Name: Patreon Episode: Finding Foley a Hobby | Are You Garbage (FULL)
Uploaded: 2025-08-29T16:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patreon Episode: Finding Foley a Hobby | Are You Garbage (FULL)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patreon Episode: Finding Foley a Hobby | Are You Garbage (FULL)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-08-29. Transcript available.

Patreon Episode: Finding Foley a Hobby | Are You Garbage (FULL)

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
You sure about that?
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if
they grow up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.
Trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's and Indoor Edition.
Hey, Cronkite.
I'm going to tell you folks that.
You're the motherfucking homies, baby.
Talking like the Hindenburg just went down.
Let's hear it for the boys.
Let's get a little fucking homie appreciation all around.
Trav, hit me.
Boom.
Gang, we fucking love you.
We're here for a bonus episode on the old Patreon app.
Can't thank you guys enough.
We absolutely love you.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
He's the guy behind the guy.
He put this whole thing together, baby, and he don't let you forget it.
Give it up for KJ.
Kevin, James, Ryan.
Yeah.
Thank you very much, guy actively trying to sabotage it.
Shout out to the motherfucking homies, baby.
We love you.
The fucking boots on the ground, the sleeper cells.
Oh, yeah.
The fucking men inside the men.
The hooties.
The hooties of Patreon.
What the hell is that?
The hooties?
You know what the hooties are?
The rebel group?
The rebel group.
Oh, no.
None of that.
Maybe a couple of patriots.
That's about it.
No fucking whatever the hell you were talking about.
Remember the patriot missile system when that thing came out?
Woo-wee.
Is that the big, like...
Yeah.
That really crossed my radar.
That was big in the first Gulf War.
Yeah, it was fucking...
That was six.
I remember when we went in.
What'd you get on the wrong bus?
What the hell is this?
No, we had a wrestling match that night.
Fucking...
We went in Iraq.
You did it for the country.
Yeah, you're standing there.
Buck naked.
This is for...
I remember I was on a JV team, and we were working out while the varsity match
was going
on, and I, like, ran out into the hallway and told everybody, and my coach
yelled at
me, is to get back in the weight room.
In a goddamn war.
Fucking went in.
Sent the...
What'd you run...
He came in like Paul Revere.
Yeah, telling everybody that we just went into Iraq.
And where did you...
What, did you have your transistor radio on?
Yeah, how the fuck...
What did somebody...
What'd you...
Intercept the fucking...
Intercept the message.
The Enigma machine, or whatever it's called.
The Enigma.
Decoded a couple Iraq...
What'd you catch a homing pigeon?
What are you talking about?
A couple of boys at 7-Eleven filled me in.
What's going on?
The Houthi's are coming.
The Houthis are coming.
Woo, two of my land.
Three of K-puts.
How you doing?
Hey, tomorrow's buy one, get one free Slurpee, and don't tell anybody.
Okay.
Yeah.
Went in first with the Apaches.
Took out all the radar.
How did you know?
Stop saying, you weren't there, okay?
That's what we did.
They went in low and slow, off the ground.
Tree top level.
Came in, took out all the radar systems, the fucking missile defense, and they
sent in the
fucking stealth fighters.
Rolled over them like fucking Sherman through Atlanta.
Uh-huh.
Nothing but sunglasses and Walkmans left.
Fucking smoked them all.
Couldn't find a Toyota anywhere.
Took them out.
Went in.
Stopped them butt cold.
Okay.
I was there, dog.
Once you fully lose it, you're going to be sitting in a wheelchair at some
state-run facility.
I'm going to have to show up on Saturdays.
You're going to be in full fatigues.
And then you're going to be telling me battle stories.
That sucks.
Like you were there.
Yeah, no, for sure, Henry.
If I don't have kids, man, that's how I'm going to end up.
Meanwhile, I got you doing cameos.
Just say happy birthday to Megan.
