maybe one day if I save up.
Sure.
I think it's all the same price, right?
I don't know.
There's a different flavor, too, from the craft yellow singles to the craft
white singles.
The craft white singles have a little bit of a sweeter finish to it.
They're tangy, and they melt better, I think.
Which I appreciate.
Luke, give me a price point on a 16-pack of white and a 16-pack of yellow.
They've got to be the same.
Give us a couple singles over here.
Give us a couple of free samples.
You said I could have whatever I want.
Slice thin.
Try it out a little bit.
If you're going to make a melty, cheesy, beefy sandwich, I think that white
cheese is superior.
Of course.
That was always...
Even the fancy chefs will say that.
American cheese is the best for cheeseburgers.
Talk to a lot of fancy chefs, do you?
Yeah, I do.
Rubbing elbows?
Yeah, that's right.
Okay.
Michelin star.
It's not just elbows.
This guy's getting the best table, yeah.
Buddy, congratulations.
We just reset the show.
Thanks for tuning in, gang.
Congratulations on everything.
Yeah, same to you guys.
Thank you.
I love following everything that you do, and before we get into the questions
that we have
from the homies there, I just got to say again, you're never home.
You're always moving.
Yeah.
You're moving and you're shaking.
I see you here.
I'm shaking less.
I've lost some weight.
Yeah.
You're looking good.
You're looking good.
You came in with a nice, bright orange jacket, like Hunter Orange.
Beautiful.
Yeah, yeah.
I just came from the deer blind.
When's the last time you were in Japan?
I get hung up on...
I feel like you're in Japan every other weekend.
Yeah.
How very well-traveled you are.
I like it out there in the world.
The world's beautiful.
It's nice.
Also, hey, to your listeners, the cherry blossoms are in bloom across this
country.
Get out there and see them right now.
Of course.
Yeah.
I was in Japan Christmas until...
I was there for like 16 days at the beginning of the year.
How many times is that?
This was my third time in Japan.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
Like the last two years.
I did take my dad.
I took my sister.
My brother-in-law.
It was awesome.
My brother-in-law?
I don't know if I should tell this story.
But anyway, we had a really good time with them.
Let's just say they're pretty stringent about who they let in.
Oh.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
No kidding.
Oh, man.
They do not like to open their doors to anyone with a murky past.
Huh.
Someone who made mistakes as a youth.
It's not his fault.
No kidding.
It's a product of the system.
What do they do when they see you over there?
You're a tall gentleman.
They go like this.
They get in one of those big nets.
Yeah.
They move three of the crates that everyone's sitting on aside,
and they bring in one big beanbag chair,
and I plop down.
Is that a problem for you?
Because that is a tighter,
that's close quarters over there.
It's a problem for me most places.
How are you dumping over there?
Oh, man.
Standing up in the alleyway.
Natural disaster.
I'm like Andre the Giant.
I'm squatting in a fucking bathtub.
Talk about Fukushima.
Yeah.
I have to throw the sheets away.
I've always said you are the mix of trash and class,
because you go over there,
and obviously you're shitting in a bathtub,
but then also you're taking time to send us
self-handwritten postcards.
Oh, yeah.
Which is very nice.
No one's doing that.
Yeah, yeah.
He's an old soul.
He's got a good fucking good head on his shoulders.
Classy.
I think about you guys a lot,
just because your rise was very close
to when I was kind of ascending.
Yes, we were both,
our trajectory was very similar.
Yeah, and I feel like no matter what happens,
I'm always going to be stoked to see you guys.
I love it.
You know, you can't bury something
that came from the dirt, you know?
Damn.
Fucking.
I heard a special teams.
This guy's got away with words.
Oh, I heard a special teams player
on the Saints say that
when they didn't cut him.
See?
He'll drop shit like that,
but he's like,
they didn't cover the oversize.
Wasn't that Triple H?
You mean Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
He refers to Triple H as Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
Dude, I literally take my financial advice
from Mick Foley.
I heard Mick Foley recently.
That's not good.
I know.
Maybe it is.
What do you got?
Put all your money in flannels.
Buy barbed wire now.
Fluorescent lights.
Smash them.
He said,
it's not what you make,
it's what you save, brother.
That's good.
Of course.
So I bought a house.
There you go.
Did you buy a house?
