Name: Office Hours Live (2/5/19)
Uploaded: 2019-02-05T20:23:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (2/5/19)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (2/5/19)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-02-05. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live (2/5/19)

I have everything muted so starting live oh we're live mics hot watch your
language we are live we are live we're live I'll play you my birthday song to
start our pre-show music today I made you laugh I gave you tears I made you
smile
over the years and I think I let it all be send out a message today I turned 43
I bring you joy I made you mad through the good times and the bad oh I wouldn't
change it even
for free today I turn 43 I've done it all I've done it all I've been around
been around been
to London been to London and Chinatown Chinatown and I'd look back but I can't
see today I turn 43
and in two years time I'll be 45 halfway to my grave but I'm still alive I
checked off all the
things I've done pretty good for a son of a gun
it's this guy Delicate Steve you know who that is
I broke some bones got stabbed in the back
I had some hits and taking some flat I can't be as sweet as a bone to me today
I turn 43
if I have to live till 105 I hope you're with me
hello okay finally thank you sorry day I die
I got you guys switched up hey hey hey hey
you got my gain
you got my gain
I live comfortably
mmm today
I turn 43
happy birthday
I think I'm going to go there we go
to me
oh we're not ready for the show yet so I'm going to have to improvise a little
bit
we are two minutes away from the actual so
so we'll just jam to let me roll it baby
woo
yes Dougie
Tim I think there is a
there is something there
some money to be made by make a birthday song for every year
you know what I mean
well let's let's talk about that during the show
oh
we're at 8.58
I feel like the show is going
no baby we are not
the show has not begun
have you heard the theme music yet
swang bang
here it comes
turn that down
it's a little loud
compared to my drums over here
that's what they're saying in the studio
he said
I love the mix man
I love the way it sounds
alright we are one minute away
gather your friends
let them know
Office Hours is about to kick off
into the real world
rock it man
is it kind of distorted or is it just
it's a bit of a distorted track
I'm talking about the mics
oh your mics are a little hot
I think I don't even know if I
I think I'm very
absolutely not
I think I'm talking about the mics
just like fully out
wow
alright
here we go
what's the fuck
I mean I'm like a pretty simple guy
Doug can I get a mic check from you
this is a mic check from Doug
it sounds low but distorted
how did you bend
CD-ROMs
hard drives
floppy disks
good morning everybody
watch this
we're gonna try this again
hi
how are you
Vic check your mic
hello hello
I think I'm there
but I'm very low
yeah
you're pretty
you sound good
I think it's
I'll just get up
get up real close there
whoa
whoa
whoa
okay everybody
welcome to the show
hello
good morning
hello
good morning
happy
Tuesday
happy
February 5th
2019
rainy
day here in Glendale, California
been a rainy several days
and we are
welcoming the Holy Trinity today
Doug Lusenhop's in the studio
Vic Berger is in the studio
and Aristotle taking your calls
good morning
good morning everybody
good morning
let's welcome the gang
let's
begin the show
with
mic tests
mic tests
with Vic Berger
ABCD
good morning
there we go
and Doug Lusenhop
mic check
uno, dos, tres, cuatro
got you
got you boys
pretty simple guy
today
new drops
I assume
you guys sound like
you're working on new drops
every day
new samples
I spend six hours a day
working on this
just getting
preparing a good show
for me
that's enough of that music
always
always
always
we start the show
with a few quick plugs
don't forget
on cinema
live
is coming to
one of your towns
if you live in the Midwest
or the Southeast
visit
timheidecker.com
slash
events
for all current information
the Chicago show
we just added a late show
to that
and the LA show
we added a late show
because those shows
sold out
because that's where
the cool kids live
if you live in Nashville
or Atlanta
or other spots
what
I mean I guess
it makes sense
that he's got this
very high voice
because of the way
he sings
he's got a nice falsetto
who was that?
that was Adam Levine
that was the
Levine scream
is that the same guy
that's on that
workaholic show?
no that's Adam Devine
I think
no that's what I'm saying
Adam Levine
Adam Devine
it's the same guy
it's the same guy
I was watching
the Super Bowl
with Vic
and
we were watching
the
halftime show
and
I was dying
because when
their flames
shot up
I was thinking
it would be so funny
to simply just add
the
sound effect
Doug
you know
when you see
those flames
flying up
what sound effects?
no
sound effect
of like a roaring fire
like a jet
like a
it's like so close
to the camera
I don't know
who that guy was
too that came out
oh well you don't know
anything
I don't know
I knew Big Boy
but the other rapper
I wasn't
Big Boy
do you know who it was?
who was it?
Travis Scott
Travis Scott
what is he?
