Name: Office Hours Live presents THE OFFIES with guest presenter "Weird" Al Pacino (Ep 126 9/3/20)
Uploaded: 2020-09-03T19:08:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live presents THE OFFIES with guest presenter "Weird" Al Pacino (Ep 126 9/3/20)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live presents THE OFFIES with guest presenter "Weird" Al Pacino (Ep 126 9/3/20)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-03. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live presents THE OFFIES with guest presenter "Weird" Al Pacino (Ep 126 9/3/20)

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hey, hey, hey, we are live.
We're live on YouTube.
If you're listening at home, it's the podcast version of the show.
Yeah!
Welcome to Glendale, California, where it is.
Beautiful morning here, honestly.
We're having wonderful weather for the moment.
It is Thursday, September 3rd.
Wes, I'm very loud in my voice.
My voice is very loud.
Drops could be a little louder.
Yeah, pump up those drops.
Come on now, guys.
Come on.
Come on.
This is a big day.
This is our first ever, our first ever, our first ever award show.
It's exciting to be here with you.
It's exciting to be here with you.
I can't wait to be here, be here, be here, be here, be here with you.
I got DJ Doug Pound in the house.
And the one and only Vic Berger IV joining us today.
The Holy Trinity D.
Vic Berger makes a bunch of very funny internet videos.
Vic Berger smash cut's fucking hilarious.
Later, we're going to have Duncan Trussell here.
We're going to be speaking to him for five hours.
Well done, Vic.
We're just going to get into it all.
Tim.
Vic.
I've got some very good scotch.
Well done, Vic.
Cuban cigars and some PCP we're going to get into.
See how that goes.
And some angel dust.
I love her.
We're going to fly.
Hi.
Doug.
Today, Tom.
Doug.
Tim.
Doug.
Where?
Dong.
We are very happy to be with you today, folks.
This is a great day.
It is.
What?
We are going to reflect on the past several months, you know,
since March.
It's been a challenging period of time for our country, certainly for our show.
What do you mean?
But we have risen to the occasion, and we have, week in and week out, provided
you the best
entertainment possible, you know, considering the circumstances right now.
Need I say much more?
We've elevated the content of the show to a place that we didn't even dream of,
I think,
a couple of years ago.
Last year, it was sort of a distant dream, a distant sort of foggy vision that
I had alone.
Let's go.
And I said, guys, we, as I get, when I get back from tour, we are stepping shit
up.
Come on.
We're bringing in a producer, the great Matt Carlin.
He's sort of like our Phil Spector, if you will.
He's got the wall of sound attitude.
And we are going to move into my garage.
We are going to build the compound out.
We are going to get housing set up for Vic.
It is still a garden shed.
Wake in, wake in, wake in, wake in, it's time for school.
And we are going to book top-level guests like John Early, Jack Black, who else
have we had
on?
Many, many terrific people.
Phil, wake up.
It's time for school.
Come on, man.
So it's been an unbelievable summer of office hours, and you've been there with
us the entire
time, and we couldn't be more proud of our audience.
So we are celebrating today.
It is.
That's why I'm dressed up.
I'm wearing my good, my best suit.
Oh, yeah.
This is my best suit.
I kind of feel a little like Bill Maher.
A little like Bill Maher.
If somebody can send me some shitty jokes.
Doug, can you provide me with some hacky jokes about the orange man?
Well, I got this.
Everybody, welcome to Real Time with Tim Heidecker.
Today, my guest is Bernie Sanders, and we're going to be speaking with, from
the Reagan
coalition, Jennifer Swift.
And later, Robin Williams will be with us.
I can't read it.
There's no words on it.
Okay.
I'm friends with George Bush.
Well, do it live!
Fuck it!
All right.
Calm down, everybody.
We are here to celebrate our show with The Office.
It's the first ever award show that's dedicated to the success of this show.
We're going to do a lot of ways like Bill Maher.
Stop it.
I want to congratulate Doug and Vic on a very successful drop concert before we
get into The Office.
So much fun.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
Congratulations to you, too.
It was a smashing success.
If anybody's wondering, how did I miss this?
I'm just a casual viewer of the show, a casual listener.
You have to become a member of Patreon.com, Patreon.com slash Office Hours Live.
That's how you got to see the drop concert.
So, and people in the Patreon are wondering, well, okay, I watched it live.
What now?
They're all wondering, what now?
Well, now what do I do?
Well, here's what's happening.
Not only did we do the drop concert live as a live stream, we filmed it
professionally with HD cameras.
We've got to do some videos.
And here's what's going to happen.
It is being edited now into a feature film.
It's going to be called Drop Concert the Motion Picture, and that will be
available soon,
hopefully by the end of the year.
Are there any questions?
Is there any confusion about that?
Let's bring in a Zoom caller just to make sure that I'm not being misunderstood.
I can't have there being confusion right now.
Jim Apple.
I've shit myself.
I've pissed myself.
