Name: Ian Fidance | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Bomb Squad
Uploaded: 2025-05-25T23:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ian Fidance | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Bomb Squad' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ian Fidance | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Bomb Squad' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-05-25. Transcript available.

Ian Fidance | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: The Bomb Squad

Hachi-machi gang, that back on the block tour is coming to a city near you, so
grab the entire squad and come on out and see the boys stand up comedy and then
we play a little Are You Garbage with the crowd. It's a good, good time.
Yeah, we got Atlantic City, San Francisco, second show added, Portland, Seattle,
Brea, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh,
Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester, and Toronto. All tickets available to RUGarbage.com.
Do it.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RUGarbage, the show where you find out
if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUGarbage.
Hey, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we
finally have to give it to be classy.
They're just a big old piece of trash.
Garbage.
I'm your host, A. Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back
here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She's up on the roof, threatening to jump.
Starting that bullshit early this year.
I told her, jump.
My cause is coming at you right next to me.
A little too close, K-puts, huh?
He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
Trying to get away from the ashtray over here.
He's got a game rolling in like that.
Like a three-alarm soot fire.
Hey, buddy, lay off the beat, will you?
Hey, sweeping chimneys.
He is the CEO of RUGarbage.
He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide
world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
Shout out to you as always.
Thanks for tuning in.
Make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify, part of the Creator's program.
The greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
So I'll show you garbage over there.
You get all that bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir.
And how about a nice big shout out to our good pal back with us again today.
He's family.
He's absolute family.
He can't get rid of me.
The meds aren't working.
He just darted in from Penn Station.
Yes.
He has enough luggage for the weekend that he had.
Yes.
As if he was Zsa Zsa Gabor.
That's crazy.
I came from, I went from Rochester to Los Angeles to Philadelphia to Delaware.
Now I'm here.
Playing the big markets.
Yes.
Rochester, Delaware.
Uh-huh.
You look like you should be sold outside of a gas station.
Put that up.
What?
He can finance, ladies and gentlemen.
Our good friend, he can finance.
Is with us today.
Hey, everybody.
Happy to be back.
Thanks for coming, Schmian.
Thank you for having me, fellas.
Always.
There's something very Bob Ross about you today, even more so.
You have some good color or something.
Did you go tanning?
Thank you.
I was in Los Angeles.
Wow.
And then walking around Philadelphia.
What did you go to in Philly?
Sat on the front porch, front steps at my mom's house, outside, sun's shining.
Power lines got you?
Got zapped.
What did you do in Philly?
Any of the old haunts?
Did you go around?
Did you get any good food?
What's a guy like you?
You know, you're headlining a nice weekend down there.
Shout out everybody that came out.
You go hand out flyers or something?
What'd you do?
It was awesome.
He's parking.
Packed it out.
Hey, we're big fans of packing it out.
Yes.
Packing it out.
It's not sold out, but it's packed out.
Not so close to sold out.
Punchline.
Packed out.
Close.
Host, feature, and headliner.
Me.
Save a little money.
You got more money.
I'll bring myself up.
I commuted from my mother's house in Delaware.
I kept the travel buyout for myself.
Did you really?
No.
Oh, I don't.
I stayed at the hotel.
The only guy that asked to pick up a waiting table station while he's working.
Hey, guys, my feature's up.
I can do some food running.
I just want 15% of all gratuity.
You know I can park cars until about 30 minutes into the show, right?
Just light them, and I'll.
What'd I do?
Oh, I ate way too many cheesesteaks.
Where'd you go?
Oh, I went to Campos.
I got gyms at 2 in the morning.
The late show was rough.
Had to eat it away.
And then I got Campos again, and then Geno's last night in.
I wanted to go to Steve Prince's day, but I didn't have enough time.
Let me do WMMR Friday morning at like 8 a.m., which was awesome.
And then I did some black show where it's for Fox Soul.
And it got a little feisty.
I threw some 100 chiles in there.
What are you talking about?
It was on Fox, Philly 29.
There's a Fox, Philly Soul station?
Yeah, it's Fox 29.
He's up there line dancing.
Shoop.
Shoop, babe.
Shoop, dayo.
It's Spinderella, y'all.
Now Ian Fidance with the weather.
Man, there's a lot of shit in this motherfucker.
Sheesh.
It's going to be some wind.
You're going to have to keep your old hats on.
I'm going to bust out my short pants.
Woo-wee.
I apologize.
They go, Ian, what do you think about this Drake and Kendrick beef?
And I go, fellas, I think that beef is expired.
Man, you the weirdest white motherfucker I ever met.
Yeah, yeah.
Damn.
Where did we get this boy?
He said you was a comedian.
This boy comes straight out to school.
Tattoos and turquoise jewelry?
Shit.
Shit.
You're Cherokee.
Uh-huh.
He ain't on my block.
I'm going to fucking come in here like a Seminole.
We have to cut this, right?
What do you want me to do?
I'm sorry.
Mr. Ian, you're a wild one.
I said, old child, you don't even know.
You bring the spice, I'll bring the flavor.
Now, I heard you like to get a little freaky deaky.
I said, I'm going, I heard you like to swing both ways.
Now, I have here that you swing both ways.
So, let's say you were a switcher.
Get your ass to church.
You need a lord.
We would call that the DL.
Just a regular black guy trying to figure you out.
Our next guest is going straight to hell.
But he is funny.
We had Miss Pat on the podcast.
And she was like, I ain't never been around something like this before.
Oh, my God.
I was like, but you have a gay daughter.
She's like, but she ain't like you.
No.
Tattoos ain't the only thing that's colorful.
Oh, Jesus.
Come on now.
So, the weekend was good?
That was terrible.
