Name: Office Hours Live 12/11/18)
Uploaded: 2018-12-12T06:28:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live 12/11/18)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live 12/11/18)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2018-12-12. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live 12/11/18)

My darling cried, Daddy, don't you want so bad, Daddy, slow down some, cause
you're making me run, Daddy, don't you want so bad, Daddy, don't you want so
bad.
My darling cried, Daddy, don't you want so bad, Daddy, slow down some, cause
you're making me run.
Daddy Brad: Are you guys ready for office hours live? Are you guys ready for...
Daddy Brad: All right, please welcome to the stage the host of Office Hours
Live, Tim Heinecker.
Daddy Brad: Good afternoon, good evening. Hi. Hold on, I got to do a few things
here.
Daddy Brad: Oh, hi. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Office Hours Live.
Daddy Brad: Are we out there? Are people, can people hear us out there? Can you
hear us out there in the room?
Daddy Brad: Yes.
Daddy Brad: Wow. Okay, we are Doug Lusenhop is behind my shoulder.
Daddy Brad: And let's see if we're on the internet. Let's see if we're
broadcasting.
Daddy Brad: Stream is working!
Daddy Brad: About ten minutes ago this was not working at all, and it will
probably stop working at some point.
Daddy Brad: It will break down very shortly.
Daddy Brad: But what do we think? How was everybody tonight? Happy holidays.
Daddy Brad: Let's see if the calls work. That's the big part of the show. Let's
see if we got a call, see if that works.
Daddy Brad: Hello? Hello? Hello?
Daddy Brad: Hello? Hello there. Hi.
Daddy Brad: Hello. How are you?
Daddy Brad: Very good. Tim, I had to--
Daddy Brad: What's your name? Who are you?
Daddy Brad: Oh, James. I'm James. I'm from Toronto.
Daddy Brad: Oh, James from Toronto. Nice to hear from you.
Daddy Brad: I just wanted to let you know your impression of Jordan Pearson
changed my life.
Daddy Brad: Stop moving around with whatever device you're on.
Daddy Brad: What?
Daddy Brad: Stop just--
Daddy Brad: What?
Daddy Brad: Are you doing this on purpose?
Daddy Brad: Doing what?
Daddy Brad: No, you're clicking and clacking up there in Toronto.
Daddy Brad: Oh, sorry. My stupid headphones.
Daddy Brad: Okay. Oh, come on in, everybody.
Daddy Brad: Say hello to Los Angeles.
Daddy Brad: Hey.
Daddy Brad: Hello, everybody.
Daddy Brad: We've got 2,000 people here in Los Angeles for the first ever live
Office Hours experience.
Daddy Brad: Hey, hey, hey.
Daddy Brad: I'm going to turn the camera around on you guys and say hi.
Daddy Brad: All right, it worked.
Daddy Brad: Yes, okay.
Daddy Brad: So you're our first caller.
Daddy Brad: What can I do for you today?
Daddy Brad: Hi.
Daddy Brad: Well, I'm just at home here eating some dinner.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: I did want to say that your impression of Jordan Peterson is quite
incredible.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: I did want to say that your impression of Jordan Peterson is quite
incredible.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: I haven't done that in a while.
Daddy Brad: Oh, yes.
Daddy Brad: There you go.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Do we know who Jordan Peterson is?
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: I don't think that's a good impression, but it'll do the trick for
the day.
Daddy Brad: All right.
Daddy Brad: Well, is that all you have for me?
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: I don't think that's a good impression, but it'll do the trick for
the day.
Daddy Brad: All right.
Daddy Brad: All right.
Daddy Brad: Well, is that all you have for me today?
Daddy Brad: Tonight?
Daddy Brad: It was all for now.
Daddy Brad: Okay.
Daddy Brad: Thank you so much.
Daddy Brad: I was surprised by this.
Daddy Brad: Thank you very much.
Daddy Brad: All the best.
Daddy Brad: Let's take another call.
Daddy Brad: You too.
