Name: Hot Mom College Roommate?! | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)
Uploaded: 2025-06-03T21:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hot Mom College Roommate?! | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hot Mom College Roommate?! | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-06-03. Transcript available.

Where is Martin D?
Martin?
Marty?
Alright, you can sit down. What the fuck?
Yeah, you can sit down. Jesus, where the fuck are you going?
About the Will Smith me.
There's nobody involved here, Marty.
Where's my big check?
Marty, you can sit.
What the fuck? This ain't the army.
What the hell?
Private dirtbag reporting for duty, sir.
Marty, how are you, pal?
Fantastic.
Okay.
We're going to do a little background check on you.
I think I've got all I need.
Yeah, let me do.
Does anyone speak Coors Light in here?
Alright, a couple of drinks, Marty.
Ain't a little drinker tonight, Marty.
Marty, what do you do for a living, bud?
I'm in sales.
Weed?
What do you sell, bud?
Punches and dyes at a machine shop.
What?
Machine shop.
Punches and dyes.
Yeah.
Okay.
Technical, mechanical stuff.
Yeah.
Did you go to school for that?
Nope.
Alright.
When did you swallow a megaphone?
Kid's got pipes on it.
I know.
It's got me, dude.
I'm backing the fuck up.
Marty, do you play any instruments?
No.
Were you in a band in high school?
A singer or anything like that?
No.
Sorry.
I was going to say, do you ever write a poem to a young lady?
No.
You ever kiss a girl, huh?
Jesus.
Who are you here with, by the way?
My brother.
Okay.
Why is that funny?
Hey, you're not going to wait until you get a load of this.
It's my brother.
You're going to applause.
Where are you guys from?
What the fuck?
You've got to be quicker than that.
Do you not know where you're from?
No.
Huh?
20 minutes east of here.
What?
20 minutes east of here.
20 minutes east of here.
Gotcha.
Just say Cleveland.
Okay.
All right.
What does your brother do?
Okay.
What'd you get?
We don't talk that much.
Paralegal.
Paralegal.
Okay.
You're a paralegal?
Big boy for a paralegal.
That's a pair of bozos.
I mean, that's usually like a hot chick sophomore in college that's a paralegal.
What'd you do before that?
Babysitting?
Jesus Christ.
You look like a pouncer, dude.
All those papers on your desk by five o'clock.
Or I'll suplex you through it.
I'm a receptionist at a tanning salon.
Okay.
What was the name of the street you guys grew up on?
Gatewood.
Gatewood.
That's pretty good.
Gatewood Drive, Road, Turnpike.
What was it?
Gatewood Drive.
That's not bad.
What'd your parents do?
Both teachers.
Okay.
Pretty good.
Did you guys go to college?
Yeah.
Paralegal?
You went to college, Stu?
I went to law school.
Really?
All right.
Hold on a second.
Why can't you take the bar exam and become a lawyer?
So, here's the thing.
Okay.
We'll see.
What had happened was.
I took it and I didn't pass.
You took it and didn't pass.
Recently?
I took it a couple of times and I'm just working as a paralegal right now.
Gotcha.
Are you going to take it again, hopefully?
I think so.
Okay.
Okay.
That checks out.
I love these, too.
Both of you individually.
What was the last vacation you went on?
Yikes.
I've been there.
I went to Colorado Springs last summer.
That's pretty good.
I guess Detroit.
That's not good.
You guess Detroit?
Detroit.
What'd you do in Detroit?
Steal a car?
Okay.
He went to a Tigers game.
Yeah.
Okay.
That makes sense.
I'll give you that.
All right.
Well, I mean, I think, you know, I think I have all I need to.
Seem like good kids.
I like them.
Martin's question is, are you garbage if you asked for a rumpleman shot at the
bar upstairs
and the bartender said, we're not that kind of place?
Give the boys a round of applause for kicking it off with a goddamn home run.
You're not that guy, pal.
Hey, you got no golden slugger in his shite?
Yeah, that's real golden there.
Rumplemans.
What the fuck?
What year are you two from?
That's crazy, dude.
Rumplemans.
