Name: OFFICE HOURS LIVE (3/26/2020) with Jay Weingarten and Tim's daughter
Uploaded: 2020-03-26T18:17:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (3/26/2020) with Jay Weingarten and Tim's daughter' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (3/26/2020) with Jay Weingarten and Tim's daughter' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-26. Transcript available.

OFFICE HOURS LIVE (3/26/2020) with Jay Weingarten and Tim's daughter

take this away. Okay, let's go. All right. Fun to meet people who last. Oh, no.
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Aristotle, one of the mics is on for the
phones. Thank you, everybody. All right, we fixed that problem. We've got to
get a checklist. Is it sounding better now?
Does it sound better? Audio sucks. Somebody tell me what's going on. Have we
fixed it? Sounds good. Thank you. Here's what I'm instituting with peace and
love.
Stick it up, y'all. Stick it up, y'all. Here's what I'm instituting. This is an
announcement for Aristotle, Matt Carlin, Vic Berger, Doug Lussenhop.
A checklist, to-do list will be established moving forward. I say this with
peace and love.
I'm warning you with peace and love.
We must, we must have a core values to-do checklist. It is make sure the phones
are muted so that we're not getting the slapback echo.
Make sure that everybody, that we are live. Everybody gets a trophy. That we're
not, we are public.
Holy shit. Welcome to the new season of Office Hours. This is season, what did
I say last season was?
The 9 to 5 launch? Life can be hard.
Bacon Cat says, I can see Tim can read the, I see Tim can read the comments.
Yes, that's true.
I check in with the comments in the first few minutes of the show because you
are our lifeline.
You are the, uh, the news of the world.
We all can grow and we all can learn.
So, I'm gonna, I'm taking this mask off. It's not even the right mask.
Shit, it's good to be home.
Nah.
I gotta have access to my fans. They have to be able to hear me.
We will continue through whatever comes our way.
This is a serious message.
I don't know how to, I forgot how to do this show.
How are you doing, um, Doug? I'll go to you.
Nah. Nah.
Um, I'm doing okay, Tim.
You know, uh.
How you been keeping busy?
As Steve Brohl would say, how you keeping?
Well, I, I got outside yesterday.
I did some skateboarding.
And one of my friends was giving me shit.
Maybe I shouldn't do that.
What did they say?
They said that you should, you should not even.
Well, if I get hurt, then I'm gonna clog up the hospital.
Yeah, that's true.
Okay, in the 30 years I've skateboarded.
I think I got hurt once.
Hospital style.
But, okay.
But it's 30 years, though.
You know what?
I'm, I'm ready to, uh, step, I'll go to the hacky sack.
All right?
I can promise you guys that.
By the way, Doug, your shot, your, um, the video on you, your angle right now,
is really cool.
You got some amps behind you.
You've got an M-audio keyboard.
So it's not me.
It's like your gear behind me.
And a pot of coffee.
Can you see the coffee machine?
There's a coffee machine back there that I brought down this morning.
Cheers, mate.
All right.
I gotta, first of all, this is what happens.
I get lost because I'm looking at my monitor, looking at the show, and it's
like a delay.
So I'm just looking at, just watching our own show without sound.
It's a total distraction.
I want to put on a good show for the audience.
I need to warm up, though.
I think a lot of, I think the success of the show is that it is loose.
We don't do a lot of scripting out.
There's no scripting.
Although I do want to look at this show notes page because there are some
things we want to get to today.
Today on the show, we should just do a call right now.
We want to do calls today.
We've got, we're going to talk to Jay Weingarten in a little bit, hopefully.
Jay Weingarten kind of blew my mind last night with his latest project.
He's been quiet.
We hadn't seen a lot of his work.
Wow.
And he put out a podcast called Up Close and Personal.
That would be neat.
I sat in my bed.
I lied in my bed last night after an extremely stressful day.
Beyond stress.
Near nervous breakdown day.
Which we'll get to.
