Name: AYG Goes to PRISON | Are You Garbage Podcast Clips w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2025-11-04T22:00:50.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Goes to PRISON | Are You Garbage Podcast Clips w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'AYG Goes to PRISON | Are You Garbage Podcast Clips w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-04. Transcript available.

I got a little bit of prison slang we got to learn before we get there.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
All day.
Huh?
All day.
All day?
Breakfast?
I'm going to get fucked up on this joint.
All day.
All day.
Yeah, like I'll do it all day.
What?
You can't just say it back to me.
I'm around all the time.
No.
It means a life sentence.
I'm doing all day.
Oh, shit.
That's dark, dude.
All night.
Fuck that.
That's what I mean.
I'm telling people I'm doing all day.
Murder.
Triple murder.
Fucked guys up.
Who was?
Who'd you kill?
Tony.
And what a triple murder.
So Tony, you know, he killed Tony three times?
And his two buddies.
What were their names?
Rick and Steve.
That's a crew rolling together, Tony.
Yeah, Tony, Rick, and Steve.
What do they do?
They're triads.
So now you got the triads here to you.
No.
We squashed it.
I made a deal.
What business?
They wanted me to kill them.
What business did you have with the triads?
Powder.
A baby?
Yeah.
A couple bugs.
They were ripping off.
They worked.
They were in the triads.
They were ripping the triads off.
I got caught up in some shit.
Aren't the triads Chinese?
What?
So Tony, Rick, and Steve are all high-end members of the triads.
Why do you think they wanted them out?
It's Tony Yang, by the way.
Anthony Yang.
Tony Yang and Rick and Steve Chan, the Chan brothers.
I don't think that was their real first name.
They were twins, but they look alike.
Couldn't tell them apart.
I'm sorry.
Hey, good guys.
Well, they weren't good guys.
But you killed them.
I had to.
But why?
They were ripping you off?
They weren't ripping me off.
Who were they ripping off?
They were ripping off the triads.
So you stepped in on the triads behalf?
I try on protecting you so don't fuck around.
Or I'll fucking bug you.
You're already doing that.
I got a fucking all-day sentence of that.
Fucking bugging me all day, dude.
Shank you.
With a bone.
Yeah.
That's what I'm in for.
Okay.
I'm doing it all day.
You should know this one.
What?
A kite.
A kite.
Or flying kites.
They're flying.
I mean, they're bringing over shit.
Uh-huh.
They fly a kite over and drop the bag in the yard and you go pick it up real
quick.
Is it all drugs with you?
What do you mean?
Yeah, a lot of time on my hands.
Yeah, they drop shit in contraband.
No.
Hold on.
Don't be giving it away.
Let me guess.
You're going to get me killed.
Fucking asshole.
I think you sealed your own fate when you killed Tony and Rick and Steve Chan.
No.
It's Tony Chan.
That's a double cross, dude.
Tony Yang and the Chan brothers.
Rick and Steve.
Where'd you kill them?
Chinatown.
A little Italy.
It was right outside of Mulberry Street.
Yeah, that's where I did it.
And an alley back there with a Catano sword.
That's all I had with me.
All right.
Do they have candy?
That's how you bring that up.
I have a list of the commissary.
Ooh.
All right.
Now we're talking.
United States Penitentiary Outwater, California commissary shopping list.
Way more on here than I ever expected.
You got your sodas.
Okay.
You get a 12-pack of Pepsi Max.
A 12-pack?
Pepsi Max.
Max.
That seems a little...
You can get Starry Lemon Lime or Mountain Dew Spark.
What's Mountain Dew Spark?
I don't know.
Must be just some prison shit.
Six bucks and 40 cents.
Six dollars and 40 cents for a 12-pack?
It's not bad.
Better than Walmart.
Mm-hmm.
This place ain't so bad.
You got their charging out there?
Boys, I'd rather be in here with you guys.
Mountain Dew Spark is just getting discontinued.
Yeah, it's all shit that Pepsi's getting rid of.
Starry.
Drinking fucking winter Coca-Cola's in fucking August.
Is that cinnamon?
We were with somebody.
I was with somebody last night after a spot, and they grabbed...
Went to get pizza, and they grabbed a...
Coconella?
Spiced.
Oh, dude.
We passed it around the table.
It tasted like coffee, man.
It was horrible.
He went and was like, I can't drink this, man.
It was red.
There was like a little pink at the top or something.
Tried to return it?
He did.
I was like, dude, go get another one.
That's fucking...
I'm not gonna watch you drink this.
Is it like Christmas spice?
Yeah, but it's like Robitussin.
Somebody...
I think Tom Cassie said it's a little Robitussin-y.
Well, get that Tussin in them.
All right.
What else?
I got a lot of stuff.
Ice cream.
Okay.
Who's the manufacturer?
Twix ice cream.
