Name: Office Hours Live with Matt, Arthur & Giorgio from FEELS GOOD MAN & Carson Mell (Ep 128 9/24/20)
Uploaded: 2020-09-24T19:11:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live with Matt, Arthur & Giorgio from FEELS GOOD MAN & Carson Mell (Ep 128 9/24/20)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live with Matt, Arthur & Giorgio from FEELS GOOD MAN & Carson Mell (Ep 128 9/24/20)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-24. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live with Matt, Arthur & Giorgio from FEELS GOOD MAN & Carson Mell (Ep 128 9/24/20)

If my man was wearing this, I would be all over him.
If my man was wearing this, I would be all over him.
That smells really good.
It smells like my guys.
Thank you.
I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh. I like having fun with me.
Good morning, everybody. Good morning.
Good morning. Good morning, everybody. Welcome to Office Hours. Can I get some
music, boys? Come on, Trinity. Give me something I can use. Give me something I
can play off of. Something bumping, something rocking. Let's just get everybody
in a good mood right now. I'm asking for it. I get what I want. Come on.
I don't know. I don't know what happened. Something terrible happened. We've
had a catastrophic failure on the show. Are we live, Matt? Are we good?
Oh, yeah. We're streaming. We're streaming. It's good. It's good to be with you
again today. I love coming to you every morning. Come on. Hey, I want you. I
want you to sit on my lap. And I'll tell you about my week.
What is that music? Give me some more of that. Push. Push it harder. OK. What
an annoying way to start the show. Good morning, everybody. Tim Heidecker here.
You're listening to Office Hours.
Give yourself a cup of Three Stooges Coffee and enjoy the show. There you go.
We are back. Not press the bone. What? Be careful. Not press the bone. What?
One more time. Be careful. Not press the bone. I don't know what that is.
Why do you have an answer? Cloud House. It's a massage tutorial video.
Catch the bone. Be careful. Not press the bone. Does he have a speech impediment?
Are we laughing at somebody?
Massage and introduction from top to bottom. I think he's French, but he's
doing his radio look.
Yes. He sounds a little bit like my overall continental European accent. Yes. I
think he's French.
I think he's French. I think he's French. Yeah, that's my theory. That's a bit
bad.
Shoulder and neck massage. Relaxation. Massage. I think he's from Asia
somewhere.
Each massacre of massages. Well, I don't want to start the show by impugning
someone because of where they're from.
Try again. How about this one? Each massacre of massages. See? Each massacre of
massages. All right, let's try this now.
Ooh, that's...
That doesn't quite work with the German music, but the fresh...
You know what was funny? You know, I'm a... Excuse me. I'm a journeyman. You
know, I'm a journeyman. I'm always looking for inspiration.
I'm always looking for new direction to go in. And I was watching a PBS program
about the music of Haydn, the composer, violin guy.
And, you know, it's... He's going on... They're going on about how he... He
drew inspiration from, like, Bavarian and Austrian folk music.
And they're playing this Austrian folk music. I was like, maybe I should...
That could be my new inspiration. I could do Austrian folk music.
And that could be where my next record goes. And that's my heritage. I'm a
German born...
It feels good to put on, like, Pennsylvania and Dutch music.
You know, look, you've got all that stuff in spades, don't you, Vic?
I've got so many... I used to, like, raid the thrift stores of all the polka
music.
Didi-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di-di.
Frank Jägovic and Stanky and Nicole Meyers.
What is that? Like, Ricola? Is that what that's?
Yeah, sure. You've got to get one of those big horns. One of those big horns,
Tim.
Sure. Yeah, but you've got to get the accordion going.
Yes.
And I could sing about modern life. Life is hard when you're looking. I've been...
Every morning I wake up and I itch my legs. I've got bedbugs. I've got crabs. I'm
a dirty little boy.
I love dirty boys. No, I don't love dirty boys. Now listen. Quiet now.
Quiet now. Quiet you. Why you?
I...
I do want to start with some bad news.