My
What possible use does that drop have?
Is it just for when I'm stuttering, when I'm stammering?
I sat in bed.
I sat in bed.
I lied in bed.
Vic.
The children were asleep, weren't they?
The children were asleep, and then what happened was I put on Jay's podcast, Up
Close and Personal.
And by the way, he has a partner in this.
Matt, what's his name?
Or I think his name's Matt.
Is his name Matt?
I'll say, and I never credit him either, but he's very funny as well.
It's their project together.
Two weird guys.
No.
And I turned the reverb off, because I started to imagine.
I'm not looking at the chat group, but I can imagine them going, the reverb is
back on, man.
Because all the Grady Fakas dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble
dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble
dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble dabble.
I don't want to know.
If anybody has a guess on what that is.
Anyways, Jay is going to be on the show.
I've got a very special guest coming into the studio today.
I won't reveal who.
It's a big surprise for everybody.
That's what we in the business call a tease.
We want to keep you listening, keep you engaged.
Isn't it incredible that we're doing this.
We have not.
We have not stopped.
In fact, we've gotten only stronger.
Wow.
And we people are telling me every single day I'm walking down the street and
the streets are flooded with people coming up to me shaking my hand, hugging.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
They say and they're crying and they're crying and I'm giving them my I'm
giving them my handkerchief.
I'm saying, what is wrong?
Why are you crying?
And they say, I just I'm crying out of admiration and out of appreciation, out
of respect that you guys are doing what needs to be done, which is delivering
the show every single day.
Let's take a call.
Hey, Tim, can you hear me?
Yes, I can hear you quite nicely.
Who's this?
This is Aiden from Salt Lake City.
Let me guess.
A fucking 25 year old white boat man.
Just like run of the mill caller.
Just another fucking dude.
Nope.
Go ahead.
Nope.
23.
23.
Well, I was wondering if you've been keeping, have you been keeping busy
watching anything from the Criterion channel?
No, I, are you setting me up to rant on something?
No, I was just wondering.
Oh.
Monday was Akira Kurosawa's birthday.
Uh-huh.
So I wondered if you watched any of his movies.
No.
No.
Listen, I.
How old is he now?
How old is he, Vic?
He's 100 years, 100 years old.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Listen, I'm just kidding.
I like, I like art.
I like culture.
I got, I got, I got, I got a little annoyed because I'll read you this.
You set me up in a nice way and I appreciate it.
I mean, apparently you didn't, you don't, you don't, uh, you didn't do it
intentionally.
But I tweeted it last night.
A message from Wes Anderson.
And let me be straight, let me be straight with the audience.
I'm getting a little sick of his schtick.
You see that trailer for his new one, the French baguette, whatever it is.
I get it.
It's just so stylized to a, to a, to a, like a, it's like a fetish film.
It's like a porno.
Oh, it's a porno.
Oh.
And he said, listen, I loved his mood.
I love a lot of his movies, but there's something going on there where it's
just like, what
is, what is this?
With all the wardrobe, everybody's all tight.
Everybody's in this framed in the center of the shot.
It's just a little like, you know, I like directors who mix it up a lot.
You know what I mean?
Why don't you give us something new, Wes?
Anyways, I, I belong to the Criterion collection.
I'm a collection.
I belong to the channel.
Doug's like saving that audio drop.
I'm like Dylan.
I belong to the.
I, I subscribe to that channel because I want to feel smart.
You know, it's like, it's like when you buy a book, you'll never read.
But I bought, I get the streaming app and I, uh, I watched a few movies on
there.
Every once in a while, I'll put something on, you know, some John Cassavetes,
right?
Anyways.
So I get these emails from them and this email comes in from, uh, this is a
message from Wes
Anderson.
Dear Criterion friends.
This is the email he sent to Criterion.
Listen to this.
Doug, help me out here.
Derek, stop with that.
I've been streaming and Blu-raying Criterion movies every day and just wanted
to mention,
wait, every day?