Did you buy a house?
Yeah, out there near Detroit.
Is that what you did?
Huh?
Look at you.
My wife's from there.
It's like,
dude, we couldn't buy a nice house in Denver,
but in Detroit,
we can own this beautiful home.
And you're going to keep it?
You're not flipping it or anything like that?
No, no.
Dude, what am I?
I don't have the energy,
I don't give a shit,
to try and make $60,000
on a huge hassle.
Yeah.
You know?
And now you're off to Paris
for a few weeks,
you were saying.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, get that.
Paris in the springtime, huh?
Yeah, dude.
May in Paris.
Are you handy around the house?
No, dude.
No.
You sub all that out?
You just go get a handy man?
I bring a man in.
Yeah, me too.
Did you have to do anything
when you bought the home?
Yeah, give my wife a checkbook.
Here, honey.
Do you have a checkbook?
I had to work in Toledo.
Yeah.
Do you have a checkbook?
I have four checks
that are like in the gun safe.
That's good.
In the gun safe.
Once a year, I'm like,
I'll get a check.
That's old cowboy shit.
Yeah.
Because we don't have checks.
I don't know anybody
that uses checks.
I do.
You have checks?
I have a checks, yeah.
What are you writing checks to?
Not to me.
I got to pay my mortgage every month.
He's got a secret family
in Tuscaloosa.
I do, huh?
Tuscaloosa's son.
Checks are for girls, man.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
What's up, ladies?
How you doing?
Wait, you don't just do,
you don't just transfer it?
No, I fucked up when I did it
and now it's one of those things
I got to set up
but I mail my check in.
You do.
And then this is what I do.
I write all the checks.
So I'm currently out of checks
because I just wrote
like 10 months worth of checks
and I sit them there
because otherwise I forget.
Let me ask you both this
as recent homeowners
and fine gentlemen that I know.
Do you have the sticker
that says the return address on it
with the family home?
No.
Do you have that, Sammy?
I made us a little stamp
we can use.
Ooh, classy.
What are you, the fuck?
Are you, Leo the Lionhead
or something like that?
Hey, man, if I knew
who the fuck that was, maybe.
Maybe I would be.
Hey, Gary the Giraffe-ed?
You got any more Verona riffs?
Verona?
Capulets and the Montagues.
I'm sorry, Shakespeare.
No, no, man.
I liked that earlier.
You don't have a stamp?
Yeah, because like I...
That's classy.
Well, I carve these little
like linoleum things.
It's like whittling, I think.
My grandfather was always like,
I would watch TV
and I'll just be carving shit
and it's fun.
But yeah, I made us
a little like return.
How do you clean that up?
You're doing it just on the floor?
Yeah, in my living room.
Really?
And my wife will be like,
what are you doing?
And I'm like,
doing whatever I want
in the home that I pay for.
Get my checkbook.
Yeah.
Go to the gun safe.
Now I know why he's on the road
11 out of 12 months a year.
I wish.
You have a stamp.
That's pretty good.
Do you have one of those
wax things too
where you put the little...
You seal it?
Like from the talents?
Only if it's a formal vendetta.
Yeah.
Only if I need the Pope to know.
God rest his soul.
Do you celebrate Easter?
I do, of course, yeah.
So what'd you do yesterday?
He's a big ham guy.
Yeah, that doesn't count.
I know, I remember,
I'm just saying,
I know he likes his ham.
I do.
I remember he told the story
in his first one,
he had that,
what was it,
Serrano ham or whatever,
like the big spit.
That's a hard connection to Easter.
Yes, ham is served on Easter, sure.
The ham now that we have
in our new house.
You have one?
Of course.
Yeah, so he gets like
the big legs.
Are you from Costco, by the way?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, uh-huh.
Because they're huge over there.
Oh, yeah.
Costco has some real classy shit
if you look around.
Trust me, the one in Verona.
Wooden shoes.
If you look around,
they got some nice stuff there.
You're spelunking in a Costco
with a headlamp on.
Come up out of a big thing of underwear.
Caviar's delicious.
Yeah.
Do you like a foie gras?
I do like a foie gras a lot, dude.
I love spreadable meats.
Yeah, you're about to be
in the heart of it.
I know, it's about to be
in my heart, too.
Yeah, I had it every day
when I was there.
It's 