Name: OFFICE HOURS LIVE (12/06/2019)
Uploaded: 2019-12-06T19:36:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (12/06/2019)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (12/06/2019)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-06. Transcript available.

OFFICE HOURS LIVE (12/06/2019)

Oh, good morning!
Woo!
People are loving my hair this morning, marron!
My hair's looking pretty good!
Nice part!
Good morning!
Good morning, everybody!
Or, if you're listening in parts around the world, good afternoon, good evening
to our
friends in London, Liverpool, Manchester, Brussels, Nice, Berlin, Warsaw, St.
Petersburg, Venice,
Malta, Venice, Malta, where did this one come from?
You made this?
Yeah, I made this one.
Oh, my goodness.
Yeah.
Vic Berger is in the studio today.
Hello, everybody.
Hello, Victor.
Hello.
Welcome back to the show.
I'm back.
I'm back.
I'm back from Texas.
We had...
You were in Texas?
Where's your...
Thank God I'm a country boy.
Yeah, seriously.
Yes, as we know, Doug is out for the week.
Doug's down in Australia.
And he's paving the way for me to arrive in Australia next month in January.
The Tim and Eric Mandatory Attendance World Tour kicks off in Australia.
Oh, that's still me.
That's what was going on there.
That's going on.
Wow.
I got my top Toussaint playing.
Now, here's the thing about Alan Toussaint.
He's spelled T-O-U-S-S-A-I-N-T.
That's Alan Toussaint.
I listen.
I got this record.
Well, I just stream it, you know.
But it's Alan Toussaint, the complete Warner recordings, Vic.
Is this like early 70s?
I have no idea.
60s, 70s, probably.
And it is so good.
It always gets you in a good mood.
And it's like some of the songs sound very familiar.
Some of them feel like you've heard them in movies or commercials.
It's got like...
But a lot of them is like fresh to me.
And it's sort of like discovering a whole new batch.
You know, you grow up, you hear like the Motown records.
You hear the Stax records.
And they're wonderful.
But they're so, you know, ingrained.
And it feels like old...
You know, you've just heard them a million times.
Yeah.
You get these Toussaint records.
This Alan Toussaint.
And it's the same kind of thing.
They're like feel-good, groovy, soulful, really catchy.
Yeah, and he has his own style, own feel to it.
It's a New Orleans sound.
Yeah, I think of him as more of like a hit producer.
He produced a lot.
Yeah, he did like...
Do you know this one?
Well, I'm...
No, I don't know this.
Hitting on top of the bay.
And this...
You have to know this one.
Yeah, I turned you down, sir.
This one.
You know this one, right?
Hell no.
Working on the chain gig?
Yeah, coal mine.
Coal mine.
Yeah.
Working on the coal mine.
Working on the coal mine.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
It's good.
It's good.
Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, that's Alan for you.
Good old Alan.
And then he did something with Elvis Costello.
Elvis Costello became this sort of curator.
He sort of found all the...
He did that thing with Burt Bacharach.
Right, right.
He did that country record.
I don't know that.
Almost Blue?
Oh, yeah, Almost Blue.
Yeah, that was early, yeah.
Yeah.
That guy loves music.
Yeah.
He knows everything about it, too.
You know?
You ever go through his 500 favorite records?
There's a lot of good stuff in there.
Yeah.
He does it every couple of years.
He does it every couple of years.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's from Liverpool.
Anyways, how do we begin the show?
I like to begin the show with a call from the audience, from the listeners out
there.
We'd be happy to hear from you.
Why don't you call in and tell me what's on your mind?
How was your Thanksgiving?
What are you looking forward to?
Give us your best of the year, end of the year, favorites.
I don't know.
We could do whatever you want today.
It's a loose show.
Sometimes I have a piece of paper.
I'll show you last week's piece of paper.
Hold on.
Last week's said Doug's plugs.
I was going to give Doug some opportunities to plug stuff.
Sam Dewey called in.
That was fun.
Democratic primary puns.
That did not really get off the ground.
Tim and Eric Tour, of course.
On Cinema Finale.
Talk about that.
Arthur Russell.
Do you know Arthur Russell?