he didn't leave
a big impression
he got bleeped
he flew in
three times
and then he left
like a whole verse silent
he flew in from space
and like did a
five second rap
and then left
I think it's funny
that if you do
one of those shows
like it seems like
within the realm
of possibility
and plausibility
that if you're rapping
first of all
these rappers
they're rapping so fast
there's so many words
they're getting in there
I can't make out
what they're saying
but what if they told
it would be funny
if like it's a high wire
it's yeah
like even more intense
than that
but
but
you know
like this anyways
but I was thinking
like
you're on like
a bit of a high wire
act with these rapsters
where they're
they've got so many words
they gotta get out
so quick
and
if they blow it
that's why
you go to a rap concert
you get more value
for your money
because you get more words
more lyrics
but
I can imagine
a scenario
at that
something as big
of an audience
as a Super Bowl
where
if you don't get in
on the right line
with your
it's like kind of
you know
if you don't get in
on the right line
you miss the boat
like
I'm trying to think
of an example
like
if you're trying to get
on a ride
that's
the flow
like
it's the flow
there it is
like that
that's nuts
that's like a real
talent
believe me
I don't
like I said on the show
I'm not a fan
of the genre
but
it is
it is a talent
to be able to
physically do that
but if you get on
that stage
in front of a billion
people
and you miss
your first in
you'd be toast
so maybe that's
what happened
to T Scott
he doesn't care
cash and them checks
whatever he does
at the Super Bowl
probably doesn't affect
his
well I don't know
maybe I'm
surprised
maybe it does
I'm surprised
I didn't like
make them
like record it
ahead of time
maybe they did
I mean who knows
I always look like
oh this has got to be
all pre-recorded
yeah
but then I see them
and like the drummer
from Maroon 5
it looks like
he's playing
Levine was singing
he's singing
I don't think
they wanted him to
they probably didn't
want him to swear
and he probably said
screw it
I'm gonna swear
I'm gonna swear
three times
I'm gonna swear a lot
who cares if they're swearing
these words
we've never heard
before these kids
and then of course
obviously this is
the big controversy
but you got Adam Levine
ripping his shirt off
and there's no big deal
you don't have anybody
complaining
kids don't need to see that
but it's just
it was
it's not that
I understand
there's a difference
between
you know
at least in our culture
there's a difference
between a man
exposing his chest
and a woman
it's very complicated
because there's a lot
to that
but I think
to do it
to consciously do it
for him to consciously
do it
is a little dick
it's a little dick move
it's a little shitty
it did go down
to the
just the tank top
at first
that's fine
which I thought
that would be good
enough for him
but then
he had to show off
and it's like
dude
have some
have some
like
put a black box
over that body
have some
consciousness
they should have
sensed it
have some understanding
of context
have some like
dude
you're already
in kind of hot water
for even doing this
because
why is he in hot water
because all these artists
he's in cold beer
because that's his
sponsoring it
all these artists
have fucking boycotted it
doing it
because of the
Kaepernick situation
and it's like
you just want to be cool
and say like
I don't fucking need to do
this god damn stupid show
that means nothing
I mean it means nothing
to be doing this
maybe Adam Devine
needs some more money
I like the fact
that I read a review
I think it was in the
bbc.com
where they gave a review
of the Super Bowl
halftime show
and this goes back
to my shit
about reviewers
and stuff
but
who the fuck cares
like
how are you sitting down
and writing a review
of the Super Bowl
halftime show
who cares what it is
if it's good or bad
you know why
how do you form an opinion
about that
you got your hit
that's all that matters
is people getting those clicks
alright well let's take a call
well Tim I have a recording
of Travis Scott
okay
hello I'm Travis Scott
and I'm here to rap
peace
okay
you work on that one
maybe you rehearse that
well this is a live show
where we're just going off
we're riffing
we're riffing
alright
anyways welcome audience
welcome around the world
I've been told
I've got a call
or two coming in today
some special guests
maybe one
maybe two
I don't know
but let's for now
let's take the plebs
let's take the plebeians
out there
and see what
how they can bother me today
what kind of
bullshit
they can deliver
at my front door
I'm trying to beep you out
hello
anyone home
hello
let's just interview Billy
hello
let's interview Billy Christy
Christy
Crystal
anybody home Aristotle
okay hello
hello how are you
who's there
they're not there
no I hear Ryan
I hear him
oh I don't hear him
he said this is Ryan
how is
yeah how's it possible
he said this is Ryan
wait
wait Stottle
you got him coming through here
I don't know
no he's coming
out from back here
into the border
yeah
I don't know man
I'm not getting him
wait Ryan go talk
see if Tim can hear you
you don't hear that
you're hearing
yeah
Tim I'll ask
I'll relay his question to you
while we're working on it
yeah you gotta work on that
okay what's your question Ryan
he's gonna see
Van Morrison tomorrow
okay
and his question is
one sentence at a time
Ryan
and his question is
have any of us seen him before
because he's heard
mixed reviews online
he must be on BBC.com
and what else
and
have we ever seen
Van Morrison
I've never seen
Van the man
except video footage of him
so interesting question
I've seen his cousin Jim
caller
is here
can I
should I try
I've seen
his cousin
all right
thank you
I've seen his little nephew
ask mini
what
is that
all the way
okay he has another question
go ahead
while they're figuring it out
I'll relay
are you there
oh I hear him
thank you God
thank God
well can I still relay the question
let's just start over
it was fun
hang up on this cunt
no he's
that's a good question
that's a good question
all right fine
now he's all I wanted
you'll like this
go ahead
first of all
let me
let me handle this
let me handle this
professionally
hey caller
where are you calling from
Sherman Oaks
California
beautiful spot
and
what's your question
the second question is
Tim
if I could use
your Alex Jones voice
in a video
that I'm making
I make
videos for
I have a small
YouTube channel
I bet
I don't think so
I've been searching
a long time
yes
and what would you like
to do with it
well
it's an animation
and it's called
Illuminati
naughty spelled
N-A
UGH
I've been trapped all around the world
it's a strip club
where the dancers
whisper conspiracy theories
into the client's ear
while they're
giving them lap dances
uh-huh
and for the final act
the big event of the night
is Alexa Jones
and she comes out
and does a dance on stage
here's my answer
permission denied
you do not have permission
to use my audio
okay
I don't think so
thank you
I don't think so
make it all worthwhile
easy guys
easy
it's like the Doug Bot 2000 broke
rough ground
you know what
if you want to hire me
as talent
you can go thr