Name: Checking in with Skate Board Man Jason Dill
Uploaded: 2020-06-06T21:34:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Checking in with Skate Board Man Jason Dill' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Checking in with Skate Board Man Jason Dill' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-06. Transcript available.

Mr. Jason Dill. Jason Dill. How you doing there, mate? How you doing? Are you
all right?
Hi, Tim. Nice to meet you. I love that my cue came in at Inspire Nothing. That's
my favorite
quote or adage or words to live by. Hey, I can't see you.
Oh, you can't see me? You should be able to. Matt, can you look into that?
There's nothing
to see. There's nothing to see. I look like a slob today. It's surreal enough
to do this
show where I feel like I'm talking to my fucking self, but whatever suits your
fancy over there
in Hollywood. I look like Michael Keaton in the third act of Mr. Mom. Okay,
folks?
He's holding the baby over the hand dryer.
So, Mr. Dill. Hey, Matthew. Matthew. Not to cut you off, Tim. Matthew, thank
you for reaching
out to me. I really appreciate it. And I'm extremely nervous. And I'm a big fan
of the show. And
hi, Doug. And hi, Vic. And Tim, it's nice to meet you after watching you in TV
land all these years.
Oh, well, listen. You know, I'm a puppy dog. I'm nothing to be worried about.
We're going to,
you know, you, I don't, I'm not, here's, here's the deal with you. Um, you came
onto our radar when
you said unbelievably kind things about the office hour show on another podcast,
on a skateboarding
podcast, boarding, a boarding, a skate podcast. You know, one of them board
talk shows, they talk
about boarding and getting down and going. Talk about boring, boarding. I mean,
sorry.
Talk about boring. I know most of, most of the people watching right now is
like, this guy's a
fucking professional unicycler. Yeah. What? So tell me about your, you, you,
you're a professional
skater. And now Doug is obsessed with skating. He skateboards. He's got a half
pike in his base,
in his backyard and everything. Um, no, I saw, I saw when he was feeding the
squirrels and, uh,
I don't know, Doug, did you see that video I sent to Matthew of the squirrel
eating a fig
Newton? I know you had a, you had a superior squirrel report, which, you know,
made me a
little jealous. Did you give him the fig Newton or did you find that? Well, the
problem with
Doug, if anyone's not familiar, Doug has been, has started putting out squirrel
reports, I guess
on a daily basis, or what are we going to, what are we looking at? Weekly or it's
a daily
basis. The problem with that first squirrel report is no squirrel in it. Well,
Tim, it's
sometimes it's about the search. My fucking mouth. Oh, sorry. You know, it's
about the search
of for the squirrel and you know, other things arise and it's just the way to
start the day
is just so, Hey, I don't know about you guys, but, um, I'm fucking gearing up
for a pretty
bitch in summer. I'm talking about waves. I'm talking about the beach. I'm
talking about
babes, cold cokes, high fives, volleyball. Hell yeah. Um, can you skateboard?
Do you skateboard
on the beach? Do you, do you have special wheels for sand or how do you, how do
you, yeah,
they're called sand wheels and you, uh, it, it, you, it takes, you know, you
get about,
you know, a foot per half hour. All right. So bad joke. So Jason, do you, are
you, you're
a competitive boarder? Is that how, how does it work? What is your, what is
your life?
Tim, I'm only competitive in the bedroom. Hey, oh, that's a great fucking
record. My favorite
thing that you do. Let's do this. Hold on. Hold on, Jason. I want to, I want to
steer
the conversation away from your career to you talking about our show. And in
other words,
I don't want to talk about skateboarding. I want to talk about you guys, you
guys, because
I like to meet people that make me laugh. I like to have fun. There you go. So
how did
you become introduced to the show, uh, office hours here? I got the internet.
