Name: How to Get Rich Quick! | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)
Uploaded: 2025-07-15T21:01:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Get Rich Quick! | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Get Rich Quick! | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-15. Transcript available.

This is the biggest venue we've ever played, so Tommy Cassidy's gonna be
running around with a wireless mic to help out.
Give it up for Tommy one time, everybody. Let him fucking hear it.
Coming out of the shadows.
Where's, uh, uh, Mike Marzo?
Oh, Jesus.
Mike, you relax. You're not winning any money, dude.
This ain't the fucking prices, right?
Mikey, who you here with, buddy?
My wife.
Nice. How long have you been married?
Mike, you don't know. Okay.
Everything Mike says, he sounds like a fucking offensive coordinator.
Blue 42!
Somebody hit somebody!
How long have you been married, Mike?
Eight years.
Eight years. And where did you get married? I'm looking for the venue.
You got married in Cork Creek fucking Park?
I used to smoke weed in that park.
I used to buy pills there, I swear to God.
Damn, Mike, is that you?
You owe me three Vicodids, you motherfucker.
Those were just aspirin, you piece of shit.
My knee was bothering me that day.
All right, so it was an outdoor wedding.
I just picture a Mexican family grilling next to them.
If you've been to Cork Creek Park, you know what I'm talking about.
How many people were at the wedding?
Over a few hundred.
Okay.
Does that include the guys that were fishing in the creek?
He's throwing a fish on the grill, we'll be all right.
You did the ceremony out there as well?
Yeah.
Okay, all right.
Was there a pavilion involved?
Of course.
Okay, man, Jesus.
They're not animals.
Where'd you do the honeymoon?
Maryland.
They were at fucking Secrets in Ocean City, Maryland.
For sure, dude.
They were sitting at those tables peeing.
They were like, I'm happy to be married.
It's the best day of my life.
Where in Maryland, dude?
I knew it.
What are we doing?
I fucking sniped that.
Did you go in with some kids, some high school kids on a fucking senior week
house?
That's my dad's buddy, Mike.
They're cool.
Holy shit.
You said, okay, you didn't want to waste money on the wedding or the honeymoon.
Because you wanted to buy a nicer house, so you guys bought a home.
Very nice.
Where's that home at?
Quakertown.
Okay.
Nice.
Might as well save the five grand, I guess.
Yeah, there you go.
All right, okay.
What's a trailer go for?
You guys have kids?
No kids.
No kids.
Any pets?
Two, three.
Two, three.
Sounds like you have a squirrel in the house.
What kind of pets?
Two Bernie's mountain dogs.
All right, that's pretty good.
What kind of work do you do?
Work in an office.
You work in an office.
What do you do in the office?
Sounds like they don't want you there.
What kind of office is it?
Tree company.
That's, hold on.
I've been doing this fucking 14 years.
No one's ever just said I work in an office.
And the response be, at a tree company.
You sell trees, or you do, like, tree maintenance?
Okay, it's like cutting down trees.
Oh, all right, cool, there you go.
That's a big company.
Now, did you go to college for that?
No, no college.
Wife, did you go to college?
Where'd you go?
Okay.
T for Temple U.
All right, easy.
Did you graduate?
You graduated.
What was your degree in?
Okay.
All right.
And do you use that?
Are you a film producer?
Okay.
That's a nice way to put that.
Okay.
Sure.
Well, you know,
things seem to be going nice in Quakertown.
Because Mike's question,
is it garbage to plan your retirement
on your collectible Hess trucks?
No, dude, that's a bad look.
I just picture him at a bank, like,
can you put these in the safe?
Don't wear out my batteries.
How many of those do you have, Mike?
How many does he have?
Hundreds.
Hundreds.
That might be, like, two grand.
You could have splurged on the wedding, dude.
Is he still with us?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, who do they go to?
We sold them off for 200 bucks.
200 bucks each?
A whole lot.
Holy shit.
You're better off selling cigarettes at a wedding.
Give Mikey a round of applause, everybody.
Thank you, buddy.
Thank you for sharing that.
Thank you, guys.
200 bucks.
Oh, man.
My head hurts, dude.
That was the most Northeast Philly shit I ever heard.
She went, God bless your dad, though.
He's a good man.
We love him.
I would have gave you three.
All right.
Where's Colin McAdam?
All right.
Where are you at?
All the way in the back?
Raise your hand, psycho.
Tommy's getting sassy.
Tommy's going to get beat up tonight, for sure.
You said your name was Colin McAdam?
Here, come up here, though.
Is that right, Colin?
Yes, sir.
I love both of you.
I love you, too, sir.
