Name: OFFICE HOURS LIVE (4/02/2020) with Cole Kush, Clownvis and Tim's daughter
Uploaded: 2020-04-02T19:17:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (4/02/2020) with Cole Kush, Clownvis and Tim's daughter' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (4/02/2020) with Cole Kush, Clownvis and Tim's daughter' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-02. Transcript available.

OFFICE HOURS LIVE (4/02/2020) with Cole Kush, Clownvis and Tim's daughter

morning. Hi, everybody. It's happening, everybody. It's happening. We're live.
We're live. We're
live. Stream output low. Right away.
Thank you, Jesus. Wow. Okay. We are being attacked. We are being attacked.
All right. Let's do it, folks. Welcome to Office Hours. It does look like we
have streaming
issues. So we have our technicians standing by. But we don't. We're doing our
best. It's
a little. It's okay. Do you have that other song going the whole time? No, I
didn't.
That's why it's so muddy. That's why. It sounds sour. It sounds sour. No, I had
me down all
the way. Now it's down. No, it was. It was down, man. Oh, man. It is good to be
here. Don't
you know. You can see people scrambling behind me, looking at their video
source settings.
And we're trying to adjust. We're bringing levels down. Apparently, what I was
told was
we're outputting too much signal. We're outputting too high a bandwidth. But as
you know, I think
this has been happening to everybody out there as the internet is being very,
very strange for
everyone. So I think we're just asking for patience. Apparently, we're still
live. But
is Tim's mic kind of low, actually? Seems like it. Tim, your mic is low now. It's
guys. It sounds
so good in my headset, in my headphones. And we're not talking about levels. So
what's going on with
this? Do we have any clue? What's happening? Listen to me and then listen to
Tim. Got to pump
that ID or whatever that's called. No, I sound fine. How do we sound up? Yeah,
lift it up. Lift
the cloud. I'm going to mute you, asshole. Bring the clouds down. Ask the crowd.
What do they
think? What does the comment say? I'm not talking about the levels ever again.
If you have a thought
or an opinion, Doug or Vic, if you have a thought about the levels, keep it to
yourself.
Why don't you just take your balls out of your wife's purse? Make a stand for
one time in
your life. All right. I don't even know what that means. It's drain balls.
There we go.
Tim's mic is fine. It's probably because, like, you know, this would sound a
lot better,
wouldn't it? This sounds a lot better. I feel like my drops are way low now.
You can turn
them up here. He does make a great product. Great pillow. It's drain balls. I
actually use
them, believe it or not. The red one. People say the drops want to go up a
little bit. It
sounds like a change. It's drain balls. How's that? Thank you, guys. Everything
sounds great. We are great. We are in great shape. Stream output is extremely
low. No, no,
no, no, no. But this is a podcast first and foremost. Mike the pillow, man. So
let's get
into it. Let's, first of all, let's do this. I'm going to, I have a couple of
exciting updates
on the show. First of all, Office Hours is, we've never really talked about
this Office
Hours in a big way. And in a lot of ways, I think it's now number one on
Twitter, Office
Hours Live, the account, Office HRS Live. Office Hours H-O-U-R-S was taken. So
we had a long
exchange back and forth between our new producer, Matt, and a number of the
guys, primarily Doug
and Vic, discussing different fun names for the Twitter handle. Unfortunately,
nothing
that we really cared about or wanted was available. There was a lot of joke
ideas, a lot of gag
names that have been lost in the thread, deep in the, you'd have to go deep in
the thread
We have, we let, we sandaled on Twitter, we sandaled on, we settled on Office H-R-S.
So it looks
like that's how you say hours, you know, in a lot of ways, that's how you say
it. Office
Hours Live on Twitter. Yeah. On Facebook, Office. So here's where it gets
confusing. Facebook now,
Matt, this is confusing because it says on my document here, Facebook slash
Twitter, official
office hours.
And it's also spelled wrong, but it's Facebook, who cares? Or you mean Facebook,
Instagram,
maybe official office hours on Twitter, no, on Facebook and Instagram. And the
other thing
is we are, Matt's fixing it in real time. Doesn't mean very little good at this
moment, but helpful
nonetheless.
Thank you, Jesus.
Also, I think our main, the main source of information, your main headquarters
for all
things office hours is still going to be folks.
Patreon.com/officehourslive. If you've not become a member, people are writing
me. I, people are,
are contacting me. I got a note, a letter in the mail from a general. This was
a general in
the U S army. He said, he said, sir, I, it is my honor to wake up every day and
protect
you and serve my country. But one of the great honors of my life was becoming a
Patreon. And
that's something. And that's from general John Stevens from the fifth armory
from the fifth.
Um, are my drops dead by the way? Your drops are, I think my drops are dead.
Okay. Doug, are your drops died? Maybe this died.
What died? The, uh, oh, by the way, stream health is at a, is at a 10 right now.
So something,
something was adjusted. Um, I was going to play something today from Mikey Campman.
And, uh, at the
last minute we decided to can that, uh, because of Doug, you can't, but no, I
thought about it
for a second. I said, well, is it a rough cut or is it the final? He says it's
the final thing,
but it was something we, but I don't want to run this on the show because
people are listening
on the podcast. They don't want to have a minute and 30 seconds where we're
watching something.
But if you want to watch it right now, go to Mikey Campman on Twitter.
I mean, you could do like, like 10 seconds. No, it's not. No taste. I'm not
going to show something
in the way it's not meant to be experienced. You know, you want to, here's the
deal, Jack.
Oh, I wish I had my thing. What happened? Are you really down?
Yeah, I'm getting it back though. Well, take that out of the chain. Give it a
second.