Got it. I love
the laugh. I love the smile. So you've been basically offline for, I guess your
whole life
until recent, very recently. Well, until, yeah, until I found out about your
guys' glorious
show. And then I became a, a Patriot. And as a Patriot, I get to watch the
extra half hour
that you guys phone in. Oh yeah. That's a good name for it, guys. A Patriot
that we phone
patron, a patron idiot. I'm totally kidding. See, I feel pressure. This is a
comedy show.
Don't you don't. I got to tell you. Nobody wants. No, listen, no. Let me teach
you a little
bit about, about, about life. Nobody is looking for you to be funny. We got the
comedy covered,
Bill. You just got to be yourself, brother. No, I got Doug behind me. I mean,
you're, you're,
you're, you're, you're getting, uh, you're getting only what I can be. I'm even
drinking
single pop in care of, uh, being on your show at single pop. Well, listen, do
you think it's
too late for me to pick up skateboarding? I'm 44. Um, I'm overweight and I have
no sense
of balance. Um, I recently, about four years ago, broke my wrist, uh, roller,
roller skating.
Well, I broke, I broke this wrist, uh, four times. So, you know, you and me are
in the same
club as far as that goes, but I don't know, you know, skateboarding is like
skateboarding
is like UFC, but you're by yourself. Not that I'm a fan of, uh, the unified
fighting
chucks. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Jason. This is the direction I want to take the
show. I'm
going to kind of talk. Go for it, Tim. I'm going to talk quietly and I'm going
to talk
about, uh, ultimate fighting or a mixed martial arts. Oh man. I didn't mean to
go there. I'm
just talking about it hurts. Just like roller skating hurts, man. But so you
get, you break bones
and you, and you soldier on. See, as soon as I broke my wrist, I said, I'm not
leaving
the house. I don't care to go down steps. I'm constantly in fear of breaking
more bones.
And I, it was such a, it was such a disruptive experience that I just thought,
okay, I just
played that one card. I played my, my breaking of a bone card. And now if
something, if, if
my leg breaks or my neck breaks, I'm done. It's it for me. I'm toast. So I try
to, it's
it for me too. If I break my leg or my neck, but no, I don't, I don't know. You
know, if
you want to, if you want to ride a fucking skateboard in your forties, I mean,
go for
it. But at the same time, there's like plenty of other shit you could be doing.
I stepped
on one of those, you know, those, uh, things that have wheels, those things
that, that have
motors that you just step on. I've never been on one. You know what I mean? It
has a motor
and you plug it in and then it goes. It's sort of like a, like a lime scooter.
No, it's
not. It's like, it doesn't have a handle. It's the thing that, it's the thing
that Mike
Tyson fell down on. Remember he fucking ate shit on it. Yeah. That thing. I don't
know.
They call it, what do the kids call them? A conveyor belt? Hoverboard. Oh, the
hoverboard.
Yeah. I stepped on one of those. Very 2018. I stepped on one of those and went
immediately
went back, right backwards. My head was about six inches from slamming into a
plate glass
window. What, what were you, you were doing it in church? I was doing it in a
plate glass
window. That's a stained glass window, Jason. Duh. It's a stained glass window.
Jason, are
you, uh, are you in LA? Is that, are you an LA boy? I'm, I'm, I'm your guys'
neighbor
kind. I'm in Pasadena. I, I moved to Pasadena about three months ago. Oh, it's
beautiful over
there, man. It's beautiful. You're going to. It's great. All I do is, uh, walk
and read
books while I walk all over, uh, town here. Do you read the book? Um, like on
an audio book
or do you, are you reading an actual book? No, you can't read an audio book,
silly. You
can't read an audio book. You're holding a book? No, I, I, I, I actually, it,
it sounds
wild, but I walk and I read and it really works. I'm, I'm really into it. I
cover about five
miles a day and, um, um, yeah, I, that's, it's, it's, it's the highlight of my
fucking day
these days is to get up and go walk and read the goddamn book and I come back
to the fucking
squirrels. What kind of goddamn books are you reading? So wait a minute, wait a
minute.