Daddy Brad: And we'll take questions from you guys today, too, if you're
interested in that.
Daddy Brad: Doug, I just cut you out of the frame here.
Daddy Brad: Hold on.
Daddy Brad: Where are you?
Daddy Brad: Wave.
Daddy Brad: Oh, there he is, the beautiful Doug.
Daddy Brad: Hi.
Daddy Brad: Hi.
Daddy Brad: Hi.
Daddy Brad: Nice caller.
Daddy Brad: Tonight's show is just going to be us introducing each other.
Daddy Brad: Nice caller.
Daddy Brad: Nice caller.
Daddy Brad: Complimenting each other.
Daddy Brad: Who's on the line?
Daddy Brad: Nice caller.
Daddy Brad: Nice show.
Daddy Brad: This is Clint.
Daddy Brad: This is Cunt?
Daddy Brad: I've been called that and I've been called Clint also.
Daddy Brad: Clint.
Daddy Brad: What's up Clint?
Daddy Brad: Mr. Eastwood.
Daddy Brad: That's right.
Daddy Brad: I bet you looked at that.
Daddy Brad: Is that actor?
Daddy Brad: Wild Wild West guy.
Daddy Brad: What do you want Clint?
Daddy Brad: Mr. Eastwood.
Daddy Brad: That's right.
Daddy Brad: I bet you looked at that.
Daddy Brad: Is that actor?
Daddy Brad: Wild Wild West guy.
Daddy Brad: What do you want Clint?
Daddy Brad: You're always calling.
Daddy Brad: You have nothing to say ever.
Daddy Brad: He knows.
Daddy Brad: Has he called before Tim?
Daddy Brad: Yeah he has.
Daddy Brad: What is it?
Daddy Brad: There's two kinds of people my friend.
Daddy Brad: What's going on?
Daddy Brad: Are you guys live streaming this on your phones right now?
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: I don't know who dig.
Daddy Brad: Get a nice two shot of me and Doug if you can.
Daddy Brad: Well, why don't I move over?
Daddy Brad: Yeah, move over.
Daddy Brad: How many people are regretting coming to the show tonight so far?
Daddy Brad: No.
Daddy Brad: Okay, Clint, you've got 10 seconds to say something that I want to
hear.
Daddy Brad: Go.
Daddy Brad: Okay, what's your favorite Kinks song?
Daddy Brad: My favorite Kinks song?
Daddy Brad: Yeah, Ray Davi.
Daddy Brad: I don't have favorites, but this is the Christmas time.
Daddy Brad: Alive or dead, it's your choice.
Daddy Brad: Are they Christmas?
Daddy Brad: And I want to play a little Father Christmas for everybody.
Daddy Brad: Mm-hmm.
Daddy Brad: Get everybody in the mood.
Daddy Brad: Right?
Daddy Brad: Do we know Father Christmas?
Daddy Brad: Clint and I worked out this call ahead of time.
Daddy Brad: This was a prearranged.
Daddy Brad:
Daddy Brad:
Daddy Brad:
Daddy Brad:
Daddy Brad:
When I was small, I believed in Santa Claus, though I knew it was my dad.
And I would hang up my stocking at Christmas, open my presents at night.
But the last time I played Father Christmas, I stood outside and parked the
door.
A gang of kids came over and booked me, and knocked my reindeer to the floor.
He said, Father Christmas, give us some money, don't mess around with your city
toils.
All right, that's great, right?
Do we have that one?
Okay, cool.
Next caller.
Hello?
Who's there?
Next caller.
Who's there?
Meet the stream, please.
What is that?
Hello?
Is that Max Headroom?
Hello?
Oh, hi, how's it going?
What's your name?
Who are you calling from?
Hey, is this Tom?
Next caller.
Next caller.
Next caller.
Next caller.
Is that you?
That's me.
I thought there was a new Skype feature.
Maybe we could take a call from the audience.
Vic?
Who's up?
Who wants a question?
We turned my laptop up.
What's your name?
Thomas.
Thomas.
Yeah.