We want to start the day with some bad news. This is tough.
I...
I just kind of had nothing I could do about it.
And I think it's something that a lot of people out there are going to be
disappointed to hear.
Frankly. And I'm disappointed. I don't think it's the sort of end of the world.
But it's certainly going to set us back. I think it's going to set me back a
little bit.
And perhaps we can grow. This can grow back. This can... we can change the
future here a little bit.
But I did... I'll tell you guys right now. I haven't shown you because I've
been wearing this mask.
But this came off. We lost...
What?
And this beautiful boy that everybody was so proud of.
It was so... it was such a part of the... it became sort of the fourth member
of... it sort of... you know we were the Holy Trinity and then suddenly we were
the fab four.
Doug, Vic, my mustache and me. And now it's... it's all gone.
I wish you would have told us you were going to be doing that. I...
You're just a little stunned. I know.
At first I wasn't for it. And I was... you had to sell me on it. And now I was...
Now everyone talked to me about it. People would come up to me on the street.
Every day I'd be walking down the street. Somebody would come up to me.
"Sir!" They'd go down on their knees. "Sir, thank you for that fuzz above your
lip."
What a pleasure it has been to see it on the show.
But what... what is that?
That's some beard scratchy.
That is some... that is some white noise for you guys.
It's shaving sounds.
Yeah, Tim, I wish you gave us a head up. That's...
A head up?
A head up.
Wish you gave us a head up on that because...
Let's get some immediate reactions from the Zoomers, Matt.
Now the energy has just gone from the room and we just feel like shit.
I know. Well, I'll tell you what happened, Matt.
If you want to bring me somebody to my throne, the seat of my throne.
Let's check in with Alexis.
Alexis.
One of our number one fans.
Thank you, Alexis.
Now, listen, I'll tell you this.
I'll tell you this with great honesty.
And you know this.
I love when Trump says, "And you know this."
And everybody knows it.
Josefe.
Josefe, Josefe.
Josefe to you on this dark, dark day.
I was going for a trim last night.
I was trimming...
I was just wanting to clean it up for you folks because I care about you.
I said, "Let me give it a clean up."
And then I went in too deep and it went...
It went just...
Off.
I don't like it at all.
No, sorry, sir.
It was an accident?
Couldn't you keep some of it?
Go Hitler style?
Hell no, Doug.
That's disrespectful to all kinds of listeners.
Well, but...
It wasn't that kind of trim.
Other people that aren't so bad did that stash.
Don't be a kiddie.
The bass player from Gigi Allen, he had one.
What about the guys that just have it on the sides?
Not even...
Or like Lemmy.
Maybe he did that.
Alexis, walk us through the moment that I reveal.
Lemmy.
Walk us through the moment of the reveal of...
But first, scooch down.
This is the first time there's no headroom.
It's like half of her head.
What's this?
What's this?
We can't see.
It's weird because I had a dream that I grew a mustache.
What the hell?
Last night.
Oh, God.
Well, that is...
What the hell is that?
What is?
That couldn't be you.
I'm not doing anything.
I think...
Are you driving a truck right now, Alexis?
She's like...
No, I live in a busy corner and it just bored past.
So, sorry about that.
No worries.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, thank you, Alexis.
I do not want to talk to you again.
So, he does not access.
I do not want to talk to you again.
I do not want to talk to you right now.
Your connection is the pits.
And it's driving me into an even darker, deeper place.
Okay, guys.
Should we talk to this guy in his truck?
Yes.
Lemmy did not have that stash.
I was like...
Gray.
Gray Niner.
Gray Niner.
Come in.
Come in, Gray Niner.
Am I driving a truck?
Can you talk and drive?
Is that safe?
Yeah, I can talk and drive.
This is perfectly safe.
How dare you?
How dare you?
Look at you.
How dare you get rid of that beautiful mustache?
I am trying to apologize.
And when you come in with a how dare you, where am I supposed to go with that?
I don't want to hear it.
Listen.