Thank you.
We love you, too, buddy.
And who are you here with first?
My cousin.
Your cousin?
Guy or girl?
Girl.
I'm listening.
That is a little strange.
Yeah.
Did you guys go out to dinner before this?
No.
You just met up here to go to the show?
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah, fat ass.
What's your fucking problem?
Trying to enjoy my night over here.
Are you guys driving home together?
Yeah.
Yeah, you are.
You want me to take a look at her?
Tommy, get eyes on this situation.
That girl just went, Tommy.
So you guys are both fans of the show.
It was like, hey, you want to go to the show together?
Absolutely, yes.
All right.
Awesome.
And what do you do for a living, buddy?
I'm an HVAC technician.
Nice.
Shout out to you.
All right.
The guy from the 420 local union just went, you got a card?
Let me see the papers.
EPA, absolutely.
Okay.
Shout out to local.
Are you local 420?
No, trying to get in.
Trying to get in.
All right, my man.
I think most of them are here.
Probably won't anymore.
Probably do a little networking after the show.
Yeah.
Pull some strings for you.
All right.
And you're working right now?
Yeah.
Did you go to college?
I mean, technically, I suppose.
That's a no.
I didn't finish.
I like this kid's style.
Where'd you technically kind of maybe go?
Burlington County.
Coat Factory?
Coat Factory?
Man, it was the summer savings blowout.
I tell you.
All right.
Where is Earl T. at?
Up top.
How are you, Earl?
Tommy, you're on the bench.
Earl, I got to tell you, your first name's Earl at strike one right there.
I got to be honest with you.
That ain't great.
Is that short for something?
Nope.
Just Earl.
Last name's Earl.
Earl Earl Earl.
Earl, what's your middle name?
Earl Thomas.
Jesus Christ.
And Earl, what do you do for a living, buddy?
Nothing.
Classic Earl shit.
That's a real Earl move right there, yeah.
What did you do, Earl?
Used to work customer service.
Do you mind if we do a little background check on you before we get to the
question?
Do you guys want to meet Earl a little bit?
I got to be honest, I don't fucking trust this guy.
Where are you from originally, bud?
Scranton.
Scranton?
Strike two?
Yeah.
Earl, do you live here now or did you drive down for the show?
Nice.
Who are you living with in Scranton?
My wife.
Your wife.
Okay, so your wife works.
What does she do?
She works for Bank of America.
Okay, as a teller?
Okay.
All right.
All right, Earl.
Earl's getting real mad at this line of questioning.
I was like, nah, nah, nah.
She's not just a teller.
Okay.
What was the name of the street you grew up on, Earl?
What?
Bird Street?
That's all right.
That doesn't sound bad.
What kind of car are you whipping around in?
Kia.
A Kia what?
What was the model?
Yeah.
A Kia Rio.
I think your Kia Rio's safe, if I'm being honest.
They're looking for fortes, okay?
I got a Hyundai Cabo San Lucas.
What year is it?
2015.
You lease it or you own it?
You still making payments on it?
It's paid off.
Look at you.
I mean, it's a fucking 2015 Kia Rio.
It'd be crazy if he was still paying that thing off.
Now, Earl, why don't you work at the customer service place anymore?
Disability.
All right, so you're on disability.
That's all right.
You're still earning, though, because Earl's question is,
is it garbage to sell loose cigarettes at a wedding?
Well, if it ain't Earl the sick man, ladies and gentlemen.
Fucking making ends meet, baby.
That's the hustle right there.
Was this you?
Your wife?
Well, he ain't working.
I got two jobs.
Man, for some reason, I'm guessing they were Newports.
Am I correct on that?
What were they?
Marlboro Reds?
Your wife smokes Marlboro Reds?
Was she in Vietnam?
Holy shit.
Your wife smokes Reds.
Man, they're just different in Scranton, dude.
And whose wedding was it?
Hers.
The bar's open, but the cigs are cash only.
Whose wedding was it, dude?
How many packs did she sell?
I made $42 at that goddamn wedding.
Can you imagine being at a wedding, you go outside fucking having a great time,
you see somebody, oh, shit, I'd love a heater.
You got a smoke on you?
$2.
And I ain't making change.
What was she selling them for?
How much?
Supply and demands.
Hearing a wah-wah around here for miles.
His broad cornered the market at the Sullivan wedding.
Jesus.
Clap it up for Earl one time.
Let him hear it.
Fuck it.
This is why we play the game.
Holy shit.
Clap it up for the bullies one time.
Let him fucking hear it.
Yeah.
I don't fucking hear it.
Clap it up for the bullies one time.
Thank you.