Name: The Fattest Kid in Town | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2025-11-02T23:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Fattest Kid in Town | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Fattest Kid in Town | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-02. Transcript available.

The Fattest Kid in Town | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Atlanta, Philadelphia, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Atlanta, Philadelphia,
Philadelphia, Atlanta.
The boys are coming, so grab the squad and come out and see us.
Yeah, we do stand up, then we play AYG with the crowd.
These have been our best shows yet.
Get your tickets, areyougarbage.com.
We'll see you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians, and we finally
have to give it to be classy.
Yeah.
They're just a big old piece of trash.
Garbage.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She's trying on a new Halloween costume.
Okay.
Crazy dog.
It's a family program.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
Two Snickers bars.
My host is coming at you from across the table.
Fun-sized.
What have you been talking to?
I'm a king-sized man.
You know, they split them up in a two now.
You like them king-sized.
Bit of a size king, huh?
This is what we call a family episode.
You didn't introduce me.
I'm getting to you.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
Yeah, wieners on the brain.
Kevin James Ryan is with me, everybody.
I was with you.
I just stopped by.
What's up, everybody?
Shout out to the homies.
Well, sorry, Kevin.
We've got to keep moving on.
Thanks for tuning in.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify.
How about the charts?
Meaty part of the curve over there on the charts.
The boys are climbing the charts, not showing up.
You show people out there like, damn, you guys are doing all right.
We're doing all right.
We're on the charts on Spotify.
We've got a popular program over here.
Shout out to it, and obviously the greatest website of all time.
You pull your little pen, your little pencil, your whatever.
www.patreon.com slash ryegarbage.
You go over there.
What do you think?
We've got a couple hundred people over there.
We've got 15,000 strong.
15,000 homies.
15,000.
That's a goddamn army where I come from.
And then, obviously, Philadelphia and Atlanta.
Get those tickets to the live shows, AYG Live.
We're going to be at the Met.
We're going to be at the Buckhead Theater November and December.
Get those tickets.
Philly, let's fucking go.
Embarrassing me down there.
Got a couple of the Phillies players coming.
Luke, what are you doing over there now?
We're about to take a walk by the corner office, and you get up.
You know Luke has studio sneakers?
Sure.
It's like Mr. Rogers.
You're a very organized young man.
Thank you.
You?
Not so much.
Not so much.
I tell you, a little bit of talent, some nepotism, really go a long way, doesn't
it?
Goes far in this world.
Dad got him his job.
We've never met his dad.
I've met his dad.
Me too.
Lou.
Hey, thanks for you guys ending that.
I've met him.
I've met him.
I've met your dad.
I called him Mr. Dempsey.
He said to call him Lou.
You guys are the same age.
What's he?
You called him sir.
Oh, hey, sir.
You dude, anybody that you meet, anybody's dad, they could just be a dad.
You treat them like they're a colonel in the army.
I love what you did at the Bay of Pigs.
You get all serious.
No, that was bad.
I know.
I'm joking.
Okay.
That was at the Bay of Pigs.
Bay of Pigs on a blanket, huh?
You know what I mean?
Which is funny, you know, in Wilkes-Barre...
You got a bed of pigs.
What?
In Wilkes-Barre, we don't call them...
We don't call cocktail weenies wrapped in pastry pigs in a blanket.
We call pigs in a blanket stuffed cabbage.
Called with a sweet, sweet red sauce.
That's what we call pigs in a blanket.
Uh-huh.
Well, it's fully in a blanket.
I beg your pardon?
Punk.
Anyway, say a nice little hello to Luke Dempsey, everybody, of the Dempsey
Group.
And all subsidiaries.
All subsidiaries.
Stop them by to say hi.
Hey, can we say this?
Sure.
I don't know.
I listen.
We're about three minutes in.
I can't get a read on you.
You just spilled your drink.
You can say whatever you want.
It may or may not make the program.
Happy birthday, Pat.
Happy birthday, Lucas Patukas.
Hey, from Ryan in the back.
Happy birthday, kid.
Appreciate all of you.
Now you get a check or anything like that?
Not yet.
You think that'll be coming?
I wouldn't assume that.
Really?
I don't think birthday bone is the sort of thing.
No, not from us.
I know you're not getting one.
Fourth quarter.
All right.
We're slashing prices.
IRS comes.
Knocking.
Yeah.
I don't know if you're reading the trades.
All right.
That's Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
No way, the bubble's popping.
You know what I'm saying?
I ain't talking about no hubba bubba.
Do you get a check from your parents?
No.
You don't.
You don't get a birthday yet.
Not a check.
Do you?
These rich people do it.
I'd be looking for a check.
You always.
You just look.
You just shit.
Every time you go down to Patty's, you're shaking her down.
Going through her fucking coat pockets in the car.
I remember doing that the one day, man, because Denise would get flustered at
the checkout.
Right?
So she'd get flustered with the people.
Because you're ripping at the fucking dinner rolls like a gremlin.
No.
Whenever I wouldn't be there.
Because people behind her, she's got to get the bags in.
When you wouldn't be there.
Yeah.
Like she would, you know, I would.
You were on bagging duty, right?
What do you mean?
Like when you go to the grocery store at your mouth, she'd say, start bagging.
Yeah, but I stopped doing that at a younger age.
Why?
I don't know.
She just would go.
Probably when she wasn't.
When I was at my dad, she would go food shopping.
Couldn't bring you with her.
Eat her out of house in home.
These are trying to eat me out of house in home.
That's what she would do.
That's an extra hundred.
Easy when you're in there.
They see you stocking the halls.
Fucking bad, bad Leroy Brown coming down to prison.
