Name: How to Feel Rich! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2026-02-02T00:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Feel Rich! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How to Feel Rich! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-02. Transcript available.

How to Feel Rich! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?
The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is Are You Garbage?
It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians,
and we find that if they're good to be classy, or if they're just a big old
piece of trash.
I'm your host, Tate Trilly, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.
Woke up this morning, delivered to the house a dozen long-stem red roses
addressed to my little sweetie pie, Aunt Tootie.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
She was shaking somebody's bed toast last night.
Hey, somebody with a couple of bucks.
Bringing the goods.
Yeah.
Very classy move.
Yes.
To send roses after a night of fornication.
One night stand.
Probably they were probably at a motel to pay by the hour.
Shout out to the Lincoln Motel down here on the boulevard.
Woo-wee.
The door opens out to the parking lot.
Uh-huh.
Very nice, though.
Nice.
How are you with flowers?
Uh, well, if you introduce me, maybe we'll get into it.
Kevin Ryan.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah, you didn't like that, did you?
I did not.
Uh, what up, gang?
Shout out to you.
As always, just make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify, baby.
Uh, and then obviously, patreon.com, slash, sorry, garbage.
Go over there.
You get all that bonus content.
Not to mention the boys are going back out on the road.
The boys are on the road.
Couple of big ones.
We got Tampa.
Make sure you get those tickets.
We're going to be down at Sidesplitters for the weekend.
Uh-huh.
Get tickets.
Come see that.
In Austin, Texas, down there at the Creek in the Cave.
Not to mention, uh, Los Angeles on sale for part of the Netflix is a joke
festival.
Get those tickets, because that's going to frigging go.
L.A.
Uh, taking the bug man back to L.A.
Wah, wah, wah.
Hachi-machi, we're going to have to put, we're going to have to have a couple
of fucking bodyguards next to you.
I'm going to be out at the hotel, like, in L.A. Confidential.
They'll be working me over.
I told you not to come back.
No, this is going to be that thing where it's like you're about to testify.
We got to keep you alive.
You know what I mean?
Fuck you, we got to lock you in a hotel room.
These eggs taste weird.
And then, uh, Denver's on sale.
L.A.'s on sale.
Uh, all, all, all tickets available at reugarbage.com.
Uh, check it out.
If you haven't been to a live show, we're having a fun freaking time.
Good time out there.
Chicago, too.
Chicago?
Coming to the Vic Theater.
Now, that's where I need to be, out there in Chicago.
Once the weather clears up a little bit.
Also.
Wind whipping off Lake Michigan.
Thank you.
Staying on the nice side of town.
Are we?
I don't know.
I'm not going, I'm not going downtown to Chi-Rac.
I'll tell you that much.
Where have they got King Von and shit?
I got people over there.
Yeah.
I'll keep you safe.
Who, Dickie?
No, not Dickie.
No, no shit.
I'll keep you safe.
Don't wear blue.
Okay.
Wear red.
Oh, yeah, you're fucking bad.
Don't do that.
That's blood.
Expose me.
Okay.
I meant for Valentine's Day, but.
All right, fair enough.
Can I get back to my.
You really drove this one into the ground.
You did, didn't you?
No, you did.
I'm going to pull it out.
Don't worry.
I'm in a gang.
I got you.
I'll take care of you.
I can't take care of you.
Yeah, no, we can't take care of your fucking self.
You can't go back to Los Angeles.
That's because of my own personal reasons.
I don't do well out in LA.
Something about the sun out there.
The fresh air.
Avocados.
Get me.
It's not really the avocados.
The mango trees.
Things that are sometimes inserted in avocados when they come to the border.
Yeah.
We got you.
We got you.
Anyway.
My personal.
Hey, guy taking bits.
Five seconds too long.
Let's go.
Check the fuck in.
My personal plights.
Not really on the docket here.
Nobody.
You brought it up.
Fair enough.
You do flowers.
Classy guy like that.
You do flowers.
I try.
Figure after that disappointing sex.
You got to.
Man, you really got your fangs out today, gang.
Not really.
My wife isn't a huge flower gal.
They all say that.
She don't like roses.
I'll do a couple times a year.
You'll throw them out there.
Yeah.
A classy move for a gentleman.
Which today we're talking about classy things.
Sure.
Which, as I told you, things that you had in the house when you're growing up
that made
you feel like you were classy.
Yeah.
Like you told me.
Yeah.
Like I told you.
Like I had to tell you three and a half minutes ago what we were doing.
Sure.
Wake up in the middle of a production meeting.
You got to act like you've been there.
You got to get yelling at somebody.
Take the room back, dog.
You know what I mean?
That's why we were talking about hot dogs.
Fire somebody and walk out.
Shark, you're fired.
I'll be in my office.
Shark, let me see you in my office.
Sorry about that, man.
Shout out to Mark the Shark, new editor on the team here.
Cornell grad.
Sure.
Smart guy's working for us over here.
I know.
Name's not Mark.
His parents are probably very disappointed.
Sure.
It was also pretty funny.
The first, we brought Mark the Shark to the Philly show.
To help out production hand.
Mm-hmm.
And the elevator opened up and he was carrying my baby's pack and play.
And I said, welcome to show business.
Welcome to Hollywood, Shark.
Cornell boy carrying a fucking, carrying a pack and play with spit up all over.
I had to bring my own pack and play upstairs like an asshole.
Mm-hmm.
We did.
We put the stuff.
The big pack and play.
Look behind you.
No, the other way.
What?
God, you stink.
What's on the wall back there?
What's on the wall back there?
A painting.
Yes.
That's not behind me.
That's to my right.
Oh, look at you.
Yeah.
What are you, fucking Bill Cody?
Buffalo Bill.
Isn't there the guy who got with his back to the door?
