Name: OFFICE HOURS LIVE (11/18/2019)
Uploaded: 2019-11-18T21:06:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (11/18/2019)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (11/18/2019)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-18. Transcript available.

OFFICE HOURS LIVE (11/18/2019)

something wrong with your mic oh hey is my mic doing that or you're doing that
you're doing
oh wow i like having fun yes i like to laugh i like turn vick's mic on okay
good morning everybody
we are back oh hi hi everybody come on wake the up
can you turn me up good afternoon
good morning good morning good morning good morning good afternoon to my east
coasters
good afternoon pennsylvania good afternoon maryland good afternoon new york
good afternoon new hampshire
good evening london good evening brighton good evening paris
good evening brussels good evening germany berlin frankfurt and all the rest
vermont where are my
vermont freaks massachusetts is in the house with alexander strauss and
everybody out there is just
portland good morning to you good afternoon chicago and uh minnesota wisconsin
let's do some
shout outs where are you where are you listening where are my office hours freaks
new york
fresno ohio detroit oh they're everywhere late indiana providence north carolina
louisiana toronto
victorville seattle maine ohio chicago louisville santa cruz kansas chicago
good morning good morning
morning
okay los angeles vancouver utah perth australia speaking of australia thank you
everybody that's
good morning good morning good morning to you good afternoon as well it's time
you actually call me and say hello to you
good morning good morning just fine good morning to you good afternoon as well
good afternoon as well good afternoon as well it's time you actually call me
and say hello to you
good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning how are you
how are you
how are you how do you how do you do hello
good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning
good morning how are you just fine
are the binks and the bongs back yeah this is me
Who? Me? Yes, you. Not me. Then who? Penguin. I can do my own drops. Who took
the cookie from the cookie jar? Penguin took the cookie from the cookie jar.
All right, let's stop messing around. How's it sounding out there? Aside from
the bingies and the bongies. Let's take a call right away and then we can see
if. Hello? Who's there? This is Eric. Hey, Tim. Turn him up. Eric who? Eric Fennell.
Eric Worm.
Oh, look at right away. First. How'd you pick that one? All right, let's try
another one. Come on. Nasty guy. He's a nasty guy. I can't believe it. That's
the first guy we get in. There must be a million people trying to call. Hello?
Hi, Tim. Hey, who's this? This is Jason. Jay's son? What's your name? I know
you're Jay's son, but.
Not what's your dad's name. What's your name? Yeah, what's your name?
What do you want?
How's it going? Good. Where are you calling from?
Calling from Virginia, baby. Yeah. Is it your first time caller or you're a
frequent guest of the show?
I'm a comfortable. First time caller.
Well, it's like we haven't missed a beat.
So, how can I help you? What's on your mind?
Well, I wanted to first extend my condolences from the entire Office Hours
community to Doug.
Yes.
Thank you.
Doug lost a member of his family, a close member of his family.
A few, was it a month or so ago?
Yes.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, we got some, you got a echo. Can you turn your, your playback off, son?
It's off. It's off, baby. It's not me.
Yeah.
Huh.
Okay, great.
Thank you.
That's a new problem.
I'm sure it is.
Thank you.
Is it playing on my computer?
Is that me?
Yeah, I hear, that's the radio I was talking about, I think.
No, it's not the radio.
I'm sure it is.
You hear that?
Oh, wait a minute.
Are you, do you, are you playing the show live?
I, so that was me.
Oh, Vicky.
That was me, I'm done.
Vicky, that's strike one.
So, Doug, as everyone, some of you know, maybe you don't, some of you don't,
Doug lost Bug, his dog, I guess since.
Come on!
How long have you had Bug? At least 10 years, Doug.
I think you and I got our dogs around the same time.
Yeah.
Mine continues to thrive.
No.
Mine's never been better and healthier.
It's okay, guys.
You don't have to dwell on that.
I think what we discussed earlier before the show started was let's move on.
We don't, this is from Doug, not from me.
I'll show you something real cool, though.
Yeah, let me show you this.
I know you're just getting settled in back there, Aristotle, but are you
cutting around to the boys here?
Doing your multicam work?
There it is.
One good thing is I'm not hearing the bings and the bongs while the call is on.
So, that's positive.
Oh, look at that.
Bring it down a little bit.
This was given to me as a gift.
Bring it down a little bit.
Bring it down in the shot a little bit.
Down here?
Yeah.
Well, I'm looking at a little.
That's good.
Right where you're, that's it.
There it is.
Wow.
This cute little thing was just given.
If you're listening to.
This was just handed to me.
If you're listening to the podcast.
As I walked in the door.
Mauricio from Rockin' Pins.
Mauricio from Rockin' Pins.
Not only.
Had this made for me.
Look at that.
In a small way, he gave that to you.
There was a small, but in a big way.
Mauricio also came in to give me a Three Stooges pin.
Three pins.
Three Stooges pin.
One for each.
And a signed copy of.
What's his name?
Leon.
Leon Russell's album, Carnie.
He gave this to me as a gift.
Just because he knows what I love.
He appreciates the work I do.
And he figures out, well, listen.
How can I repay this artist?
Doesn't get a lot out of it financially.
Doing this kind of work.
In fact, I'm in the whole tremendous, I'd say I'm in the whole several thousand
dollars on office hours.
Personally.
Because of all the equipment I buy for it.
Equipment that doesn't work.
But I'm doing fine.
I have no reason to complain.
All right.
I woke up in a Soho.
So listen.
A couple things we want to avoid on the show today.
Any more talk of Bug.
We've gone through that.
We've paid our respects.
Doug wants to move on.