You want to talk to Teresa off?
Yes, let's bring Teresa in before we do anything official.
I still have to get to the city a day, and I have to tell everybody that we
have the limited edition precinct,
T-shirt opportunity that's extended through this weekend.
It's the one and only Casey Kasem.
Sounds good.
What does it say on it?
Want another one?
Okay, good.
And that's a limited edition T-shirt and tote.
So you can use it as a T-shirt or a tote, apparently.
Terrific stuff.
That will be available now at officialofficehours.com.
Pick up that T-shirt.
Now, Matt, do you have a vision for that?
An image for that you can put up?
Yeah.
Almost.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm moving quickly today because we have a lot to get through.
I had Teresa ready.
Why don't we show it later?
Teresa.
Let's go to Teresa off.
It's from Amanda, Cincinnati, Ohio.
Teresa, you reached out to us because, frankly, your last name is...
Let's hear it.
Oh, no.
Her audio is not working.
Offy?
Yeah, your last name is Offy.
That is correct.
Yeah.
You win a prize.
How excited were you?
You reached out to us because how excited were you when you found out that the
official
name of this show, of the award show, is going to be the Offys?
What happened?
Walk us through that moment for you.
I feel like my life came full circle.
I've been living every day of my life for this exact moment.
How cool is that?
Yeah.
Now, is that short...
Did you shorten your last name?
Is that short for something?
Nope.
Do people shorten their last name?
Sometimes when I get mail, they correct my last name to Offy.
It's Offy.
It is an odd one.
What's the origin of that?
Or is that...
Like she knows.
Italy.
Caserta, Italy.
Okay.
Like I said, she knows.
My great, great grand uncle came from Italy.
Good for you, huh?
Yeah.
How cool is it that we've all come to this country.
There's people that didn't.
You know, you look at the people that are still living in Italy and France and
Japan and everywhere
else.
Thank you so much for playing my game.
Our ancestors decided to make the big move across the vast oceans.
Settle here and how beautiful it's been and how beautiful it's been.
What a wonderful country we have.
What a wonderful, fully functional country we're living in.
You've got to wonder what was going on in Italy that they want to come here.
Start from scratch.
The mafia, man.
That's what they are.
They said, hey, we've got something good going on over here.
Why don't you come over here?
I've got the whole east side taken care of.
Yeah, I can see that.
America was founded by the England.
I guess you could form that a big simple history lesson here.
America was founded by the English?
Yeah, that's what they say.
Sorry, the super chat is happening today, folks.
Oh, fuck yourself.
And I just want to let everyone know.
Tim is extra handsome today.
I couldn't agree more.
I've gotten compliments from my wife, from my daughter, from everybody on the
show that
people are really sort of taken aback.
People like Tim.
The diet's going well.
People are encouraging me.
I'm eating healthy, Doug.
I couldn't feel better.
I sleep well at night.
Tim.
I think I'm at 100%.
Tim.
I sleep great, too.
I just, except Wednesday nights, I'm so excited about office hours, I can't
sleep.
A wink.
I just have nightmares after nightmares.
I got Casey in my dreams.
Are you nervous?
I'm just so excited about my...
It's like Christmas Eve every Wednesday.
Yeah, it's like...
It's nice.
You guys are having a good time.
I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm stressing out.
Seriously, I wake up and I'm up for two hours.
Every night?
Most nights, I'm up for...
Why?
Like, in the middle of the night, just anxiety and shit like that.
My son comes in at like five now with like, hey, it's too dark in here.
It's too dark in my room.
I was a full, full, deep sleep.
Full, full, deep, like fully under.
It's usually the opposite when you wake up, when it's too light.
That's what wakes me up, is the light of the morning.
I know.
If it's too dark, how are you awake?
He woke up, he's like, well, this ain't right.
Let's do the city of the day.
Thank you, Ms. Offey.
You're welcome.
Do you want to stick around and you can be in the...
We can turn to you, perhaps, to virtually hand you to our winners, perhaps, in
some way.
I would love that.
What we need to do is a visual artist.
Are you a visual artist?
Are you a visual artist?
Um, maybe.
No.
The answer is no.
Because what we need is a sculptor to take Ms. Offey and design a Offey statue
based on her physical characteristics.
Yes.
That's the little statuette.
That's the spirit.
Yeah.
She's our Offey.
Ms. Offey.
It would be easy to do for any sculptor that's a fan of the show.
So I would encourage the sculptor to make something yay big and then...
And then reproduce it.
So you have how many awards, how many categories?
Well, by next year, we're going to have 20 categories.
So by next year, we'll have the official cat.
It'll be a stone statue of Ms. Offey here.
What's your first name again?
That's amazing.
Teresa.
Teresa.
Okay, Teresa.
Thank you for joining us and thank you for being our official statuette.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
All right, City of the Day is brought to you by
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the head nurse spoke up knowing the day i was born
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today there is a high
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guy