Name: "They ARRESTED Dad... Again" | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)
Uploaded: 2025-07-22T21:00:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '"They ARRESTED Dad... Again" | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '"They ARRESTED Dad... Again" | Are You Garbage | Stand Up Comedy Crowd Work (2025)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-22. Transcript available.

Gang, we just want to say, we've been all over the country this year.
It's so nice to end it here with two sold-out shows at the Fillmore in our
hometown.
Thank you so fucking much.
We love each and every one here. We can't thank you enough.
The army of garbage is strong, and we fucking appreciate it.
You guys changed our fucking lives. Thank you.
Thank you.
That being said, we're going to shit on you for the next 25 minutes.
Where is Octavia?
Hey, how are you?
How are you, dear?
Also, we have Tommy.
This is the biggest show we've ever done, so we have Tommy roving with a mic.
Give it up for Tom Cassidy one time.
Octavia, before we get to your question, do you mind if we do a little
background check on you
just to see what we're dealing with here?
Absolutely.
Okay, all right, fair enough.
Who are you here with?
I'm here with Nick, my boyfriend.
Nick, your boyfriend?
Yes.
Nice, and how long have you guys been together?
Five years.
Five years, and where did you meet?
At a bar in Wilkes-Barre.
Okay.
What was the name of the bar?
Vesuvius.
Vesuvius?
The Lava Lounge, baby!
The what?
The Lava Lounge.
Man.
I don't think we need to ask a follow-off question.
Octavia was strike one.
Wilkes-Barre was strike two.
The Lava Lounge, she's trash.
I love it.
Okay.
What do you do for a living, dear?
I bartend.
Where at?
It's called Slocum Street.
It's just a bar.
Slocum Street.
In, like, Sawyersville.
You know.
Okay, yeah, I know Sawyersville.
Yeah, you do.
Hey, I never said I was a garbage.
Don't look like you haven't been in Slocum Street for me.
Come on, come on.
I've seen your fat ass in there eating cheesesteak egg rolls.
Are you in there on Thursday for cheesesteak night?
She's plugging it.
She's like, $2, you call it.
It's all night long.
Paddywhacks on Slocum Street.
And what about your boyfriend?
What does he do?
He just opened a new store here in Philly, Brooklyn Dumpling Shop.
Very nice.
There you go.
Shout out to him.
Come on up.
We stopping by later.
Okay.
And you guys live together?
Yeah.
You do.
And you guys own?
Is it an apartment, a house?
Do you rent?
What is it?
We rent in Kingston.
And then we also rent here on South Street.
So you guys rent two properties?
That's true.
That sounds like drug dealership.
Yeah.
That's got Trap House written all over it.
How many cell phones do you have on you currently, sir?
You got three?
He checks a beeper.
He's like, I gotta go.
Okay, all right.
I think I know everything so far.
Okay, Octavia's question.
Is it garbage for your grandparents to keep the newspaper clippings of your
father getting arrested?
Dot, dot, dot.
She gave it to me when he died.
It's true.
I assumed it's true, Octavia.
You're slanging cores at the Slocum Street.
What were the charges?
Allegedly.
Allegedly, of course.
Trumped up.
It's all alleged.
Allegedly.
What was it?
Ballpark.
Drugs.
Drugs.
A couple of robberies.
Who knows?
We don't know.
We weren't there.
The dumpling guy.
Drugs.
It was fucking drugs.
I got news for you.
We know it was drugs.
Give him a big round of applause, everybody, for kicking things off.
Shout out to the Lava Lounge, baby.
All right, where's Alexis C?
Alexis C, there you are.
How are you, dear?
Tommy, over here.
Here I come, honey.
Tommy, the slowest mic man in the world.
How you doing?
Good.
Who you here with, dear?
My husband.
Your husband.
Nice.
And how long have you guys been married?
Three years.
Three years.
Nice.
We like to do the marriage.
The weddings are a very telling backstory.
