Name: Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: How To Pay With Change w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2025-07-23T23:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: How To Pay With Change w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: How To Pay With Change w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-07-23. Transcript available.

Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast: How To Pay With Change w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

I probably consume 56 ounces of Diet Coke, a bag of chips, and I'm talking a
heavy bike ball.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Hey, yeah.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out
if they're good to be classy.
Yeah.
But they're just a big old piece of trash.
Garbage.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Toadies in a new edition.
She is on her way to Kyoto, Japan.
Okay.
For the weekend.
For the weekend.
Popping back.
She's got a three-night, four-day stay out there in Kyoto.
Gonna get Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
See what's going on over there.
Show her boots on the ground.
My coach is coming at you from across the table.
It's what we call a family episode.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
He is an international businessman.
But always, king of the burbs, baby.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
What up, gang?
Shout out to you.
As always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify.
Climb in the charts.
I mean, listen.
We're in the charts there on Spotify.
Look out.
We're the hot kids on the block.
New kids on the block coming in.
How you done?
Only 40 and 50 years old.
New kids on the block coming to get you.
Trying to be like that Joe Santagato.
Shout out to the Basin Yard.
Obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
So, it's already garbage.
You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir.
It's midsummer days here.
Midsummer days.
You're a big season guy.
Love a season.
You love the next season.
You love the last season.
You love seasoning.
A little old seasoning.
Oh, man.
What was that one?
Was it all seasoning?
All Spice or something like that.
Old Spice.
No.
All Seasons.
Seasoning salt.
I don't know what that did.
You ever have Jane's mixed up crazy salt?
Excuse me?
Just had some of that on pizza at my sister's house.
Had some bath salts once.
Down here in Miami.
Woke up, ate someone's face off.
Got that gator skin.
I think that caught a bad rap.
That guy was just going to eat someone's face to begin with.
Bath salts?
Yeah, that was like the guy got caught eating someone's face.
He wasn't doing bath salts like, ah, relaxing.
Like a bath bomb.
I think that's what, not a bath bomb.
I think they're sold.
I never, can you get.
The drug, that's a street, listen, that's a street name.
But I think it started.
Called bath salts.
It wasn't actual bath salts.
He wasn't sniffing Epsom salt.
No, but it was being sold that like you could buy it at like a fucking head
shop as bath salts.
I believe, like under the guise of this is a bath salt.
I'll tell you, these fucking.
They'll figure out a way to get, listen.
These second hand off brand drugs.
You got to stick to the original stuff.
That's the way I look at it.
Heroin.
You go old school.
I'm just saying.
Sure.
You know, there's Delta 9, whatever this shit is.
I don't mess with that.
No.
What do you got?
It's all that synthetic stuff.
They can get her away with it.
So they were selling bath salts at head shops and stuff like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Like when you say bath salts, you mean actual bath salts.
Like I put it in the tub and relax.
No.
The you go crazy kind.
The you go crazy kind.
Listen, I'm sure if you smoke the bath bomb, you get pretty fucked up.
You go crazy seasoning salt?
Like when they used to sell like K2 and stuff.
Yeah.
In Wildwood, they were ecstasy cigarettes.
They were a black.
And you didn't have to be 18 to buy them.
It wasn't ecstasy, but they were called ecstasy.
And they like, you know, got you.
They were, you know, some sort of synthetic fucking cannabinoid.
Alex, give me back to my fucking club days.
That's when it jumped the shark.
When I learned that, when I, when I started, when you started hearing like cannabinoids
and like fucking, it's a compound.
Like, dude, just get a, just get a bag of Schwiggins, okay?
What are we doing here?
It's a Mexican brick weed and get lifted.
You plant a couple of seeds in a little cup.
You put it in your window.
You water it.
And then when it gets a leaf form, you start freaking out that the fucking DEA
is clean.
Dude, when I got the hot spot on the roof.
My first was like, I'm out, was my boy.
He was like, he was our first hippie.
Got into fish.
He got into like Keller Williams and like all these like independent fucking.
Widespread panic.
I was supposed to go to a wide.
That's what you have constantly.
Kids are all cool.
I was supposed to go to a widespread panic show in Athens, Georgia.
I said.
But you'll lose a bet.
Fuck that.
Yeah, no way.
But this, he started talking about, we were like eighth grade and he was like,
you can't
eat weed.
You got to neutralize it with the bud.
It's the, and I remember you can't just be, he was trying to explain to me, you
can't
just bake weed in brownies.
You got to make the butter to break down the fiber.
And I'm like, dude, shut the fuck.
You're just eating a bud.
I'm like, I just want a brownie, dude.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You can't just eat a bud that won't get you high?
Nah.
What?
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
You got to put it in the oven and like bake it for a bit.
You got to like, yeah.
Here he goes.
I know.
Luke Matthews over here.
I'll dork it up for you.
I'll wait like Dave Matthews.
Is that what you meant?
Hey, man.
Luke Matthews sounds like an outside linebacker.
Luke Matthews from Penn State.
School the hard night.
Went to JUCO for a couple of years trying to get his shit together.
I got a little something I want to get into before we get started over here.
Talk to me.
On the program.
Talk to me.
We've been dirtbags for a long time in our life.
Down on our luck.
Slow on cash.
You know, stringing together some change here and there.
Let me see.
Yeah.
I've paid for my, listen.
Paid for my fair share of stuff with chain.
Collecting change.
Picking quarters out.
Fucking hit.
This is how I always, I saw someone paying in change recently.
And it really threw me through a mix.
