Name: Office Hours Live (3/22/19)
Uploaded: 2019-03-22T18:48:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (3/22/19)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-03-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (3/22/19)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-03-22. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live (3/22/19)

We'll be right back.
Hey, I'm difficult. I probably talk too much.
I'm feeling emotional.
I'm so bad. I can't.
Concerning two-way streets, I have to say that I am not a fan.
But I am the greatest motherfucker that you're ever going to meet.
From the top of my head, down to the tips of the toes on my feet.
So go away.
It's a nice little progression there.
Is it John Brand?
John?
John Grant.
Grant.
65% more of the time.
Those are some good chords.
65% more of the time.
And that's what I got here.
Yes.
Let me know what you're...
I'll tell you what, Doug.
Since we're synced up on our clocks...
Yes, sir.
You hit that at 9 a.m.
Gotcha.
Let's try to do it without communication.
Gotcha.
Just through understanding of time.
Time doesn't exist, but when that says 9, I won't do it.
That's right.
Listening to John Grant here, his, I guess, new single.
It's called GMF.
I'm more of an Amy Grant guy.
I hear you.
Actually, I'm more of an Eddie Grant guy.
Dr. Gabin?
I'm a Ulysses S. Grant.
Ulysses S. Grant.
Doug.
Come on.
But I am the greatest motherfucker
That you're ever gonna meet
On the top of my head
These guys are real braggart.
You know?
It's like, calm down.
Watch the clock, Doug.
Watch it.
You're right.
But don't forget, you could be laughing
65% more of the time
You could be laughing
65% more of the time
I should have practiced
My escape
Tell your friends we're live.
We're going in less than a minute right now.
Attracted to me
But you said that I should learn
To love myself
Uh-oh
I like having fun
I like to laugh
Good morning, everybody
Nice work
People who can make me laugh
Hello
I like having fun
Yes, I like to laugh
Good morning, people who can make me laugh
Come on!
Let's go
Okay
Me too
Oh, baby
Bring it on back
It's Friday, everybody
Welcome to
Office Hours with Tim Heidegger
And Vic Berger
Hello
Hello
And
The Loosenhop
The Loosenhop
Doug Loosenhop
Doug Pound
Good morning
At Doug Pound
At Twitter
At Twitter
Doug Pound
At Twitter
Good morning, everybody
I'm just burping
And watching the show
I'm lost
I'm just watching the show
On the delayed stream
Just enjoying the show
I'm just watching it
On the screen
Just watching me talk
Wow, I love that
And having fun doing it
But I am the host of the show
So I should
Clean up my act a little bit
And get the show going
Quit living in the past
And get with us
Get in there
Oh, come on, let's go
Welcome to everybody in the chat room
Good to see everybody here
We're instituting a new
I hope
Honestly, folks
I hope it's a temporary policy
Of
Oh, let me
I have to plug in my phone here
So it doesn't run out of batteries
Hold on
Why do you hope it's temp?
Well
Because there's something
Beautiful to me
About
The spontaneity
Of the calls
Coming in
Especially from
Our friends across
The water
International friends
And there's something exciting
About the
Element of surprise
And the element of
Them people
Them people
People
Out there
Watching the live stream
Realizing that they can make the choice
To call in
They make that choice
And then we answer the phone
And it's
Whoever's on the other line
We don't know
But we continue to struggle
With the realities
Of the tech industry
And their subversion
Of our vision
And as a temporary
Stop gap
We have instituted the policy
Of giving out
An email address
Where you can send in
Your question
Or comments
Or whatever you want
To talk about
And we will call you
So
Let me say
The email address is
Yes
It's
Coming your way
Right now
So
Write it down
Get a pad
A pen
Gonna write it down
Get a pad
A pen
Gonna write it down
It's
OfficeHoursLive
At gmail.com
And we've already
Gotten a ton
Vic
A ton
A lot of
Of questions
A lot of
People want to be
Involved with the show
Oh come on
Let's go
And you know
We only probably do
10 or 15 or so
Questions or calls
Throughout the show
So this is going to be
An interesting experience
And I think it could be okay
But
We will continue
To look into
Setting up an actual
Call bank
Some kind of
More professional way
Of receiving your calls
Because I do want you
To call in
I do not want
Anyone to think
That I'm cowering
Or scared
Or I'm
You know
I've been
Sort of scared off
Receiving calls
From the
The
The
Trolls
So it's not what
This is about
This is about
Last time you heard
It was the bings
And the bongs
Constantly
And let's move off
The subject
But Vic
You had something to add?
