Name: Game Night 2 with Tim & Doug
Uploaded: 2020-08-15T06:41:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Game Night 2 with Tim & Doug' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Game Night 2 with Tim & Doug' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-15. Transcript available.

Game Night 2 with Tim & Doug

Yep.
All right.
Hit it, Doug.
Game night.
It's gonna be fun playing games.
All through the night, we're having game night.
Come on, everyone, settle down.
Watch us play games.
Who doesn't like Rummy Cube?
You know who knows so much fun to play at.
Game night.
It's gonna be fun playing games.
All through the night, off this hour's game night.
Come on, everyone, settle down.
Good evening, everybody.
Good evening, and good morning.
Twister and chutes and ladders.
It don't matter how we turn people to us.
Let's not play the extended version of game night.
It's gonna be fun games with everyone.
How is everybody tonight?
Friday night.
We saw you all yesterday on our big morning show, but it is August 14th.
And my energy, Doug, is at a two.
Out of what?
It sucks today.
Out of ten?
Out of ten.
Yikes.
But, you know, it's a commitment we made to do this.
We should have a guessing game about how many miles I walked today.
Is that the first game of the night?
Yes, the first game of the night.
Does this have to do with how lethargic you are?
Well, of course.
This will make a lot of sense.
Let's take a call, Matt, and see if anybody can...
Anybody that's been following me on social media might know the answer.
Madison Womack.
Madison, what is...
How many miles do you think I walked today in my own shoes?
How many miles I walked?
Um, can you hear me?
Yes, but I can also hear the show, so if you wouldn't mind muting...
But you have to turn the show off.
Where are you watching the show somewhere?
What's your answer?
Carter, you son of a bitch!
All right, move on.
Sorry, Womack.
Madison, get it together and we'll come back to you later.
Madison, listen.
You gotta mute.
You can't be watching the show on YouTube when we talk to you.
Everyone should know that by now.
Anatole.
Anatole.
Hi.
How many miles have I walked in my own shoes today?
Well, I know you did eight the other day, so like nine.
Nine or ten.
I did ten miles today.
Nice!
Isn't that unbelievable?
Yeah.
And a lot of it was uphill.
I would say about half of it was uphill, which means what, Matt?
It was harder.
No?
Oh.
It was harder, but if Doug, here's the question to you.
If it was, if half of the walk was uphill, what does that mean?
Half was down.
There you go!
What goes up must come down.
Doug is with us.
Doug, loosen, hop, DJ, dink and stop.
Dunkin', DJ, Dunkin' Donuts.
You're driving or walking?
I was driving.
I drove.
I drove ten miles today, and it's exhausting.
But I want everybody to understand that the context of this is important
because it is about
a hundred, I think it was almost a hundred degrees today.
It wasn't quite that when I was walking, but it was hot as hell.
And also, there's the Azusa fire, which is a fire happening.
When you, when you, when you hike with smoke.
It's basically like I smoked a pack of Camel Lights.
It's better.
It's, it's like training at high altitude.
Yeah.
You smoke, and that's even better.
I, yes.
It was stupid.
It was, it was, my body hurt, and I come home, and I'm sweating like a pig, and
I can't
breathe, and, and now I'm, you know, eating nothing but hummus.
We got some beautiful hummus today, courtesy of a restaurant near me.
They didn't, I mean, I paid for it.
See, we're no ziti, no ziti today, folks.
We got carrots and hummus.
Look at that.
I was saying earlier, I hate these trays because, just give us all carrots, you
know.
This stuff's always the last to go.
Are you still playing that?
Are you still playing that?
I forget, they loop.
No, I don't know.
Who's dipping the tomato?
Let's talk to Tim Ferry.
Tim Perry.
Tim the Ferry.
Tim Perry.
Hey, Tim.
Hey, how's it going?
How you doing?
Well, I've just told you how I'm doing.
That's the whole point of the show, is for me to express myself and tell you
where I'm
at in my life.
Oh, I know.
I'm also having this thing I've never had before, and I, you know, I'm, I come
into some
things late, but this is these hard cider, hard seltzers.
