Name: Office Hours Live (9/4/18)
Uploaded: 2018-09-04T18:16:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (9/4/18)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (9/4/18)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-09-04. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live (9/4/18)

okay
somehow
we are alive
okay
somehow
we are alive
okay
somehow
we are alive
okay
okay
hmm
okay
we are live this is the
pre-show of course
we like to do a little
warm up especially
considering we are on a new platform
so if anyone can
just confirm they're hearing me live
that would be great
I will say the code word
we can establish a code word
the code word
is
pasta
let's see the word pasta come up
where is the word pasta
do we have the word pasta come up in the chat
can anyone
it says people are
there we go
thank you Taylor
that's all I wanted to see
that we have the show
the title of the show is
pasta
it is
gonna be a good one
so stand by
I'm gonna even play a little music
and let's just see if we get kicked off
I don't think we're going to
but let's just
kick it off
oh baby
let's see if I know
history repeats
the open seats
the clip replies
the same defeats
keep your finger on the
pictures
Elvis Costello
and the attractions
with Beyond Belief
from Imperial Bedroom
I'm just an arless slip
and a wind up world
of the nervous tick
in a very fashionable
hardly
I hang around
and to be tortured
you'll never be alone
in the bone arches
battle with a bottle
is nothing so novel
so in this almost empty
gin palace
the written whale
of the glass
you see your hours
you know she has no sense
for all your jealousy
in a sense she still smiles
very sweet
charged with and touched
by the wind
how about your love amounts
do you have to be so cruel
to be nice
and now you find your face
this identity
completely
you say you have
no secret
oh
it's the lead
discreetly
I might make
California's
but be lost
and you need
the steepest
just off the canal
yeah baby
yeah baby
coming in loud and clear
come on
push it
seven minutes till showtime folks
send the link around
post it on the groups
get in the reddits
get in the reddits
and the discords
and the facebooks
and the twitters
and let the world know
we are about to begin
the show of the week
pasta is the word
once it seems so appealing
now I am beyond belief
I got a feeling
I'm gonna get a lot of grief
once it seems so appealing
now I am beyond belief
I got a feeling
I'm gonna get a lot of grief
once it seems so appealing
now I am beyond belief
yeah baby
we are still
rocking and rolling here
let's see what else
I can
good morning everybody
we are still
in the pre-show
but I'm here
I'm here hanging
waiting for Doug
to get here
get some updates
from him today
we're gonna listen
to a little
hey boys
from the Dillards
I walked along the Merrimack
watched in the river
when the water ran clean
waited for the day
I could buy me a Cadillac
and see a lot of things
that I never have seen
went to the city
and I got a little older
and I got a little smarter
bye bye Facebook
went back home
and I married me
we're not gonna put up
with your bullshit anymore
we're back to
true independence
true independence
which that is what YouTube is
it's a small little company
independent company
and they're very cool
very cool company
new company
and uh
oh I gotta log on to Skype
so I can get ready
for your phone calls
I've never done that
in my life before
kept up with the news
in the wintertime
sitting on a barrel
in the country store
hey boys
I think I'm getting old
sitting by the fire
when the weather gets cold
don't care
down around the farm
and another little drink
don't do us any harm
oh baby
oh baby
rare back
talk about your politics
fight about religion
and worry about war
I'll sit
and spitting in the fireplace
and pour a little sight
and when you throw it
get sore
hey boys
I think I'm getting old
sitting by the fire
when the weather gets cold
don't care
not around the farm
and another little taste
don't do us any harm
we got
who's gonna be on the show
Elizabeth asks
Doug Lusenhapp
as far as
anybody else goes
that's a big question
I don't have any idea
it'll be up to you
to call in
I think I'm getting old
yeah baby
that is the Dillards
from the great
Wheat Straw
Sweet record
Wheat Straw
Sweet
one of the greats
we are three minutes
from the show
we'll put on a little
little Bruce
oh
come on baby
it is Tuesday
and the pre-show
is where I like to hang
and just be myself
play some music for you
sometimes it can be
kind of groovy
60's stuff
it'll be Bruce
I like to sing like Bruce
but nobody can sing like Bruce
except Bruce
it's mine's mine
you know how it goes baby
and we're gonna have a show
for you today
believe me
I guess I'll prove it all night
prove it all night
there's nothing else
that we can do
so prove it all night
you'll prove it all night
and I'll prove it all night
for you
everybody's got a heart
we are two minutes away
from the show
you know
I don't know
maybe this is the way to go
we'll see where the numbers go
we're already at
211 views
which is around
you know
where we get
on the Facebook
around now
so
it might be
not a real big difference
but maybe the audience
will grow
prove it all night
there's all night
ready for your love
well prove it all night
yeah prove it all night
there's all night
for your love
come on
all right folks
I really want to get that hot pup going
don't you
take some goddamn phone calls
thank you Clarence
take over
guitar solo and I'll see you next time on the show
guitar solo and I'll see you next time on the show
and I'll see you next time on the show
guitar solo and I'll see you next time on the show
and I'll see you next time on the show
and I'll see you next time on the show
and I'll see you next time on the show
and I'll see you next time on the show
and I'll see you next time on the show
and I'll see you next time on the show
guitar solo and I'll see you next time on the show
okay
we are gonna go live
I don't know
Doug said he's on his way
so we'll just
are you ready for the show to start folks
it is 9 a.m. and we are kicking it
live
good morning everybody
welcome to our office hours 2.0
