Name: Office Hours Live (4/11/19)
Uploaded: 2019-04-11T18:49:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (4/11/19)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (4/11/19)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-11. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live (4/11/19)

yep
we are live
make no sale for a gift of the will
yo
good morning we're listening to
love my friends
cause there's nowhere to run
this is a track from an album by
pete townsend and ronnie lane called
rough mix this is nowhere to run
I have tried
but I never have run
cause there's nowhere to run
my head rolling
wha-wha-wha-wha
where's he going
wha-wha-wha-wha
what's he saying baby
but that's right
that's right
come on
ghost of old sailor
lonesome
jim light
smacking his pipe
and he's rubbing his head
all bad news
but I heard
what I said
he said there's nowhere
to run
got a smoky vocal today
got a smoky vocal today
welcome to all you chatsters in the chat room
shout out a couple people out there
Austin Reynolds
I don't know
did I
did you get that thing I sent you
I don't know man
how can I find the office hours playlist
this song is now added to the spotify
fuck spotify
but fuck we're all
what else can I do
I need
to use them I guess
but
made the office hours playlist
exclamation point
on spotify
so you can go to spotify
search for that playlist
to become part of that community
got a great collection of songs going there
I listened to it last weekend
on the drive
to the beach
it's a great playlist
two minute warning Doug
short song
let's get brick by brick going
I need a brick by brick
shit
I'll get you the
brick by brick
this is not brick by brick
but I don't like silence
how do I get brick by brick
I let through the air
let me be a glance
to go away
take me
over the land
to see me
the world
I left my sweet
Doug you ready to go at nine
yeah
it's allergies guys
nothing to worry about
alongside the road
I can't find brick by brick
I can't find brick by brick
in my shoes
oh well
in the boo-coo's of blues
hello
oh
sweet like no
little breath carried out
oh
Ringo is singing
those blues
I'm coming home
I'm coming home
coming home
I've had me enough
it's an earthquake
it's an earthquake
good morning
good morning
hello hello hello
what's the first time
what's happening
yo what's up
folks
gang
I got that vocal fry
this morning
because I've been in the studio
making hit records
the past couple of days
what's your band called
let me get some mic checks
from my boys
behind me
Doug give me a one two
it's a one two three
Vicky baby
a one two
three four
five six
come on Casey
where's Casey
I need more numbers
in my life
anyway
you guys sound pretty good
why should you want to know
thank you
good morning everybody
welcome to another
oops
welcome to another episode
of office hours
this is your host
the host
with the most
the number one radio host
the number one podcast
in America
the number one podcast
in the world
Tim Heidecker
from office hours
office hours live
streaming to YouTube
streaming to YouTube
goes to the podcast
right away
you're getting it later
this afternoon
you listen to the podcast
you subscribe
I got
the holy trinity
DJ
Doug Pound
wake up
I got
the number one dude
with the big curly
pillow pad
fat head
Victor
Burger the fourth
wake up
I got Aristotle
taking your calls
making the calls
doing what needs to be
done
we got it all
oh my god
that's the show folks
we're done
glad you could drop in
all right
well
folks
welcome to the show
it is 9 a.m.
