Name: Running Up the Tab! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Uploaded: 2026-02-19T00:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Running Up the Tab! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Running Up the Tab! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley' from AreYouGarbage? Comedy Podcast on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-02-19. Transcript available.

Running Up the Tab! | Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R.U. Garbage.
Oh, yeah.
It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedian, and we find...
Not today.
Fucking Michelin-starred dickhead over here.
We find out if they grew up to be happy, not yet, if they grew up to be classy,
or just a big old piece of trash, like my co-host, real garbage man.
I'm your host, Ace Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here with Toadies in a new edition.
She is up to something.
But I don't know what...
If I was prepared, I would know the joke.
She's got a lot going on.
Yeah, so do you, apparently.
She does.
She's working in a kitchen now.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Okay, what's with all the kitchen content in the Michelin star?
She's in the...
I've been watching that Marco Pierre White making him sardine sandwich.
Uh-huh.
Butter.
Life without butter.
Why don't you try watching an elliptical, will you?
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
I'm ignoring that.
He is the CEO of Are You Garbage.
He is an international businessman, and unfortunately, my best friend in the
whole wide world.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James, Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang?
Shout out to you, as always.
What are you clapping?
Stop cutting me off.
You fucking kiss-ass.
They're all kiss-asses over here, by the way, everybody.
All of them.
They all suck up on Kippy's teats.
Hairy nipples.
I don't get it, but some people find a track.
Hey, stop telling us your fantasy is creepy.
I'm trying to do a comedy show.
These guys.
Let me get the fucking plugs out of the way.
Shout out to...
Let me thank you...
Get tickets to move.
Let me thank the goddamn people for tuning in.
Shout out to...
No, stop it.
Shout out to you for tuning in.
Yeah, I love you so much.
Well, as always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Full video available on YouTube.
Full video available over there on Spotify.
And I got to tell you, those numbers are cooking, baby.
Yeah, they're pretty good this week.
They're doing great.
I like how you say that and people...
People start tracking it and think that there's problems.
I call balls and strikes.
Uh-huh.
Some days we're down.
Some days we're good.
We're killing it right now, though.
It all depends on what day you release.
Yeah, it's all algorithm bullshit.
It's all political.
These people are bought and paid for.
Sure.
Not us, baby.
Old school renegades.
That's right.
But we could be bought.
Yeah.
I'm waiting.
Somebody make an offer.
Somebody open up the fucking checkbook.
Yeah.
We're not the guys you kill.
We're the guys you pay off.
Michael Clayton.
Bobby Slate.
Bobby Slate.
The pitbull.
The pitbull's the comedy.
And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com.
You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.
And them numbers are knocking on the door.
It's 16,000 strong, baby.
That's right.
Army of garbage.
Going to have a good month.
I'm feeling it.
Going to be down there in Austin.
Going to be down there in Tampa.
Yeah.
Listen, Tampa's, I mean, there might be like 30, 40 tickets total left for
Tampa.
So get, because we're going to be doing a little filming down there.
So get them tickets.
Then Austin's moving too.
A little OF.
Uh-huh.
Only fan.
Yeah, no, I got you.
What are you doing?
Huh?
What are you doing?
Putting fucking action figures in your belly button?
What are you going to do?
Is there a market for that?
I don't know.
Is there a market for that?
I just assume you're good at it.
I did that in the bathtub when I was younger.
Make your G.I.
Joe guys go splunking or spladunking.
That's a good one.
Anywho.
It's a family episode, Kevin.
Okay.
We're pivoting quick.
Yeah.
With your sultry conversation.
Mm-hmm.
Disgusting.
Sure.
You're the one who brought up my nipples early on.
No, I was saying everybody sucks on your teats.
They all kiss up to you.
This whole office is a bunch of kiss asses.
I'm the fucking renegade right now.
Give a shit what this guy says.
You know what's nuts is part of you thinks that.
I've been missing deadlines left and right around here.
Part of you.
Take in the heat and keep it moving.
Yay.
Everybody else, man, I say something in that group chat, it's like a ghost town.
You chime in with the worst crap ever.
Some meme.
You disappear.
Guy Fieri.
I don't know.
No, your thing is you disappear.
I don't disappear.
I had a stomach bug.
All day.
All day.
All weekend.
At one point, I had to accuse you of having another job.
That's how absent you've been.
I remember yelling at you, do you have another fucking job I don't know about?
Because you're going.
You're like the fucking FedEx delivery guy.
If we don't get you, you ain't fucking coming back.
Two to five, I'll be around.
You leave a slip to say, you fucked up.
Shout out to great Sebastian.
Yes.
Sebastian Maniscalco.
Hit him up.
Tell him to do the show.
Call me.
No, you.
Call me.
Okay, I will.
It's a family episode, gang.
Uh-huh.
Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies.
I thought you said you had something to start off.
Just the way.
I'm lying.
Just the way we like it.
Big man shooting from the hip.
In the kitchen.
Right.
What?
You don't have anything.
I was sick.
I just, you know, and you don't like when I talk about that stuff.
I got something.
Nobody died.
I got something.
I was ill.
Okay, easy.
Neurovirus.
Something.
Bad.
They can use their wildest imagination.
Listen.
What?
Wild.
It was like an action.
All right, stop.
It was like an action park lawsuit.
Yikes.
Multiple people named.
A lot of skinnies.
I got a little bit of a confession to make.
Yes.
Not proud of this.
Yes.
Not proud.
Yes.
Very not proud.
You stinking I'm awesome?
Finally, I'm glad you came around.
No, I'm going to run the group chat.
Yeah.
Well, if you were, like I said, if you're in there for more than once a fucking,
you know.
Listen, I am in there.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
You decide business hours.
All of a sudden, you text them.
