Name: Nick Rochefort! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2025-11-17T00:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Rochefort! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Rochefort! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-17. Transcript available.

Nick Rochefort! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Philly, Philly, Philly, the boys are coming home December 13th for our biggest
show ever at the Metropolitan Theater.
Yeah, get your tickets at RUGarbage.com. Get the homies, get the bozos, get
your aunt, get your uncles. We want to see you there.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out
if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RU Garbage.
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out
if you're going to be classy.
Yeah.
Just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here
at Tootie's in a new edition.
She's going to be guest bartending at Cheerleaders down there on Front Street
in Philly getting ready for the big December 13th show.
Topless.
Work to work to Tootie into a plug. I respect it.
Pasties, but topless.
Uh-huh.
Mike Coase is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
He is an international businessman, father of the year, and my best pal in the
whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in.
And as always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video
available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify now, too.
The boys are climbing the fucking charts over there.
Cooking.
And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage.
Go over there and get all that bonus content.
Yes, sir, and gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I
mean incredibly, special guest here with today for the first time.
He is a very funny, very successful comedian, podcaster, actor, and furniture
store owner, I just found out.
You might know him from Scuff Realtor, Million Dollar Extreme, World Peace on
Adult Swim.
He has an amazing podcast you can hear every week, Perfect Guy Life with Mr.
Sam Hyde, and the owner of Shamanic's House.
Give it up for Nick Rochefort, everybody.
Oh, my God.
Look at that.
Thank you so much for having me here.
A little bit of a flop, but I got all that out.
You got it masterfully.
You're the first interior decorator I've ever had here.
No, I think maybe.
I mean, I don't know.
This is a big place.
I could just razzle-dazzle around here.
I could sprinkle some glitter around here.
I'd love to get rid of some of this man cave stuff.
He walked in, he's like, I love what you've done with the plate.
Yeah, I'm twirling around on ice skates on the carpet.
Have you thought about fresh flowers at all?
Nothing builds the ambiance like that.
I want to get into it.
That's crazy that you do that.
You look at, you live at a bus station.
I do.
No, I look like I sell weed with Seth Rogen.
No, I get it.
It's true, it's true.
I sell mids stick weed.
Mexican brick weed only?
Yeah, that's it.
I wish we could go back to that.
Sorry to cut you off.
Everybody does.
Yeah.
No, I don't smoke weed because I can't get that weed.
Oh, sure.
Yeah, that weed was okay.
My mom used to have that weed.
It was great.
I like a little stem, a little seed.
Yeah, it's a little smoky flavor.
I like to think I'm smoking a little drywall.
Right.
Do you have any brown stick?
Yeah, do you have any really stiff plastic bag weed for $30 for a big giant bag
of it?
I want something the cops are going to laugh at when they pull me over.
This is where you're getting this from.
I could have got you better shit than this.
When you break it up and the seeds fall on the paper.
Oh, I love it.
Then you take that, you put it in a little paper cup with a little bit of topsoil,
a
little bit of water, and you got a weed plant growing.
Then you think you have a weed plant for three months.
It's starting to bud, dude.
Oh, dude, that was the best.
Oh, it's a female.
Oh, it's nothing.
Oh, I'm stupid.
Yeah, I've watched so many people.
I just like them.
I think it looks cool when you grow something like that.
I'm not trying to move any weight or anything.
Sure.
You couldn't if you wanted to.
I know.
It's all male plants, dude.
Some dickhead tells you that.
Yeah, right.
Dude, your UV lights off.
You're going to get gnats.
Gnats, the bugs, the fruit flies.
Yeah, yeah.
I've had that happen to me before.
Buddy, give us the back story.
Give us the origin story.
Well, I grew up in Woonsocket, Rhode Island, which is like a French-Canadian
mill trash town.
That's the first time we've ever had that, a French-Canadian mill trash town?
It's the most French-Canadian-spoken, it's the only town in the United States
that had French on the ATMs.
Really?
That was a big fun story.
Get out of here.
Where the fuck is it?
You see that close to Canada?
What's the name of it?
It was like when they just dropped a lot of French-Canadians.
They were like, let's get out of here.
We're going to this beautiful land where there's dye mills where you can get
leukemia for your wife.
This is from Canada they were saying this?
Yeah, they were from French.
Quebecois, yeah.
So they came down?
They came down.
I like to say my family came down in a wagon in 1991.
That was a station wagon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was a horse-drawn wooden wagon there.
But it's a very, it's just a mill rat.
You know, like everybody gets along.
It's pretty muddy.
It's pretty like, a lot of like, you know when you see like-
Oh, you say it's pretty muddy?
Like French mutt.
You know when you see like-
Oh, muddy.
Like fetal alcohol syndrome face?
Yeah.
Your cousin Jen who gives head for biking, like that kind of shit.
Slipknot t-shirt and Bruins pajamas, 9 a.m. on a Monday morning, getting the
carton of USA Golds, that type of shit.
How the fuck do you know my cousin?
Yeah, I want to know.
She got me a good deal on a tattoo, all freehand.
Yeah, that kind of shit.
That's good.
Okay.
It's that kind of town.
What did your parents do?
Were they in the pelts or anything like that?
Yeah, right?
No.
Trappers?
There were fur trappers, venison jerky makers.
No, my dad was a used car salesman, third gen.
Second gen, I'm third gen.
No kidding.
Yeah.
Wait, you sell used cars now too still?
I sell a few cars a year.
I've been at car sales my entire life.