He doesn't want to dwell on the somber and the morose.
Thank you.
How did they stuff that Bug?
Because was that actually Bug, mummified?
Right.
They take the bones out and they shrink it down like a shrunken head.
They do the full body.
Do you want to hear a crazy story that I accept is true because it came from my
dad and he does not bullshit?
Yes.
He's not some kind of – he's a serious man.
This is a true story.
Yes.
He claims.
He.
This was several years ago.
They lived in this condo in Florida, one of these buildings, condo buildings in
Florida.
And they had a rule about dogs.
You can't have a certain – dogs of a certain size you cannot have.
You can have the little poodles.
Bug would have been fine there.
She would have been all right.
We also have a lot of dogs and they're great dogs.
Okay.
We cherish them.
All right.
Okay.
So here's what he says.
This guy was going to move down into this condo and he had some bigger dog.
He had a full-size, you know, lab or something like that.
This screwball, this – I would call him a bad guy.
This guy's a messed up guy.
He had his dog, healthy dog, maybe a little older but a healthy dog,
had the dog put to sleep and then had the dog – what do you call it?
Mummified.
What do you call it when you –
Taxidermied.
Taxidermied.
Taxidermied to be – sit there in his apartment.
Hi, dearie.
I'm not kidding.
I've seen some made into, like, coffee tables or, like, little –
But that was a dog that was maybe died of natural causes or was put down for
good reason.
But this is a healthy dog, the guy had, but he wanted to live in this condo.
Can you believe this now?
Oh!
I think that's awful.
That is terrible.
It's terrible.
All right.
Well, I had my dog cremated and when I got the ashes back,
my friend said you should spread them at her favorite place.
Which is what, your asshole?
It was my bed.
I dumped him in my bed.
Oh, sorry, I beat you to the joke.
Had a joke going and then you screwed it up.
I squashed it.
I squashed it like the Lord did to poor Bug.
Why did God take Bug?
Why did he do it, Doug?
All right, enough.
Enough.
To – thank – first of all, we've been gone since – I've discovered.
This is some forensic evidence I've come up with.
We have not done this show since June 20th or something like that, right?
Something like that.
Wow.
At our last show, June, it was sort of the beginning of summer.
We said, hey, we're all going on our trips.
I'm going to go around the room and get the summer update from everybody.
Everybody wants to know, where have you been?
Why have – I mean, I got asked about coming back more about that than
anything else.
That's sort of –
Well, when I went on tour, that was the number two question is, when is office
hours coming back?
When is it coming back?
Well, here we are.
That's the number two question.
Now, here's the bad news, folks.
Today, we're back.
Tomorrow, next week, we don't know.
We don't know because the continued – the work that we do, the traveling we
have on schedule,
Doug mostly – it's mostly Doug.
I might come back just with Vic if that's right with you because I'm around for
a little bit.
I mean, that's a question I've been asking myself too.
Like, when's he coming back?
Because I got nothing going on.
I did not want to just come back without Doug, but now I felt like if we did
one show back with Doug,
then maybe we could do a few more without, and then – you know what I mean?
Do you understand, Doug?
Suck it.
I don't want to come back after all this time without you, but now that we're
back,
we could do a few shows without you.
It's pretty simple.
And maybe you can call in.
Do what you tell me!
Okay.
Life can be hard.
And by the way, I said this in the chat.
Doug has admitted to me –
Do what you tell me.
Admitted to me this morning that he was up until 2 in the morning working on
drops,
and he's got a boatload of them, and we're going to hear probably a few of them
today,
more than a few, but I would say just take – you know, have a vision of the
big picture
and not try to cram everyone like what you're doing right now.
It's hard not to let some of these roll right now.
Again, what I'm hearing from you right now is I'm not listening to the show.
I'm just listening to my drops.
I let you talk, and I pepper it with some spice.
Is that you, Vic?
Yeah.
Let's show it.
Keep a rolling!
All right.
Well, we're having a fun –
By the way, I discovered some –
I want to hear more of that.
I've been listening to isolated vocal tracks all night last night,
and I noticed some interesting stuff.
I think Def Leppard has used auto-tune back in the 80s.
Did they have that technology back in the –
Listen to this.
Keep a rolling!
Sounds like auto-tune, right?
No, that's just a double-track.
That's double-track vocals.
No, I hear that.
Like the in-between tones there.
Yeah.
Keep a rolling!
I hear what you mean.
I think that's a little variation in the double-track going on,
but I might be wrong.
Unless one of them has remastered,
they threw a little auto-tune in there or something.
Do you know the year of that song?
It's going to be 80s.
All right.
83, 84.
Okay.
I'll bring it up.
If you want to hear it, I'll bring it up.
Let's take another call.
Oh, wow.
That is painful for me.
Hello?
Hey, Tim.
This is Kristen from Milwaukee.
Hey, Kristen from Milwaukee.
How are you doing today?
I got up early to, you know, stalk the chat,
make sure I can get in somehow.
Now, what can I do for you, Judge?
You stalked the chat?
I don't know.
I was trying to get in somehow.
Well, what do you mean get up early?
It's already noon there.
Do you work at night?
Are you a lady of the night?
No, I'm currently trying to figure out a wind movie to Chicago.
Oh, yeah.
If you're in Milwaukee, you've got to go to Chicago.
Then you've got to get sick of that place,
and you've got to move on to New York or L.A.
or Shanghai.
That's the plan.
That's the plan.
How's it going for you?
How can I do?
What can I do for you?
What can I assist?
Well, currently, I am making a decade in film video edit,
and I've been going through your, like, videography
or all your films that you've done.
So many.
So I'm going through Rick 