Name: 12 HEALTHY CIGARETTE RECIPES! (Cristin Milioti, Ike Barinholtz & Ben Levin on OHL Ep 121 7/30/20)
Uploaded: 2020-07-31T00:58:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '12 HEALTHY CIGARETTE RECIPES! (Cristin Milioti, Ike Barinholtz & Ben Levin on OHL Ep 121 7/30/20)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '12 HEALTHY CIGARETTE RECIPES! (Cristin Milioti, Ike Barinholtz & Ben Levin on OHL Ep 121 7/30/20)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-31. Transcript available.

12 HEALTHY CIGARETTE RECIPES! (Cristin Milioti, Ike Barinholtz & Ben Levin on OHL Ep 121 7/30/20)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh. I like having fun to meet people who
laugh.
Wow! Tim Heinecker live on Tim Heinecker's YouTube channel. Ladies and
gentlemen, welcome to Office Hours. I want to welcome my buds, the Holy Trinity,
Doug Lusenhoff is here today.
And from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, currently living in Los Angeles, Mr. Ricky
Burr. Good morning.
We got producer Matt. We got Jay the intern in Philadelphia coming in on the
Zoom.
We got an incredible show for you today, folks. Thank you for joining me. We
got Ike Barinholtz calling in.
We got Kristen Milioti from the movie Bald Fringe.
And the number one show!
This show knocks everybody out of the fucking park!
We got a new camera. I'm looking maybe fatter with this new camera. Definitely
more resolution, double chin. I'm thinking the double chin's coming in a little
stronger than usual.
Later in the show, the hair's out of control. We know this. I have not gotten
it cut. Really, to be frank with you, I don't think I've gotten it cunt.
I don't think I've got a cunt. What's my armpit situation like?
It's pretty good.
You want to check this out?
Oh, fuck! Look at this side. This is a wreck. Look at my side over here.
Oh, shit.
That's a wreck.
And that show's just starting. Imagine like 10 minutes from now.
I looked, because I thought in my head, I said, well, you know why? It's
because I don't use antiperspirant. I just use deodorant.
And then I looked today. I was actually, I am actually using antiperspirant.
Never let them see you sweat.
You know what I think I got? I got, accidentally I picked it up. I got perspirant.
Can you get your pit sweat things like removed? Your pit valves?
Glans?
Yeah.
Is that a thing?
Get them reassigned to a different part of the body.
Right.
Under my, like in my, in my taint area, like under, in my inner thigh.
Put them down there.
Just dripping sweat down there.
Yeah. Why not?
Wear diapers.
Yeah, I've been wearing diapers because I moved my pit glands to my inner
thighs.
But, um, yes.
What was I, why was I saying?
Oh, my hair.
So later, you know, I'm a Beatles fanatic.
And if you're not subscribed to Patreon, uh, patreon.com slash office hours
live, you know that, uh, we've been going through the catalog.
We've been doing the solo year.
So I said to Doug and the guys, let's give me a, let's give me a mop top today.
Let's do it.
Let's get in there because there's plenty of, plenty to work with.
So we're going to do that later in the show.
We're going to give me the mop top, bring the mop top back.
I think it's going to look good on me, especially with this stupid mustache too.
Um, you're going to keep it though.
You want the Ringo or what do you want?
I want John Lennon.
Look it up, folks.
Google it.
John Lennon, 66, 65, 66, late 65, early.
John's fat years too.
Yeah.
That'll, that'll line up perfectly.
It's going to give you the Pete best.
Um, boy, so much going on.
Uh, we just want to make a note.
We have an auction happening right now for Black Lives Matter.
It's the drawings that Satomi from, uh, Deerhoof, not yet.
Boy, wait, way to ruin the mood.
I don't know.
I killed it.
Uh, Satomi, the, uh, Deerhoof gang, uh, she was doing, uh, sketches last week
and she made these beautiful sketches.
We're signing them and auctioning them off for charity.
So, Matt, where do people find that information on, on, on our website or?
Uh, bit, bit.ly slash O-H-L-X Deerhoof.