Are you out of your-
Who are you?
It's like an alcoholic.
You're never not a used car salesman.
Yeah, I gotta do it.
You're always one bad month away from selling cars again.
It'll be-
Give it a couple hours.
You're gonna be like, you know, Nick could probably get me a deal on a Scalade.
A Scalade.
Yeah.
So you're, hold on, so your family migrated down from Quebec to this town in
Rhode Island.
Your dad started a car dealer, a used car dealership.
He dropped out of school in ninth grade, my father.
Uh-huh.
Did they, your dad, your parents came down?
No, my grandfather came down.
Your grandfather came down, okay.
Then my father dropped out of school in ninth grade, quit just like straight up
like, I was
like, really?
They let you do that?
What was your grandfather doing?
He was a patent maker for like a dye, I don't know, a valve mill.
Okay.
What does that mean, a patent maker?
Like, you work in an office and they steal your ideas, basically.
Yeah, okay.
He came up with ideas.
Yeah, he did.
Anything juicy?
I think he created like a diverter valve and they bought him a car.
It was a big story, but he was a shit.
Holy shit, that was your grandfather?
Yeah, yeah.
Old Norman, yeah.
He was, but we don't get along.
You know, the family's all disjointed.
Everybody hates everybody.
So like, get that fucking guy out of here.
Really?
All angry French Canadians.
No one's allowed to use a sink in his household.
Yeah, yeah.
Because it's, I wouldn't even want to go over there if he invited me.
Really?
Yeah, that type of shit.
I like it.
Yeah, so how many brothers and sisters did your dad have?
He had seven or something.
All right, so they're, damn, that is bad.
It's like one of those where you don't even know.
It's like eight.
I don't know.
A couple of them are dead.
Who knows?
You're not close with them.
Nope.
I'm not close with any of the cousins just because of where I grew up with.
And then my mom was a, she's a bookkeeper.
She's like an office lady.
Gotcha.
Okay.
Like accounts receivable.
Respectable job.
Respectable.
Yep.
Yep.
She keeps me on my toes.
She keeps all the books in line.
And my dad sold new cars, kind of made a little bit of bread right away at like
18.
The owner took a liking.
That's really right away.
That's right away.
You know, selling, there's always that moment in the car business where you
sell your teacher
a car.
Ah.
That's a very common thing.
Really?
And you sell your like teacher and the teacher's like, how much money?
And then you get to look at the credit report and like, you make that, you
piece of shit.
I make that in a good April.
I can't even spell.
I hold my pen like this.
And I make more than that.
That's one of the new questions I wanted to ask you to hold a pen and show me.
Yeah, show me your handwriting.
That's a good one.
Show me your handwriting.
That's a good tell.
That's crazy.
So your dad starts selling cars.
Yeah.
Opens a small car lot.
Everybody's like, oh, small fort.
Now, you've seen this car dealership before.
It's four cars, one garage, one man door.
Mm-hmm.
Stickers on the windshield that say like $4995 or hand paint, which I can do
pretty well.
Really?
Yes.
Absca matter, whatever they call it.
The thick paint markers with the colors.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You put like, you know, air conditioning, moonroof, power windows, you know,
like star, you know,
that shit, price, year.
Low miles.
What about Orbest Offer?
No.
No Orbest Offer?
So the fun thing is, Nello's Motor Sales was the name of my dad's, and it was
on the side
of a strip club called the K2U.
And we were the first to do buy here, pay here in the state of Rhode Island.
What do you mean?
Buy here, pay here.
Every dirt bag's got a, we were the first to do this.
We were the first, yes, yes.
Grandfather patented.
Yeah.
We patented ripping off people in the hood.
That and free crab legs.
Yeah.
So you have to give like, so say the car is like three grand.
You would-
You're moving nice cars over there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, beautiful.
Say, if you guys can wrap your head around a car being three grand.
A late model DeVille.
You know, you know.
So you put 500 down, you pay $35 a week forever.
Really?
It's like Rent-A-Center.
It's like the origin.
Now, who holds the, so like there's really, you hold the note.
You could fuck us.
So you're leasing it.
Oh, you could fuck us.
You could, you could walk away.
Good news is my fucking ape-sized shitbox cousin will come kick your fucking
door down.
Come get the car.
Yeah, and they get the car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really?
No rules.
Friends with the cops.
Hey, they stiffed us.
Cop goes, shouldn't have stiffed them.
Uh-huh.
Get the car back.
So this has happened.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So here's the fun one.
Better mind your fucking P's and Q's, big guy.
Little index card, my job when I'm 9, 10, my brother, it's me and my brother,
we collect
the $35 a week.
Little index cards, you know, Mrs. Ruggieri, Mrs., you know, oh, you were met.
She brings in the 35, I tuck it in the index card, I tuck it in the index card.
Is this cash, check?
Cash, usually.
Or, here's the fun part, when they don't have it.
Tell you, and my dad had a pretty good reputation around time.
He was a pretty fair guy.
He wasn't like, believe it or not, there are good cards.
He'd be like this, you know the rule.
You have to go get something worth $35.
I got a question.
Do you then keep that, or hold it until it's replaced with cash?
Usually, they would always leave it.
So you would end up with-
Yeah, a microwave.
Gray parakeets.
They were expensive, though.
Champion dogs.
Stuff like weird stuff.
A Nintendo gun.
Yeah, yes.
Snap-on tools.
Oakley glasses.
What?
Why?
Because they don't have the 3