Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2025-05-07T23:00:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-07. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: Bad Breakfast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Gang tickets for the Back on the Block Tour are going quick, baby, so get them
what a getting is good.
Yeah, we're coming to San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Burlington, Boston,
Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester, and
Toronto.
All tickets available at RUGarbage.com. We'll see yous on the road.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUGarbage.
It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we
find that after they grow up to be classy.
Yeah.
They're just a big old piece of trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She has some nice Little League equipment available for sale right now.
Getting that time of the year, too.
Woo-wee.
Getting while the getting's good.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
He's what we call the CEO of RUGarbage.
He's an international businessman.
Let me tell you this.
He's got the boys on Wall Street nervous and the fat cats on Main Street
singing his praises.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
Shout out to you.
First of all, as always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Also, full video available over there on Spotify.
Uh-huh.
And then also, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
You go over there.
You get up to, I mean, you sign up today.
You get, I don't know, the past four years of bonus content.
We're talking like, what is that?
It's like 400 episodes.
You get for five, for 10 bucks, you get 400 episodes.
There you go.
That ain't too shabby.
Also.
What do you got?
Back on the block tour tickets, obviously, are on sale right now.
You go over there.
We got San Fran, Portland, Seattle, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts,
Atlanta, Georgia,
Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia,
Baltimore, Maryland,
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, at the motherfucking Met, baby.
Let's go.
Biggest show we've ever done.
And then Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada.
Get those tickets.
Boys are coming out hard in the fourth quarter of the year, aren't we?
Coming out swinging.
I got to pay.
Holy shit.
Right before bonus time.
I got to pay for this baby somehow.
How you done?
Man, these things ain't freaking cheap.
I'll tell you that.
This kid better have a good right hand on him.
I'll tell you that right now.
I don't know.
Public school down the line.
I don't know how everybody's, I don't know how people did this.
It's fucking, everything's a grain.
You turn around, it's a grain.
You need a chair?
It's a grain.
A chair.
Oh, we need a chair for the baby.
Baby can't even hold his head up.
He needs a fucking recliner.
Like a broad in Vegas, huh?
Jesus.
Every time the kid goes to the bathroom, he wants to play the tables a little
bit.
I feel like a fucking ATM machine.
Gang, this is what we call a family episode.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
Just the way we like it.
We can't thank you enough for tuning in.
Kippy, how the hell are you, kid?
I'm doing pretty good.
Are you?
You don't seem it.
You seemed a little tense today when I came in.
No, not at all.
With your old pal, Uncle Hank.
Oh.
Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Because I love you.
Okay.
I don't know.
You're setting me up for something.
You're setting me up.
I've seen the program before.
You're setting me up for something.
I need a small payday loan.
To be quite honest with you.
To start off, you start calling me an asshole.
Psychological warfare.
They beat you down.
I feel like you need me.
Then you're vulnerable.
That's right.
Listen, I had a little bit of a...
Tell me.
Maybe about three days ago, I made some ground beef.
Hamburger meat.
This isn't trashy.
It just felt not...
I don't know.
Something and currently...
Put the paper towel in there to soak up the grease.
Obviously.
You did?
Yeah.
That is such a dirtball move.
Well, you can sit there and let it boil off.
I'm hungry.
I'm growing more.
No, you take a fucking spoon and you pull it out.
No, but...
Or you leave it in there like a gentleman.
Whoever said that that was bad, by the way?
It just gets too oily.
It does.
Everybody...
Listen, it does.
Everybody knows this.
You heat it off.
You burn it off.
It's like...
Well, that takes 40 minutes sometimes.
You flambe it.
And I don't know if you've seen any of this hamburger meat together.
It's just producing his grease.
I don't know what it is.
It don't stop, dude.
Say there's like 8 million cows in one hamburger.
It's a big burger.
I like them juicy.
Talking quarter pound.
So listen, I make some hamburger meat.
I'm eating lean.
Now, what are you doing with this?
What do you mean?
What are you making?
Uh, I'm making a bowl that my wife found.
Okay.
A little bit of, uh...
Ah, man.
What was it?
There was some peas in there.
Okay.
Uh, there was some sweet potato.
Okay.
Uh, peas, sweet potato, something else I'm missing here.
Onions.
No.
Ketchup.
Cheddar cheese.
I did buy cheese, but I didn't put it in there.
Leeks.
Nah, I forget.
Something else.
You know what a leek is?
Yeah.
Okay.
Uh-huh.
I got one at the house.
Fucking drywall.
Yeah, I used to work produce.
I didn't, I used to work as a cashier.
I didn't know all the produce.
They didn't fucking sell leeks and acne until three years ago.
What are you talking about?
I had to take a test, which I've said this before.
That was the most nerve-wracking week of my life.
Some fat, some fat-ass fucking guy testing me on, on vegetables.
It's like, hey, buddy, why don't you put the Cheez-Its down and try a leek?
You were over at Sylvan Learning Center for two weeks trying to get ready for
this?
So, whatever.
So now I got, it was this morning, we had to be in here bright and early, bushy.
You had a hamburger for breakfast?
Well, hold on.
I put some, so I, oh, when I did it, I did some taco seasoning in there.
I like that.
Right?
So then for breakfast, I made three scrambies, and I'm looking.
Really?
And I threw the taco meat in there.
Listen.
Which, listen, hold on.
Obviously, whatever.
It didn't feel right.
