Name: Jordan Jensen Queen of Trash | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2025-09-10T21:00:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jordan Jensen Queen of Trash | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jordan Jensen Queen of Trash | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-10. Transcript available.

Jordan Jensen Queen of Trash | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Attention, homies and bozos. If you're looking for hot, local dirtbags in your
area, then you're in luck.
We're going to be in San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Los Angeles, California,
Burlington, Vermont.
Don't forget Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore,
Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Getting real nasty. Rochester, New York, and Toronto. All tickets available at
RUGarbage.com.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RUGarbage, the show where you find out
if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUGarbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we
find that it's good to be classy.
Yeah.
Earth, and just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back
here at Tootie's in the new edition.
She just came down with a little food poisoning.
Okay.
She's eating quarters off the street.
All right.
Nothing on that.
Mike Cums is coming at you from right next to me. Real jerk off.
I don't get it.
Because she's picking up quarters on the street and putting them in her mouth.
No one's ever.
And she's getting food poisoning.
No one's ever done that, and I don't think that would give you food poisoning.
If you had said Tootie is getting foot poisoning,
Foot poisoning?
Because they're on the street.
Foot poisoning.
She's picking up change off the street and putting it in her mouth.
That would give you food poisoning.
Let's not try to punch this thing up.
Okay.
You're right.
You're right.
Hold on a second.
Writer's ring.
Good writer.
It sounds like there's a pun in there that you didn't hit.
Oh, you went pun.
I don't do puns, lady.
Food?
Why would you get food poisoning from a quarter?
Huh?
Why would you get food poisoning from a quarter?
If they're on the street.
That's how you get food poisoning from food.
You get food poisoning from food, from bacteria on food.
That's the joke.
If you pick up a quarter off the street and put it in your mouth,
you're probably going to get food poisoning.
No.
It's stainless steel.
They don't carry germs.
You could be like Tootie's getting food poisoning.
She's been eating rat traps because that's like poison for rats.
Hey, everybody out there.
Welcome back.
Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
Oh, my God.
What's up, gang?
Shout out to you.
As always, make sure you rate me, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify, too, by the way.
Check out the numbers over there.
And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
Sorry, you garbage.
You go over there.
You get all that bonus content, gang.
Yes, sir.
And gang, we couldn't be more excited over our incredibly,
and I mean incredibly special guest.
Back with us again today.
It's her third time on the show.
Third time.
I believe she is currently the reigning queen of garbage.
She's up there.
Definitely in the council, one of the chairmen of the boards
in the commission of garbage.
Jordan Jensen, everybody.
Hello.
Happy to be here.
Welcome back.
Moving and shaking up in Alaska.
New special coming out.
New special called Take Me With You is on Netflix.
Go watch it.
Netflix?
Yep.
I know.
It's all right, man.
She's killing it.
She's doing great.
Where'd you film it?
Gramercy.
There you go.
Yeah.
It's a great venue.
I made it really weird.
I made a really scary backdrop.
Okay.
Yeah.
Very you.
Like of what?
You don't want to give it away?
I can't give it away.
Construction netting, torn up, looks like vagina parts,
but also trash.
You guys will like it.
I like it.
Congratulations.
Yeah, thank you.
That's fantastic.
I love vague vagina parts.
It's vague.
It's vague vagina parts.
It's one of my favorites.
It's not all he's ever seen.
It's been dark in there every time.
Can I play with that car just while we talk?
It'll help you.
Of course.
Of course.
Or else I'll bend the cord and then break cords.
Oh, that's quite all right.
There's other Matchbox cars you can play with.
I got a TIE fighter.
I have a Boba Fett ship.
I have a Cobra commander.
What the fuck is going on here?
You got a Boba Fett ship?
I don't know what that is.
The slave one.
Look at the fucking tank, little guy.
What tank?
The little tank.
The black one?
Yeah.
That's not a tank.
It's called a hiss.
I apologize.
Yikes.
Get her out of here.
I got hissed.
I feel like it's two school bullies meeting for the first time.
That pulls back and...
I know it does.
Pretty cool.
It's really nice.
Yeah, they're all right.
I really like these.
I never really fucked with those when I was a kid
because I like to do the car myself,
but sometimes they're all right.
I like an extra linoleum floor.
You ever play with toys?
I would buy them and make them be in relationships
and they'd cheat on each other.
What happened?
I would buy them and they'd cheat on each other.
They'd be like my Barbies.
The cars?
Yeah.
You are really fucked up.
Yeah, Pipes was the boy that everybody wanted.
He was a Ford F-150.
Every girl wanted him.
Yeah, I mean that.
Those were the storylines you came up with in your head?
Yeah.
He cheated on his girlfriend a lot.
What was their girl called?
The red Camaro.
Oh, the red Camaro.
That whore.
Yeah.
What a whore.
Yeah.
She probably got around town.
She did.
She did like this.
I'm going to find her in the junkyard a couple of mornings
if you catch my drift.
Speaking of which, it's good you brought that up.
We want to get into the psyche of Jordan Jensen a little bit.
We've gotten the broad story, which I mean,
not great.
A criminal at best.
We want more, you know, to drill down into it.
Okay.
You're a unique character.
I think it's safe to say.
I get nervous with the eye contact.
It feels like she's staring into my soul.
I'm reading a book called Educated right now,
which is supposed to be how fucked up this girl's life is
in every part of it.
Like, I'm like, well, my life wasn't like that.
And then there'll be a part that's all about that.
And I'm like, ah, shit, they did have that aspect.
Pipes, the F-150s in chapter two.
Yeah.
There's like talking about her in a scrap metal yard
and like getting metal stuck in her body.