What? What can you recommend one book? I, I think it's something you guys can
talk about
offline. I don't know if anybody needs to hear the bibliography from this show.
Doug, I want
you to use it. Hey Tim, I'm just talking about how I fill my day in a pandemic.
Sorry, it's
not more fucking exciting. Next time maybe, maybe get Tony Hawk and he's
talking about hanging
out with Jack Black. Dill, you calm the F down. You slow down now. This is my
goddamn show,
goddammit, you tell me. No, wait a minute. I want to, I want to, I do want Doug
to have
an opportunity to ask you a question, but Doug, please make it skateboarding
related. This
is your opportunity to get advice or get insights from one of the masters. Go
ahead, Doug.
I don't, I don't really have a question as far as that goes. I'm more
interested in the,
in, you know, what he's reading, not what he's. Okay, fine. Okay. What are one,
what is one
book that you're reading, Jason? Then we can move things along. I'm reading
right now, I'm reading
Education of a Felon by Edward Bunker. Okay. And, uh, and I've, I've read a
couple of Steinbeck
books during the pandemic and a little bit of James Baldwin and a little bit of
the Mike Tyson
book, but you're talking my language. I'll tell you something. Reading is
fundamental. I just
connected you guys. I, first of all, East of Eden is my, I think my favorite
book ever written.
I don't know if you're reading East of Eden. You read that one?
Well, I haven't. I just read sweet Thursday and wayward bus, uh, in the last
couple months. Um,
but East of Eden, that's a big one. Grapes of Wrath is tough to finish.
I only read, I don't, you know what? I only read big books. I only read like,
you know,
500ers, you know, I only read David Foster Wallace, you know, I don't read the
small
books, you know, it's not really, but tortilla flat, tortilla flats by Steinbeck.
It's a very
small book. It's a great book. That's a beautiful book. And then I was in a
James Baldwin play,
uh, when I was in college, I was in a James Baldwin play. It was a, I think it
was a story
he wrote that was trans that was turned into a play called Giovanni's room.
I masturbated a lot. No, not Giovanni's room. Yeah. Giovanni's room. Is that
right? Yeah.
I played a gay man living in Paris, uh, who was in, in love with an, an African
man. And
you know, that's beautiful. It was a beautiful experience.
Hey, does, does, does Al really stand for Albert? I never knew that.
Albert Pacino? No, I think it's Alfonso. Alfonso. It sounds so funny to say
Albert Pacino.
And the guy that does that. Wow. Kudos. Fuck it. It's so funny. Weird Al Pacino.
Weird Al Pacino.
Get him on next. That weird Al Pacino.
Like during the pandemic. What's this done? Mic off? Vic, you're coming in
weird.
What's going on? Doug. I'm not saying anything. Vic's coming in.
Quiet. Yeah. Vic's coming in a little quiet. What are you saying, Vic? I'll, I'll,
I'll relay.
Are the skateboard parks open? Are the skateboard parks opened during the
pandemic?
Can I call you Dale? Oh yeah. Yeah. That's fine. I didn't pick the name, but,
but Vic,
I don't give a fuck. You don't give a fuck about that. You'll skate anywhere.
Yeah. No, I feel, I feel bad for the young people. Like if I was, if I was in
my twenties and,
you know, really going for it and shit, I'd, I'd probably be freaking out right
now,
but I'm not in my twenties, but you know, they, they filled the Venice skate
park with
sand because, you know, uh, you know, that's what true fucking Americans do,
you know?
Hey, listen, we all have to sacrifice. We all have to let things put things on.
Speaking of Steinbeck. Exactly.
Um, Jason, I gotta move, I gotta move the show along. It's a pleasure to talk
to you.
I do. And we got a very special, uh, experience happening right now. We're
going to try this and
I think you'll look forward to it. Jason, you're a friend of the show. You're a
friend of mine now.
What an honor. I look forward. If you ever want to skate my quarter pipe, let
me know.
Doug, that's called a half pipe. No, it's a quarter. It's a quarter pipe.