Anyways, Mikey and I were in Perth, Australia in January. We're on the Tim and
Eric tour and we were,
we had this beautiful day off at this. Sorry about that. Okay. We had this
beautiful day off and we had,
we're sitting by the pool at the hotel and we just got creative. We made a
little short. We were going
to, we sent it to Doug. Cause we're like, Doug, this could be a two wet video.
It was very creative
idea. Very clever. And it was just too hard to sort of work together, uh,
separately, but I just
gave one note. Yeah. And, uh, it was ignored. It was ignored. I think I didn't,
I'm ready to keep
doing my end of it. I know, but you know, we know how we all are right now.
Everyone's anxious to kind
of produce and get stuff out. And what happened with Mikey wrote me last night
and said, I think
we would, I'd love to put it out as is. So he sent me a link. I said, I don't
know. It's, it's okay.
Yeah. I mean, it's fun. The first, I like it anyways, go, you can watch it and
give us feedback.
I'm sure that would be appreciated. That's what we'd love to hear is what
people think. Okay. Um,
um, so people are saying the levels are perfect and it really, truly it is. Uh,
this is a new
segment. I'm going to begin the show with today and I think it's going to
perfect weather. I think
people are going to be down on this right away. I think that's my prediction.
People are going to be
down on it. I think the guys were a little down on it, but I like this, uh,
sense of community.
I love like thinking about, first of all, we're all trapped in our homes. Am I
getting, is, is,
is this show playing somewhere in the room? Hello? Hello? No, it's just Shabbat
Shalom.
We're all trapped and it's hard to imagine leaving our homes. It's hard to
imagine leaving our little,
little parts of the world. So I want to focus every week once, just for a
minute before the
show begins, before we get the calls, before we get into all our great games
and bits. And we like
having fun. I would love to just focus on the city of the day. I think we have
a city of the day.
And today's city, today's Doug and would be awesome. If you
this was, uh, the city of the day, ladies and gentlemen, drum roll, please.
City of the day is Vacaville, California. Vacaville, California.
City of the day. How do you spell that, Tim?
V-A-C-A-V-I-L-L-E. Now what I'd like to do is that, Doug, I'd love for you
to be, what is that sound?
The weather emergency alert.
What I'd like to do is turn things over to you for the city of the day and you
could give us the
traffic, weather and news for the city of the day.
So I'll give you an example.
Can you explain?
Yeah.
So I have to guess what it is.
No, it's in the Google document I have set up that shows you links to the
weather for Vacaville.
It's sunny, 58 degrees, feels like 54, high of 69, low of 40. UV index is three
out of 10. Not too bad.
It's going to be a beautiful day. High of, hello, ladies and gentlemen, 69.
Perfect weather.
Perfect weather.
Friday, you got a high of 68, low of 42.
This is Vacaville, California.
A few things about Vacaville that's located up there in Solano County in
Northern California,
sitting approximately 35 miles from Sacramento and 55 miles from San Francisco.
It's in with the, it's within the San Sacramento Valley,
but it's also considered at least by some agencies to be part of the San
Francisco Bay Area.
So that's Vacaville, California. If you're from Vacaville or know people, give
us a shout out today.
We're going to prioritize your calls.
So that's fun.
We're going to do another City of the Day next week.
Join us next week for City of the Day.
All right.
Now, something's interesting to me.
We've got a caller. We're going to try this. We are on Zoom now.
So I've got Grant here.
Grant, are you there?
How do I unmute Grant? Is he unmuted?
I got him.
Hello?
Hey, Grant.
Whoa.
Hey.
Okay.
Hi.
Hey, Tim.
What's up?
Now, listen, this is exciting. I want to do something. Hold on.
Oh, cool. I can see everyone.
Yeah, you can see everybody. We have joined the 20th century and we have now.
Now I'm getting excited.
Now we can see. See if you can go to HDMI here because this is kind of
interesting.
Can you go to HDMI here? Because Grant here is, oh, you were icy. You were
playing with the backgrounds,
you son of a bitch.
It looked like you were on. I don't care about you now. Just shame on you
because it looked like you were in an empty airplane.
I thought that was kind of interesting, but now you've ruined everything. So
get him off my screen.
I don't want to see him ever again.
Everyone's going to be doing that because you can change the background.
Well, now I know. Now I know better. Oh, actually, I've seen somebody up in the
queue that has something pretty creative.
Can we do it ourselves? Is there a way for us to come back?
Just calm down, Vic. You don't need to do anything. You just need to worry
about making creative content back there.
Wrong.
Wrong. Grant, how can I help you today?
Oh, hey, Tim. I'm in a blizzard right now in quarantine, so it fucking sucks.
You're in a blizzard in quarantine. Yeah.
We got like seven, six or seven inches of snow here.
Where is this? South Dakota?
Yeah, I guessed it.
So it's pretty fun.
And how has your life, work, everything been affected by what's happening?
Give us.
Oh, I lost my job like a couple of weeks ago.
You lost your job. What was your job?
He was a nurse. He was a nurse at a hospital.
Yeah, I was making pizza. I worked at Little Caesars.
Doug, turn that off, please.
I'm going to fine you $25 if you keep giving us ambient, because it drives me
nuts.
In a real way, not in a way that enriches the show.
Pizza, pizza.
So what was your job?
I made pizza.
You made pizza. Well, we all need pizza. I ordered pizza last week. What are
you talking
about? And you must have been doing some bad pizza making. Did you make it with
too much dough?
Did you take it out of the oven too quickly?
Yeah, that was it.
Yeah.
We had to shut down our lobby, which cut our business directly in half.
Was it a local chain? A local pizzeria?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry to hear that, Grant. I don't know what to tell you, man. What are you
going to do? Do you
have a lot of expenses?
Um, not really. I mean, just kind of buyin