Name: Tim and Gelman Have Lunch (Again): Part 2
Uploaded: 2013-04-16T18:56:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim and Gelman Have Lunch (Again): Part 2' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim and Gelman Have Lunch (Again): Part 2' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2013-04-16. Transcript available.

What are you doing?
I'm doing my new act.
What is this?
The other day, I was reading this article.
I read that comedy these days is not about the jokes.
Okay.
It's what is between the jokes.
Aha!
It's kind of like the weirdness that happens in between them.
Example.
They show The Office.
There isn't any jokes.
There's just a lot of look in a camera, a lot of eye work.
Oh, eye work.
Right.
Yeah, I do eye work.
I do a cross-eyed guy sometimes.
Watch this.
That's very good.
Yeah.
That's very good.
I think I just had too much to drink.
Right.
I'll go.
I can't.
Give me a point.
Sometimes I'll have somebody in the audience do this.
Give me a point.
Uh-huh.
Wait.
Yeah.
Hold on.
Center it up.
I had too much to drink.
Is it cross?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's really good.
But that's not exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about looking at camera in a what's going on here kind of way.
Okay.
Like, say something weird.
I'll show you what I'm doing.
Okay.
Hit the road, Jack.
Right?
Yeah.
It's funny.
Yeah, I think I get it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let me try one.
Okay.
That's not a spoon.
It's a banana, moron.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Very good.
Well, I'll use that.
But I'll still go to my cross-eyed because that gets the biggest laughs.
Oh, I wanted to see.
Did you want -- I'm going to Actor Fest this year in Detroit.
What is that?
It's a convention.
You get to meet a lot of other actors, fellow actors.
Where is it?
Detroit.
That looks cool.
This looks good.
It's the best.
They had it in St. Louis two years ago I went.
I met like 25 different casting directors.
I met a guy named Mike Charles at the Mike Charles Casting.
He's in St. Louis.
He's actually out of St. Louis.
A lot of work in St. Louis?
A lot of commercial work.
So, yes.
I said, I'm a stand-up, but I also do acting, and I can do impressions, and I
can do all kinds
of different things.
Also, dramatic acting and sing.
I said, why don't I do my act for you?
I'll do my three minutes.
I'll do my three minutes.
So, he goes, nah, just keep going.
Moving on, because there's a line of people waiting to meet this guy.
Right.
So, I say, well, let me just do it.
And as I'm walking away, I'm saying, I'm saying, what is the deal with?
Why don't they make Star Trek?
Why don't they make old Star Trek episodes?
I'm starting to do my act.
Oh.
And he goes, hold on, hold on a minute.
Wait, wait, hold on.
Let's hear what this kid has to say.
And I come back, and I do my whole act for him.
I haven't heard from him, but I gave him my resume.
He called you back in.
Well, he knows when to call me.
It's called making an impression.
First of all, do I want to be back in St. Louis doing commercial work for X, Y,
and Z?
No.
Oh, sorry, sir.
We didn't realize that you actually lived in Hollywood.
Even though you told us, right?
You told them, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, check this out.
Watch this.
Hey, how you doing?
I'm the Jack.
Let me do the bit.
Can I do the bit?
I can't even.
It just took me by surprise.
Okay, do it.
I'm sorry.
Let me try.
Hey, Wheezy.
Hey, Wheezy.
Why don't you clean up this fucking kitchen?
That could be a whole show.
Can I get some napkins, please?
You got shit in your beard.
I know.
Well, I don't have a napkin.
What am I supposed to do, huh?
Somebody's recording this?
I mean, because this is funny stuff.
You all right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a little bit of a, I think you need a trim on the beard.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
I know where you're going.
You think I should trim my beard, right?
It's just getting a little long.
You look like Abraham Lincoln or something like that.
You know, outside of 7-Eleven, they got the, like, movie machine?
Oh, red box.
Red box, right.
I went to the red box.
Yeah, her name was Sharon.
Wait, is that because?
The pussy box.
The pussy box.
Yeah, it was red.
Yeah.
Talking about a month.
No, because you had red hair.
Anyway, so I saw that movie, The Hangover.
You see it?
Uh-huh.
With the three guys?
The Vegas movie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the breakout was the guy with the big beard.
Right.
Right?
Oh, the retarded guy.
Yeah, I think he's a little retarded, yeah.
By the way, how come it's not funny to make fun of retarded people anymore?
I got so much shit the other day.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I got this character I'm doing called Joey the Retard.
Uh-huh.
And I've been doing him at Browns.
So come out and be like, where's my food, buddy?
And this guy, I was talking to this Asian comic, and he goes, you can't do that
no more.
I say, why, because of the eyes?
He goes, no, because people don't make fun of retarded people anymore.
I say, okay, well, I guess I'll retire that bit, too.
All of a sudden, I'm Christ on the cross.
Well, here's the thing.
You can.
You just can't say they're retarded.
Yeah, but everybody knows Mike.
Everyone's going, give us more retarded.
Well, those are people who know real comedy, and unfortunately, most people don't.