Name: Tim Heidecker - Grateful Dead Songs
Uploaded: 2016-06-29T01:52:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Heidecker - Grateful Dead Songs' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim Heidecker - Grateful Dead Songs' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2016-06-29. Transcript available.

Oh shit, here we go. Well listen, we've been on the road like I said, and one
thing, Rado here helped me put that record together, the In Glendale record, so
very nice of you. This band played on the record here, it's all family, and
there's one family that
just gets under our skin. This band actually from here, The Grateful Dead, is
just a rotten
piece of shit band. And I just want to know, does anyone have any problems if
we spend the
next 10 or 15 minutes just brutally raping them here on stage? Is anyone going
to take
it personally, like are there any tried and trues here? Does anybody here have
like a city?
Shut up, what are you doing? What are you doing? You should see this up here,
it's really bad.
It's really hard, and I have no tolerance for it. I just don't, and I think
that's why maybe
of you respect me, and I don't put up with your bullshit. You're very pretty,
you're very
cute, I bet you get whatever you want. But tonight, you don't get to sit in
front row,
while these people back here, probably are very nice people, and you're sitting
there
talking about your day. Are you gonna shut up?
Thank you. I can see Bob, I can see Bob Weir, you know, being like, I'm a footman.
First of all, Bob Weir's so, you know, blitzed, he's probably can't see four
feet in front
of him. He doesn't know what's going on. And they also, by the way, their
audience is about
a mile away. Like, let's do this thing where like, new and can even get close
to us. And
we'll stand on stage, like, and just do not fade away for 45 minutes. I'm gonna
do it, it's
gonna do it, it's gonna be. So you're gonna give your love to me. And the
guitar sound
that bad. All right, stop this. This is gonna be a headache. It sucks. So we
were like, yeah,
it's Buddy Holly. I just, I did this on Tom Sharpling's radio show the other
day. Imagine
if Buddy Holly came back from the dead and walked, that's an annoying sentence
to say, if Buddy
Holly came back from being dead and came to a Grateful Dead show and walked in
on them to
not fade away for 45 minutes. Safety safe. Crawled back into the grave he came
from.
So anyways, we were driving this long drive and we're actually listening to
this Grateful Dead
radio station they have. And just for, well, because I'm a masochist. Or is it
a sadist?
Anyways, masochist. I hate my ears. Is it a sadist? Masochist. That's what I
thought.
It's both? Oh yeah, we made them listen to it too. And me and Rado, we're like,
well, let's just
start writing these songs. You know? And we're like, I bet we can write better
songs in a very short amount of time.
And we wrote like five of them. Do you want to hear any of them? And you should
tell me. Would you be like,
and I promise this is a scout's honor. We wrote these like, these are the
lyrics. I'll have to read them.
Cause I didn't memorize them. But assuming like, you know, eventually I'd
memorize them. These would, uh,
we'll just play this. You tell us if this is like how indistinguishable from
the garbage that'd been.
It's not very nice. I know. So let's try it, right?
Apple, this song's called "Apple Orchard". Like, we're like, wait, did Grateful
Dead write a song called "Apple Orchard"?
No. Okay, well, here we go.
One, two, three, come on, here.
When the seeds are planted, the trees will grow. The flowers all they grow.
Everybody knows when the root gets planted. From the summertime, a woman and a
woman. Everyone will take a trip,
come on down to the apple or two. Take a trip, come on down to the apple or two.
Every soon it's gonna be all right.
I'll take a bushel of apples down to Saturday. She'll turn them on the side
before we move away. Cause she'll make them all up for the apple pie.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple pie. Take a trip, come on down to the
apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Everything's gonna be all right.
Everything's gonna be all right. When the summer sun paints on the apple. Make
those that won't break.
When the trees go taller, your troubles go smaller. Everything's gonna be all
right.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Everything's gonna be all right.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
So then they always like pull out a cover, you know.
They pull out, like we did, you know, not fade away.
They were like, what if they did a hard day's night.
It's been a hard day's, it's been a hard day's, it's been a hard day's night.
It's been a hard day's night.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been working like a dog.
Hold on, we do it right.
It's been a hard day's night.
I've been working like a dog.
It's been a hard day's night.
It's been a hard day's night.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I'm getting a bunch of polite smiles.
Good for you.

