Name: Office Hours Live (4/24/19)
Uploaded: 2019-04-24T18:47:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (4/24/19)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live (4/24/19)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-04-24. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live (4/24/19)

We are 855?
Two.
Oh, yeah.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
Screw that up.
My hearing isn't that good either.
What's that you say?
My hearing is not that good either.
What's that?
Huh?
That's an old joke.
Stand by.
No, that's not.
Here, we'll play my new single.
Tell me what you think of this song, Gary.
Hold on.
We're screwing up here.
We're screwing up here.
What is it?
This is the...
Is this off your new album that's coming out?
Yeah, it's my new single.
When are you playing the guitar?
When I get up, all I want to do is go to bed again.
Go to bed again.
Go to bed again.
And go to bed again.
And go to bed again.
When I get up, all I want to do is go to bed again.
Go to bed again.
And go to bed again.
And go to bed again.
Give me an eight out of a ten.
I could watch some TV maybe.
What's that, Gary?
Give me an eight out of a ten.
I could go under my covers and hide.
That's a pretty good mirror.
That's a really good pitchfork rating.
That's a good song, too.
Those bluebirds ain't on my side.
When I get up, all I want to do is go to bed again.
Go to bed again.
And go to bed again.
Sing it with me, boys.
When I get up, all I want to do is go to bed again.
Go to bed again.
And go to bed again.
All right, Doug.
It's 9 a.m.
Take it away.
If I go back, I like having fun.
I like to laugh.
All right.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
Good morning.
I like having fun.
Okay.
I like to laugh.
Sounds good.
I like having fun.
We meet people who laugh.
That's a name, Glenville.
Glenville.
Sounds like George.
I was trying to do a little live mixing here.
I have a different tempo going on.
Oh, keep playing yours.
Oh.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
Having fun.
Yes, I like to laugh.
I'm not good at that.
I'm not good at everything.
Stick to the songwriting.
The performing.
The acting.
Producing.
The producing.
The writing.
The writing.
The podcasting.
The fathering.
The husbandry.
The fathering.
The husbandry.
The husbandry.
The political tweets.
Stick to those.
All of the above.
Is anyone ever like, stick to political tweets?
No, no one's ever given me that one.
Good morning, everybody.
Welcome.
Who are we having the, we're gathering an audience here.
Wah, wah.
Wah, wah.
All right, we're starting the show.
It is, it is April 24th.
It's a Wednesday hump day in America.
It is a beautiful, beautiful day here in Glendale, California.
Wouldn't you say?
Yeah, I would, yeah.
Spring has sprung, and we are just loving every second of it.
It is just gorgeous out.
Sun is shining.
It's not too hot.
We are ready to roll on the Office Hours broadcast.
Yes, I've got DJ.
DJ, DJ, DJ Doug found him out.
DJ Doug found him out.
He's rockin' rollin' today.
He's got it all goin' on.
He comes in the middle of the night.
Sunday morning, Monday morning, Tuesday morning, Wednesday morning.
DJ Doug found him out.
Give me up next to DJ Doug.
Good morning, Doug.
Oh, yeah, it's like that.
DJ Doug found is destroying tonight.
Boom, shaka-lucka.
That has got me goin'.
That is all the cup of coffee I need in the morning.
Doug Lusenhop, how are you this morning?
I'm doing good.
I got my dad here.
Well, let me do the introductions, please.
Excuse me.
How dare you?
Well, I asked you a simple question.
How are you?
It's a yes or no.
Yes.
How are you doing?
How are you doing?
Yes.
Yes.
Hmm.
Yeah, okay.
And with me as Vic Berger is mysteriously absent from the show today.
Lots to discuss there.
Lots of controversy there, which I will get into in detail during the show
today.
It's weird that he just quit the show like that.
Well, there's a lot going on.
Let me tell you.
And that tweet that he sent out last night that he said is, I'm cutting all
ties.
No, no, well, listen, I am giving you the full story during the show today.
