Name: Holding Comedy Grudges | Are You Garbage Patreon Episode (FULL)
Uploaded: 2025-10-10T16:00:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Holding Comedy Grudges | Are You Garbage Patreon Episode (FULL)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Holding Comedy Grudges | Are You Garbage Patreon Episode (FULL)' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-10. Transcript available.

Holding Comedy Grudges | Are You Garbage Patreon Episode (FULL)

What's going on there, fuckers, and welcome back to another exciting edition of
them hard motherfucking feelings.
I'm your host, the Bug Man.
You just hear it crawling.
I like the Bug Man.
The Bug Man's good.
It suits me a little bit.
I keep forgetting.
It started out as the Big Man, then it came to the Bug Man.
I want to introduce it more to the public episodes, but I keep forgetting.
In interior, you're the Bug Man.
I am the Bug Man.
My co-host doesn't have a nickname.
Real lame-o.
They call him the Exterminator, and I'll kill myself.
Kevin Ryan, everybody.
What's up, gang?
Shout out to the motherfucking-
Kevin James Ryan.
Three first names.
Shout out to the motherfucking-
Triple loser.
My bad.
I should go by H.
That's cool.
It is cool.
No, what's up?
I'm H.
H stands for hemorrhoid.
Maria Heineck made fun of me at an open mic.
No, but I wish I was there for it, because his story stinks.
I guess you had to be there.
I was fresh on the scene from Philly, and I was at an open mic.
Half Moon Bay coffee shop somewhere in Brooklyn.
I think I remember that.
Was that like a music mic, too?
No.
Okay.
Sorry.
Man, you really get sin, don't you?
No, it was an open mic at a coffee shop.
We had the back room.
It was on Tuesdays.
Four o'clock.
Real prime time.
Man, we used to stay.
Doing those open mics that first year, I wanted to blow my fucking brains out.
I remember going to Otto's Shrunken Head.
Do you remember that, please?
It didn't work.
That was my opener every weekend.
Is that right?
That's not bad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If it wasn't for Tuesdays with stories, I probably would have killed myself a
long time ago.
It's you guys we have to blame.
What did she say?
Who?
Maria.
Oh, she pulled my name out.
She's like H Foley.
She's like, God, why did he was every because that's when Louis C.K. was
popular.
Yeah.
When he was popular, like he's like, he's just struggling now.
He's on like a fucking intergalactic door at the moment.
I'd say it's his best hour.
And she's like, yeah, she's like, why did guy comedians use their initials or
something like that?
I never told you this.
No, but I'm on her side.
I know Maria.
So then I went, yeah, Sweetheart.
Very funny comic.
She was right to make fun of me.
You didn't like that.
You did not.
I wasn't a fan of the scene at the time either.
If I know the bug man.
No, the bug man did not like it.
My antennas were up.
So I went later in the program.
Calling a swarm.
Have this place crawl with locusts in a few minutes.
We'll get some weevils in here that'll turn this place upside down.
Because I'm the bug man.
A couple of roly polies coming out into here.
That's scary.
You're like a silver fish.
Oh, cool.
Anyway, I went later in the program and I did my set.
You know what I mean?
But I had this in my pocket.
And I was like, oh, by the way, about my name.
My name comes from, I was named after my grandfather.
My dad had this wooden plaque that my cousin made that hung over his thing.
Yeah, an open mic.
A comedy open mic.
And then I told this fake story about my dad's buddy dying in his arms in
Vietnam.
And he said, if you ever have a kid that grows up to be a comedian, make sure
he uses H. Foley.
And if some broad starts running their mouth at an open mic, tell her to mind
their own fucking business.
Murdered.
Murdered.
Whole place went nuts.
Is this reality murder or H. Foley murder?
This is reality murder.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is not broadcasting me and you murdered.
Nope.
Murdered.
Killed.
How many people were there?
About 20.
Okay.
All comics.
Get them laughs.
You're a comic comic.
You are a favorite comedian.
And from that day on, I was accepted into their ranks.
And the rest, as they say, was history.
I remember.
So, the open mic game was a bit of a system you had to work.
It was a game.
