Name: Lose 10 pounds in FOUR hours!! (Rob Delaney, The Good Liars on OHL Ep 123 8/13/20)
Uploaded: 2020-08-13T19:45:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Lose 10 pounds in FOUR hours!! (Rob Delaney, The Good Liars on OHL Ep 123 8/13/20)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Lose 10 pounds in FOUR hours!! (Rob Delaney, The Good Liars on OHL Ep 123 8/13/20)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-13. Transcript available.

Lose 10 pounds in FOUR hours!! (Rob Delaney, The Good Liars on OHL Ep 123 8/13/20)

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The magic.
And all the rest.
Thank you to Amelia Heidecker for participating in the wonderful opening to the
show.
Let's get feedback immediately from the audience.
Immediately.
Can we get feedback from the audience?
Apologies for starting late today.
Yes.
I'm looking at the zoom.
Hi, everybody.
Good to see everyone.
Good morning to you.
Today is Thursday, August 13th.
Almost.
We kind of dodged a bullet this month, didn't we?
With the Friday the 13th stuff.
I was kind of nervous.
I'm looking at the old calendar on Og One.
Going, what are we looking at?
And we got real close here on the Thursday.
But you know what?
We're here to say it's going to be a great day.
We're going to have a great show.
We've got Rob Delaney and the wonderful Good Liars.
We love the Good Liars.
They're actually really great guys.
And we'll find out what they're up to.
Julia.
Julia.
Julia.
Half of what I say is meaningless.
But I was driving in their car on zoom.
But let's talk to Julia real quick.
Hi, Julia.
How did you enjoy our big new opening?
Oh, why don't you have any tiny Tim drops?
It drops.
It's crazy.
Vic is the guy to have the tiny Tim drops.
I love all the magic that's going on.
All the magic you bring to the podcast.
And it's really a treat.
Well, thank you for joining us.
Where are you calling in from?
Tarrytown, New York.
Tarrytown.
All right.
What's going on there?
You're doing all right.
I'm doing well.
I'm really excited for a three hour WOHL.
Congratulations to office hours and congratulations to the audience for we
reached our Patreon goal of 3000 Patreons.
That is something we've been working on.
Thanks to Matt for leading the charge there, Matt, producer Matt, doing a
tremendous job.
And that means in September.
Do we have a date yet, Matt, that we've decided on?
December.
Sorry.
September.
September 10th.
will be the three hour WOHL Megasode with many of your favorite moments.
Basically, we're just going to play the old WOHL show.
Right, Doug?
That's right.
And we're going to slow it down so that it lasts three hours.
We're going to slow the speed and put the speed at 50%.
And that will be our next goal, our next Patreon goal.
By the way, go to patreon.com/officehourslive to join today.
Our next goal we decided was 1 million.
We are going to hit 1 million.
Hopefully by the end of the year.
And we've done the math on that and it would provide us with tremendous income.
Overwhelming and collective murder.
And we're looking forward to that income stream.
I love it very much.
That would be $5 million a month coming that the four of us split equally.
So that's terrific.
That would be a tremendous amount of money to have.
What else do we have on the show today to get to?
Do you know what?
Sorry, I want to just...
Julia, did you have something you wanted to discuss or are you just hanging out?
I'm mostly just hanging out.
I wanted to say happy belated to Vic.
Hey, thank you, Julia.
We're well past the Vic birthday.
That was last week.
We don't look back.
It's still in the mercy.
It's my birthday month, so it's fine.
Yeah.
Awesome.
All right.
Honey, honey, baby.
Anything else?
And my family has been loving Yosemite.
Turn me up.
We've all been watching it.
Yosemite.
Yosemites.
Yosemites.
Yosemites.
When they gaze upon Yosemites.
Yosemites.
Yes.
Towering Sequoias.
Yosemites.
He had a wild tweet this morning.
Did anyone grab that?
No, I didn't see that.
It was going after Psycho Joe again.
But it was pretty funny because he had...
Would anybody like a pen?
He had a...
He ended it in a real weird way.
I'll try to find it.
Worse than I just got off?
No.
Nothing's worse than I just got off.
It was...
Oh, he's tweeted so many times already today, but let's see.
He said Sequoias, right?
That'd be...
Oh, here it is.
I wish he said it like Sequoias.
Sequoias.
Listen to this, Vic.
Very poor morning TV ratings for MSV.
He's always in this bubble.
Their ratings.
What percentage of his supporters care about morning TV news ratings or even
understand
what that means?
Very poor morning TV ratings for MSVNC's Morning Joe headed by a complete
psycho named Joe Scarborough
and his ditzy airhead wife, Mika, and also CNN headed by a complete unknowns.
Congratulations to Fox and friends on dominating the mornings.
And then in parentheses, thank you, President Trump!
Exclamation point.
Close parentheses.
Then period.
Which is a mess.
What a terrible question to ask.
Obviously, these are not the most important issues right now, but I do enjoy
seeing them.
That's the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning, realize the hell
that I wake up into every day.
It's an incredible thing.
Anyways.
That's fucking hilarious!
Mommy, Mommy, please take me home.
We would...
Go ahead, Vic.
I mean, Doug.
Somebody was going to say something.
Feel it.
I could hear you breathe.
You can breathe.
What show number is this?
The show number?
Yeah, what show number?
Well, you know, there's some dispute about that because we recently unearthed
the very first episode.
So new numbers got added.
Yeah. But technically, at the moment, today's show, according to the research
we've done, and we actually we've done a lot of good research on this, is
episode 123.
Oh, interesting.
