Name: Divorce Court | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2025-11-20T00:00:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Divorce Court | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Divorce Court | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-20. Transcript available.

Divorce Court | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Philadelphia and the surrounding areas, I'm talking about Lansdale, Wipane, Concha
Hocken.
The boys are coming back to Philly for the biggest show they've ever done,
December 13th at the Met.
I'm talking to you, Langhorne Larry, Pendell Pete, Bristol Bob.
Get your tickets at RUgarbage.com.
Talking about Marlton, New Jersey. We're talking about Plymouth White Marsh.
We're talking about you snobs out there on the main line.
Grab the squad and come out and see the boys.
Dirtbags in Levittown. I'm talking Upper Makefield.
I'm talking shelf on the rednecks up there by Scranton.
Get your tickets. The boys are hanging.
Welcome to another exciting edition of RUgarbage.
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is RUgarbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's our little show.
We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out the group to be
classy.
Yeah.
Cooking just a big old piece of trash.
Trash, trash, trash.
I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
She's in the garage doing little free weights.
Okay.
Pumping some iron.
Throwing a steel around.
Getting ready for the holiday season.
Listen to a little DMX.
You know how she likes to do it, getting her bark on, as they say.
Sure.
Mike Co's is coming at you from across the table, so we call it a family
episode.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
Just the way we like it, especially around the holiday season.
Give it up for my good pal, KJ.
Kevin, James, Ryan, everybody.
Hey, what up, gang?
Shout out to you.
As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify as well.
Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com, slash are
you garbage?
You go over there, you join the over 15,000 members, the over 15,000 homies.
That's enough to take over a small country if we ever needed to, you know what
I mean?
15,000?
If we ever started, if we got, that's boots on the ground, right?
I can organize that.
Uh-huh.
I can do some damage with that.
They're all going to listen, right?
An old country buffet, maybe.
Hey, get in there.
What kind of weapons are we talking about?
Uh-huh.
Kalashnikovs?
Sure.
Some radios?
Uh-huh.
What about air support?
What do I got coming in on me?
Bring somebody in?
You got a lot of stuff coming on you, I presume, at this point.
Some choppers?
Uh-huh.
Fixed-wing aircraft?
Yeah.
Huh.
Napalm?
Yeah.
Element of surprise?
Yeah, let's make sure all that stuff has seatbelt extensions, too, while we're
at it.
Real tough guy.
Excuse me.
You have a clicky-click?
That's what he does.
I'd fly running the chopper.
That's what he does, and you say, excuse me, can I do a little?
You don't even have the courage to say it.
Say it with your chest next time.
Hey!
Seatbelt extender 1B.
Hit me.
You do a clicky-click.
I do a clicky-click.
Dude, the other day, the girl was doing the thing.
Like, she was giving the instruction with it, and he goes, can I get that when
you're done?
Like, you're asking for kills on a sig.
She said, no, I got to get you another one.
I got to get you another one.
I can't get the floor model, bitch?
Very derpy.
Well, she forgot.
I know.
Sometimes I think you also don't care.
You're like, yeah, let's just roll.
Oh, yeah.
Roll nice.
If she comes back, she comes back.
If she don't, she don't.
100%.
I worry about you, though.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
Because I would kill you.
What do you mean?
If it was bad turbulence, I'd bang my head into you.
Mm-hmm.
Probably shatter the plane.
That noggin you got.
You have a bigger head than I do.
It's huge.
Your head is significantly bigger than mine.
It's huge.
Dude, our hat sizes, you've always been like, you're like an eight and a half.
Yeah, it's bad.
You got like a cinder block head.
You got a lot of bulldog.
You got a lot of mass around here.
That's a big old head you got on.
Oh, that's neither here nor there.
We got a few, a little bit of housekeeping we got to do here before we get off
and running.
Is it about how good my hair looks today?
Sure.
It's better.
Weight loss?
Yeah, all that stuff.
There's new merchandise on sale right now.
Get it while it's hot.
Another merch drop.
Go get your tea.
Merch drop.
And then also, too, as you know, we got our big Philly show coming up.
December 13th at the Metropolitan Theater in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Biggest show we've ever done, right, KB?
Biggest show we've ever done.
And as you know, if you've been to previous shows, you know, 95% of the time we
do a meet
and greet when we can, when the venue allows.
Right.
Unfortunately, I was, we were talking to the people down there.
I said, hey, you got to figure out a meet and greet.
Playing hardball.
One, we never charge for a meet and greet.
We never have.
We never will.
Never will.
Never will.
None of that.
That's just, that's just not, that's not our cup of tea.
We're boys.
Are you garbage?
Never will.
Are you garbage?
Never will.
Oh, H5.
I got guys waiting outside right now.
I just picture you.
You know those wrestling conventions?
There's going to be like podcasting conventions.
I'm bringing it in a bag.
From the big podcast boom.
You're over there.
Okay.
You're signing, you're signing some book that someone else wrote.
I'm Henry.
But so we're, we're, we want to do something being that it's a special, you
know, the Philly
shows are always special to us.
And a lot of the homies and bozos know right away, they start hitting you up.
Hey, we know it's a big venue.
Is there going to be a meet and greet?
Unfortunately, they're not going to be able to accommodate it.
It's just too many people.
It's a big show.
Too many people.
But we are going to do something.
We want to do something special.
Hit them.
So we are going to be giving away some VIP meet and greet packages.
For free.
For free.
Yeah.
That's giving away.
All right.
Yeah.
We're giving away for the easy price at $9.99.
No.
So we're going to be giving them away.
Unfortunately, we tried working with the venue to do that.