I'm having one too, and I'm all but cut out drinking out of my, my lifestyle
lately, but
special occasions, I'll have it truly.
Truly, you will.
We're not sponsored by them.
We're not sponsored by them.
Again, the hummus was paid for.
This, I went to Ralph's and bought this.
Well, I bought a case of Barry LaCroix, because the hibiscus was sold out.
Okay.
Best flavor.
We have a relevant...
Well, hold on, Tim, Tim, I...
Super...
What?
Sorry.
Oh, you have a super...
We have a relevant super chat.
Okay.
A five-pounder.
Tim, you must hold the, hold your thought.
Hold the thought, Tim.
Tim.
Tim.
Grime Kitty, who must be in the UK, spent five pounds to say, are you worried
you won't
be funny anymore if you get skinny?
Fuck off.
Good answer.
But on the other hand, someone says, keep up the good work.
Who says?
KC says, keep it up.
I would rather live than be funny.
But I'm funny.
I've been funny fat, and I've been funny skinny.
He started off skinny.
And I'm just a funny guy.
A lot of people don't think I'm funny anymore, though.
You know, a lot of these people that think I lost my comedic edge once I
expressed my political
beliefs, somehow those two things dovetailed with each other.
But Tim, Perry, what do you have for me tonight, friend?
Shut the fuck up, you man.
Oh, I've got a trivia question.
Okay.
Well, let's start.
We'll start.
We have the Candyland board here, which is exciting.
And it's upside down.
And there's lots of cables in the way.
And hummus in the way.
Okay, so are we going to use all the games?
I have all kinds of games.
Are we going to...
Use that as the master board?
Like, we keep going through all the games, and whoever gets to the house is the
winner?
Correct.
Can I be yellow?
You can be yellow.
Matt, you can be...
I'll be green.
I'll be missing a piece?
You want to be poker chip?
I'll be poker chip.
Yeah, we're...
How are we going to do the numbers?
Well, Tim, I'll go first.
It's my show.
Tim, first, we'll take numbers from Super Chatters.
How about that?
Oh, that's a good idea.
Super Chatters can provide my number right now.
What number am I getting on the dice?
We'll use the dice.
Imagine the dice.
If you're watching and you have your eyes closed, as I do, you're imagining a
dice.
And what is on each side of a dice?
A notch.
A dot.
Some...
I have to explain...
Like one notch?
I have to explain what dice is.
On each...
There's...
On one side, there's one dot or a notch.
Divot.
Then there's another side.
That's got two, three, four...
A couple, two, three divots.
Yeah.
So, imagine the beautiful dice, six-sided dice, and you are rolling it.
You have no personal preference.
You have no...
You're getting there.
You have no allegiance to anyone, truly.
You are just...
You're just imagining...
First number that comes to your head on a six-sided dice.
What is it, Matt?
KC, Super Chatter.
Four.
Four.
Okay.
Can someone move me four?
Because I'm...
Well, you get to move four when you answer the first question, right?
Then you...
We did it the reverse.
First, you go four?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Then I get the question.
But then how do you...
You'll see.
Continue.
If I get it right, I keep going.
I'm green, by the way.
All right, Tim.
The question is to me.
Yep.
All right.
Yep.
Three songs have been nominated for both the Academy Award and Razzie for best
and worst original song.
Tony Bennett's Life in the Looking Glass from 1986's That's the Life, Trisha
Yearwood's How Do I Live from 1997's Con Air, and this song from 1998.
I'm going to say, uh...
Oh, Lord, wherever you are, My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion.
I'm sorry.
That is incorrect.
It is, uh, Aerosmith.
It is Aerosmith's Don't Want to Miss a Thing, Armageddon.
Oh.
What is it called?
Don't Want to Miss a Thing.
Don't Want to Miss a Thing!
I don't want to miss a thing.
All right.
Whatever.
Sure.
Sorry, bud.
It's impossible.
Let's roll the dice.
We'll go...
Matt is up.
Let's roll the dice for Matt.
Let's give Madison another...
Oh, wait.
Super Chatters do the dice, right?
Yeah.
Oh, someone did $20.
Whoa.
Calm down, Matt.
Don't get too excited about it.