Weekend was good?
Weekend was good.
Went to the old Laugh House.
Did you?
Boarded up.
Oh.
Yep.
Me, Shainer, and Drew Montana ended up getting coffee right across the street.
Mm-hmm.
So, we were just telling old Philly stories.
And it was really fun.
And then I went to Repo Records.
Sounds boring as shit.
What?
The whole weekend sounds like it was nuts.
What do you want me to say?
I ate a bunch of cheesesteaks, bombed on local TV.
I crushed on local TV.
Let me tell you.
They made a clip.
They liked it.
A lot.
Got caught in a rainstorm.
What more do you want from me?
Whoa.
Got broken up with in between shows.
Oh.
Now we get to it.
Yep.
Yep.
Was this the last?
Let the mania begin.
Didn't sleep much.
We're going off the rails.
I didn't need a train.
Dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle.
Go call me back.
Dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle, dingle.
I know where you live.
Trying to kill yourself with cheese whiz.
Well, dude, it was funny.
She broke up with me via text in between shows.
And we thought it'd be funny to take a picture with me and a knife up to my
neck.
And be like, you need to talk to me right now.
Rethink this.
Who's the we?
You and the other voices in your head?
I thought I was at the comedy club.
Turns out I was just on 12th and Orange.
I'm sorry to hear that, man.
Yeah, sorry.
Oh, dude.
Was this a new thing?
Was it fresh?
It had been a while?
We met like two months ago.
Okay.
At a whirlwind week in L.A.
This was the...
You had just met the last one when we did your podcast.
You had just met said person.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
We were razzing you at the time for that.
Yes, yes.
So it was a long distance thing.
Yeah, but she came to visit New York.
Really fun.
And then when she went back to L.A., she was like, look, like, I...
You are weird.
That apartment is grody.
I got it cleaned.
I saw your Fox Soul segment.
And I've never been more in love.
Aw.
So, yeah, she was like, look, I want to be, like, in a very committed
relationship.
I don't think we're going to be compatible.
And I was like, all right.
They, like, threw me off.
The hell you even mean compatible.
Two weeks later, I see her.
It was great.
We get back together.
I asked her if she wanted to go steady.
She said yes.
And then, uh...
We'll live at my mom's.
Broke up with me two days later.
We'll be like, cats.
But there were, like, a lot of red flags.
So when she was like, hey, this is it.
With you?
I was...
No, with her.
I'm a green flag.
What?
I'm a fun-time guy.
What did name a red flag about me?
Can't.
See?
Hey, hey, cat got your tongue.
It starts and ends with the rings.
These are good.
That's too much silver.
No, it's not.
What are you, hunting vampires?
The rings are good, because when they come off, it means business.
My eyes go black like wing of crow.
Ian Onlyfingers.
Yeah.
Maybe that was something.
Do you have anything in her place that you have to go back and get?
Just a bunch of minion stuff I gave her.
Red flag number two.
She told me she really loved the minion rides at Universal.
Hey, I told you, I've never seen the movie, okay?
I said they're kind of cute.
I stole her a bunch of minion stuff and gave her one, and then the more I gave
her, the
more I had to be like, ah.
Are you going to ask him for them back?
Yeah, can I please have my minion bucket hat back, please?
You and the minions all in the car driving across country.
He's in the backseat.
He's not even driving.
I said left!
We'll find her soon!
I can't think of why she decided to break things off.
Think about it.
He asked her to go steady.
She said okay, because she didn't.
She was afraid in the moment, and then he sent her a bunch of minions.
And then a picture with a knife up to his throat.
No, no, no.
That was a joke.
I didn't send it.
Should I?
It was a gun.
We weren't bouncing bits.
Yeah, it was just a bit.
All right, well, I'm sorry to hear that, pal.
No, it's totally fine.
Well, look at this.
You got the whole summer ahead of you.
Look at that.
Freewheeling single Ian.
It's a summer Ian.
Look out.
Yes.
I'm on the road.
No one's safe.
Charles, South Carolina.
Lock your door.
Lock your doors.
By the way, I got tested negative on now.
What is a spectrum?
I don't know, but it ain't cable, baby.
This guy's direct TV, huh?
Hey, someone go up there and move this guy's dish.
Direct video.
The signal's coming in fuzzy.
Ian, don't work when it's raining.
It's all scrambled.
When I work construction, I would call out when it rained.
I don't like the rain.
That's one thing you know about me.
Bye, guys.
I don't like the rain.
I don't like the rain.
I don't like wet socks.
Henny, it's not happening.
I don't like wet socks.
These high heels are brand new.
Dude, actually, the guy.
I got to run in my stockings.
The guy who taught me how to be a carpenter.
What's going on there, kid?
You just wiped your face off.
You just wiped all your features down two inches.
I'm trying to grab my eyes, bring them to the front of my skull.
Etch and sketch finance, everybody.
Get near a magnet, your whole face disappears.
Stop shaking.
The guy who taught me how to be a carpenter that I work construction with,
he came to the gig Saturday night.
Nice.
Yeah, yeah.
He yelled out man-gine at the end of my set.
Was that your nickname on the job site?
No, I used to do the man-gine and put on the homeowner's clothes.
That's a joke.
Ian, God love you.
That's not funny.
So what do you have planned for the summer?
I'm on the road every weekend, baby.
There you go.
Let's go.
Look at that.
All over.
Single.
Single.
Doing your thing.
Ready to mingle.
Doing my thing.
Having fun.
A lot of cheesesteaks to eat.
A lot of-
I only eat that bad in Philly.
I don't know what it is.
I eat bad everywhere.
I always eat bad in Philly.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is just it.
Sorry.
Late breaking news.
I'm fat.
Hey.
We don't