Oh, what, are you telling more stories now, trying to one-up me?
That's what it's like, gang.
What it's like.
You know, we have an hour to fill.
You share a story.
I share a story.
I had an action-packed weekend, dickhead.
Okay, we'll get into that.
But it was at the Alligator Lounge.
Remember that place on 14th?
Is that the place that sold pizzas?
Yeah, you bought a beer.
You got a free pizza.
I tell you, anywhere there was a pizza.
This guy found it.
Oh, really?
Guy who's fucking 488 pounds?
I'm not 488 pounds.
What are you?
Okay, moving on.
I'm not going to be that guy.
I am not 488 pounds.
I'm not going to be that guy.
I'm moving on.
Trav, hit me.
If I lose 15, I'll be around there.
Retract that.
Yes.
Fact check that.
Retract that.
Call him out.
Trav.
Fenderberg.
Yeah, so for the listener, Foley doesn't know.
How long has Trav worked for us?
Three years?
At least two.
At least two years.
Coming up on three years, I would argue.
Foley does not know.
I don't know Ryan's real last name.
You don't know his last name.
You don't know Trav's last name.
But before this, you were going, I'm a real Trav's mom.
I'm Trav's real friend.
You're my boy.
We're going to go see Superman together, aren't we?
Tickets are on me, Trav.
I'll get the popcorn the whole night.
Because before he was paying for both of you to go?
No.
Okay.
We're going to go see it together, and you can't come.
That's all right.
Luke, you're more than welcome to come.
Thank you.
I don't want you there.
What's Luke's name?
Francis Dempsey.
There you go.
What number?
Third.
Nope.
Second.
Fourth.
Nope.
Seventh.
Nope.
Sixth.
Nope.
That gives a shit.
The fifth.
Yeah.
The fifth.
Louis Francis Dempsey the fifth.
Yeah, God.
Man.
Goes all the way back, doesn't it?
I'll give him all right.
Did you come over on the Mayflower?
Yeah, down below.
My cousin, by marriage, he always tells people that her family came over on the
Mayflower.
Okay.
Yeah.
No Irish person.
More like the silver bullet train, eh?
The Coors.
I guess.
I like that.
There you go.
So go ahead.
So you're at an open mic.
No, I don't want to tell this.
Yeah, you're at an open mic at the Alligator Lounge.
You were there, probably.
I'm sure I was.
Knee deep in pizzas.
I never had pizza from there.
Excuse me.
But you would buy a beer, you'd get a free pizza.
Yeah.
A little personal banger.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
Scratching my ankle.
Oh, God.
And we're back.
You have to cut.
I didn't get it.
Oh, there it is.
Sometimes I think I have bed bugs.
You've been bugged, man.
That's how I got my superpowers.
It's been by 5,000 bed bugs at the same time.
No, whatever.
And I was, I remember putting my name in, and then, like, you put your name in
the bucket.
Yeah.
Remember that was a bucket.
You put, everybody writes on a little piece of paper, but they would rig the
bucket.
For their fucking dickhead buddies.
Yeah.
And I didn't know.
They all sucked.
Well, dude, this one, it was, ended up being a friend of ours, done the show,
Suba Argawal.
Suba ran it.
No, but Suba popped in, and then just, like, what?
Suba was the king of open mics.
Suba was the fucking, she was, she would do 50 mics a week.
Yeah.
Everybody loved her.
She was very funny, very hardworking.
Yeah.
So people would go, like, okay, Suba, you can pop in and go up.
Always.
Because you're, you're, she was such a mover and shaking.
She's always moving and shaking.
Based on her merit, not anything.
Unlike you.
Okay, sure.
This is hard feelings.
Sure.
Hey, pal.
I got nothing, I got nothing but love for you.
I love you too.
So you're bitten off my wooder.
Wooder?
You're bitten off my wooder?
There was one word you said correctly in there, and it was off.
I don't trust the pH in this.
You have fecal matter in your pants at the moment.
You don't, you don't trust the pH in this.
How do you?
Actually, you're not wearing underwear, so.
I'm not.
It's probably on me too.
It's not a buggy.
Thin layer of gabardine.
Whatever.
But that was when I realized.