Where did you get married?
What was the venue?
It was a barn.
A barn.
She said a barn, just so everybody heard that.
It got real quiet in here.
A lot of farmhouse weddings, I take it?
No questions.
Where was the honeymoon?
Ohio.
Ohio?
Ohio?
What are you, Amish?
How did they get these chickens in here?
What did you do in Ohio?
Cedar Point.
What the fuck is Cedar Point?
It's trash that you know that.
You said that like it was Disney World.
They're like, ah, Cedar Point, all right.
They still got the raccoons out there?
Wait, it's an amusement park.
Whoa.
What?
You went to an amusement park in Ohio for your fucking honeymoon?
You should be arrested.
Are you guys big rollercoaster fans?
Explain yourself, young lady.
I think they're...
And we couldn't ride any of the rides, but we still had a good time.
And where are you from originally?
I'm from Lancaster, PA.
So you might be Amish.
Yeah.
I wasn't that far off.
Okay.
Well, you seem to come from good stock, because your question, are you garbage
if your dad's
soon-to-be third wife was a bridesmaid at his first wedding?
Man.
That's some real boring wedding shit right there.
Where's the honeymoon?
Six Flags?
Your dad's third wife was a bridesmaid at his first wedding.
The wedding is in Ocean City, Maryland.
They're getting married in Ocean City?
If they're at fucking Secrets,
standing at one of them fucking tables, pissing themselves.
You're the love of my life, honey.
Ocean City.
Did you go to that wedding?
It's in April.
It hasn't happened yet.
Are you going to that wedding?
Yes.
And the first wedding was to my mom.
The first wedding was to your mom.
The second wedding was to who?
His second wife.
I was not at that wedding.
Apparently, we don't like the second wife.
No.
I was not at that wedding.
You weren't at that wedding.
No.
Where was that wedding?
A courthouse.
Yep, it was.
Man, you're fucking batting the cycle on trashy weddings.
I think she broke Tommy.
I can't see right now.
Huh.
Yeah, that's trash.
Yeah, I don't know why that's...
Are you looking for an answer?
That's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life.
Clap it up for Alexis one time, man.
I don't fucking hear it.
Philly, God damn.
I mean, I told you.
You guys came to fucking...
This is insane.
And this one, I mean, while we're on weddings,
is it garbage if you celebrate your one-year wedding anniversary
at an AYG show?
Yeah.
Where are you at?
Back there?
Where's the happy couple?
All right, we got...
I got to do a...
We got to figure out.
What amusement park did you have your wedding at?
You feel like a...
You feel like a Maurice Pier gang.
What's a Legoland wedding like?
It's pretty fucking awesome.
Do you guys want to have a threesome today?
Tommy!
Okay, but $20 is $20.
Where...
Where did...
First of all, congratulations.
Thank you.
Second of all, where was the wedding?
It was at Manor House at Commonwealth,
a golf course in Horsham.
That sounds pretty nice.
That sounds all right.
Thank you.
Is that a miniature golf course or a regular golf?
No, I don't think so.
Got married right by the windmill.
And where was the honeymoon?
We went to Cabo and then Sedona.
All right.
You got a little bit of cash.
Yeah.
We think.
What kind of work y'all do?
What?
What kind of work do you do?
I'm a machinist.
Okay.
And Miss, what do you do?
I work in a high school.
Okay.
All right.
What do you do in the high school?
I'm actually a college and career advisor,
so I help students figure out
what their next step is after high school.
I can't shit on that.
What the fuck?
And the machinist sounds like
you kicked the shit out of us.
Because you gave me that what?
Like, what's up, fat boy?
Guys, clap it up for Kevin and his lovely wife.
Happy anniversary, gang.
Thank you for spending it with us.
Yeah, thanks for coming, guys.
We love you.
All right.
See that?
Cabo, Sedona.
I mean, also Cabo.
Yeah.
Sammy Hagar did your wedding.
Just kidding, big guy.