Oh, maybe he was calling for you.
What's your name?
Thomas.
Hello?
Oh, this is Tom.
That's what they were seeing if Tom was here.
Get him back on.
I'm calling in on my phone.
Okay.
One of my favorite things of office hours is your insults when you get a little
heated.
Fuck you!
Why would you like that?
Why would anybody like that?
One of my Andrew Dice Clay?
Specifically the go-to's of your worm, your rat, your scum, you know, dummy,
but like really
base kind of insults, but not getting too, you know...
Intellectual.
Come on!
I just was wondering, is that something you've made a conscious effort to go to,
maybe from
having kids to not...
It's what I say to my kids, yeah.
Go to bed, you worm!
You little slug!
You mean like I watch my mouth more?
Yeah.
Like I don't use the F and the C word so much?
Yeah.
I know you use those on the show, but that seems to be like right out the gate
if somebody
gets on you.
It's like, hey, dummy.
And I've always enjoyed that.
I'm going to try to be a better person next year.
You fucking stupid cunt.
You fucking cunt.
All right.
It's hot in here.
Sorry about that.
Is everybody okay with the language here?
Can I say whatever I want?
Let's take a real caller out there in the world.
Who's there?
Thank you for that great question.
Getting it started.
Hello?
Hi, air conditioning machine.
Air conditioning unit.
How are you?
Oh, somebody's like...
Sounds like a 911 call.
It's like trapped.
I think we're going to get a lot of crank calls here.
You have the wrong number.
Call 911.
Okay.
Next caller, please.
Let's see.
I got the beep sound.
If you want to swear to it, I'll get you.
I feel like we need more beeps.
Tim, say a swear word.
I'll let me get you.
You fucking...
Okay.
Who's this?
Phil.
Hey, Phil.
Big...
How many people know Phil Braun from the show?
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Do you hear that, Phil?
Everybody else is there.
Did you hear the love you got here in Los Angeles?
I did.
I did.
I hope everybody's having a great time tonight.
Yeah, their good time is going to be...
is diminishing by the minute here.
What was it?
What...
Hopefully I can change that around a little bit.
Say what?
What's that?
I said, hopefully I can change that around a little bit.
Yeah, Phil.
You always bring good content to the show.
What can I...
What do you got on your mind?
Come on in, folks.
Just...
Well, you know, we're coming to the close of 2018.
Yeah.
It's the time of year.
Everybody's putting out, you know, the best of lists.
And I thought I'd do a little best of office hours.
You know, thank you, thank you, Phil.
I thought...
Let me just say, before you get into your best of list,
I thought about this earlier today
when I wasn't preparing for the show.
I thought that could be something I could prepare.
Reflect on the year
and think about the parts of the show
that I thought were entertaining,
that were fun with you.
I tried the best I can.
And I didn't do it.
I diddled about on the internet
and took a nap
and didn't do that list.
But I thought, well...
Yeah, let's let it...
What do you got, Phil?
Phil, the floor is yours.
Give us the top five office hours moments of the year.
And I will tell you if you're right.
These are the top five office hours.
Phil, please.
Try that again.
Top five office hours.
No, this is a setup.
We're ready to hear it.
Hit it.
Cut out now.
Number five.
Phil, we're laughing
because you're cutting out a little bit.
So let's just pray
that it doesn't cut out again.
Action.
Cast Me Out by Doug Lussenhop.
The number five office hours drop.
Oh, my God.
Do we remember that, Doug?
Oh, we sure do.
Tell me about it.
I don't remember it at all.
I only get number five.
That should be number one.
Remember, Tim,
you were playing a song
and it was like...
Oh, it's a cat...
Cat something.
The Year of the Cat.
Year of the Cat.
Yeah, watch.
I'll play it for you.
We'll reenact
the greatest moments of office hours.
We'll just redo them here.
Yeah, play Year of the Cat, Tim.
I'm going to get up...
Imagine...
Imagine you had never heard
this bit before.
Do it, Tim.
You know this song,
Year