Go ahead.
That the fix was in and they weren't pulling up.
They weren't going by the honor system.
Because it was like, I don't, I don't want to name his name, but whatever.
And I remember going, oh, fuck this guy.
Those were always so scary.
Because it was like him and like, the first 18 people were all his bullies and
then all
left.
Yeah.
And then they would go up early and leave.
And then it was me fucking six pizza and six beers.
And what those comics didn't realize at the time is that they had two deranged
psychopaths.
And then the list started back then.
It did.
And I still don't like the guy.
I was trashing him this weekend.
Yeah.
That one brought his name up.
I said, fuck that guy.
They don't even think that we remember it.
They don't.
They think we're friends.
I see it.
I go, hey, how you doing?
I go, you had no cause to death.
How close you are to death, my friend.
Made fun of me for having a fourth slice.
I'll kill you.
I also imagine it taking you like eight months to figure it out.
Like way too long.
It'll be a while.
I was just sitting there.
I was just like, wait a minute.
Again?
Again, the same 14 people went up in a row and left me?
They'd all come in with their pens and their notebooks and bouncing jokes off
each other.
I remember being like, where are you at now?
Some of them are doing very well.
Some of them are on TV shows.
They're actually all great guys.
I just remember going like, ah, whatever.
Okay, hey, it's the system.
It is what it is.
We've ran shows in Philly.
I get how that works.
It's whatever.
We did it honorably, though.
Then they would all leave and you would just have to fucking.
So now I'm like up there delivering jokes to like fucking, you know, Ryan D and
Scary Jerry.
And I got fucking nothing going on.
And like, they're like, you know, it's just you and the mutants at table nine
left.
I'm going, I'm a goddamn fucking working comedian here.
Is that our first mention of Scary Jerry?
Yes, I think so.
Gang.
We'll pitch it to.
So as you know, you've met Ryan D.
Ryan D is a long-term buddy of ours.
Started off doing open mics and stuff with them, banging our way through the
village and
the East Village at that as well.
Multiple different sectors of the village.
And Ryan D had a crew of flunkies.
Yeah.
That.
We would, he would.
So Ryan was like our straggler guy.
And then Ryan, like, you know, then Ryan introduced, he would always cut, he
would show up with
a rat, the most ragtag bunch of guys.
Asian Phil and Scary Jerry.
Asian Phil and Scary Jerry.
Yeah.
And Scary Jerry is.
A character.
One of the most.
I mean, we've known him for what?
We've known him for a decade.
The whole time we've been in New York, he's been in our lives.
Sure.
We were, you know, and Ryan still hangs out with him a good amount.
Ryan still sees him, I would argue, weekly.
They talk, whatever.
They're boys.
They're boys.
So he was sharing some Scary Jerry stories with us where we, we were like, we
should we
have him on the show or not as a, you know, we'll probably have him on a
Patreon episode.
That's we, that's the idea we're kicking around is to introduce Scary Jerry.
I haven't seen him in a long time.
No, but he's still Jerry.
He's still scary.
He's still scary.
An interesting fellow.
An interesting mix of garbage.
Yeah.
Very much so.
Truly someone that could be studied by aliens in the near distant future.
Very unique, specific kind of boy.
Yes.
Uh-huh.
Yes.
An interesting subject.
That's all I would say.
So maybe, maybe one day soon you'll get to meet Scary Jerry.
Is that the rest of the story at the Alligator Lounge?
Yeah, it was just me realizing the fix was in.
And I think that's a pubic hair, to be honest with you.
Don't look at me.
Luke.
Your fly's down.
And you're not wearing underwear.
You keep it shaved.
So I know it's not you.
I'm hairless.
Ew.
Are you?
Does that gross you out?
Turn you on.
You tell me, Chubbsy.
It grosses me out and turns me on.
That's what turns me on.
I'm so grossed out.
I like it weird.
I like it weird.
Uh-huh.
Um, yeah.
Should we get into the weekend?
Sure.
I got one or two little things that I want to, this was maybe last week.
I forgot to bring it up.
It was insane.
Mm-hmm.
I, you know, we're leaving here one night.
I, I, I, I cal