Great.
Oh no, office hours.
Sorry.
Make it real easy for everybody.
The link is in the, um, description on YouTube.
As you know, we have merchandise.
You can find all your information about office hours at officialofficehours.com.
Um, we're, we're all, I feel a little punchy today.
We got woken up by a small little earthquake, 4.30 in this morning here on the
West Coast.
We had a little rumbler.
I even felt it.
Usually we don't feel it where I'm at.
But Vic, you were, you were finally almost shaking out of bed.
I felt like a proud boy jumped on my bed or something.
It was just like horrifying.
And, uh, yes, I've been up since 4.30.
Yeah, I, I, it was around 4.30.
I got up, my dog had to get let out and it was a big, um, disruption.
I slept right through it.
A great big bulldog.
I got the vibrating bed that I keep going all night.
So it kind of, you're an anti, you're an anti-Quaker.
You don't believe in earthquakes.
You don't think earthquakes are real.
That's right.
I will not be muzzled.
By the way, we're going to introduce two very, two very new segments today.
I'm a still-earther.
A still-earther.
A still-earther.
Um, two new segments in an effort.
Listen, the, the, it's all a big scam.
Huh?
Everything on the internet.
True, my parents got coronavirus.
The YouTube, everything.
So I said, you know, uh, why don't we manipulate our YouTube
shows, why don't we manipulate the titles of, of them to, to, uh, you know,
falsely, to bring
in, uh, viewers, but to sort of to con them into-
Um, so I said, why don't we come up with some very click-baity titles for our
show?
Um, and so you, the audience know that you're in on it, that you, this is, you
know, this
is not a reflection of what you're about to see in the show.
So we said on a, every, every episode we'll, we'll suggest three titles for the
show at the
beginning of the show and you guys in the chat, um, can pick, can pick the
title of the show.
So the three that we're going to choose from today and Matt would be brilliant.
If in the future, we can put these up on the screen, sort of, you know, like,
you know,
absolutely.
That'd be an incredible technology.
So we have option.
One is why you don't want umami and vegan gravy.
That could be the title of today's show.
This is clickbait stuff, folks.
I'd click on that.
You'd click on that.
It seems like you'd want that.
Something you'd want.
Then we have number two is make pizza at home with no dough.
I'd be interested in that.
I love pizza.
I love pretty, I love pretty music and I love pizza.
So maybe people would click on that.
And this one, I think this is going to win, frankly, cause it's so good.
But 12 healthy cigarette recipes.
Cut the tape.
12 healthy cigarette recipes.
Let us know what you think.
And Doug, if you wouldn't mind keeping track of the, of the chat.
And frankly, the super chat is going to get quite a lot of attention.
I got to get in on that chat.
If you make some hay, make some noise in the super chat,
that's going to really affect the results.
I'm in there.
Producer Matt's in there and I'm going to post these titles
and let's get some feedback.
Are we taking drop requests?
Let's take a Zoom call, Matt.
Yeah, drop requests is a good idea.
Take drop requests.
Healthy cigarette recipes.
Yes, but don't, uh.
I'm not going to be staring at that the whole time, though.
Don't be making fun of me, folks.
You know what I mean?
Don't be, don't make this an inside joke where you're all laughing at me.
Tim.
Wait, yeah, you got that?
You got that drop?
Thank you, Tim.
Yes.
I was, I saw that live.
I was watching the news and I saw him introducing a bunch of bozos
who were with him at some event.
And I heard, thank you, Tim.
Thank you, Tim.
Thank you, Tim.
Tim.
Tim.
All right.
Um, what was I talking about?
Taking a call.
Taking a call.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
We got, uh.
Everyone's got to be excited to hear.
Oh, Jason.
To chat.
I unmuted him.
Here you go.
Here's Jason.
Okay, so this is a guy, I guess a guy named Jay is out there
and his son is calling it.
Jay's son.
Jason.
What's that?
That was a good one.
Uh, first of all, shout out to Philly.
Uh, shout out to Lansdale PA.
Um, basically from where you're from.
Nice.