Come on, man.
You're watching a Criterion movie every day.
He goes, every day.
Raymond Bernard.
Anne-Marie written by Antoine de Saint-Experie.
I'd never heard of it.
Yeah, no one has.
Trust me.
And Les Miserables is a masterpiece.
I love this.
I love this Harry Bauer.
Also, wooden crosses.
I'd never watched Arthur Hiller's The Out-of-Towners before either.
It's a great time machine, that one.
Revisiting Louis Malle documentaries too.
Sure.
Especially in the pursuit of happiness.
How many times will I re-watch An Angel at My Table?
How many times will I re-watch An Angel at My Table?
Anyways, what are you watching?
How fortunate we are to have this lube of movies at our fingertips.
It's just him asking Criterion collection.
Like, what do you watch?
Yeah.
Can you respond?
And he'll go to him?
Yeah.
Please let Wes Anderson know that I tried to watch Black Narcissus,
which was on all these lists of greatest movies of all time,
and I fell asleep after 10 minutes.
Okay?
All right.
So, your question was, am I watching any Criterion movies?
That is your answer.
Jack.
Why don't you back off?
Jack?
Yeah.
I have another question for you.
Okay.
Josh.
Josh.
All these celebrities are singing Imagine by John Lennon.
Yes, we covered that.
Are you ready to sign up for sing Temporary?
Are you ready to sign up for Temporary Secretary by...
Temporary Secretary.
Get that one, Vic.
That one's a classic.
Listen, we talked about the Imagine video.
Anybody that's goofing on that or making their parody videos of it,
it's over.
Okay?
That was about 100 years ago.
See, this fucking cooks, man.
This is Paul McCartney, everybody.
Welcome to the real music, millennials.
This is the karaoke version.
I didn't know what I was going to say.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, it ain't over.
It's not over.
It doesn't do me any good.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, it ain't over.
It's not over.
Temporary Secretary.
Wait, so, Tim, you don't like electronic music unless Paul McCartney do it?
No, I don't.
I don't.
But listen, the point I was making is, turn that off.
What is that?
Some cover of it?
No, that was him.
That's it.
Oh, really?
That was him in his bathroom.
He recorded that in his bathroom?
I'm pretty sure.
Wasn't this like a four track kind of thing?
God, doesn't it always come back to our five four, doesn't it, when we talk?
But there's a picture of Paul recording that album, and he has the snare drum
in the toilet.
Yeah.
And you can see him, like, hitting the snare drum in the toilet, and there's a
picture of it.
Splash.
Where's the splash sound effect, damn it?
George Martin's dead.
George Martin's dead.
Is that me?
George Martin's dead.
Is that me?
George Martin's dead.
You know how you would really fuck with me, Doug, is if you took that drop of
me saying,
is that me?
And you're playing that at the same time?
Is that me?
Noted.
Want to get a clean one?
Is that me?
There we go.
Anyways, like I was saying, the whole, let's get Jay on the phone next, Matt.
The whole, uh, imagine.
Congratulations, little one.
Today is your birthday.
So, Jesus.
All right, enough.
You guys are just, you've lost the plot.
The imagine thing is done.
I had a few people write me, hey, I'm doing a parody of this.
I was wondering if you could sing this song, this lyric from a Beastie Boys
song or something.
I'm like, no.
It's over, Johnny.
It's done.
We've moved on.
In fact.
Also, doing a parody of a parody, or a parody of something that's cringy.
Also cringy, right?
All right, well, I, the night it came out, my friends, I was on the tip of the
spear there.
I released How Do You Sleep?
We know this.
There's a lot of rumbling going on.
Do you hear that?
I'm trying to fix this.
I released a remix, too, the night it came out.
Yeah, the night it came out.
But who got you that intel?
What do you mean?
Who said, check out this viral video?
I don't think it was you.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
Busted.
Need I say much more?
All right.
I don't think it was you.
I sent it.
I'll 