I know the name.
Yeah, I sent you his stuff.
Oh, yeah, that guy.
Al Pacino called in.
Whoa.
And so it was an exciting show.
But I have nothing written down for today.
Uh-oh.
Something happened to my phone here, Harry.
Am I still...
I'm on big, but I think...
Oh, there we go.
Okay.
You're back.
You're back.
Yeah, but look.
Is my video on?
No.
Okay.
My phone did a restart.
You know what it means?
Yeah, there you are.
Wake up, kid.
Come on.
Let me just get this fixed.
Sling studio.
Oh, okay.
Nothing?
Yeah, no, it's good.
It's just on the wrong...
There we go.
Sorry.
Yes.
Anyway, let's take a call, Aristotel.
If anyone's there.
What?
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Hey, who's this?
Hey, my name's Andy.
I'm calling from Chicago.
Andy.
Andy.
This is not Andy Gump, the port-a-potty guy, is it?
No, it's Andy Warhol, calling from the dead.
What's this now?
No, my last name, it kind of sounds like Warhol.
What is it?
Warden.
Warden.
Are you going to go to James?
Jack Warden, actor, character actor.
Yeah.
And the warden of...
You would always have a warden at prisons.
Guy basically in charge.
Basically, principal...
Is that David Bowie?
Yeah.
That's Andy Warhol.
Right.
So...
Warhol.
Andy Warhol.
Andy Warhol.
This is...
Andy Warhol is a scream.
Hey, hey, oh, my warhol.
Andy Warhol is a scream.
What is it?
On my scream.
Andy Warhol.
Andy Warhol.
Listen, what can I do for you today, Andy Warhol?
I wanted to ask you, when you're not feeling so inspired, like musically,
how do you get yourself playing?
How do you do it?
What do you do?
I love records.
I don't do...
No records, yeah.
Well, I do inspire myself.
I don't feel...
Luckily, I'm not in a position where I have too much pressure
in my musical career to produce anything, to make some...
So, I don't ever...
I'm not pretty...
I'm not very regimented about, like, going down and treating it like a craft,
as some people do.
So, I will...
If I'm bored or antsy or I have a tune in my head, I'll go down and just fiddle
around with it.
Let's get physical playing music.
I like that thought.
Physical.
Oh, very cool.
I don't...
Oh, yes.
It wasn't for me, but can I chime in?
Chime in.
I think, like, there are a lot of times where I'm just like, what am I doing?
Why can't I get it going?
You watch something, you listen to something, you enjoy somebody else's stuff,
and then you're inspired.
That's my...
That guy hung up on you.
Fuck that.
How am I going to listen to something?
Try to make something.
You need anything much more?
So, I agree with that.
Sometimes it's fun to, as an exercise, I did this last year with some friends
of mine.
We covered...
We'd made a recording of Victoria by The Kinks.
And we listened to it.
We kind of listened closely and analyzed what was going on.
It's a pretty simple song, but then we went out and we sat in my garage or my,
yeah, my studio garage thing and tracked it.
Like fucking musicians.
Yeah, good times, huh?
And that's a fun way to kind of learn, you know?
Learn what's going on, how to build tracks, how to mix, how to make something...
Try to get it to sound like that record, just for fun.
I love pretty music.
All right.
Yeah, that's great.
That's super helpful, Tim.
How could that be helpful?
Thank you very much.
Okay, thank you.
I like food.
All right.
Vic's warming up.
He's been on.
Thank you, Andy.
I have so many drops, I just can't, like, find them.
Hey.
Can I say something real quick?
Yeah, buddy.
So, I've always tried to show my friends awesome show, but they're not
receptive to it because they're dumb.
But they like Vic's stuff.
I've been showing them Vic's stuff.
And they're dying.
Oh, so wait.
What does that say about Vic?
First of all, let me dissect this whole thing here.
First of all, this thing about trying to show people stuff and them not being
into it and not letting that go.
What is that?
That's okay.
Who does, who, if I sent, who do I care what anyone of, anybody thinks?
Like, if I send it to my, if I send a clip to my friend, I enjoy or whatever,
and they don't dig it, that's the end of it.
