Name: Tim Heidecker Stand Up Three!!!
Uploaded: 2007-03-20T21:20:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Heidecker Stand Up Three!!!' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2007-03-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Heidecker Stand Up Three!!!' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2007-03-20. Transcript available.

Right now, ladies and gentlemen, Tim Heidecker.
Hey everybody, how's everybody doing tonight?
It's really good to be here. I've been away for a little bit. I missed the past
couple Tuesdays, so I'm happy to be back here.
DD Junk's now. Thanks Doug and Denver for having me back, as usual.
Check.
Oh, there we go.
I'd like to start my set today by just taking a moment of silence for Richard
Jenny, one of the guys that kind of turned me on to comedy and just wanted to
take a moment of silence.
So, he passed away a couple days ago from suicide.
So, anyway, thanks to Richard. Richard, the best, the greatest.
I just want to start with this idea I had this weekend, because it was daylight
savings time this weekend.
So, I always think that, I always look forward to it, but then you've got to
change all your clocks and all things on the mass.
So, I've been doing some traveling.
I'm going to take this off the thing.
So, I've been doing some traveling.
I'm going to take this off the thing, but then you've got to change all your
clocks and all things on the mass.
I'm going to take this off the mass.
So, I've been doing some traveling.
I'm going to take this off the thing and get loose with you guys.
I've been doing some traveling.
I went around New York.
I was just kind of all around the country the past couple weeks, and I stayed
in a lot of hotels.
One thing I noticed was, you go into these rooms, and I feel like somebody
should tell the waitress, the housekeeping, should send them a message to
change the batteries in the remote control.
Because the whole time you're going to get a little bit of a mess, you're going
to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
I'm going to get a little bit of a mess.
The whole time, you're going to get in a hotel room, and you're trying to
change the channel, and it's like on E.
They need to change the, you know, it's like empty if there was a gas can.
And then I was also sitting in the bathroom, I was in the bathroom, and I
noticed, instead of giving me four different kinds of conditioner, anyways,
give me some, like, my toothpaste, whatever.
Because that's one thing sometimes I forget when I travel is toothpaste.
So supply some of that instead of just, you know, two different kinds of
conditioner, shampoo, whatever.
And then I was also thinking, if you're going to put hand lotion as a
complimentary lotion, why don't you just go ahead and put that by the nightstand?
Because we all know what guys are doing, because we all know what guys are
doing with hand lotion.
So, and then, of course, I was taking, I was flying, I was on flights,
airplanes, and I can't tell you, I, this happened, this is a true story.
So, I was taking a flight from Orlando, Florida to Los Angeles, and I had to,
they didn't even tell you this, but they actually had me let, change planes in
Atlanta.
So, I had to get off the plane, and I had to, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't,
it was just, the same flight, but I had to deboard and then get to another gate.
And it's like, they should have told you that before when you signed up, you
know, right?
Yeah, it's called a connection.
But the, um,
Sorry, I lost my, I can read it, but I don't remember what it's in reference to.
Manager.
Oh, okay.
So, when the airplane, they have the, they come around asking you for a drink,
right?
Can I get you a beverage?
First of all, who gets tomato juice on airplanes?
Who are these people?
I do.
And, but I never get anywhere else.
I don't know what that is.
Also a ginger ale.
Um, but so, so then they go, do you got a Coke or a Pepsi?
I'm in now!
It's funny.
Um, it's funny.
Let me start, let me start again.
This is good.
Because it happened today, that's what's funny about comedy, is I actually,
this stuff actually happens.
So, the guy goes, the guy coming out of the store, she says, would you like
Coke?
Right?
And I go, yes, why not?
She said, would you like Pepsi?
That's the way the joke goes.
And I go, no, I want Coke, because I'm a Coke man.
In other words, I feel like there's two different kinds of people here, in the
world.
There's, you got your Coke people, and then you got your Pepsi people.
In other words, they're like Democrats, Republicans.
I don't know what it is, if it's a personal choice.
It's not, there's nothing based, you know, there's no reason for it, but I like
Coke.
And it's like this, um, thank you.
Who likes Coke?
Well, this reminds me of this funny story, I was at my manager's house about a
week ago, and he goes, I go, I'm over there, and he knows I like Coke, so he
goes, go in the fridge, get yourself something to drink.
There's nothing but Pepsi.
And I go, Mike, you know I like Coke, so just keep a six pack of Coke in there.
And that worked better a couple weeks ago.
I don't know why.
Movie theater.
Um, well, thank you.
I, um, then also when you go to a movie theater, it's like they ask you, do you
have Pepsi, or, they ask you, would you like a, would you like a, I say, would
I like a Coke?
How do I say that? Would I like a Coke?
Can I have a Coke? I say that.
And they go, is Pepsi okay?
And I go, well, if Pepsi is okay, I would ask for a Pepsi.
And finally tonight, I was watching, there were some commercials for the Sierra
Mist, which, I don't, you know, it's like, hello, I think I would have, hey.
Oh, the Sierra Mist, what the heck.
I felt like calling the plant and saying, hello, I liked your, I liked your
soda better when it was 7-Up.
Oh.
Thank you.
That's it.
Thank you.
That was Justin.