I love you.
He said that.
Okay.
Where's Josh L?
Josh?
Say something, Josh.
Yell, buddy.
He's in the back.
All the way in the back.
Tommy.
I'm pretty sure he said,
Go birds.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Gay birds.
Hey, Josh.
Josh, are you here?
Hey, sir.
Relax.
Hey, look over at Swoop.
Jumps off the balcony.
It is important to note that he is
dressed like a race car driver.
What the fuck does that mean?
Zero to 60, baby.
Josh, who are you here with, bud?
With my two friends,
my dad, my brother,
and my girlfriend.
All right.
That's a whole squad.
I like that.
It's a pit crew.
Are you dressed like a race car driver?
No, I just have flyer stuff on,
but I guess it looks like
I'm representing Home Depot.
This guy's feeling trash.
I love it.
Home Depot.
Where, what do you do?
Could have left the goalie pads
at home, buddy.
What do you do for a living, brother?
I work with a finance company.
It does not sound like
you work for a finance company.
That's got pyramid scheme
written all over it.
What is your job title?
Wealth Management Services.
Buddy, I wouldn't trust you
with $5.
Who's the guy in the Dale Earnhardt
Earnhardt t-shirt
handling all my money?
What you want to do is...
Let it ride.
You want to go fast?
Where'd you go to college, bud?
Did you go to school?
Yeah, I went to Kiffy's school, Temple.
Okay.
To you, baby.
Represent.
Did you graduate?
Yeah.
Hey, I got to ask.
Hey, I got to ask.
I did not.
What was the name of the street
you grew up on?
Uh, Oak Ave.
Hmm.
That's not bad.
Well, it's in Clifton Heights, so...
Okay, I'm sorry.
It's in a good hand.
It's a good hand.
Do you know my junkie cousin?
Huh.
He handles all his money.
You want to get this in nickel bags, quick.
Before the market turns.
Have you ever owned a butterfly knife?
No.
A switchblade?
I have a Swiss army knife.
Dork.
Yeah, nerd.
What the fuck?
Talking cool guy shit here, bro.
I got a toothpick and a magnifying glance on me
if you ever need it.
Well, I'm talking to fucking get someone.
Okay, Eagle Scout, zip it, will you?
Yeah, right?
Fucking come back there and flex on you.
What'd you have for breakfast this morning?
Scrambled eggs, some turkey sausage,
and a bagel.
That's pretty classy right there.
He talks like he's learning how to read, I think.
I'm sorry.
Take it easy.
He's got this Swiss army knife to my neck right now.
I'll light your ant farm on fire.
Tommy, don't let me get you with the tweezers.
Tommy, run!
What was the first concert you ever went to?
Elton John and Billy Joel.
Not bad.
That's pretty good.
Not bad.
How old were you?
12, 13.
Did you go solo or your parents took you?
Solo?
What the fuck?
He's got the knife on him.
We'll be all right.
I bought the tickets from a scalper.
You bought tickets?
Who did?
No, I'm just kidding.
That's enough of that.
This is actually pretty good.
Who'd you go to the concert with?
Your parents took you?
Yeah, my parents and my brothers.
Nice.
That's pretty cool.
That's pretty cool.
What posters were on your wall as a kid?
Flyers, eagles.
I'm picking up a theme here.
Phillies.
How old of a gentleman are you, buddy?
Uh, 28.
28 and who?
There's no fucking way this guy's 28.
I will bet everything I own.
That's eight bucks.
I told you not to tell people about my finances.
I love Tommy having a mic.
Yeah, this is all right.
All right.
Who do you live with?
I live with my parents, though.
Got it.
This is all, check it out.
Guys, if you ever need a wealth advisor,
make sure they're living at home.
That's a guy who puts savings first.
Let me start off by asking you,
how much allowance do you get a week, sir?
Let's say you unload the dishwasher
three, four times a week.
What are you looking at?
Gross.
Thank you.