Name: OFFICE HOURS LIVE (11/25/2019)
Uploaded: 2019-11-25T20:48:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (11/25/2019)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (11/25/2019)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-25. Transcript available.

OFFICE HOURS LIVE (11/25/2019)

All right, Doug, get ready for that 10 a.m. drop, drop, drop.
Get that theme music ready to rock.
Pop the rock stop.
Pop the rock stop.
Do people tune in to this part?
Pop the rock stop.
We got 317 people watching right now.
Let's do the pop the rock stop.
It's the best part of the show.
Do the pop rockin' stop.
I like having fun.
I like to laugh.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun.
Okay.
I like having fun to meet people who laugh.
Let's go.
Good morning, everybody.
We got a wonderful show for you today.
It is office hours.
We are back.
It is the week of November 25th, and it is lit.
We are lit.
Woo!
You don't want to really believe this.
All right.
Doing a little housekeeping here.
Shut up.
Uh, yeah.
So, what the hell is happening, everybody?
Welcome to the show.
We've got a, not exactly a full deck today.
We're not playing with a full deck.
We've got Lou, uh, DJ Duck Pound.
And that's it.
Just the two of us.
Just the two, just the two of us.
Well, we're just the two of us.
Couple of croons.
A couple of raisins left in the bag.
We were, oh, that's, this is it.
This was the pre-show jam we were getting into.
I'm just hanging with my pal, Mr. D-Pound.
Lou's and hop.
He's the top.
He's the number one dude in my life.
He smells like chicken and rice.
Settle down, folks.
He smells like chicken and rice.
Hey, folks, welcome.
Chicken and rice.
Smells so nice.
I'll sing.
Chicken and rice smells so nice.
Okay.
That's a nice little, what is that, where is that from?
What is that piece of music?
It's called Slow Jam Loop.
Slow Jam Loop.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Slow Jam Loop.
So much going on.
First of all, Doug, you were just down in Miami.
That's right.
I was there in Miami.
And it seems like there's a whole, what's going on down there?
There's a whole art community there that you're getting involved with now?
It seems awesome.
That's a cool group of people called Borscht Corp.
Corporation.
It's like a nonprofit film.
If it's nonprofit, I'm out.
I'm all about making them green jean bills.
I got a free shirt, though.
Well, who made this shirt?
Where's that made?
Who made that shirt?
Who knows?
Where's the country?
Let me guess.
China.
So, oh, it's all nonprofit.
There's no money here.
No money.
But here's the slave labor work and making shirts so you can wear it.
Cool.
Shame on you.
No, this is USA, baby.
Yeah, baby.
Shut up!
Okay, and then no Vic today.
Vic is off traveling.
We believe he's in Dallas.
And watch this, as they say, watch this space for updates and news because Vic
mysteriously went to Dallas.
And the president is traveling to Dallas.
He'll be in Dallas.
He's doing some motorcade, driving down the street.
They're saying they published his route, which they usually don't do.
You know, you look into that.
They published the route of the motorcade.
Shut up.
Yeah, they did, Doug.
I think that's unbelievable, man.
And so the story is, I don't know a lot.
I'm telling you to watch this space and watch the news today.
But Vic.
Where's he staying?
Vic.
At that book building?
Library?
He's staying.
I don't know where he's staying.
This is the thing.
Vic kind of dropped off the face of the earth about on Thursday.
Thursday night, I reached out to get a hold of him.
His wife said, I've not heard from him.
He packed a bag, got into his car, and drove south.
Like a duffel bag?
Yeah, duffel bag.
Long duffel bag.
Capisce?
Ask questions.
So we don't know what's happening with him.
Vic, if you're listening, I know you're a fan of the show as well as a big part
of the show.
Call in and give us an update.
We care about you.
We miss you.
Don't do anything stupid.
I know he's not a big fan of this president, but geez.
Think about your family and your future.
All right.
That's what's happening, folks.
I get it.
All right.
What else did I want to say quickly?
I guess we could do.