the calls are coming in hot
not hot audio wise
they're just flying in
I'm seeing them all over the place
ladies and gentlemen
it is Tuesday September 4th
basically a Monday in my book
because yesterday was the Labor Day holiday
so we're having fun
it's sort of the short week
and you really sort of
what the hell
you know
like
I hope y'all had fun in Labor Day
some of you probably had to work
and I'm gonna go live
oh yes
I have to switch over to the live cam
we are no longer in
free show mode
we are in a live mode scenario
so welcome to the live show
welcome YouTube subscribers
goodbye Facebook
we'll no longer be using that service
except to promote the show
and I am anxiously awaiting my co-host
my guest
my audio man
my sound effects wizard
Doug
DJ Doug Lusenhop
who is
en route
so until he gets here
we'll just kick the show off
and start having a good time
because today's all about having a good time
Tuesdays are
good time Tuesdays
we call them good time Tuesdays
and we'll take Leo Garcia
the son of
Mr. Jerry Garcia
is in the house
how are you Leo
is this
this is real
this is real life
this is
this is insane
I'm just in work
I understand
yeah
you're at work
oh yeah
that's how I sound
this is really bizarre
I was just
yeah
why is it so bizarre
I do this every week
what's going on
well can I just do
let me just do a little audio test
because this is the first time
we're taking a call
through the
the new service we're doing here
with YouTube
can I just make sure
we're hearing the calls
because that would be
I don't know
can you
well I'm asking the audience
can we hear
can you
can you repeat
we hear the Brit
the great Gernzo says
we hear the Brit
so let me ask you Leo
where are you calling from
are you calling from
the great United Kingdom
yeah
I'm calling from
Wales
which is
sort of like
next
get it
Wales
he wails
that's
or
yeah
he wails
on the guitar
yeah
but both of those
that's right
I'm calling from like
a kind of sad
office
I'm kind of like
on my own
in an office
you're like
David Brent
from the office
sort of
yeah
a bit
I've got
yeah everyone's gone
but we had
do you want
a good office story
because we've got
like these
dog friendly offices
and I've got
quite a good
sort of
dog story
take it away
Leo
I'll be happy
to hear it
oh good
oh well
please I've got
your ear
Tim
so yeah
my boss
unfortunately
one of her dogs
was a bit ill
and
I was in
the office
and she comes
running in
because she's got
a little kind of
anteroom
over there
and
her dog
had died
in the office
it just
carked it
and keeled over
in the office
and I had to like
I didn't know
what to do
I wasn't
sort of sure
what the etiquette
there is
if there's a kind
of known
path through
you know
dead dog
in room
boss needs
comfort
it was all
it was all
the dog was dead
in her office
it just
it keeled over
yeah
it had like a heart attack
and it just
fucking keeled over
and died
and it was
it was all
it was just dead
and then they had to
bring like a towel
in
it was a big dog
as well
and they had to
bring a towel
in and carry it
through the office
it died
suddenly
it wasn't sick
it just
died of a heart attack
it died of work
it was
it died of
it was all
worked out
she was
it was all
yeah it was brutal
had like a heart attack
or something
I've never had to deal
with a dead dog
in my
in physical
in my physical
presence
no
it's hard to know
what to do really
and it was a bit
sad
but it had done
a little poo
I'd be just like
so grossed out
by a dead dog
I think
I think it would
I think it would
disturb me
to no end
I lost my pup
of a
of a 10 years
or more
a few months ago
I don't know if I spoke
about this publicly
but my boy Pete
who
you might
recognize from the cover
of my
in Glendale
album
starring role
in that
he passed away
a few months ago
but he passed
at the vet
we took him in
for what was
some health issues
and they were not
you know
they were
not something
that we could
you know
it was just
we had to make
that choice
can I ask you
sorry
I don't want to
I feel like
it's quite rude
to like interrupt
a dead dog story
but I've actually
because I was listening
to an interview
with you
I can't remember
it was like the other day
or something
and you were talking
about how
this is like a genuine question
because obviously
you're quite a busy person
you've got lots of stuff going
I've got two kids
and I find I've got
absolutely shit all time
to do anything
I know
I'm genuinely interested
to know how you
I think the interviewer said
how do you squeeze in
family life around
everything that you do
and you said with difficulty
and I'm genuinely
I am kind of interested
to know
what that looks like
in practice
because as I say
I've got a three-year-old
and a one-year-old
and I've got no
and it's really difficult
to squeeze stuff in
well do you have a partner
in life
oh yeah
I've got a wife
you know
we both work
and you know
but I don't know
how on earth
and you know
like things like
you do your
on cinema
like Oscar special
that takes
I don't know
it's like fucking
10 hours
or something like that
but that's just one day
that's live
that's like
hey hon
I'm going to work
you know
that's really
what that's about
but do you
do you like
do you have conflicts
with your
like with your wife
or anything
like is that
a difficult conversation
to have
like I'm going to
we in general
we have
first of all
we have
not a full-time nanny
but we have
a nanny
during the day
because my wife
works part-time
and then she has
stuff that she needs
to do
you know
for the house
and for our life
so that's kind of
how you get around it
is that you hire
yeah you got to get
a little help
if you can
and then we have
babysitters
and things like
you know
and my mom comes
and helps when she can
and so there's
and then you know
when
but I don't
go out
and just hang
like I don't go out
and get a beer
with Doug
ever
for a lot of reasons
but
do you feel like
it's
because some people
obviously put their kids
on like quite
you know
a family time
understandably
on quite a high pedestal
I look at my life
and I say
well listen hun
I'm
I have to go out
a lot
for work
and I go to
sometimes I have
screenings
and meetings
with people
that ar