We're also going to be talking to a health nut. See, now my new technique I'm
trying is just to is to, like, let you guys go. I don't want to fight you.
Well, we're coming in hot. We got bottled up with this bottleneck in the
morning.
I know. I know. It's been a bad morning. It's been a bad week. I'll be honest
with you, folks.
It's been a slow week for me. I don't know about you guys.
It's been stressful. It's been stressful for you as always, Vic. You're under
constant stress. You're living always in the middle of a vice.
You're like being squeezed like Curly might in some some almost every episode
of the Three Stooges.
There's a vice involved that's being squeezed. That's so violent.
Head's about to pop like a melon. It's like the worst way to go.
If Mo really got, you know, didn't they do that in a casino or it was a Martin
Scorsese movie is an actual vice and a head move.
Did they really?
Yeah, they put it in. They put it in. He winds it down to Curly, but Curly's
head is so strong that it reverses it.
Like it breaks the vice and the wheel comes spinning off and hits like Mo in
the head.
Of course. But yeah, I don't know. I just it's it was it's been hot.
I've been, you know, that work is there's no work. There's nothing to do.
There's some projects that are kind of, you know, I've got the record coming
out.
That's keeping me busy. And I was talking to somebody.
I think I might have mentioned this last week. They're like, I've just been
going on these long walks.
So I've been trying to get in shape and lose some of this quarantine weight.
And we could talk about that more because we're going to have a health expert
call in.
But I've been taking the I've shown you guys on Instagram.
I've been taking some time.
I took an eight mile walk yesterday.
Hello.
It's pretty big.
And these aren't just this isn't just walking around a circle.
This is the hills and everything.
So it's a two hour walk.
And that's just mostly it's to kill the time.
It's to kill the hours.
Tim, you do so much stuff.
What time are you killing?
I mean, you have a family you're doing.
Well, the kids are an album every week.
I think I don't the kids go to preschool now.
They're luckily able to go to a place where they can hang out for a few to a
few hours.
And we did a meeting yesterday while I was walking.
I can take phone calls.
I can text, you know, the guys and stuff.
I'm like Dylan.
And it's a lot of fun.
And I enjoy getting the walks in.
But other than that, it's dead.
I mean, the days are just dead.
I mean, that's partly August anyways.
You know, there's a lot of like time killing.
There's just a lot of people that are just checked out.
You know what I mean?
They're like on vacation and stuff.
But yeah, we're trying to get some, you know, trying to get back to work.
But it's not happening thanks to the Trump virus.
The Trump virus has decimated our country.
And there's no one to blame but him.
Let's get to the city of the day quickly.
The city of the day brought to you by, this is different, the Bible Belt.
The Bible Belt is, okay, sorry.
This is not usually, this is sort of out of our comfort zone, I guess.
This is a, the Bible Belt is a beautifully handcrafted leather belt.
Oh, it's actually literally a belt.
Fitted with timeless gold-toned hardware and inscribed with all five books of
the Old Testament in microscopic font.
Order your Old Testament, I guess they come, it comes as a Old Testament or a
New Testament belt.
The Old Testament belt is a thicker Western belt that you might find on a pair
of jeans.
And the New Testament is much shorter, so you can, that's more of a dress belt,
a suit belt.
Now you can enjoy Psalm, Psalms?
I'm like Yosemites here.
Now you can enjoy Psalms, Bible Verses anytime you like.
Simply remove your Bible Belt.
Now you can enjoy some Bible, Psalm, Bible Verses.
Psalm, Bible Verses.
Oh, is that what you're going for?
So now you can enjoy Psalm, Bible Verses anytime you like.
Simply remove your Bible Belt and read the scriptures wherever your path takes
you in the kingdom of God.
Don't worry about small words.
Use our magnificent magnifying glass free with every belt.
The magnifying glass belt holster sold separately.
Whether you're on the bus or at the DMV or at the shooting range,
the Bible Belt is the perfect accessory for any man of God.
Jesus Christ!
Jesus Christ!
There's a lot more copy here that I'm not going to get to,
unless, Doug, you wanted to point something out specifically.
Oh, there's some good stuff coming up.
I'm sure there's the...
There's some really good stuff coming up.
Well, tell me, what is your favorite thing about the Bible Belt?
Well, I have to pull it up now.
I'm not on there.
You get in there.
I want you to have your moment here.
I know people are rooting for you.
I mean, I...
People root for you, Doug.
They support you and they love you very much, including me.
Oh, okay.
I mean, right here.
Fret not, ladies.
We know you shall not wear belts.
For a woman shall not wear a man's garment.
Deuteronomy 22.5.
Preach.
That's why we have the verse purse.
A custom two-tone handbag inscribed with all five books on the strap.
Plus a New Testament on the purse itself.
Very good.
Order yours now at biblebelt.com slash officehours.
I would like to also say that the Bible Belt is made from real rawhi, perfect
for keeping
your children faithful to your godly orders.
Oh, so it can be...
You're suggesting that it can be used for literally...
For foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the belt of correction
shall drive
it far from him.
Proverbs 22.15.
God bless you.
All right.
Order at thebiblebelt.com slash officehours to get 10% off.
Are you a big boy with a little extra meat on your bones from the good Lord?
We've got you covered.
To try our blessed suspenders.
Each extra-long, extra-coffee strap is printed with somebody...
How about this?
Deuteronomy 14.21.
You shall not boil a young goat in its mother's milk.
How about this, Doug?
Taking your own life is against the will of God, so the belts are designed to
not be able
to hang yourself.
They will not lock if you try to wrap it around your neck.
Amen.
That's a beautiful thing.
I wish Mr. Epstein would have had this