Wile E. Coyote.
No.
Wild Bill Hookcock.
Mm-hmm.
He got caught.
You talking to me?
Yeah.
I thought we were doing a comedy talk.
Talking to the guy behind you.
No wrong behind you.
As I've said before on this podcast, that painting was in my home.
It was in my childhood home in Mountaintop.
Then it was brought to Wilkes-Barre with us.
Mm-hmm.
And then it even made it for a few years.
It was at the house down here in Philly.
Yeah.
Outside of Philly in the Burbs.
And as a child, I thought that that was my mother and my grandmother who grew
up in a studio apartment.
They're definitely not.
They're not blowing anybody.
How dare you?
Got him.
Gibby's back.
Hey, fat guy stinks.
Gibby's back.
My mom grew up in a one-bedroom apartment in like-
The 20s.
No.
For the harp.
How'd they get it through the door?
In a one-bedroom apartment with other family members that live there.
Mm-hmm.
So.
What's that mean?
You thought that was her?
Oh, I thought that was them, but I was-
You thought that was the apartment they grew up in?
They didn't have second bedroom money, but they had a harp money?
Not a room in here, huh?
He could easily put up a wall, turn us into a two-bedroom.
Painted over the hot plate that was in the corner.
Also, I'm pretty sure I see Florida's ceiling windows.
Where the fuck is that?
That's what I thought.
I thought like that's where my mom grew up.
Mm-hmm.
And then every New Year's Eve, she would always tell me how brutal it was
growing up because
she hated New Year's Eve because that's when she found out her mother was dying.
Okay.
Esophageal cancer.
Is this your first time doing this?
I'm just telling you.
This is facts about me.
Nobody has those facts.
I thought that was us.
I thought that's where I came from.
And I always wonder, what the hell happened on the cash?
What minute are we at?
Seven.
Seven, and we already hit esophageal cancer.
That's crazy.
Topical.
You could have just said she was sick.
I didn't need the fucking test results.
Showing me your fucking lab workouts.
I spread around, too.
It wasn't just any esophageal.
Contagious.
Everybody's going to get sick in that one bedroom.
I have tonsillitis.
I forgot to tell you, too, by the way.
It's not contagious.
As long as you don't kiss.
But I am on an antibiotic.
Okay.
Augmentin.
Augmentin.
Augmentin?
Penicillin.
Augment this conversation.
Try to truncate this conversation.
Anyway, that was something that I had in my house growing up that I thought
that made me feel fancy.
You know what I mean?
That beautiful painting back there.
I mean, it is a nice painting.
To me, that looks fancy.
It looks like the real wood and patina.
It looks valuable.
But if you touch it, it's actually like plastic.
It's all one piece of plastic.
It's a print, dickhead.
I'm just saying, I was shocked.
We have the original.
No, you don't.
Yes, we do.
No, you don't.
Is that the Louvre?
Is that the loser?
Is that the VFW?
That is street.
They're holding it until we paid a tab.
Oh, man.
You never had to do anything like that, did you?
What?
Pay a tab at a VFW?
No.
No, we...
Ryan pays their debts.
No, not really.
Sullivan pays their debts.
Give somebody something to hold until you straighten them out.
No.
No.
I remember...
No, not real.
No.
I never...
I had to with a stereo.
Yeah, I mean, I was dealing with my friends, not drug dealers.
Okay.
I'm just saying, like, I wasn't going on...
Some of them were my friends.
Okay?
I don't think they were calling you that often.
You get close at knife point.
You know what I mean?
It really brings you together.
Yeah, no.
Definitely not.
I don't think so.
Not that I can recall.
Can I guess what you had in your house growing up that made you feel fancy?
Sure.
Huh.
Call my bluff on this one.
We'll be right back.
I would have to assume, a lot of people, it's the China cabinet.
What a good dishes are.
Mm-hmm.
Which you have a pretty extensive China cabinet in the kitchen.
In the kitchen?
Your China cabinet is in the kitchen.
Oh, that's new Raymore Flanagan shit.
That's not that.
That's not...
That house that you've been to, while it is the four walls I grew up in, that's
no longer
the house I grew up in.
What do you say?
Oh, okay.
It's all...
Not that it's been redone.
Redone.
Um...
I guess it has been.
I don't know.
That...
I would say we had a kitchen island.
That was like the...
Oh, that's pretty good.
The standalone island.
Yeah.
It was very much...
I remember being like, this is...
That felt...
Sure.
But then you go over to like...
That is the house.
So that house was built in 89, I think.
That's pretty good.
My parents were still together.
It's pretty good.
Things were still going well.
It was a good year.
Uh...
Yeah, I think construction in the 80s in the Philadelphia area was doing pretty
well.
Booming.
Right?
All through the 90s.
Reganomics.
All through the 90s.
So that was doing well, and then they split up, and then my mom took that...
That was like my mom...
My dad moved out.
My mom kept that house.
And then...
Was that paid for?
Can I ask you that?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Touchy subject.
Uh...
Very much so.
Uh...
No.
Not by any means.
Um...
And then, uh...
My mom took over, and then as the...
She was the head of the house.
And she had to go...
She went back to work, because she was like raising kids, and then she went
back to work
at the hospital.
So, like, there wasn't...
A lot of...
It was a nice house, but my mom always said we were...
We were...
Was it house rich or house broke?
House poor.
Like, we were in this nice house, and she kept us in that house.
Because of the...
For the school district, she was like, I'm not taking my kids out.
Right.
Um...
So, like, there was never much really nice stuff in there.
Where would you have went if it weren't...
I mean, you went to fucking Council Rock.
It's not like that's Harvard.
Where would you...
Where would you say that?
I believe that's a very good school district.
I mean, you had more pill deaths per capita 