Name: OFFICE HOURS LIVE (4/16/2020) with Patti Harrison, Everything Is Terrible! & Jay Weingarten
Uploaded: 2020-04-16T19:02:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (4/16/2020) with Patti Harrison, Everything Is Terrible! & Jay Weingarten' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'OFFICE HOURS LIVE (4/16/2020) with Patti Harrison, Everything Is Terrible! & Jay Weingarten' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-16. Transcript available.

OFFICE HOURS LIVE (4/16/2020) with Patti Harrison, Everything Is Terrible! & Jay Weingarten

show. Give me some video baby. Let's go live.
Hooray! Hooray! What's going on? How's it going, everybody?
All right. I... hold on.
I don't wanna... this shot's too wide. There's too much bullshit in my
background.
It sucks! Look at all that shit! Get this...
Am I really loud? Give me the shot! Give me the fucking shot!
God dammit, what the hell's the matter with you now?
You sound like Joe Biden.
Oh, look here!
Mine is just full... close pedal.
Sounds like he's going through a rat, a rat pedal.
Get the muff driver on this. Big muff.
Good morning!
Good morning, office hours, freak nicks, you...
Off-ramp, off-a-nators, the off-a-nating...
Off-a-nators.
Off-a-nators.
Off-a-nators.
Off-a-nators.
Okay, well, there we go.
Okay.
I feel like my drops are real low.
I have you muted, baby.
He's got you muted.
Oh!
I've got your...
All this magic I was putting out there, nobody hears it.
Sorry, buddy.
Because I was trying to get rid of that Leuven Brothers.
Yeah.
Oh, we were listening to the Leuven Brothers this morning, folks.
Sorry, we had a late start.
How much do people really want to hear about this anymore?
It's the hell that I've created for myself.
And enjoy the show.
All right.
So, you know, it's been a process.
Thank you, Jesus.
It's been a process to get things over to the new system.
And you guys are still in the back there, Doug.
I think the audience is getting a better show.
That's good, at least.
But right now, you guys are getting...
What does it sound like in your ears?
I think I'm okay now.
I still got the muff driver on over.
Our monitors are weird, but the feed sounds good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As long as the feed sounds good.
No, I'm just telling the audience that this is a problem.
Vic, I can bring you up a little bit.
Yeah, pop.
There we go.
Yeah.
Chicken to China.
It's crazy.
I'll tell you, folks.
We get here, like, first of all, many thanks to Wesley here, who you see kind
of scampering
around in the background.
He's been really working very hard to get the, get everything kind of cooking
down here.
The problem is, oh, there's many problems, but it was working pretty good the
other day.
And then I've been doing, my Patreon listeners understand that I've been doing
this very popular,
very successful Beatles podcast called Please, Please Let It Be, which requires
a slightly
different setup, okay?
And so we've been trying, and that's been a technical nightmare in its own ways.
So I would love to get everything to a place where I press one button, and it's
the office
hours show, and I press another button, and it's the other show where it's
another kind of
non-live streaming show.
Well, the Beatles were probably my favorite group.
We really like them a lot.
Okay.
Thank you for chatting in.
We have-
Waiting for the right time.
Unbelievable.
So, some people say the drops are a little low, but you know what?
The drops shouldn't be as loud as me.
That would be insane.
That would be, we got to have dynamics, we have to have-
Unbelievable.
You son of a bitch.
Okay.
So anyways, let's move past that.
How are you sounding now, Vic?
Is it any better?
No.
Oh my God.
I mean, I just-
Your mix is different than-
No, I know.
My mix is like, is rough.
How can we get Vic so he sounds, so he can have an enjoyable afternoon or
morning?
How can we make him sound okay for himself?
This show is crazy.
I don't want this to be an unpleasant experience.
It's all right.
I'll be all right.
I'll be all right.
Yeah, but you're just a, you're such a, you-
This Beatles show is giving me a rubber soul.