Dude, the second I opened up the container, and I didn't do a think, I just
opened it up
and dumped, and half of me forgot it was taco season, and I got a whiff of that,
and I
was like, this feels like I'm at dinner right now.
This ain't right.
It's too early.
And this is like, dude, this is like 7.15.
This is 7.15 in the morning.
I'm eating taco meat.
It was bad.
A little breakfast chili?
It didn't feel right.
Have you ever done that?
Obviously, it's left there or whatever.
No, but I like it.
I'll be honest with you.
I like it.
I'm burping up like I just had a gordita.
It ain't good, dude.
It's bad news.
Starting your day.
Kippy Crunch Supreme.
There's too much sodium in there?
Something.
Something.
I don't get it, because it's like, you know, it's meat.
It's protein.
Why isn't there a ground beef omelet?
You know, why isn't there a burger omelet?
I've had that.
Sure.
Really?
I think I might have made it.
I'm big.
If I got leftover ground beef.
That's pretty good.
I throw that right.
You put the eggs.
You let the eggs cook a little bit.
Or maybe I'll even put the meat on, then crack the eggs in there.
So it's not really like egg.
It's like egg pieces in the meat.
No, I don't hate that.
Sprinkle a little cheese in there.
Did you top that off?
Quarter cup of Sargento.
It's 110 calories, 7 grams of protein.
I'm losing weight.
Did you finish that off with a little bit of lettuce, tomato, and some sour
cream or something
like that?
Lettuce and tomato at breakfast?
Well, you got a taco omelet.
A taco omelet?
No, but it just didn't feel right.
And my wife was on a call when I was doing this.
Smells that cooking?
Yeah, she hung up the call.
She's like, are you making tacos?
And I was like, shut up.
Did you open up a gyro stand?
If I deport you, zip it.
Holy shit.
Yeah, it didn't feel right.
Weigh in.
Let me know.
But it's just something about that taco season.
Did it have the orange grease on it, too?
No, it didn't.
Because I had dried out the grease.
Wow.
There you go.
I've had that grease in there before.
I think I did 85-15, too.
Yeah, when I was a kid, I remember seeing that for the first time.
My Aunt Mary's beef stew, I believe it was.
And the next day, or maybe it was her spaghetti,
but when she would take that out of the fridge,
it would have that layer of grease on it,
and she would skim it off and toss it.
Like, where are you going with that grease?
Make good with that lard, toots.
All right, let's quit screwing around.
Yeah.
Gang, as you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon,
and get your question right on the air by the Taco King himself.
Kevin Ryan.
Breakfast tacos.
Well, I mean, they do breakfast burritos.
They do.
But that's bacon and sausage.
You're typically a breakfast meat.
Listen, I'm not pushing back on this by any stretch of the imagination.
I'm not even saying it's trash, but that's delicious.
I think we should be putting ground beef in more stuff.
I agree, but the taco, it's just like, I got to tell you, I'm off today.
I got to go home, shower, lay back down, get up, and start the day again.
It don't feel right to have taco.
I kissed my wife with taco breath this morning.
I went off to work, grabbed my lunch pail, and came off to the content factory.
More ground beef in it.
All right, gang.
As the big man said, we got some Patreon cues.
When you join the Patreon, we'll answer your garbage question all the year.
This is from Marco Rodriguez, $10 homie, N-H-O-R, never had one read.
Love it.
Is it garbage to let your phone die intentionally, like where this is going,
while on a date so
you don't have to pay for the Uber back home?
I'm waiting on that direct deposit to hit, then the broad jam me up with the
appetizers.
Jesus.
I got to say, I've done some dirt bag maneuvers in my day financially with apps
and switching
from PayPal to whatever, the instant transfer, overdraft.
That's genius.
Does that mean he's closing the deal automatically?
They're going to the same place?
Hey, you want to get the Uber back to my place?
What if she's like, hey, I got to get up early?
Then you're sitting at a bus stop as she drives a line at Uber.
Yeah, but then he can take the bus home.
I mean, if you're by yourself and you're broke, you're like, hey, I'm taking
the subway.
It is what it is.
Your Friday's to go bag with you?
I guess, but in this thing you go, you would, I guess, well, the Uber.
I guess so he paid for dinner maybe?
Yeah.
Hey, my phone died.
He probably had a hundred bucks, 150 bucks.
Sure.
Because I can't, I'm not, I can't swing the $20.
That's brilliant.
Yeah, that's pretty smart, man.
Because what I would have to do back when I was jammed up.
I have a phone charger on me.
Fuck.
Is that an iPhone 4?
I need the old iPhone 4.
I think we should see other people.
I remember many a times entering my wife's credit card into my Uber account.
Oh.
I remember standing on 3rd Ave, or no, 2nd Ave.
It was like 2nd and 2nd, and I was so broken.
She's like, all right, let's get an Uber home.
And I was still in the wooing phase at this point.
I think I started crying.
You see the city.
I think I started crying.
Really?
I was just so, yeah, I was just down bad.
You started crying?
Maybe not crying, frustrated.
Still had the nerve to go home and try to make love to her?
I think it was her birthday, too.
I stink.
I'm bad with mine.
You're trying to pitch a threesome just so you get the cab fare home?
He seems like a good guy.
He's a cabbie.
Hey, buddy, what do you say?
Knock it off.
Come up to my place.
Hey, what do you think of this broad here, huh?
Yeah, that I respect.
That's a good one.
I guess I didn't really, the times when I was real