You don't keep pushing it?
I don't keep pushing that.
How do I?
Pick up.
Is my phone ringing over there?
Aristotle?
Damn it.
Hmm.
I bet, I bet we have a caller coming in, but I can't get to it.
I can't do it.
Because maybe he's, I can't tell what's going on.
Let me see.
This is why I need my phone here.
Ah, yes.
Oh, baby.
I can't hear you.
That's very, the whole thing is very, still a total mess.
I can't believe it cuts it out when somebody's calling it.
No, it doesn't cut it out.
It doesn't.
I don't think it cuts it out.
The video went away, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, well, let's see, we can't have that.
We can't have that.
But I come in, and Aristotle's got these phones that he's got from Feral.
Whatever kind of name that is.
No, Starburns.
Sorry.
Oops.
Starburns.
Some other name.
And he's got these phones.
He's all proud of them.
I got these phones.
See, look, it's happening again.
And my laptop isn't ringing?
Isn't that supposed to happen that?
Are you kidding me?
Life can be hard.
Let me just investigate this situation.
But who's on the line?
Anybody?
Anyways, no, they bring this phone in.
He brings this phone in for me to use for this video.
For this video.
Boy, am I out of it today.
I told you, Vic, I had to get up at 4 a.m.
Yeah, it's early.
Very early.
I was up at 4 a.m, too.
I got, I went back a little bit.
It's crazy what's happening right now.
Let me see if I can fix this.
It's not, if I put on Do Not Disturb, right?
That should fix it.
That might do it, yeah.
Talk amongst yourselves.
You having a good time?
1, 2, 3, 4.
Why isn't this working now, Aristotle?
I saw the light.
Holy shit, man.
All right, well, fuck it.
If you break my heart, I'll go.
But I'll be back again.
All right, we got a new video coming through.
Sorry for this.
Because I told you once before a lie.
But I'll be back again.
All right, we're back.
We're back.
And you see, you know what?
My iPhone 10 has been shutting down on me.
And you know what that means?
Time for 11.
It means they need you to upgrade.
We've designed it that way.
We all know it.
All right, I need to slow down and get this show under control.
I think we still have a caller on, actually.
Who's there?
Is Andy there?
Oh, he's gone.
There's somebody there.
I hear pickle drops or something.
Hello, darling.
Who's on the phone?
Good morning, guys.
Good morning.
Who's this?
Who?
Phil here.
What's up, Phil?
Oh, hey, Phil.
It sounds like you're eating something.
Are you doing pickle drops in Doug's absence?
Is that what's happening?
Is that your shtick?
A little homage to Doug, yes.
Very good, huh?
Go ahead.
I'm also trying to get fit.
How good does Vic look?
Vic, he looks the same.
He looks like a million bucks.
I've been working on it.
I've been running.
Really?
Yeah.
I lost like 35 in the past year, believe it or not.
You know what?
You do look thin.
Now he says it.
You do look thin.
I cut my hair yesterday, too.
That helps to create that line.
I'm a little extra bald today.
Everything is streamlined with Vic.
Yeah.
You look great now.
I think you're ready for the Biden push-up challenge, I think.
I might be ready for that.
Let's talk about that.
Holy shit.
I got hairy legs.
Listen, what the fuck are we going to do?
It's panic time, folks.
Joe Biden is a disaster.
Phil, did you see that?
What was up with that?
That fucking...
I mean, that's like on Cinema Tim running for president.
What a mess.
Gets real hot-headed real quick and flustered.
Right.
First thing that this guy starts going in about Hunter Biden, hey, you know
what, folks?
Maybe I'm being manipulated by this whole situation, but I got, you know, there's
fair questions
about all that.
Yeah.
Why not?
What's their...
Learn how to answer them.
Yeah.
Get a fucking position on that.
Like, get us...
Somebody was...
Somebody, one of these pundits was saying, like, you know, you got to have an
answer for
that that's not like, oh, you want to fight?
Yeah.
You're a damn liar.
What are you talking about?
What do you mean you're a damn liar?
Guys, just...
Poor guys, it's like...
It's not true.
So do that again.
It's a fairly legitimate question.
What's 