M&M ice cream.
Okay.
You got your electronics.
Electronics you can buy?
You get a tablet, probably for reading.
A radio, an MP3 player, or Casio watch.
No shit.
Man, that stuff's probably getting traded.
But having any of that stuff makes you a mark.
I ain't gonna be walking around my fucking boombox somewhere.
I mean, I don't think it's a boombox.
Hey, steal your shit.
You fucking prison wolf.
Howling at the full moon tonight, boys.
Take my watch or my Pepsi sparkle.
Yeah, fuck that.
You don't go in flashy with that.
It's the pack of Skittles.
That's it.
Keep them in your pocket.
I don't know what year this is from.
I'd be eating them one at a time out of my pocket.
You're doing that thing where you slow chew.
You put it in and don't chew it right away.
You know this?
Oh, man, I don't want to.
Let the tongue do the work.
That must be high stakes.
You're sitting there.
I killed two guys.
You know the chance?
You don't want to fuck with me.
I'm a bad tooth.
I'm playing it real cool.
You do this.
Pass it off.
Oh, shit.
Okay.
All right.
What else?
Food items.
Here we go.
There's a lot, so I'm going to run it down pretty quick.
Hold on.
This is commissary or this is at the snack shop?
This is commissary.
This is what you can buy.
Okay.
The snack shop.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
This is updated June 29th, 2023.
All sales are final, too.
Limited to one each unless otherwise noted.
Limited to one each.
You can only get one.
Of each.
Because you're trading shit.
Damn, they got a lot, dude.
Where the fuck is that?
That's what I would do.
I'd run that.
Start some scam.
No guy coming in is getting that job right away.
Yeah, I guess somebody would be old fucking Red will be in there.
All day.
Damn.
Yeah, Red doing it all day.
Man, he was good in that, Morgan Freeman.
What I loved about that movie was the book was about an Irish guy,
and they didn't change the name.
So that line about, why do they call you Red?
And he goes, I don't know.
I guess my freckles.
Yeah.
It's like it breaks that fourth wall.
Anywho, you got jalapeno summer sausages.
You got beef sausage.
You got honey pepper turkey log.
Shredded pork chorizo.
You got bumblebee tuna.
You got shredded chicken breast.
Chinese lump chung sausage.
I'll be doing a bully.
You and the dry ads.
I can't get enough lumber song for everybody.
Get back in there, good gracious.
You can't put a poo-poo.
Guys, let's put this all behind us.
Okay.
You got a mackerel pouch.
Mackerel?
Mackerel.
Ew, the fish?
Yeah.
Ugh.
You get jalapeno mackerel.
Oysters from chicken of the sea.
That's crazy.
Flour tortillas.
You can get rice and cheese.
Rice, pepperoni slices.
I'd be all over them fucking pep slices, dog.
You think they got Hormels in there?
Ooh.
It could be like a nice slice of pepperoni.
Get your shiv on you.
I don't care if it's pepperoni.
I'm going to have a slice.
Can't be be eating.
I'm a good boy.
You got Spam.
You got mozzarella cheese stick.
I think that's just like, you know, string cheese.
Jalapeno cheese.
Squeeze.
Squeeze cheese.
A shredded beef pouch.
A turkey stick.
Squeeze peanut butter.
Chili with beans.
Refried beans.
Chorizo refried beans.
What, they cook it in the cell?
Yeah.
But if they're selling that stuff, why don't they give them stuff to cook with?
Instead of doing it on a radiator and shit.
I don't know.
I think it's all probably cooked.
Okay.
It's like MRE type stuff.
Like it's already shredded chicken in a fucking pouch.
I mean, there, that's a, you know, that's it for the food items.
That's not bad.
I mean, like you can make a decent menu.
What?
Any nudie mags?
You know, the condiments, you got mayo, dragon express soy sauce, honey, sweet
and sour, hot
chili, cream cheese, lemon juice, jalapeno peppers, yellow chili peppers, Tito's
hot dill
pickles.
I mean, this ain't, I've stayed at worse hotels.
Ranch dressing packets, minced garlic, minced onion, soul seasoning.
Kill for half of that at a Hampton's Inn.
Who's telling me?
A little mackerel pouch.
That's crazy.
Chips, you got your, you got jalapeno Cheetos, spicy Doritos, sweet and spicy
Doritos, a
lot of Doritos, pork rinds, Cheetos, hot fry.
I got hot fries in jail.
Cookies and crackers, snacks and nuts.
I feel like if anybody sees you eating that shit, they're going to beat the
shit out of
you.
No, I think everybody's eating it.
But the problem is you buy it and then they go and steal it when you're in the
shower.
Yeah.
I had three packs of fucking ramen there.
What am I going to do?
Shoot the face.
Start woofing it.
You're hiding your stuff.
Hey, someone stole my Cheetos.
All right, I'll blow you.