And then Ticketmaster, Live Nation, whatever.
We said, can we get a list of people who bought tickets already?
And they said, no, you cannot.
So we have to do it ourselves.
So if you buy a ticket between now and December 1st, you will be, there's a
link.
You can click the link.
You put your name, your email.
Your email address and your ticket or order confirmation number will be entered
into the pool to win.
I like that.
We're going to select them.
I don't know how many we're going to do.
We're going to have a bunch, as many as we can.
I'm assuming family and friends aren't eligible.
Our family and friends?
Yeah.
I don't know.
My mom wanted to come back and say hi.
Your mom can come back and say hi.
Okay.
20 bucks.
Give me a 20 or something like that.
Oh, she'll get her way in.
So there's a link in the description of this episode.
Click that link.
If you've bought tickets to Philly, and if you buy them between now and
December 1st, you
will be entered into win, and we will email you, and you get to come backstage.
I love that.
We're going to do some merch giveaways.
Oh, yeah.
Some of the merch, some of the tour merch, all that kind of stuff.
We're still figuring it all out, but we appreciate the fucking, the army of
garbage, and we
want to make it, we wanted to make it special.
I love this.
That's what we're doing.
So between now and December 1st, you'll be entered to win, come backstage with
the boys.
You get to meet Patty, maybe.
Probably Patty Denise will be sniffing around.
I can make that happen.
What?
I can, if you want Patty there.
Set up a kissing booth for Patty.
Five bucks is smooch.
She's paying.
She's paying five bucks to kiss everybody.
Doing a little apple bobbin, huh?
I never got that.
Me either.
That scared the shit out of me.
I always thought I was going to drown.
Uh-huh.
Big show, December 13th.
Come out and see the boys.
I love it.
That's great.
Yeah.
It was all my idea.
I don't think, I think you learned about it just as I was describing it.
Before we move on, can we take a little cruise by and see the kid?
Sure.
There he is.
Hey, guys.
Lucas Patukas.
Mr. Dempsey.
Whoa.
Mr. Dempsey.
I'm trying to throw that at you.
Wearing one today.
You are, huh?
This is after a long, wonderful skank fest.
Thanks for the memories, boys.
Did a lot of drinking, didn't you?
Takes it out of you.
We had some pops.
Yeah.
It was a good time.
Uh-huh.
Me and Lucas were linked up.
We were moving as one.
The boys were locked in.
Uncle Hank, clear, clean, focused.
That's funny.
I have a picture here I would like to discuss with you.
Uh-oh.
As you-
Does it have something to do with me?
Nipple clamps.
Can I get some time on that Philly show?
What's up?
As you know-
What do I know?
What do you know?
I'm describing to the listeners.
I don't like this.
We have two bathrooms here.
He just like shrunk into himself a little bit.
You did.
It's bullshit.
We have two bathrooms here.
Yeah, that's right.
And just the natural order of things.
Uh-huh.
You have taken one and I have taken one.
Yeah, that's right.
Right?
Mom and dad, a little his and hers.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Because you bitch and moan if I use the same turlet as you.
Now he's getting so defensive.
Not me.
Everybody doesn't like it.
Not anymore.
Okay.
Why are you screaming at me?
Not everybody likes using your facilities.
A lot of urine.
A lot of fecal matter.
A clogged toilet here and there.
Raw sewage smell floating around.
And, you know, from time to time-
We have to take care of ourselves and we brush our teeth, we do our hair, we
record, we got spots, we feel fresh, whatever.
You know what I mean?
What I want to know is how high is this water going to be?
I popped in-
For the sandbag operation you got going on here.
I'm just-
It seems everybody's involved.
I haven't been in that room in maybe a year.
Right.
Maybe a year.
You should step in there.
It's nice.
I did.
I needed a little product for the hair.
I was doing spa at a run house.
I was doing spa.
I needed to zhuzh up a bit.
Yeah, you used my stuff.
And you got to my-
First of all, you've stolen my hairspray and put it in there.
Just saying.
Hey, gang, if you win the meet and greet affiliate, I'll give you half a can of
hairspray from H. Foley's bathroom, which-
Possession is nine-tenths of the law, which got me in this hot water in the
first place.
Ain't done.
Something on that?
What?
I just haven't been in there.
Yeah.
And me and you operate a little differently when it comes to-
I think I know where this is going.
Hygiene, germs-
Sure.
Stuff.
Just, you know, just stuff like that.
Do you know where I'm going with this?
I have a feeling-
I picked up-
Let's just roll the tape.
Just hit them with it.
This was shocking to me that you are just-
Punch in on that.
You are roll-dogging your toothbrush on a communal sink.
Dude, that is-
First of all, it's not communal.
It's a private bathroom.
No, that's communal.
Which I have a key.
There's five of us in here a day.
That's-
I know.
Luke just went in there and did his business, too.
Like a little cockapoo.
Dude, you're just-
That's a little wee-wee pad.
For the audio listener, Foley's-
It was wet.
Your wet toothbrush.
Why was it wet?
I don't know.
Today?
No, this was-
Oh, okay.
I was going to say-
Somebody comes, someone breaks in and brushes their teeth.
No, this was the other day.
Everybody had left.
It was just me.
Uh-huh.
Because I had brushed my teeth.
You had brushed your teeth, and then you just leave your toothbrush on this
dude.
If you punch in, you can see pubes.
There's still pubes on.
Yes, punch it.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Punch it on the corner.
There's a couple of short curly-
Stop it.
No, go under.
Go under.
About an inch under the thing.
Oh, I understand.
Right there in the bottom.
There's a-
Yeah, your curl