Doug has. Wait, you, you, so you built just half of the, wow. That's cool. Half
of the quarter.
Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much. Tim, thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Keep the show moving.
Be safe.

Checking in with Skate Board Man Jason Dill

Mr. Jason Dill. Jason Dill. How you doing there, mate? How you doing? Are you
all right?
Hi, Tim. Nice to meet you. I love that my cue came in at Inspire Nothing. That's
my favorite
quote or adage or words to live by. Hey, I can't see you.
Oh, you can't see me? You should be able to. Matt, can you look into that?
There's nothing
to see. There's nothing to see. I look like a slob today. It's surreal enough
to do this
show where I feel like I'm talking to my fucking self, but whatever suits your
fancy over there
in Hollywood. I look like Michael Keaton in the third act of Mr. Mom. Okay,
folks?
He's holding the baby over the hand dryer.
So, Mr. Dill. Hey, Matthew. Matthew. Not to cut you off, Tim. Matthew, thank
you for reaching
out to me. I really appreciate it. And I'm extremely nervous. And I'm a big fan
of the show. And
hi, Doug. And hi, Vic. And Tim, it's nice to meet you after watching you in TV
land all these years.
Oh, well, listen. You know, I'm a puppy dog. I'm nothing to be worried about.
We're going to,
you know, you, I don't, I'm not, here's, here's the deal with you. Um, you came
onto our radar when
you said unbelievably kind things about the office hour show on another podcast,
on a skateboarding
podcast, boarding, a boarding, a skate podcast. You know, one of them board
talk shows, they talk
about boarding and getting down and going. Talk about boring, boarding. I mean,
sorry.
Talk about boring. I know most of, most of the people watching right now is
like, this guy's a
fucking professional unicycler. Yeah. What? So tell me about your, you, you,
you're a professional
skater. And now Doug is obsessed with skating. He skateboards. He's got a half
pike in his base,
in his backyard and everything. Um, no, I saw, I saw when he was feeding the
squirrels and, uh,
I don't know, Doug, did you see that video I sent to Matthew of the squirrel
eating a fig
Newton? I know you had a, you had a superior squirrel report, which, you know,
made me a
little jealous. Did you give him the fig Newton or did you find that? Well, the
problem with
Doug, if anyone's not familiar, Doug has been, has started putting out squirrel
reports, I guess
on a daily basis, or what are we going to, what are we looking at? Weekly or it's
a daily
basis. The problem with that first squirrel report is no squirrel in it. Well,
Tim, it's
sometimes it's about the search. My fucking mouth. Oh, sorry. You know, it's
about the search
of for the squirrel and you know, other things arise and it's just the way to
start the day
is just so, Hey, I don't know about you guys, but, um, I'm fucking gearing up
for a pretty
bitch in summer. I'm talking about waves. I'm talking about the beach. I'm
talking about
babes, cold cokes, high fives, volleyball. Hell yeah. Um, can you skateboard?
Do you skateboard
on the beach? Do you, do you have special wheels for sand or how do you, how do
you, yeah,
they're called sand wheels and you, uh, it, it, you, it takes, you know, you
get about,
you know, a foot per half hour. All right. So bad joke. So Jason, do you, are
you, you're
a competitive boarder? Is that how, how does it work? What is your, what is
your life?
Tim, I'm only competitive in the bedroom. Hey, oh, that's a great fucking
record. My favorite
thing that you do. Let's do this. Hold on. Hold on, Jason. I want to, I want to
steer
the conversation away from your career to you talking about our show. And in
other words,
I don't want to talk about skateboarding. I want to talk about you guys, you
guys, because
I like to meet people that make me laugh. I like to have fun. There you go. So
how did
you become introduced to the show, uh, office hours here? I got the internet.