I got 60 bucks riding on this.
Pay for the bus fare out of here.
I got to stop at the gift shop.
Yeah, man.
I'm going to be in some fucking nursing home, some state-run nursing home,
getting fucking
beat up by the orderlies.
No one's going to take care of me.
I will.
You will?
If you lose a little weight, you ain't getting your fat ass out of bed and into
the shower.
Would you wipe my butt?
No.
All right.
I'll get an orderly.
He'll do that.
Aggressive.
What?
He won't do it nice.
You're a little bitch.
That's not my problem.
A couple of nude wipes.
Yeah, we'll put you in the shed or something.
Have Hans run beers out to you.
Bunch of dog slobber.
Yeah.
Do something.
He eats raw food.
He can make a burger out of his thing.
A chicken burger.
He eats raw food?
Yeah.
What, like hamburger meat?
That's ground up.
He's on the beef.
What, farmer's dog?
Yeah, it's better than that.
It's Viva.
It's expensive.
Really?
Yeah.
You ever try it?
No.
Icky.
I think there's bones in there.
I think they throw in everything.
Everything that don't pass burger quality gets fucking mulched up.
See those videos where they give the dog all that shit?
They put like a quail egg on top.
It's like the fucking pigeon wing and fucking the beak of a duck.
You do like food, huh?
That's your algorithm?
Any kind of species food you're getting?
I am always jealous when I see a hippo crush a whole watermelon.
Yeah, that looks fun.
It looks so refreshing.
Oh, I bet you it's delicious.
The breath on those things must be brutal.
The breath of a hippo?
Oh, my God.
He's the bait one in high school.
Anywho, what are we doing here?
Let's talk a little business.
Yeah.
So, as you know, you're...
The summer of my discontent.
What?
Huh?
Uncle Hank's jammed up, kids.
Coming out of a bit of a slump.
Right?
A couple of slump busters.
They used to call fat chicks back in the day.
A couple of slump busters.
Also my nickname.
Everybody loves a comeback, huh?
You've always said that and you've never come back.
You always go, everybody loves a comeback
because you're fucking taking a two by four to the head.
Getting hit by a car.
Everyone loves a comeback.
Just got to get my feet under me.
I'll be all right.
Give me a couple minutes.
You're a guy who always needs...
Just give me the summer.
You always need a season.
I'm going to take the winner.
I'm going to shut it down and not do shit.
Fucking lying sack of shit.
That's what I need, though.
I need to...
Just give me a couple months to get my head on straight.
Get some good night's sleep.
You don't got it.
What?
Time.
I think you need a hobby, which I think...
You've mentioned this before.
We've mentioned it before.
Yes, the homies.
A couple of weeks ago.
Here's my thing.
You got to find...
You got to get the...
You got to do something positive, right?
You're in here a good amount, depending on how we're working.
We're doing it.
You got some spots at night.
You're doing that.
You're working the club circuit.
Sick of spots.
I know.
It's tough.
Listen.
But, you know, you need something to fill that time.
You know?
You don't have kids.
Mm-mm.
You got to do...
You got a limp noodle.
You got a limp noodle.
Big tits.
You got to do...
Just sat on his nut sack.
You got to do...
It's by me.
You got a lot of time to fill, and it's not just staring at your phone and
watching The Sopranos.
I haven't fucking watched The Sopranos in months.
In months.
Okay.
All right.
Seinfeld.
Different story.
Okay.
Whatever.
You're watching the same thing.
I think you get out on your days off, your afternoons off, and you do a little
something.
So, I've come up with some list of hobbies.
What about that softball league they got?
What?
Clooney's been playing in it.
Sure.
Go over there and hang out with him.
Hey, why don't you do that?
By the way, I've been...
You know what?
You know what I've come to the conclusion on?
And I flip-flopped on this a bunch of times, but this is my official statement
on this.
You know what really just sucks?
What?
Like, it sucks.