So international callers
Are done
It's American only
They're not done necessarily
I don't know
It's a question of if
If Vic
I mean if
Aristotle can call
International numbers on there
I don't see why not
Does it work?
Yeah it'll work
I mean it's a whole new world
Out there
We are such a small world
It's a small world
After all
It's a small world
After all
Imagine the lyricist
On that one
He was just like
I think I'm done
I think I'm done
It's
What are the lyrics?
It's a small world
After all
Nice
What else?
It's a small world
After all
Okay
It's a small world
After all
Good
What rhymes with that?
It's a small world
After all
Fucking asshole
Guy probably made millions
On that
You're like a
Kentucky fried idiot
We should
We should come up
With more lyrics
For that song Doug
Let's do it
It's a small world
After all
Open for everyone
Small and tall
It's a small world
It's a small world
It's a small world
Yeah
It's a small world
It's a small world
Ain't it
It's a small world
All right
Stop that
I'm losing it with that
This is Eric Clapton's new album
How about this Doug?
It's a small world
After all
John, Ringo, George, and Paul
Two
Beatles will sing it all
Especially if you're
Hey
Hey
Give me a call
Give me a call
There you go
All right
So somebody call
Walt Disney
And let him know
We have some more words
For him
Why don't we jump
Into the calls
And see if the system works
That's what we like to do
In the show
Is start fresh
Start fresh?
No
Oh
Well we will have rings
And
Rings and dings
Wings and dings
I'm going to mute that
No let it go
Okay
It's kind of like that
I'm
Tension
Now it's a new tension
Because I don't know
Who we're calling
Hello
This guy is
Not answering his phone
You're calling
And here's the
How about
It's a small world
After all
Go ahead
If you don't like it
Go drink some alcohol
That's not the best message
All right
I realize now
We're going to have
A bit of a trial and error
Here where we're
Going to call people
They're going to not
Recognize the number
And as I do
When I get calls
90 times a day
From scams
I don't pick up
But let's try another one
It's a small world
After all
The cigarettes I like
Are menthol
Something like that
The cigarettes I like
Are menthol
Cigarettes I like
Are cool menthols
With a K
Hello
Is this Tim
Yeah who's this
This is Chris
Hey Chris
Where are you calling from
I am from
I'm on the panhandle
Florida
Oh
Apalachicola
Tallahassee
Navarre
How do you like
Right next to you
How do you like me
Dropping Apalachicola
On you
Um
I guess that's
Where is that
North of me
I honestly don't know
It's on the
It's on the ocean man
It's in the
I mean it's in the
Gulf
Yeah we're right on
The Gulf Coast
Yeah we're right on
The Gulf Coast
Hello
I'm in
Santa Rosa County
Alright
How you doing
What can I do for you today
I'm doing good
I sent you a message yesterday
I wanted to tell you a story
You might find it funny
Um you know
Given our area
I'm a musician
And um
Lived here my whole life
And uh
It's really hard to find
Like-minded musicians
And you know
Even I'm in my mid-30s now
And it's really hard to find
Anybody who even has time
To play music
And I played with this other guy
And we found a drummer
On Craigslist
Like two years ago
What kind of music
Are you looking to play
We play uh
You know
Reggae
Rock and roll
But psychedelic rock
Psych rock
Garage rock
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
You know
Cream
Rock and roll
Yeah like Cream
I'm
Uh
Tame and Paula's been
You know
They just released a new song
I got you
So you're
I'm all over the place
I love
I love rock and roll
Cool
Cool white guy
Lots of pedals
Yeah
Lots of effects
Anyways
Okay
So now we got the context
Right
And so I'm looking for a drummer
And so I
Meet this guy on Craigslist
And you know
In my area
He can't be too picky
Yeah
And he's uh
You know
He's in his 50s