And I'm like, yeah, that was my entire childhood
was almost getting run over at the scrap metal yard.
I spent a lot of time in a scrap yard, too.
Right?
Did you?
God, they're the best.
Copper one, copper two, everything you need.
We were a lot of scrapping.
A lot of scrapping.
We had a junkyard at the bottom of our hill
at the one house we lived in a Wilkes-Barre.
When I didn't go down there, I was always scared.
Really?
Yeah.
Of the animals or the peoples?
The people.
Yeah.
They eventually ended up robbing our house
when we were away one time.
I found a trick in New York.
I would fill up my tiny truck
and then go pull in like Queens or something.
There's semis unloading,
but my truck is so tiny
that I would pull between them
and open my tailgate
so it looked like I was ejecting stuff
with the semis.
And then I would just zip out and leave
because you have to pay to junk here.
It's really good.
So then I would charge the owners.
The shit you do on your own.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's not good.
It's hot.
It's getting better.
It's getting better.
Right now my-
Did you say things are getting better?
Well, it's getting less dangerous.
Like now I'm trying to draw
with my non-dominant hand
because I've been so depressed
that I'm trying to activate
the other hemisphere in my brain.
That's better.
Yeah.
That's when you know things are dark.
So you're right-handed.
Is that a clinical thing?
Dude, I hear anything from anywhere
and I'm like,
I'll give it a show.
Yeah, totally.
I'm about to try ketamine.
I'm on this Effexor.
It's really taking my anxiety away.
Effexor, I had to take-
When I took Effexor,
I got so sweaty on it
that I had to use Certain Dry,
which was an as-seen-on-TV deodorant
that gave me a hard callus
all the way over my armpit.
Like you could knock on it.
You could-
Bitch got bark.
Sexy.
It was bark.
Yeah, the Effexor's taking my anxiety away.
That's sick.
It's working too good,
to be honest with you.
You're a chill guy?
No, I'm like,
I just don't-
He's now nervous that he's not worrying.
I'm like daredevil.
I mean, no fear.
Oh, like a beta blocker.
Yeah.
Beta blocker?
That's for your heart, isn't it?
I think beta blocker just makes you not afraid.
Really?
Yeah.
I think I'm on that too.
I'm on a stat.
Are you walking into streets or something like that?
Are you being like too careless?
With some aspects, I would say.
Yeah.
Yeah, letting it loose.
Yeah.
Placing some high dollar bets.
Are you sober yet?
What?
What?
Yet, I'd like that.
Yet?
Yeah.
It's like,
well, what wishful thinking?
Like that's coming down.
I haven't drank in a long time though.
That's great.
Is that true?
I can't even tell your lies apart anymore.
Nah, last weekend.
I'm sober, but I did do poppers last weekend.
Poppers?
Yeah.
Because I'm sober and all my friends are on so much molly.
Yeah.
And my gay friend had poppers and he just held it up to my nose.
And I all of a sudden was like just the life of the party crushing.
But then I got stuck on the ground.
Like I got lost in the grass.
That's quick.
Yeah.
It's quick, but then it's done.
What do you mean you got lost on the ground?
Bro, if you hit a popper and then I, and then something fell and I was trying
to find it
and I got stuck in like a trance.
Whirlwind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And somebody had to yank me back up.
And it felt like I was like in Beetlejuice when they pull them out of the sandworm.
You've never done poppers?
It's like that.
You get lost.
Lollipop club?
No.
This goes to the working theory that we're finally finding out that Foley is a
gay man.
And that is where a lot of his.
You've done poppers?
I've done poppers.
He's a gay man.
It doesn't loosen your butt.
Oh, I was prepared to shit myself.
And it wasn't like, well, it wasn't like that.
I think it just makes you like.
You got a bad dose.
It made me a gay man, though.
Like dancing.
I was like, yeah.
It was like that.
Credit score went up.
Yeah.
Killing it.
Dual income.
All right.
Enough about me.
In my social life.
You brought it up.
I didn't bring it up.
You're doing poppers.
Why don't you get some whippets or something like that?
Whippets are, it felt like they didn't last as long.
Then poppers?
Poppers.
I mean, maybe I was breathing in too much, but this would last like five
minutes.
Whose party was this?
It was a wedding.
Alaska wedding.
Poppers at a wedding?
Yeah.
Wait, is that why you went to Alaska?
I thought it was for work.
No, for a wedding.
Who the fuck's getting married up there?
Alaskan fisher friends.
Are you friends with like fisher?
Yeah.
Like lobstermen?
No, like salmon fisher people.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Like farm raised or wild caught?
Farm raised.
Oh, wild caught.
Wild caught?
Yeah.
They can't be a fisherman in a farm.
How do you think they get them out?
The net.
I'm not sitting there putting power bait on a line.
I'm not pulling them out one at a time.
They get a net and take them all out.
Who got married?
My friends who are Alaskan fisher man and woman.
You're like Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.
What's that?
You don't know who Dirty Mike Rowe?
You don't know Dirty Jobs?
Uh-uh.
Wow.
Do you watch television at all?
I watch like movies from the 90s a lot.
Okay.
What?
Like I just watched Good Will Hunting.
Not for the first time.
No, no.
I watch everything a thousand times over and over.
Yeah, me too.
It's for anxiety.
It's for anxiety.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's not good anymore.
They're not good.
Movies aren't good anymore.
They go too crazy.
I agree.
I'll give you that.
I haven't really been watching TV and it's weird.
Every time I look at it, there's nothing on that I want to watch.
And I force myself not to watch Sopranos or Seinfeld.
I've been watching the Incredib