What kind of change we talking?
Nickel stars?
Let me get to that.
Let me get to that.
I'll get there.
So I was always a, I was shameful that I was broke.
Right?
Mm-hmm.
So I would take my $14.
I'd go hit the coin star at the super fresh.
Mm-hmm.
Let them wet their beak on it.
For 14?
Oh, yeah.
You're doing small bet transactions?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I never, I never, I never make the effort to go to a coin store unless I got a
Hyundai on it.
Dude, I don't think I've ever had a Hyundai at a coin.
I was going.
Really?
Sometimes I'd get single denomination.
I was just looking for a pack of heaters.
So I would get, I'd raid my mom down.
You go to the gas station.
With what?
It's all, listen, you go to a shitty gas station, there's no, it's like a
fucking Planet Fitness.
I know.
No judgment.
I know, but.
They want the quarters.
It helped my confidence.
I walk out of there fucking counting bills, dog.
Plus, so you get the receipt.
I take that to the customer service desk.
I go, yo, let me get a pack of Marlboro Miles.
Take it out of there.
Give me the cash back.
Wait, you're handing them a marker?
What do you, they give, no, the coin star prints you out a ticket.
You got to take that ticket to the customer service, which just so happens.
I do it in line.
No, I mean, I'm going, I'm going to the cash here.
Wait, you're, hold on.
You're going to the customer service center at a, at a grocery store with the
chit in
your hand.
With the, with the dupe, with the ticket.
Yeah, with my winning lottery ticket.
$14.
You don't even.
I'm a high roller.
I go right to the cage.
So you don't say, hey, give me $14 for this.
Then I'm going to make a separate transaction with some cigarettes.
You say, take my marker.
Okay.
Take the heaters out of there and give me the change.
Yeah.
I go, can I get a pack of Marlboro Miles?
She, or Marlboro.
They give you a room too with that?
Free turkey then, then.
At that point, at that point, I was smoking Marlboro Miles.
This is a good, was it?
Marlboro Miles?
Yeah, the head, the, the medium.
Were you on tour with somebody?
They were the medium.
What'd your boyfriend do at the time?
What?
That was a, no, that was a dude sing.
No.
Marlboro Miles?
The blues?
No.
You're nuts.
They don't even make that.
I've never seen the blues before.
They used to be buy one, get one.
That's how they, that's how they, that's, no.
It's a lady.
No, I'm telling you.
That's for a lady.
No.
That's for a girl with sun in her hair and a hemp necklace.
No, Marlboro Menthol Lights is what they smoked.
Marlboro Menthol Lights.
Oh, that's what, that's a hooker sing.
That's what that is.
That's a tugboat.
Anyway.
Marlboro Menthol Lights.
I've dabbled with them a little bit.
Remember the ultralights?
I couldn't feel them.
When you wanted a headache.
My sister, I'd steal them out of my sister's fucking center console when she,
you don't
smoke no more, but she was, and like, those weren't even good on the south end
of an
eight ball.
They were bad.
No, they didn't do nothing.
If you were drunk, that was like, I was like breathing, I was like breathing.
Makes you sick.
I know, um, whatever.
That's what I would do.
I like, I would, especially into college.
And after that, I would fucking, I, I, I would go in.
I make sure I was quarter heavy.
If I am paying in straight change, make sure I'm quarter heavy.
They're kind of, I know that I got five here and I know what I'm buying.
I know how much I go.
Okay.
One, two, three, four, five.
Bing, bop.
Boom.
This is heaters.
This is snacks.
This is whatever.
This is at a gas station.
Gas.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Gas station, NX on whatever.
What have you.
Where do you think the garbage line of that stops?
Where can you pay in change?
And where does it stop?
I would say I guessed it.
Well, like, see, this is different because like not everywhere accepted credit.
Like, so like you could have $7 in your bank account, which, and go get a
dollar slice,
which before there used to be a five, there used to be minimums everywhere.
That's not the case anymore.
Yeah.
They don't do that anymore.
There's no minimum on credit cards anymore.
Right?
No.
Dude, remember you, they would, at a bodega, if you were like, hey, it's $4,
and you'd
be like, I got to pay a card, they'd be like, fuck, you got to get something
else.
Now, they don't even ask for, they just start tapping it in and turn the-
Single transaction.
Yeah.
Even for like, you know-
You got a piece of Bazooka Joe, throw it on the Amex.
That's what you've been doing.
Well, tap and bop.
Read the funnies.
So, I remember the dollar slice places used to not take-
That's a cash business.
That's a key.
You ain't lying.
But, so-
You don't like people snooping around.
That's how I operated.
I remember, you know, even in my times in New York before-
Can we switch to all cash?
What do you mean?
Mailing, mailing to the cash.
Like, what the fuck is?
Cash on demand, you're paying the Uber driver, you're paying the fucking Amazon
driver
and shit.
So, I was at a coffee shop not too long ago.
Uh-huh.
Like, not a Starbucks.
Like, so here's my thing.
We can break it down.
Woman with-
A grown woman.
Like, dressed like kinda not-
Like, not-
Didn't resonate she needed to be buying.
Here's my thing.
She's paying for like a $6.
It was like $6.97 or something.
She got like a Frappuccino latte, something like that.
She pays for the whole thing.
Not hot, I think.
Pays for the whole thing in change.
Uh-huh.
Which like, I'm not sure why that purchase is being made in change.
I can explain.
Please.
I got a sneeze coming.
Give me a sec.
Ah-huh.
Woo!
You kiss king.
Man.
AC is really 