And he does not come out looking too good, my friends.
No.
It's a long, complicated story with lots of twists and turns.
And we're going to find out a lot about our so-called friend, Vic, today on the
show.
And it's sick what you're about to hear on the program today.
It is some sick shit.
And I love that scary music.
I could live in there.
I could live in there.
No, our special guest is none other than Gary Lusenhop.
Are we getting a camera on Gary?
Hey, Gary.
How do I look?
There's Gary.
That phone is a camera.
Is Gary here?
Is Gary here for me?
I'm Gary.
I'm Gary Lusenhop.
I'm Gary.
I'm Gary Lusenhop.
I should have gave him a laptop to match Vic.
I know.
We will not have that.
But Gary.
We'll be replacing.
Tim, was that you singing or moaning or what was that?
That was me singing, Gary.
I was doing a beautiful song I just wrote in your honor for being here.
Well, listen, Gary.
It's an honor to have you on the show.
Well, it's a privilege for me being here.
Why?
It's a privilege.
I just come out here to do work and stuff.
Now I'm on stage and screen.
You are going to blow up.
I think the audience already has an affinity for you, but the more they get to
know you, there's going to be deep, deep love.
Well, I got business cards if they want to, you know.
What can you offer our audience, Gary, as far as when you say business cards,
what are you, what, first of all, let's back up a minute.
Okay.
Doug, how long have you known Gary?
Well, we don't need to go into it.
Probably a couple, two, three, four decades.
How long have you really known Gary?
Well, we just probably a couple weeks.
We just got into it a couple weeks ago.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And Gary, you're out here from?
Denver, Colorado.
But that accent tells me you were not born and raised in Denver, Colorado.
This is a true statement.
Where you hail from, I think.
Chicago.
Chicago.
It's really pronounced Chicago.
Chicago.
A lot of people say Chicago.
I was in Chicago on Saturday.
Can you believe that?
How'd that show go, Tim?
Oh, it was heaven.
My friend Edmar said that that was the best performance he's seen by you.
You know, somebody else said that, too.
My publicist who lives in Chicago, she said that was the best performance he's
seen by me.
That goes into all the projects, okay?
Sometimes you don't bring it.
Sometimes you really blow it.
Nah, it's not nice.
But where was your performance?
It was at this beautiful...
Thank you for moving the show along, Gary.
It was at the beautiful Thalia Hall.
Have you been there, Doug?
Never heard of it.
I think it's a fairly new...
Never heard of it.
Are you sure there's a place like that?
I'm sure.
I was there.
We did two sold-out shows.
Well, the second show wasn't fully sold out, but it was very packed.
It's interesting.
Somebody told me that...
Doug, I don't think this has ever happened.
Maybe I just don't get this information, but somebody said that for the second
show, there
were about 50 tickets sold.
Of 50 tickets, those 50 people did not show up.
50 people bought tickets and didn't show up.
Yeah.
And you know what I...
What's the best-selling single-model tire being...
And you know what?
The show was on 420, so there could have been a little...
Yeah, they got too baked, and then they were like, I'm staying home.
I can't do it, man.
But it was a late...
I'm funny how?
I mean, funny like I'm a clown.
I amuse you.
The Saturday show, the Saturday late show started at 11 a.m.
11 p.m.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
11 p.m.
Brunch?
No, 11...
On Cinema Brunch?
I get my A's and P's confused.
It was a 11 p.m. late show, so...
Well, that could have had something to do with it, too.
I think that's true.
You get excited about going to see the show.
You buy the tickets.
You realize later, oh, shit, this thing don't start till 11?
Bye-bye.
Well, maybe they're...
Remember to do that?
Maybe they start pre-gaming, you know?
Yeah, and then they just zonk.
Well, Tim, where is this place at that you said you were at?
Thalia Hall.
It's in the south loop of Chicago.
Oh.
If you don't believe me, I will send you an email.
I want an email.
I can't believe this place.
I'll get you a web link to that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we also were in Milwaukee.