Our business hours.
Everybody gets nervous.
No, they're business hours.
They're working business hours.
And I get back to you.
And during my author's hours, which are every third Thursday.
The pizza place only gives me a 15-minute break.
They say no phones behind the counter.
Yeah, what can I do?
It's the middle of February right now.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
What?
You missed the summer.
It's too cold.
What?
The snow's getting to you.
No, why would that be embarrassing?
The heat's off.
They shut the heat off.
No.
You gambled the money away.
My water bill's nuts.
Really?
Again.
No kidding.
A couple hundred bucks.
In the fall, in the winter, my electric bill is nothing.
We don't even have to use our heat because we're up high.
Uh-huh.
In the summer, that eats.
All that blubber.
In the summer.
I eat a lot of salmon.
You're inside a tree in the living room.
I just found out, you know, those bears, they don't eat the whole salmon.
They just eat the skin.
That don't sound right.
Yeah.
I'm not saying you're wrong.
When they get ready for the winter because the skin has the most fat in it.
So they just rip the skin off and throw it out.
That's good salmon.
Split that.
Uh-huh.
Me and my mom could split that as a fucking, they got another meal.
Which I know I'm getting older because that's starting to become a thing.
How many meals I can get out of one meal?
That's two meals.
I wrap it up.
Denise loves wrapping.
I handed, we did take out this weekend.
Denise moved out of our, my childhood home that we were in for 30 whatever
years.
I, yeah.
Did you do a sentimental walkthrough?
We're not done.
I mean, I didn't kick her out.
It's not like they were waiting at the fucking driveway with their shit.
There's a couple of, they got to settle first.
What the fuck?
Fucking squatter.
Well, back to my admission of guilt.
Yes.
Middle of February.
Middle of February.
This is bad.
I let it ride through January.
Kitchy.
Outside Christmas lights still on the house and still on a timer that turn on
every night.
Are they white lights?
Yeah.
All right.
I got to be honest with you because the rest of the house, I don't have a lot
of outside
light to begin with.
I need a little bit of what they call in the business, curb appeal.
Because at night, it looks like a crack house.
Yeah, you do need a little curb appeal, man.
You don't know what's going on in there.
It's a nice home on the inside with love and family.
I don't like the fact that you've been stewing on this about my house.
It's a little, yeah.
From the outside.
It's just that night.
You could be making bombs or cooking meth or something in there.
So, I had a leak.
The leak ruined the switch.
There was like a dial timer for the front lights.
That got ruined.
Ruined.
It ruined.
Now, that don't work.
So, I got to get that fit.
Whatever.
So, the Christmas lights are still on.
On a timer.
Did you put these Christmas lights on?
No, I paid a guy who just, he's gone.
I ain't ever heard.
He might have died.
He's down in the Keys.
He might have died because those guys, I don't think, are like living the best
life.
He's bartending down at Fort Lauderdale.
You got to catch him next season when he comes back up.
I don't just leave him up at this point.
When he runs out of money.
I don't think you'll be able to see.
You can't see him during the day.
I can just let them run until next year, right?
I don't know, man.
White lights, you know?
It looks good.
Is it around the house?
Yeah, it's like rich, trimmed.
It's not on the trees.
What are you, Boathouse Row?
I don't know if you can get away with that.
It does.
It's very Boathouse Row-y.
Trimmed, clean, crisp, precision, lined.
Whatever.
It's still up.
And now, I'm real subconscious about it.
It looks, through January, I'd give you the snowstorm, whatever.
I mean, middle of the day.
Is anybody else in the neighborhood?
No.
Mm-mm.
It's bad.
It's bad.
We're jammed up over there.
Yeah.
Jam.
It is.
Listen, I've said this a couple of times.
Not here, but on another program I do.
Some people I know.
Group chat.
You know, I would leave the Christmas lights up.
Listen, it's class.
Everywhere.
It's classy.
It looks nice.
It's just, I.
Do you know the William Penn Inn?
No.
You don't know the William Penn Inn?
No.
All right.
Wait.
The Billy Penn Inn?
So, the William Penn Inn on Skip Back Pike, or 202.
You say that so trash.
Skip Back Pike, 202.
Dude, every dirt bag from out where you're from always says that.
Well, I'm killing Pike.
There's so many Pikes out there.
Hey, we're on Trooper Road.
Trooper Road.
They got a wall out there that'll fucking blow your hybrid.
That?
What's out?
East Norton?
Norton?
East Norton.
Yeah, you live up there East Norton.
Okay.
Why don't you brush your tooth and get out of my face?
I don't know anything about it.
I used to work these home shows.
East Norton's nice.
That's where fucking Corpolis is.
Shout out to them.
Over there in East Norton.
Which I told you, you could buy that whole shopping center.
East Norton.
I could buy it?
Yeah, it's four million bucks.
First of all, I can't buy that.
That's what my mom told me.
They're selling the whole...
Your mom told you I could buy the shopping center?
No.
Well, she recommended you.
She said that they're selling the whole shopping center that it's in.
Okay.
You got a wine store, Chinese place, a beer distributor, and you got Corpolis.
This sounds like you got in over your head in a conversation at a dinner party,
and now we're
on the hook for a fucking strip mall in East Norton.
I'm telling you.
All right, go get the money.
What?
I don't have that.
What do you think I'm doing?
I'm bringing it to your table.
Publicly.
A little finder's feet of me.
Wet my beak on a couple of egg rolls.
Have one of those black cards.
A Chinese joint.
What was I saying?
The William Penn Inn has trees in their parking lot.
Nuisance.
They have trees in their parking lot.
Okay.
Okay.
What's this have to do with anything?
They have lights in the trees all year long.
An establishment, I think, is a little different.
Yeah, that