on the
Pacific coast
here in Glendale
California
beautiful
windy
not windy right now
it's been windy
I love giving the weather
report
especially for those
listening
at a later date
perfect weather
it's perfect weather
right now
sun's shining
and we're happy
to be here
Vic stay on
on top of that mic
I think is the key
how's that
yeah it's good
get all up
oh we have a guest
we do have a guest
there we go
we have
a dog
I just
captured this dog
from the pound
now this is
you know
you know her
this is bug
buggy
watch our numbers
skyrocket
now there are dogs
involved with the show
the number of people
watching
everyone's passing around
this YouTube link
right now
oh hey
there's a dog
there's a dog
on live TV
we can watch it
does bug bite
ever
ah
what the hell
fingers gone
Doug
let me tweet
let me tweet
the hell
out of this
show
so that people
out there
not paying attention
people are still
writing me
Doug
what are they
writing to you
Tim about
what is it about
they still write me
going
where can I
watch this live
man
they're asking me
stuff
will you just
fucking do a
google search
or something
dude
people ask me
stuff
about stuff
I'm not involved
with
like
when's
on cinema
live
where can I
get tickets
I'm like
well that's a
good
that is a
good question
and Doug
you should
be honest
that's not
a question
I could
no
but
I do
want to
take a
moment
to plug
the
because
we are
now
deeply
in
April
deeply
in
April
and I
want to
run
through
a couple
of
show
dates
with you
just
to
make
sure
everyone's
in the
in the
loop
on that
let me
just
bring
those
up
we
have
all
on
cinema
dates
are
still
available
we
got
news
about
what's
all
this
is
old
shit
here
god
damn
it
fucking
Apple
mail
can
suck
my
dick
it's
I'm
trying to
do a
damn
search
for
tickets
updates
in my
mail
and it's
just
a
I get
them
every
day
oh
there
it
is
so
here
we
go
folks
Thursday
next
Thursday
April
18th
Minneapolis
we
have
I'll
give
you
the
honest
truth
there
we
have
about
50
tickets
left
there
for
a
big
room
that's
huge
Milwaukee
I don't
know where
the fuck
you guys
are
we got
a little
we got
some
I don't
know
maybe a
hundred
tickets
left there
for
Turner Hall
on Friday
April 19th
Saturday
Chicago
of course
is sold
out
but the
late show
has a few
tickets
left
and then
the week
after that
in Denver
on April
25th
at the
Cervantes
room
we've got
a few
a number
of tickets
left there
we got
a hundred
tickets
left there
Los Angeles
is sold
out
that's
on
Saturday
April
27th
go
fuck
yourself
and then
in
Durham
North
Carolina
we've
added a
show
because
that
show
sold
out
but
the
second
this is
what
happens
Doug
we sell
out
the
show
bang
bang
everyone's
excited
let's
add another
show
great
put on
the
second
show
on the
calendar
nothing
we kept
the number
of people
who are
coming to
the show
we know
that's the
number
the number
was the
number
of people
that are
coming to
the first
show
there are
no more
people
but
I'm
optimistic
the second
late show
is added
and that's
on Friday
May 10th
in Atlanta
that's at
the Variety
Playhouse
there's still
some tickets
there
Nashville
the great
city
music city
Marathon
music
works
plenty
of tickets
there
Jesus
Christ
I'm just
looking at
these numbers
and Dallas
few tickets
left there
Paramount
Theater
that will
sell out
so get
your tickets
for the
Austin
show
on
Saturday
May 18th
with a
very special
guest
I can't
tell you
who
I apologize
for my
voice
I'll tell
you what
I've been
working hard
this week
we'll get
into that
should we
get into
that now
or can I
go around
the room
and see how
everyone is
doing
Doug
how are
you
good
federal
marshal
so far
up my
ass
I can
taste
bill
cream
I'm doing
good Tim
just having
fun all week
with those
SNL puns
Oh my
goodness
I said
it was a
beautiful
and dangerous
virus
that infected
our world
let us
just pause
for a moment
and reflect
on the magic
of office hours
you listener
you know
I went back
when you were
in grade school
and the teacher
would say
the people
who are late
or the people
who are misbehaving
aren't in the room
right now
so I'm telling
the people
that get it
something they
already know
but it's
it's positive
it's positive
reinforcement
I suppose
the message is
folks
we come in here
we don't know
what's going to happen
we don't have a plan
right
oh yeah
we don't have a plan
we don't have
a writer's room
pardon me
we don't have meetings
don't be stupid
okay
even in the short term
get together