It's making my hard day.
Well, you know what I want to do?
You know what I want to do is, I just want to take a call from the audience to
make sure
that that's working, because who knows if that's working?
So let's talk to Deer.
Deer, you're in the show.
You have to become part of the show now.
Hi.
You're part of history.
Hello.
Do you see Deer, Matt?
Hello, Deer.
Are you speaking?
I'm dirty.
I'm dirty.
Boy, it would be good for you to talk.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
What?
Is he doing a shtick?
That's unbelievable, man.
Are you doing a shtick that you're not talking?
Then get him out of here.
Give me somebody that's not going to give me bullshit.
Justin Green.
Judson Green.
Judson, are you there?
Good night.
Hello?
How's it going?
Hey, good.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
What's going on?
Are you a little nervous to talk to me, Judd?
No, I just got finished playing tennis.
Yes.
I thought you put it about John Prine.
I was wondering what your favorite John Prine song was.
I don't have any favorites.
Let's go.
I like things equally.
I think for me, things get either a pass, fail.
They're either great or they're not.
I don't think we hear him, but maybe you hear him, Tim.
Oh, you don't hear the caller.
Great.
What?
Fucking great.
You're kidding me.
Unbelievable.
Come on, buddy.
Let's go.
Let's all take a moment and remember the life of John Prine.
He was one of the greats.
I wasn't, I'll be honest with you.
Bye-bye.
I wasn't like a deep John Prine head.
I didn't love it.
I didn't know it all.
I didn't follow him that closely, but I did.
You know, listen, what can you say?
A song like Lake Marie, I would put up there.
Uh, that's the way the world goes around.
You know, like the popular, like I think some people like, you know, their,
their popular
songs are their best songs and that's for a good reason.
So I don't go, I don't go deep, deep, deep into the prime discography.
What about you, John?
What do you recommend I dig into?
Woo!
Yeah.
I think I'm in the same boat as you really.
I've, uh, appreciated him through the years.
Oh, there he is.
I mean, Angel from Montgomery, of course.
It's just beautiful.
Wow!
Hey, listen, what, what, what are you doing playing, what are you doing playing,
what are
you doing playing tennis out there?
Isn't that, uh, yeah, I mean, I, I would love to play, Doug and I would love to
play tennis,
but we're staying in.
We're respecting the local ordinances.
Do you have a court?
It's six feet apart.
Yeah, but the ball.
But you're swapping balls.
Yeah, you're swapping balls.
You're swapping sweaty balls.
You do a fresh ball each, each, uh, serve.
You're wearing gloves and a suit and all that?
Well, I'm playing with my family that I live with.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
All right, wow.
Oh, look who's got a tennis court.
Do you have a tennis court on the property?
Not in the backyard, but close.
So, is it, uh, is it a public court or is it a private court?
Public court.
Public court, and they haven't closed the courts.
They haven't closed the courts.
See, the public park by me is closed.
They have it locked up, so I couldn't even go if I wanted to.
Really?
Yeah.
That's probably smart.
Yeah, that's, here's, thank you for the segue, Judson.
Please take your seats.
There's, of course, a lot of people fucking whining and complaining about this
lockdown out
there.
There's tremendous, um, you know, Ted Cruz is one of these guys who's going on
showing
all these videos of people getting arrested or getting stopped.
The invisible enemy.
The germ has gotten so brilliant.
Is this my theme music when I?
It's a people's court.
Pretty good.
Wait, what's his name?
Judd?
Judson.
Judson Wapner.
Um, by the way, can I just talk?
Can I?
It's my show.
Can I talk?
Have you noticed this, Vic, that Ted Cruz seems to be on a cruise-sade, a
cruise-sade,
about these, you know, local municipalities that are, that are overly enforcing
these, these,
like, well, why, why are, this guy was by himself and the cops came and
arrested, you
know, where was he when these, when all these people were getting like, you
know, stopped and
frisked and when these people were getting, uh, you know, pulled over for, for
a broken
taillight and getting shot in the fucking head.