I got a five, then.
Okay.
Matt rolls a five.
One, two, three, four.
You're on the green.
Oh, Maddie.
The green.
And who's got the question?
Madison.
Madison.
Madison.
We'll give you another shot.
Can you hear me?
Oh, yes.
Help me out.
I helped you out.
Help me out.
Okay.
Give me an easy one.
Thank you.
I'm just trying to make sure you can hear me and see me.
Hi.
Loud and clear.
First of all, Queen Frostine.
What's that?
Queen Frostine and Candyland.
Yes.
Do you have a trivia question for Matt?
Okay.
Sure.
I was talking about Candyland, but okay.
Okay.
Matt.
Madison.
Yes.
What do you got?
Which Twilight movie is your favorite?
Okay.
Get her out of here.
Are you kidding me?
Who has an actual quiz question?
No, we need red.
That's why I say the red cards.
Where are the red cards?
Muting you.
Sorry, Madison.
It has to be a trivia question, not an opinion.
That's what I said.
Kelly, are you waving?
Oh, red shorts.
Jack and Claudia.
Jack and Claudia.
We can trust them.
They're regular Zoomers, right?
Madison, I respect you, and I want you to feel like you have been heard, and I
want you
to have a good time with us tonight, okay?
She's yelling at the screen.
She's very upset.
She's steamed.
Okay.
What's the question for Matt?
When introducing members of the Dirty Mac on the Rolling Stones Rock and Roll
Circus,
what did John Lennon introduce himself as?
I'd love to steal.
I'd love to steal.
What did he introduce himself as?
I mean, yeah, I don't know.
I have to be able to steal.
You have to give me that.
We had that last time.
Do you want to steal?
I don't know.
I forgot what ... I've heard about this once.
It's Dr. Winston O'Boogie.
Winston Legthigh.
Oh, that's right.
Legthigh.
Yeah.
That's a good question.
I get nothing.
Hello, John.
Thanks, Jack and Claudia.
Hello, John.
Okay.
You're a blues.
No, he goes ... Mick Jagger goes, you're a blues, John.
You're a blues.
You're a blues, John.
Okay.
Super chatters are not understanding.
They're asking other random questions, but do we want to answer one?
Sure.
Watched the comedy the other night and was just curious if you collaborated
with Richard Swift
any other times or at all musically.
Richard Swift, the dear Richard Swift, who passed away a couple ... maybe last
year or the year
before that, a couple years ago, maybe ... the only experience I had with him
aside from the comedy
was he ... I sent him a ... just to see ... I don't know ... I don't remember
exactly why,
but I sent him the mix ... I sent him the tracks for In Glendale.
Oh.
And asked him to remix it or do a mix on it.
The whole album?
No, just the song.
Just the song.
Just one song.
It's a snip, snip.
And, you know, it came back and it was very good, but it wasn't like ... it
wasn't worth
him doing the whole album.
I don't think he had time, so it didn't make sense, but ... it's cool.
And that was going on the album?
He brought out some horns that were buried in the other mix.
And that's what got released, his mix?
No.
Oh, it didn't?
No.
Interesting.
All right.
Sarah gives you six.
Doug, you get six.
Sarah, Sarah.
Are those the horns?
All right.
Now, who has a good question for Doug?
No Beatles questions.
Yeah.
Rory and Michelle.
Rory and the Hurricanes.
Rory and the Hurricanes.
That was Ringo Starr's original band.
Ready for my question?
It's him.
By the way, this girl was in The Men and a Baby.
Was what?
My fiance was in Three Men and a Baby.
She was in the stand-in.
Really?
For the baby?
Yeah, for the baby.
She was the baby?
Are you kidding me?
Really?
No, no.
No joke.
Get on camera.
This is huge.
Why couldn't you get the main gig?
Why did you get the stand-in?
Hi, Michelle.
So you were a little baby, but you were the ...
So how did you end up actually in the movie?
We were extras, and apparently the babies ...
that they had for the role were a cussie or something was going on.
Right.
That was it.
You were stand-in or a-crawl-in?
Very nice, Doug.
You are truly my Adam Kragler tonight.
You are my ...