Got it. I love
the laugh. I love the smile. So you've been basically offline for, I guess your
whole life
until recent, very recently. Well, until, yeah, until I found out about your
guys' glorious
show. And then I became a, a Patriot. And as a Patriot, I get to watch the
extra half hour
that you guys phone in. Oh yeah. That's a good name for it, guys. A Patriot
that we phone
patron, a patron idiot. I'm totally kidding. See, I feel pressure. This is a
comedy show.
Don't you don't. I got to tell you. Nobody wants. No, listen, no. Let me teach
you a little
bit about, about, about life. Nobody is looking for you to be funny. We got the
comedy covered,
Bill. You just got to be yourself, brother. No, I got Doug behind me. I mean,
you're, you're,
you're, you're, you're getting, uh, you're getting only what I can be. I'm even
drinking
single pop in care of, uh, being on your show at single pop. Well, listen, do
you think it's
too late for me to pick up skateboarding? I'm 44. Um, I'm overweight and I have
no sense
of balance. Um, I recently, about four years ago, broke my wrist, uh, roller,
roller skating.
Well, I broke, I broke this wrist, uh, four times. So, you know, you and me are
in the same
club as far as that goes, but I don't know, you know, skateboarding is like
skateboarding
is like UFC, but you're by yourself. Not that I'm a fan of, uh, the unified
fighting
chucks. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Jason. This is the direction I want to take the
show. I'm
going to kind of talk. Go for it, Tim. I'm going to talk quietly and I'm going
to talk
about, uh, ultimate fighting or a mixed martial arts. Oh man. I didn't mean to
go there. I'm
just talking about it hurts. Just like roller skating hurts, man. But so you
get, you break bones
and you, and you soldier on. See, as soon as I broke my wrist, I said, I'm not
leaving
the house. I don't care to go down steps. I'm constantly in fear of breaking
more bones.
And I, it was such a, it was such a disruptive experience that I just thought,
okay, I just
played that one card. I played my, my breaking of a bone card. And now if
something, if, if
my leg breaks or my neck breaks, I'm done. It's it for me. I'm toast. So I try
to, it's
it for me too. If I break my leg or my neck, but no, I don't, I don't know. You
know, if
you want to, if you want to ride a fucking skateboard in your forties, I mean,
go for
it. But at the same time, there's like plenty of other shit you could be doing.
I stepped
on one of those, you know, those, uh, things that have wheels, those things
that, that have
motors that you just step on. I've never been on one. You know what I mean? It
has a motor
and you plug it in and then it goes. It's sort of like a, like a lime scooter.
No, it's
not. It's like, it doesn't have a handle. It's the thing that, it's the thing
that Mike
Tyson fell down on. Remember he fucking ate shit on it. Yeah. That thing. I don't
know.
They call it, what do the kids call them? A conveyor belt? Hoverboard. Oh, the
hoverboard.
Yeah. I stepped on one of those. Very 2018. I stepped on one of those and went
immediately
went back, right backwards. My head was about six inches from slamming into a
plate glass
window. What, what were you, you were doing it in church? I was doing it in a
plate glass
window. That's a stained glass window, Jason. Duh. It's a stained glass window.
Jason, are
you, uh, are you in LA? Is that, are you an LA boy? I'm, I'm, I'm your guys'
neighbor
kind. I'm in Pasadena. I, I moved to Pasadena about three months ago. Oh, it's
beautiful over
there, man. It's beautiful. You're going to. It's great. All I do is, uh, walk
and read
books while I walk all over, uh, town here. Do you read the book? Um, like on
an audio book
or do you, are you reading an actual book? No, you can't read an audio book,
silly. You
can't read an audio book. You're holding a book? No, I, I, I, I actually, it,
it sounds
wild, but I walk and I read and it really works. I'm, I'm really into it. I
cover about five
miles a day and, um, um, yeah, I, that's, it's, it's, it's the highlight of my
fucking day
these days is to get up and go walk and read the goddamn book and I come back
to the fucking
squirrels. What kind of goddamn books are you reading? So wait a minute, wait a
minute.