I do like a nice rumplemans.
When the meth's wearing off, yeah.
Okay.
Wow.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Where is it?
Rumplemans, when you know you're not going to get hard.
Rumplemans, when your brother's a paralegal.
Rumplemans, welcome to Detroit.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
Rumplemans, when you're out of crack.
I actually have to take a nap right now.
I'm sorry.
You're shut down.
Okay.
So your parents got divorced at 12.
You ever get in any trouble when you were a kid with the divorced parents?
Any spray painting, graffiti, skateboarding, throwing rocks through windows?
Anything like that?
Nah, I was real pussy as a kid.
Alright, fair enough.
Huge bitch.
That divorce really built up your confidence, huh?
Chad, what was your first car?
2005 Honda Accord.
That's not bad.
That's not bad.
Did you put any speakers in there or anything?
A head unit?
No, I did not.
Okay.
You are a pussy.
This dude got no chance.
There's a fucking bass in this motherfucker.
Who are you here with, by the way?
I'm here with my sister, her boyfriend, and some of their friends.
Some of their friends.
You just boo a boyfriend?
You animals?
Just on that note, you said you're here with your sister, her boyfriend, and
some of their friends.
Chad, where are your friends?
Nah, fuck him, Chad.
I'm just curious.
I did invite some of my own friends originally, and then a month after I bought
the tickets, they said I've been flipping.
Boo!
Gotcha.
So you subbed in with your sister's friends?
Yes.
Very nice.
Guys, thanks for coming to the show.
We appreciate it.
Thank you.
You picking up the check, Chad?
Uh, yeah.
Uh, for myself.
Oh.
I'm a full-grown boy.
For my duty.
I've never seen that.
Oh, for sure.
Totally.
Just for me.
Now I know why your friends didn't come, huh?
What are you drinking up there right now?
Uh, white claws.
White claws?
Okay.
Did you have anything to eat?
Uh, yeah.
We went to a bar that has, like, burgers.
Okay.
I feel like it's your first day out in society.
We went to a bar, and there was burgers.
You're like an eight-year-old coming home telling his parents about his day.
And there was girls here with huge boobs, and I look at them.
Hamburger sandwiches and french fries.
Okay.
Chad, when's the last time you had a Sunday?
Uh, probably, like, sometime in high school.
Okay.
That's pretty long.
That's about 13 years.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Do you like sweets?
Yeah.
Okay.
What, are you dating this fucking guy?
You look around a little bit.
You look like you want to kiss you on the nape of your neck.
What?
Do you like sweets?
We've been doing this game for five years.
You've never asked that.
Do you like sweet desserts and treats?
If I gave you flowers after the show, would that be a turn off or a turn on?
Let's say you found a hotel room key to room 418.
Would that turn you on by any chance, Chad?
You like bigger guys, Chad?
Not that big.
What do you do for a living, bud?
Uh, I work in a mail room.
In a mail room.
In a mail room.
Okay.
Very nice.
Like, just, is that what you do?
You sort the mail?
Uh, yeah.
It's a little bit more advanced than like...
All right, let's...
Listen, let me try to explain it to you fucking idiots.
That's what a lot of people think that mail room guys do, is just sort the mail.
But we actually stack it as well.
If there's junk mail, we have to throw that out?
What's the advanced system you guys are working on over there in the mail room,
Chad?
We send it through a scanner.
A scanner?
It's all like at a grocery store.
Okay, you send it through a scanner.
There's computers involved.
Holy shit, is that Neil deGrasse Tyson up there?
Goddamn, a scanner, huh?
Look at you.
All right, Chad's fucking awesome.
Who do you live with, Chad?
I have a roommate and we used to rent a place.
What's that one more time?
I live with a roommate and we rent a place.
Okay.
And one question and then we'll get away.
Where did you go to college?
Penn State.
Nice.
From the people who didn't go to college.
I entered the workforce.
All right.
Chad's question.
Is it garbage if you lived with your friend and your friend's mom sophomore
year of college?
Not their existing place.
We all had to sign a lease.
That's fucking crazy.
You're signing a lease with a mom?
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.