Yeah, yeah.
R5 is the train, basically.
We have the valley, all that, all that shit.
Um, but yeah, big day for Trump today, huh?
So Herman Cain died of coronavirus hours after his staff was tweeting
that it was a hoax and masks were useless.
I like this.
Let's get the news.
I might be.
We're joined by Jay's son, checking in from the northeast,
the Atlantic region, mid-Atlantic region of the United States,
checking in with today's top headlines.
Jason, what do you have for us today?
I mean, it's a pretty big fucking headline.
And, uh.
It's big.
You know, GD.
Yeah.
And then also, obviously, uh, we got our president, Pol Pot,
who wants to, uh, or just maybe joking about, you know,
delaying the election.
There's the, the event, the delay, which is a very cowardly move.
I, it sounds very cowardly to me.
Which many people are thinking that that is a big, strong man.
Excuse me, my, my, my, my friend, Vic Berger is speaking.
I was saying, like, when I first saw that, I was like,
this is just a big distraction, you know, that he's just doing
to, to divert from something.
I wasn't sure.
And then a couple, like hours later, Herman Cain dies.
Yeah.
Well, that's a very interesting conspiracy you got there, Vic.
Now, let me just say our rest in peace, Herman Cain.
We never like to hear when a human being passes.
Um, I, uh, uh, I, my mentions were flooded with people sending me
links to my own work, which I frankly don't need, but you know, it,
it made me mista nostalgic, nostalgic, mustachioed by Cain doesn't exist.
And he never did.
I don't believe that you exist.
Darling is the wheel loving today.
I'd like to watch television.
Number two in America's DNA.
This is my original work.
You know, I was trying to like, kind of think back on what was going on back
then.
And what's that 2011, 2011, here it is.
Come on board.
You gotta ride the Cain train, ride the Cain train, everybody, get on board.
You gotta ride the Cain train, ride the Cain train.
All right.
So did you also predict Herman Cain dying?
Is that what you're trying to tell us?
No, no, but, um, he was kind of like the original Trump a little bit.
You know, he was this entrepreneur who had, who had, was the CEO of Godfather's
pizza, which I don't even, like a gas station.
Wait, did he do brain surgery too?
No, that's been, he also went to medical school.
Oh yeah.
I thought, um, that's my wife said this morning.
She was like, Oh, who's going to be the HUD secretary?
No, no, no, no.
It's not the same guys, two different guys.
He ran for president in 2011 and he was a total like outsider.
He was, he wore a cowboy hat.
Anti-Muslim.
He was anti-gay.
Yeah.
He was, he was a typical kind of hardliner Republican.
Not a great guy.
No, not a great guy.
Uh, and, but I think what caught my attention was he put out this commercial
or his campaign put out this commercial that was like, um, is everything okay
back there?
We're having a little lag problems with the, um, software.
So biddity and, you know, we've done too good a job.
So it was no surprise that, that people are dropping like flies three years
later.
We have it under control.
It's, uh, but if you want to, we'll talk more about my record, Cainthology,
which you
can listen to on streaming services across the globe.
Uh, so you're using this, uh, catastrophe to push your own work.
That's, that's ridiculous.
Absolutely.
Listen, it was a, you know, it was probably originally something I did for
charity.
Oh, we have a protester.
Uh, uh, next caller.
All right.
Let's get to the city of the day.
Uh, Matt, do we need to pause for any reason?
No, no, we're good.
We're going.
We're rolling now.
It was good chatting with you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for the news update, Jason.
You got it.
Uh, city of the day is sponsored by Bravado Spice.
Again, we have a second week in a row.
Bravado, so successful were we with the Bravado Spice launch that, uh,
apparently Matt, I guess
they sold out, uh, sold out in like the Holy Trinity pack.
They sold out in three days.
They've got some more in stock now, which, so they're not sold out.
Let's be frank, but sold out the allotment.
Everyone's been thrilled and they love the sauce.
They love the pack.
They make seasonings, margarita mixes and undeniably bold.
Yes, I, calm down, calm down, gather your thoughts, listen to 