We got a couple calls coming in today, some VIP calls.
Sam Dewey is going to be calling in at 1030, and then a special guest after
that.
Who's Sam Dewey?
Not really sure.
Sam Dewey was quoted by the president.
Speaking of President Trump.
He was quoted today.
Let's see what the quote was.
This is a thing our president does from time to time, is he will quote someone
as if we're all watching the same shit he's watching.
So the quote is, President Trump is facing a process which is unprecedented for
its unfairness.
That's a quote from Sam Dewey.
Do you all really believe this?
So we'll find out what's going on with Sam later today on the show.
And then after that, a special guest will be calling.
What else?
Vic, speaking of Vic, Doug, did you see his Jon Voight vid?
Oh, yeah.
God.
That was great.
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Wake up!
Yeah, everybody.
Wake!
Wake up!
Yeah, everybody.
Check out the latest from Vic.
It got a lot of...
Sometimes, you know, it's funny.
These videos he does, or I do, or you do.
Sometimes they catch on.
Sometimes they don't.
That one seems to have caught on.
You had people like Billy Eichner going nuts over it.
And these, you know, these sort of internet, or not, but, you know, famous
people going,
this is, this made me cry laughing.
But it really was, God.
He had such great source material.
I watch, if you go back and watch the original.
I want to watch the original.
Well, it's, he really does get interrupted by that music.
But it's not the Baby Geniuses video that Vic put in.
It's the theme song to Midnight Cowboy.
But he does, like, they clearly put the, they play the, they miscue it.
So he's, like, Trump's in the middle of a sentence, and all of a sudden this
music starts.
Like the Harry Nilsson song?
No, it's not, no.
It's, it's not the, everybody's talking.
Everybody's talking at me.
Which is actually a song by Fred Neal that was covered by Harry Nilsson that
ended up in the movie.
So get your facts straight.
But.
My facts are straight.
The one that's in the movie was the Nilsson.
Oh, great.
Here comes the copyright strike.
Oh, okay.
That's good.
Perfect.
No, it's, there's a, there's an actual, like, orchestral theme to Midnight Cowboy.
Midnight Cowboy theme.
You could look that up.
Or you could look at the original video.
But anyways, it really is, like, the same way that, in Vic's video, when he
gets interrupted by that Baby Geniuses music.
It's the same beat that happens in real life, and you can't believe it.
But it's, that, that's it.
Rat Rizzo, right?
Hey, I'm walking here.
That's from that movie, right?
Yeah, that's from that movie.
You know he wore a rock in his shoe the whole time?
I did know that, and it's amazing.
Of course I know that.
Hoffman, not Voight.
Voight used to be cool as hell.
Well, he's done, he's been in a lot of good movies, that's for sure.
He's the dad of, um.
He deserves a medal, a presidential medal of freedom.
Angelina Jolie's dad?
Yes.
Wow.
You don't hear much about her no more.
She kind of fell off the face of the earth.
What does she have to say about her dad's medal?
Is she there?
But think about.
What was the medal he got?
Presidential Medal of Freedom.
It's like they give it out to, like, you know, famous people and authors.
And he pretty much got it because John Voight said that's the best president
since Lincoln.
Abraham Lincoln.
Tim, why don't you start saying stuff?
What about when he goes, he played Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Like, you've never heard Franklin Delano Roosevelt before?
Delano.
Even you know Delano, Doug, right?
You know FDR.
Delano.
Franklin Delano.
What about, what about, um.
What is, here's a good question.
Dwight Eisenhower, his middle initial is Dwight D. Eisenhower, right?
Right.
What's that stand for?
Dwight D.
It stands for, it also stands for Delano.
No, it's not.
Dwight Delano.
No, it's not.
Dwight Delano Eisenhower.
It's not Dwight D.
It's Dwight D.
Dwight D.
Dwight D. Eisenhower.
Dwight D.
Dwight D.
What does, this is a question for the, oh, someone said it's D-Day.
Dwight D.
D.
Eisenhower.
That's a good one.