It sucks so bad is tequila and soda.
It's not good.
And it's taken me a long time to really get that.
It tastes like it's been sitting there forever.
Yes.
It's watered down.
It tastes like loose leaf.
It's not good.
Tequila hasn't been...
I haven't had tequila...
No, tequila by...
Good tequila by itself.
1942 tequila is fantastic.
One of those in an IPA is delicious.
A margarita is delicious.
Yeah, margarita is...
Yeah, you know.
But tequila and soda...
Soda stinks.
They mix with vodka soda, tequila soda.
It's so bad.
Savity, Savity.
And I'll tell you something else.
There's no fucking way that that Casamigos was their, like, select thing.
That sucks.
They have to change the recipe for mass consumption.
There's no way those guys, with the refined palates and money that they got,
all the cash they
got, fucking nice dinners and shit like that, Lake Como, hanging out, hot broads,
all
that kind of stuff.
There's no fucking way that they were sitting around drinking Casamigos saying,
oh, this
is premium.
This is delicious.
That shit sucks.
No offense to Mr. Clooney, personally.
He's fucking one of my favorites.
No, he's definitely not doing the show.
Sitting there trashing him and his boy.
He's not going to see this.
Chicken sandwiches.
He'll be a homie.
The recipe did change after Diego acquired it.
Of course it did.
Of course it did.
There's something in there.
It stinks.
I'm done drinking anyway.
I'm over it.
I'm over all of it.
I want to be sober.
I want to focus on this.
Focus on my health and move forward.
Eat right.
Exercise.
Get you a hobby.
Some green juice.
All right, hobby.
I got one.
Go and blow.
Bar tours.
All right, here.
I got a list of indoor hobbies for seniors.
All right.
50 and over crowd.
Okay.
You're not a young spry chicken anymore.
I am 50 and over pretty much.
You could move.
They would probably move the goalposts to get you in a 55 and older community,
which I wouldn't
hate for you.
They got the pool.
They got the rec center.
What's a 60-year-old broad look like?
I could be dating a 60-year-old.
50?
I know.
Isn't that crazy?
55 and older?
You go into these.
They got kids?
You're fucking-
I had to fight the sun, though.
Why?
I'm a little bastard.
I don't know.
Be like me.
I don't want me sniffing around mom's money.
All right.
So, I got a list.
I got a list for seniors.
Sure.
Number one, leatherworking.
What?
Like chaps and shit?
Getting freaked?
Leather can be-
Talking S&M?
Leather can be used to create many attractive and durable items that make
wonderful gifts
and personal items.
With a few specialized tools and an adoption of some new skills, you can learn
to make things
like belts, wallets, bags, keychains, and more.
A beginner's kit can be a great introduction to the craft with everything you
need and a step-by-step
instruction to create a simple project.
Now, I knew a chick that worked with leather.
It's tough.
You really got to dig in there.
You got to, like, really smooth it over.
She made belts and shit.
You're so stupid.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
I knew it.
Chick did.
She did.
She sold leather goods on the side.
We were waiting tables together.
Oh, was she a Native American in the fucking 1700s?
No, she was Czech.
She was cute as shit.
Can't remember her name.
Karolinko or something like that.
I was in O'Hallahan.
I know that.
What are you doing?
What are you typing over there?
Finding her.
You're right.
Stay away from my little angel.
Oh, check, baby.
Mama.
All right.
Leather's out.
What else?
We're having a good time.
Scrapbooking.
Scrapbooking?
What does that mean?
Smartphones and digital tools make snapping and sharing photos easier than ever,
yet all
too often, those treasured memories are never displayed, unless you got an oral
frame.
Scrapbooking allows you to preserve mementos and photos together, telling a
beautiful story
with images.
The finished result makes a great, beautiful gift that can be passed down
through generations.
Nah, my one aunt started doing that.
She got cancer right after she started doing it.
She was single.