You ever spend any time in Milwaukee?
Oh, okay.
And Minneapolis.
Oh, yeah.
How was the snowstorm up there?
Didn't catch any of it.
There was a...
You'd see a little white snow on the side of the road.
But it was beautiful in Chicago.
The weather was just...
It was like here.
It was a little chilly.
But stayed at the Palmer House.
Oh.
So, okay.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I got some Pequod's pizza delivered to the theater.
Nice.
Nice choice.
Thank you.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
That's the tradition.
That's the Tim and Eric tradition that we started years ago.
And...
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
What is that?
I got you on that Pequod's thing, but...
Yeah.
You guys love it.
I don't know if I...
I don't know if it's that great, but it's pretty good.
Well...
The crust is good.
The crust is good.
You got to work your way to the crust.
What is that?
What is that?
Yeah, what is that?
This is what you sound like when the pizza comes up.
Oh, someone said Thalia Hall is in the Pilsen neighborhood of Chicago.
Does that ring a bell?
It's...
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
So, Gary...
Yeah.
Just job at a hut, by the way.
Where did you grow up in Chicago?
South...
Eastside.
In the city.
In the city.
In the city.
Oh, oh.
So...
But you...
What did your old man do?
He...
Well, it's hard to explain, but he worked downtown in the loop.
Sounded like he was crooked.
In the...
He was an electrotyper.
They made printing plates at this facility.
Take us back, Doug.
South Elite now, but...
No, it's kind of different.
So, it was a good job.
Good middle class job?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He had blue shirts on and stuff like that.
He had the blue shirts on.
Tim, do you know this song?
And he made...
Take me back, lives in my own town.
No, who is this?
Lakeshore Drive and roads call me.
So, it's Eliota, Haynes, and Jeremiah.
It's my kind of music.
It's got good rhythm.
But it's like a song from the 70s that they only played...
It was like a regional...
Oh, yeah.
It's all local references.
Well, this song is about Lakeshore Drive.
The drive.
He's my blue collar...
Someone's got a good line.
Bo.
Blue collar granddaddy.
My blue collar granddaddy.
Where do your...
Where do the Loosenhops hail from?
Well, the great-grandfather's from Hamburg, Germany.
Oh, where the Beatles got their start.
Yeah.
The Star Club.
Mach show, they would say.
The Beatles would play...
Anything can get me to talk about the Beatles.
Well, there's probably like four, five, eight great-grandparents, right?
Yeah, something like that.
He just picked one that he liked.
The Northern Germs.
Why don't we ever call the Germans the Germs?
When the Germs emigrated to...
Also, here's a question.
Yeah.
In Germany.
Yes, sir.
It's called Deutschland.
Correct.
Why don't we call it Deutschland?
Why can't we say Deutschland?
Why do we have to say Germany?
Who calls it Germany?
The Americans.
Why?
We call Rome...
Yeah, how do they go from...
Deutschland to Germany.
I don't know.
It's like Italy.
Italia.
And now we call it Italy.
Well, that's at least close, you know?
Yeah.
But Deutschland and Germany are two totally different words.
I think it means fatherland.
Deutschland?
Yeah.
How about that?
That's pretty good knowledge.
We got the expert here.
The expert on all things, Gary Lusenhop.
Are you having fun so far?
Yeah.
It's like flying, isn't it?
Right.
Deutschland just means Germany and German.
Well, then just call it Deutschland.
Why don't you just agree with me?
Well, you might still be right.
I don't know.
I am.
I'm trying to look it up.
And Japan is Nippon?
Is that right?
Nippon?
Nippon.
Nippon.
So let's call it Nippon.
I'm not using these words no more.
And you know what?
In Sweden is Surge.
Surge?
Yeah, Surge.
Surge.
Let's get a Swede to call in and confirm then.
I think Pauline is Polak, but I'm not sure.
Okay.
So you grow up in the city.
How was, was it a, was life good back in the olden days?
I had a big open spot across the street from where I live and I used to play in