Retired military
And that's running the mill
In this area
So you know
I said okay
Well
Seems like he's really serious
About the drums
And so he's about an hour away
So I drive over there
Okay
And my friend
Who I'm playing music with
I'm just kind of
Keeping up with him
And telling him
Hey I'm gonna go meet this guy
You know
He seems kind of
You know
Just from interactions with him
He's kind of boring
You know
Not
Not really
Interesting
But anyways
We go
Sounds like you
Yeah
I'm just kidding
Just like me
Anyway
So
And uh
So you know
Retired military
And immediately
I can tell this guy
Is just not as serious
With me
Right
You want to honor
You want to honor
The meeting though
So you take the meeting
Yeah yeah
So he's like
You know
Show me some of your songs
So I show him one of my songs
And he catches on pretty good
You know
He can play along
He plays really loud though
Really loud
And you know
Really ecstatic
Exactly
Exactly
But again
You can't be too picky
Okay
And so
I leave
I don't really feel
You know
Like this is going anywhere
And you know
I
You know
I don't really
Follow up
But you know
Enough with the drums
Sorry
I got to yell at my guys
For a second
Enough with the drums
Okay
Well anyway
So this is the thing
This is the funny part
I know what you're trying to do
What
Okay so
Anyway
So about a month later
I finally say
Okay maybe we can record the song
I can send you the track
You could
If you could lay down the drums
He says sure
Lay down
And I asked him first
He said send me an email address
And so his email address
Is his first and last name
How did you not have his email
Wait wait wait wait wait
How did you not have his email address
Up until now
You guys were texting
Okay thank you
Continue
Yeah
So anyways
His email is
His first and last name
At Reagan.com
And I'm like
Whoa that's weird
You know
Whatever
Again
At Reagan.com
Maybe he's a
Maybe he's a Reagan supporter
But I got curious
So I looked it up
There's a website
Go to RonaldReagan.com
They sell emails
What?
And it like guarantees
Yeah like security
Like don't trust the men
From Silicon Valley
All this stuff
Yeah
So after that
I never
I never sent him an email
So he bought
He bought an email address
So he could have
Reagan.com
Reagan.com
Be a cowboy
Get your name
Wait Vicks found it
If you go to the website
Look at it
There's testimonials on there
Wait go ahead
People who swear by
Read a testimonial
Reagan.com
I gotta find the testimonials
Oh that's my phone
Sorry
Speaking of spam callers
Be a cowboy
Get your name
At Reagan.com
And that was the line
I drew in the stand
I didn't
After that
I was like
I don't know
It starts at $33
I can't deal with this
$33 a year
Yeah
Well that's I mean
I guess
It's not that bad
It's not that bad
It starts
Freedom is never more
Than one generation away
And so their pitch to you
Is that
This is like a protected
Server
That they're gonna be
It's the
They don't trust Google
They don't trust big tech
I mean who should
But I guess
All right
Yeah
Well it's true
But anyways
I thought it was
Kind of interesting
And you were like
And you were like
I'm not gonna be in a band
With this guy
I mean
Yeah
Cause at some point
You wanna
Red flag
But that was the nail
In the coffin
At some point
You know
You wanna like the guys
You're in the
You want like
Most
Yeah
The big plus
About being in a band
Is like
The fraternity
And friendship
That you can build
With these people
And I understand
That would be
Potentially an impediment
Not that we should only be
Let me just give a little sermon here
Not that we should only
Surround ourselves
With the political
Ideology
That we align with
And we should have
A diverse group
Of partners
And friends
Who might not agree
With everything
Under our
Ideological platform
Absolutely
Yeah
And you know
In this area
I can't
Again
I can't be choosy
Because I don't agre