And he worried when he could, you know-
Stop that fucking shit.
Oh, sorry.
Is that a tennis sound?
It's a tennis.
Yeah, I had that same one on too.
My bad.
You're grounded.
Already, you're grounded.
Yeah.
No, um-
Yeah, Ted's the worst.
He's horrible.
He's such a bad faith thing.
And it's sort of like, is this really, this goes back to, I don't know if I
told you this
thing the other, a couple weeks ago, there was, in my local neighbor group,
like,
on Facebook, this local neighborhood thing, people were like, there's someone,
some woman started a petition to, to reopen the trails around here so she can
go hiking.
That's, it's like, this is the time you're, this is what you're spending your
time doing.
Like, this is what the whole, and just, just everybody, everybody cool out.
Like, but there's places you can walk.
I mean, you know what?
I hike, there's plenty, I hike around my neighborhood.
Yeah, there's places, but you don't need this specific trail open.
It's, and then Ted Cruz is just like, I know it's, it's, it,
there's going to be some people that make the, make mistakes or that they, they,
they,
you know, come down too hard or, but don't we're going to err on the side of
that instead
of like, and also just like the, it's, it's sending the message to Ted Cruz's
followers
of people that listen to that lunatic is like, yeah, I should be able to walk
around.
But, and like the idea of laws is that like, you know, they often don't really
apply to you,
but you still kind of follow them anyways.
Yeah.
Right.
And then, and then there, he's pushing this false narrative where then, then
you have fans
of his and Trump going to like hospitals to block people from going in and like,
it's all these like bizarre.
Yeah.
Everyone's getting the wrong rallies.
Yeah.
Just pushing this narrative that it's not that serious.
We have to sort of just like agree to a sort of a, you know, a social compact
that like,
you know, the obvious one is I go up to a stoplight and I could, I could go
through
the stoplight if there's no cars there, but I, you know, I've been conditioned
to sit there
and just wait for the, it's the right thing to do.
And it's just like, it's not all about you all the time.
I don't, and it's, it's less about like, it's also just, I don't want to get in
trouble.
I don't want to get a ticket.
You know, I don't want to get, even though like I would be respond, I know that
I would
be responsible about it, but so yeah, we have these laws and we have these
rules that everyone's
just trying to do their best.
I think to take the advice of people that know what they're talking about and
try to keep
people safe for this small period of time.
So everybody just fucking button up and shut up.
Candace Owens out there saying like, she was like, I've, did you see that?
She's the worst.
I was, uh, I was told by a police officer about, about wearing a mask in my
whole foods.
And she's like, I go to this whole foods every day and she doesn't understand
that.
She's all that.
Yeah. Judson.
I'm sorry.
We, I don't know what, do you have anything to offer to this?
I just, I sort of just started rambling, but I agree.
That's about it.
I mean, not with her, but with y'all.
Oh, I bet you.
I bet Joe Rogan is out there telling people to walk around without masks on,
right?
He's
He's the craziest tie you'll get, man.
This is the, and there's all these conspiracies.
Like this is the opera.
This is the, uh, moment that they've been planning for.
This is their social engineering experiment.
I don't think any of that's happening.
I think everyone's re everyone's just trying to like catch up to what the, like,
like clean
up Trump's mistakes because you know, we could have dealt with this earlier.
And I don't know.
I like that Trump, Trump thinks that a virus is going to be taken out by, um,
like antibiotics.
Do you hear that?
Like, he doesn't know that that doesn't happen.
All right.
Listen, let's, let's, um, bacteria, right?
Not viruses.
Stop it.
The invisible enemy.
Let's get into the city of the day real quick.
Thank you, Judson, for checking your audio.
I love that you're playing tennis and keeping healthy.
That's what, that's what's most important in my mind for you.
Hey, y'all stay safe.
What was that