What? What can you recommend one book? I, I think it's something you guys can
talk about
offline. I don't know if anybody needs to hear the bibliography from this show.
Doug, I want
you to use it. Hey Tim, I'm just talking about how I fill my day in a pandemic.
Sorry, it's
not more fucking exciting. Next time maybe, maybe get Tony Hawk and he's
talking about hanging
out with Jack Black. Dill, you calm the F down. You slow down now. This is my
goddamn show,
goddammit, you tell me. No, wait a minute. I want to, I want to, I do want Doug
to have
an opportunity to ask you a question, but Doug, please make it skateboarding
related. This
is your opportunity to get advice or get insights from one of the masters. Go
ahead, Doug.
I don't, I don't really have a question as far as that goes. I'm more
interested in the,
in, you know, what he's reading, not what he's. Okay, fine. Okay. What are one,
what is one
book that you're reading, Jason? Then we can move things along. I'm reading
right now, I'm reading
Education of a Felon by Edward Bunker. Okay. And, uh, and I've, I've read a
couple of Steinbeck
books during the pandemic and a little bit of James Baldwin and a little bit of
the Mike Tyson
book, but you're talking my language. I'll tell you something. Reading is
fundamental. I just
connected you guys. I, first of all, East of Eden is my, I think my favorite
book ever written.
I don't know if you're reading East of Eden. You read that one?
Well, I haven't. I just read sweet Thursday and wayward bus, uh, in the last
couple months. Um,
but East of Eden, that's a big one. Grapes of Wrath is tough to finish.
I only read, I don't, you know what? I only read big books. I only read like,
you know,
500ers, you know, I only read David Foster Wallace, you know, I don't read the
small
books, you know, it's not really, but tortilla flat, tortilla flats by Steinbeck.
It's a very
small book. It's a great book. That's a beautiful book. And then I was in a
James Baldwin play,
uh, when I was in college, I was in a James Baldwin play. It was a, I think it
was a story
he wrote that was trans that was turned into a play called Giovanni's room.
I masturbated a lot. No, not Giovanni's room. Yeah. Giovanni's room. Is that
right? Yeah.
I played a gay man living in Paris, uh, who was in, in love with an, an African
man. And
you know, that's beautiful. It was a beautiful experience.
Hey, does, does, does Al really stand for Albert? I never knew that.
Albert Pacino? No, I think it's Alfonso. Alfonso. It sounds so funny to say
Albert Pacino.
And the guy that does that. Wow. Kudos. Fuck it. It's so funny. Weird Al Pacino.
Weird Al Pacino.
Get him on next. That weird Al Pacino.
Like during the pandemic. What's this done? Mic off? Vic, you're coming in
weird.
What's going on? Doug. I'm not saying anything. Vic's coming in.
Quiet. Yeah. Vic's coming in a little quiet. What are you saying, Vic? I'll, I'll,
I'll relay.
Are the skateboard parks open? Are the skateboard parks opened during the
pandemic?
Can I call you Dale? Oh yeah. Yeah. That's fine. I didn't pick the name, but,
but Vic,
I don't give a fuck. You don't give a fuck about that. You'll skate anywhere.
Yeah. No, I feel, I feel bad for the young people. Like if I was, if I was in
my twenties and,
you know, really going for it and shit, I'd, I'd probably be freaking out right
now,
but I'm not in my twenties, but you know, they, they filled the Venice skate
park with
sand because, you know, uh, you know, that's what true fucking Americans do,
you know?
Hey, listen, we all have to sacrifice. We all have to let things put things on.
Speaking of Steinbeck. Exactly.
Um, Jason, I gotta move, I gotta move the show along. It's a pleasure to talk
to you.
I do. And we got a very special, uh, experience happening right now. We're
going to try this and
I think you'll look forward to it. Jason, you're a friend of the show. You're a
friend of mine now.
What an honor. I look forward. If you ever want to skate my quarter pipe, let
me know.
Doug, that's called a half 