We'll have to find out, what does Dwight D. Eisenhower stand for?
I'm going to look it up now.
And why did they call him Ike?
Eisenhower was also named Ike.
Ike, I like Ike.
What do you got?
I can't say the thing I was thinking of.
Okay.
Well, speaking, since we only have Doug, and Doug is our pun master, we haven't
done a pun,
we haven't done a show in a while, but we haven't done a pun in a while, a pun
contest,
I thought we could do, throughout the show, we could do, how about the
Democratic candidates
for the Democratic nomination.
We'll do a rolling, running pun contest of all the, sorry, Doug, I'm springing
this on you.
You probably had 24, 48 hours to think about.
I do not, my friend.
Wait, the Democratic, what did you say?
I was looking up David, Dwight David, it's boring, David.
What?
David.
That's the D, David.
Okay.
Doug, I'm warning, I'm warning you to work on your puns today.
I am warning, Elizabeth Warren, I'm warning, warning you to work on some puns
throughout the
show.
That's all you ever do.
All right.
Let's take a call, just to warm this room up a little bit.
Get people talking, and, hello?
Let's take a call, just to warm this room up.
Hi, meet your streams.
Mute the stream.
Hey, Tim.
Can you hear me?
Yes.
What's your problem?
Good.
What's your name?
What's your problem?
My name's Eden, I don't really have a problem right now, yet.
Okay.
Uh-oh.
I was wondering if you've ever had the Impossible Burger, if you've tried that
yet, what do you
think of it?
Of course.
I've had everything.
I've been down every road, my friend.
There's not anything I haven't done.
Although, I haven't done many drugs.
I'm not a druggie.
If you ask me what drugs I've done, I'll be honest with you, and I will give
you real
honest answers about illegal drugs that I've done, and the truth is, I haven't
done a
lot, but the Impossible Burger is what we're talking about today.
That's the subject of the show.
Kicking it with the fam, chipping balls.
I've had the Impossible and the Beyond one at Carl's Jr.
Carl's Jr.
Is superior.
Is it Beyond better than Impossible?
Yes.
You know what I'm fucking thrilled about, and I'm not a vegetarian, but I got
the Beyond
Bratwurst.
Those are the top.
That's the best thing they've done.
That's the best thing they've done.
I'm telling you, get this Beyond Bratwurst.
Get some pretzel rolls.
Get some good mustard.
Some sauerkraut.
Fry them up in a pan.
And it's just as good as a good brat.
You understand that?
We're loving it.
We're loving it.
All right.
Is that your...
Those drops are coming in hot.
Is that your dumb question?
I was just going to say that, Doug.
That's what you called up for?
That I ever had the fucking...
Tim, it's like these guys call in with their dumb questions, but you know what
I say?
Doug, calm.
Just...
Yeah, go ahead.
But I'm warning you to...
I'm warning you.
Am I too loud?
No, you just came in hot yelling about something.
What have you been hot?
I came in hot yelling.
You came in hot yelling.
You know what?
Who are Buttigieg?
You came in hot with the drop.
Who are Buttigieg?
Who are Buttigieg?
Who are Buttigieg?
You.
Okay.
Come on.
That was...
All right.
Is that all you wanted to know?
Yeah.
Let me tell you something, my friend.
This is not making the best of Office Hours YouTube clip compilation.
Your call.
Believe me.
I'll let you go.
Okay, bye.
You make a good point.
All right.
We'll keep going through some calls.
One more smart comment out of you, and I'm going to bust you up.
I'm just going to sit here and laugh at Doug's drops, because sometimes I don't
get to hear him all the way through.
And also, there's quite a bit of competition, though, because Doug's got to
prove himself.
Suddenly, you can hear where Doug's...
You can be like, well, was that Doug or Vic?
Now you know it's either Doug or nobody.
So we'll have to do a test.
I'm going to ease off.
I'm going to chill on the drops this time, you know?
Well, we'll see.
We'll just...
I went in hard last time.
We'll go the direction of the show goes.
Speaking of Doug, I also want 