and go live
and we figure it out
now last week
we were blessed
with Fred Armisen
if you haven't
listened to Ask
that episode
my close friend
said it was
one of the funniest
things he's ever heard
okay
and this guy
calm down everybody
you guys gotta calm down
what do you
are you taking inventory
of your samples
right now
I'm trying to do
some soprano ones
they're mysteries to me
well Doug
didn't we design
a system for you
to do that off
yeah
you're so lazy
too complicated
but let me tell you
something
like I said
we don't know
what's gonna happen
and Fred came in
graciously came in
sat there
and we riffed
and out of that
hour and a half
comes a wellspring
of just unbelievable stuff
I'm talking about
brick by brick
everybody's writing me
about brick by brick
this wonderful
oh that's what I was
gonna do
is call that guy
oh I gotta remember
this now
hold on
I have his number
we want to talk
to the guy
that made
Daniel Cups
right
oh yeah
gonna call you
in a bit
of course
I'm gonna
I'm gonna
just copy
and paste
this to you
Aristotel
so you have
the number
and we'll try him
why don't we try him
now
let's get that over
with
confirm receipt
oh geez
that's right
he's got his phone
in his pocket
so
and then the SNL puns
which was
which we did
because Fred was on SNL
we just
started there
Fred didn't have any puns
ready to go
he just started riffing on it
Doug of course
had some stuff
in the can
which was good
you told me
while I was on my way here
so I didn't
I'm glad
I wasn't like thinking about it
for weeks or something
he's got his own writer's room
I'm pretty sure
and
and then you guys out there
I don't
it gave me so much
joy
how did it jump
Tim
from the show
to Twitter
where people were sending their
that's a good question
did you do the first selfie one
of course
did you add the hashtag
so Tim
you did a selfie on Twitter
of course
maybe I don't
I mean
did you do the first one
or did somebody
send me some
did a fan
I think people
probably people were sending me
I don't remember
I apologize
if there is
a
ground zero
it turned into a thing
in a style
where they would
just do a selfie
and it would be this long
and I
well I was getting a bunch
and I noticed
that they were all
there was like a
strange consistency
to the guys
that were sending them in
which was they were
bearded
and bespeckled
right
and it was like
there is a look
to this audience
out there
apparently
and so we won a diverse
a little pale
a little pale
and a little farsighted
or something
but
I don't know
it was funny
how they just
one after another
they kept coming in that way
but then it broke
then it just broke wide open
you know
where we had
we had the
Robert Smigel
or what's his name
Triumph
Triumph doing some
which were very good
we had
nobody else famous
but somebody
a couple of
there's the drummer
from
New Pornographers
oh yeah
he's real famous
come on
come on
that guy gets stopped
on the street
every block
H. John Benjamin
H. John
that's who I was looking for
John Benjamin
and you know
he didn't tag me
he tagged you and Vic
Schmeigel
didn't tag me
he tagged you and Vic
I liked my Robert Schmeigel one
did you like my Robert Schmeigel one
Rob Burt
my gel
anyways
we could
we were gonna review
the SNL puns today
but I feel like
I'm getting a little burnt out on them
to be honest with you
I don't think it's a smart move
to wallow in that
but if you feel
what I loved about it
was seeing everybody out there
and this cool thing of
just having your phone
your video cameras there
you just make
you're just lying
most of these people
are lying in bed
or walking around
their backyard
or they're like
dipping away from work
just like when you guys call in
we're all out there man
we're all just
living
and I could see you
and you can see me
and I could do it too
and we're all just people
trying to live on this crazy planet
spinning it a thousand miles an hour
what's going on?
well Dan
Daniel Cupps
we're gonna try calling him now
to talk about
wait regarding the
the puns
are you gonna call Cupps?
yeah
okay
see if we can get Cupps on the line
hello
hello Daniel
how are you man
it's Tim Heidecker
and gang here
office hours live
oh wow
hello
yes
how's it going guys?
oh sorry
I hope I made that clear
that we were gonna be live
are you
stop it Doug
yeah
I'm trying to do an interview here
I'm ready
I do like the Philadelphia pad
we've got Philadelphia by Bruce
playing in the