Tim Heidecker - Grateful Dead Songs

Oh shit, here we go. Well listen, we've been on the road like I said, and one
thing, Rado here helped me put that record together, the In Glendale record, so
very nice of you. This band played on the record here, it's all family, and
there's one family that
just gets under our skin. This band actually from here, The Grateful Dead, is
just a rotten
piece of shit band. And I just want to know, does anyone have any problems if
we spend the
next 10 or 15 minutes just brutally raping them here on stage? Is anyone going
to take
it personally, like are there any tried and trues here? Does anybody here have
like a city?
Shut up, what are you doing? What are you doing? You should see this up here,
it's really bad.
It's really hard, and I have no tolerance for it. I just don't, and I think
that's why maybe
of you respect me, and I don't put up with your bullshit. You're very pretty,
you're very
cute, I bet you get whatever you want. But tonight, you don't get to sit in
front row,
while these people back here, probably are very nice people, and you're sitting
there
talking about your day. Are you gonna shut up?
Thank you. I can see Bob, I can see Bob Weir, you know, being like, I'm a footman.
First of all, Bob Weir's so, you know, blitzed, he's probably can't see four
feet in front
of him. He doesn't know what's going on. And they also, by the way, their
audience is about
a mile away. Like, let's do this thing where like, new and can even get close
to us. And
we'll stand on stage, like, and just do not fade away for 45 minutes. I'm gonna
do it, it's
gonna do it, it's gonna be. So you're gonna give your love to me. And the
guitar sound
that bad. All right, stop this. This is gonna be a headache. It sucks. So we
were like, yeah,
it's Buddy Holly. I just, I did this on Tom Sharpling's radio show the other
day. Imagine
if Buddy Holly came back from the dead and walked, that's an annoying sentence
to say, if Buddy
Holly came back from being dead and came to a Grateful Dead show and walked in
on them to
not fade away for 45 minutes. Safety safe. Crawled back into the grave he came
from.
So anyways, we were driving this long drive and we're actually listening to
this Grateful Dead
radio station they have. And just for, well, because I'm a masochist. Or is it
a sadist?
Anyways, masochist. I hate my ears. Is it a sadist? Masochist. That's what I
thought.
It's both? Oh yeah, we made them listen to it too. And me and Rado, we're like,
well, let's just
start writing these songs. You know? And we're like, I bet we can write better
songs in a very short amount of time.
And we wrote like five of them. Do you want to hear any of them? And you should
tell me. Would you be like,
and I promise this is a scout's honor. We wrote these like, these are the
lyrics. I'll have to read them.
Cause I didn't memorize them. But assuming like, you know, eventually I'd
memorize them. These would, uh,
we'll just play this. You tell us if this is like how indistinguishable from
the garbage that'd been.
It's not very nice. I know. So let's try it, right?
Apple, this song's called "Apple Orchard". Like, we're like, wait, did Grateful
Dead write a song called "Apple Orchard"?
No. Okay, well, here we go.
One, two, three, come on, here.
When the seeds are planted, the trees will grow. The flowers all they grow.
Everybody knows when the root gets planted. From the summertime, a woman and a
woman. Everyone will take a trip,
come on down to the apple or two. Take a trip, come on down to the apple or two.
Every soon it's gonna be all right.
I'll take a bushel of apples down to Saturday. She'll turn them on the side
before we move away. Cause she'll make them all up for the apple pie.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple pie. Take a trip, come on down to the
apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Everything's gonna be all right.
Everything's gonna be all right. When the summer sun paints on the apple. Make
those that won't break.
When the trees go taller, your troubles go smaller. Everything's gonna be all
right.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to
the apple orchard. Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard. Everything's gonna be all right.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
Take a trip, come on down to the apple orchard.
So then they always like pull out a cover, you know.
They pull out, like we did, you know, not fade away.
They were like, what if they did a hard day's night.
It's been a hard day's, it's been a hard day's, it's been a hard day's night.
It's been a hard day's night.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been working like a dog.
Hold on, we do it right.
It's been a hard day's night.
I've been working like a dog.
It's been a hard day's night.
It's been a hard day's night.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleeping like a dog.
I've been sleepi