And that is getting the whole damn town.
Man, catch you over at the frozen food section.
All the doors are all fogged up because you've been looking.
Everything is melted.
I was always good for an Amorosa roll while I was walking around.
Shut your fat ass.
And I would rip the top off, put it in my pocket, and then eat out the middle
soft dough first.
That's what I would do.
Hot stuff.
I was only like 14.
14?
How late were you sitting in that cart?
I'd imagine pretty late.
I was a big kid.
Are you fucking nuts?
You're walking in three months?
She's just dragging you.
I have my one cousin's huge.
You've met him.
Big kid.
He was big his whole life.
Big his whole.
I mean, he was the size of like an eighth grader when he was three.
And my aunt would take him to the playground and everybody thought he was like
developmentally challenged because they thought he was like six.
I mean, like he was.
They'd be like, hey, how's your name?
And he couldn't talk yet.
He's got a hog on him.
Oh, he's over in the corner smoking a heater.
Yeah, no, I like getting in the big part of the cart.
That was like.
Oh, that's the best.
Sometimes she would let it slide.
Sometimes she wouldn't.
Sitting on some waffles or something?
Yeah, man.
They would pile it all around you.
You thought you were the cool.
That was like what they did in movies and sitcoms.
You didn't get to do that in real life.
You know what I mean?
That little bastard.
He was laying in a bunch of buttered.
I was probably.
I was thin.
I was normal till about probably seven.
I was always big.
I was like.
I think I was a big kid, like baby.
But then like I remember being thin.
I didn't even see pictures of like just a normal sized six year old.
I was bad fat, too.
I wasn't cute fat.
You know what I mean?
I wasn't like Santa fat.
It was like, you know, he's obese plus throwing a bad haircut that I did myself
or something.
Got gum in there again.
I really lunched it.
I must have got gum on my hair like every three weeks.
I swear to God, I loved gum.
It was a big time for gum.
Bubblicious, Hubba Bubba.
Is it me or is that a lot of gum?
Orange Bubblicious.
That was my favorite.
Man.
We'll be right back.
You're a big.
You're like a blooming onion.
I also like painting sculpting.
Anyway.
I got a little something for you.
What do you got for me?
As you may or may not have known, I just returned back from Deutschland, the
motherland.
We had taken the baby over there to meet his German ancestors.
Is it the motherland?
Is that what they called it or is it the fatherland?
It's Russia and Germany is one of them.
I don't know, man.
Because I remember that quote from World War I.
It's sweet and dignified to die for the fatherland.
I think that was Germany.
I think I would say father.
It sounds.
Faza?
Wait.
Fatherland is Germany or fatherland is Russia?
I would say Germany.
I don't know, though.
I was saying motherland is just the homeland.
I think that's been adopted as your motherland is your homeland.
I don't know, though.
Do you have anything specific?
I was big in World War II Nazi era propaganda.
All right.
Easy does it.
And we're back.
Go birds.
So, you know, this might be a cultural thing.
I'm not sure.
Uh-huh.
The toilet paper in the wastebasket?
What?
The toilet paper in the wastebasket?
No, that's not.
All right.
They're not doing that over there?
No, that's like, that's places with bad plumbing.
That's like Brazil.
I had to do it in Greece when I was there.
Yikes.
I'll get that deposit back.
Not down the island.
Talk about a caldera, huh?
Folks.
I have plenty of topographical humor.
Sure.
I'm listening.
This is my, my in-laws did this, and I was just shocked.
And I mean, this may be a blind spot to me.
I don't think I've ever went to a home where I've seen this out.
They had a, you know, a snack of something, you know, out for people just there.
Uh-huh.
Who was there?
No, I mean, just people were coming and going, coming to see us.
Okay.
But like, this was just like, this was like, this was just on the counter.
So Luke, Luke, roll the tape.
In shelled, full shelled peanuts.
Who was playing?
A doubleheader?
It looks classy, right?
I mean, I listen.
Could you throw them on the floor when you were done with them?
That's what I'm, you only ever do it.
Like ball games in Texas Roadhouse.
You know what I mean?
You do it at the double deuce.
I'm surprised nobody says anything to me when I do that at baseball games.
I make a mess.
Yeah.
You do.
It gets into people's hair in front of you and stuff.
It's bad.
It's bad.
That's the answer.
It's a real ball game experience.
But I don't know how you're not, they make a mess by nature.
Yeah.
They're in messy places, bars, restaurants.
I don't hate it.
I love it.
I doubt.
But then I'm doing it over the trash can and I can't enjoy it.
You look like a slimeball.
Oh, man.
Cracking them open, looking through the fridge.
I was a bad house guest.
I was a real, real bad house guest.
You can't not look like you're asking for money eating whole peanuts.
Yeah.
How much do you make?
Mm-hmm.
You just can't.
You look like you're riding trains town to town.
It's bad.
Oh, peanuts.
Like, no one, like, but.
Grab a handful of stuff and then you go buy it.
That's, I, because it seemed refined.
You're picking butts out of the ashtray.
Stole them on that.
Get your stinger out of it.
Yeah, empty a mat, roll them into one.
Yeah.
I mean, in.
What else is there?
That was, this is my thing.
It was very situational where it seemed classy.
I just don't know.
My history with peanuts in the shell is ball game, carnival, you know, circus,
Texas roadhouse.
Strip club.
Strip club?
Where the hell are you going?
You never know a strip club that had peanuts?
What?
Oh, okay.
Shell, they were like de-shit, you know.
Honey roasted?
Forget about it.
At the bar.
Patty had them.
Something.
Patty had them.
They're so 