I don't want to hear it.
Where are you driving to?
Where are you long hauling to?
I'm in Baltimore right now, heading up to the Bronx, New York.
Nice.
What are you dropping off?
Hell yeah.
I've been trying to get into the Zoom for a while now.
First time in.
What's your payload?
I got drywall right now.
Nice.
Let's go.
We got to start rebuilding America.
We have to build one drywall frame at a time.
My gosh.
Yeah.
What's on your mind?
What's up here today?
What's your, uh, not much guys.
I actually had a game.
Maybe you might be interested in playing.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
I'll play a game.
I'll do anything today.
I'll tell you the make and model of a car and estimate the year.
And you guys guess what color it is.
Let's do it.
All right.
I'm looking at a Ford Focus.
Probably, uh, 2008.
Red.
Oh fuck.
I was going to go red.
Ford Focus.
I'm going to say maroon.
I'm saying.
Blue.
Blue.
I knew it was blue.
Okay.
One more.
Two more.
I was going to think blue.
Blue.
Blue.
Blue.
Blue.
I knew it was blue.
Okay.
One more.
Two more.
I was going to think blue.
Blue.
Blue.
Blue.
Blue.
Blue.
Blue first, but then.
All right.
Uh.
By the way, we have this.
Hang on.
I got to pick a good one.
By the way, pardon me.
We have the Super Chat open if you're watching on YouTube right now.
The Super Chat is open.
If you're loving this game, throw us a couple bucks.
This is a great.
This is Office Hours hot, top notch quality.
Throw us five bucks if you're loving the game.
Uh, all money goes back into the show.
And it's, you know, probably going to go towards my hot tub fund.
So.
I just want to clarify.
Is he pulled over?
No.
Okay.
He's just staring out the window for a long time.
I'm actively driving.
Oh, please be safe.
I got.
No, he's fine.
I mean, I'm sure this guy talks on the, on the phone all day long.
I, I view it the same thing as looking at the GPS.
I don't think it's any different.
We had this, uh, we had, we've, you know, I've done a number of, uh, tours
where we have
a bus driver and we sleep in the back and our bus driver would drive at night.
And that's generally how you do it.
You do the show, you get in the bus and you go to the next town.
And this guy would be on the phone all night long.
And I just felt so bad for whoever was on the other end.
Cause imagine the other person going like, Oh fuck it's Joe again.
He's probably sitting in his cab and he wants to chew.
He wants to chew the fat.
Like I'm some kind of free radio station for him.
Is that what you do to all your friends and families?
You bother them all day?
Oh, all day.
The phone doesn't stop ringing.
Okay.
Let's round two.
Round two.
Doug has zero.
Vic has zero.
I have an honorary one point.
I said blue.
You did not say blue.
I think Doug said blue.
Roll the tape back.
I said red.
Then I came back after your guesses.
Guess round number two.
All right.
So Doug has one.
I have one.
All right.
Give us a half.
Hey, looking.
You ready?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
All right.
About 1985 Dodge Ram pickup truck.
Nope.
I'm gonna say blue with a gray stripe.
Blue with a gray stripe is actually 100% accurate.
Shut the fuck up.
There we go.
What?
Do I get two points for that?
I think you should get two points for that.
I'd say that's for two.
That's two.
And then we have to move the show along.
All right.
Dodge Grand Caravan.
Oh, baby blue.
2003.
Baby blue.
Baby blue.
Yep.
You're right.
Yes.
All right.
We have a tiebreaker now.
Is that a...
Doug, you're eliminated.
A minivan?
Yeah.
Of course.
Yep.
Minivan.
Now we have a tiebreaker between me and Vic.
But if you guys both get it, can I get the third guess?
If we both get it.
If you both don't get it.
If we both don't get it.
Okay.
Yeah, sure.
Come in from behind.
I like that.
But you are technically...
Give me a shot.
Tim, give me a shot at the championship.
You are technically eliminated.
Let's just be clear on that.
No, I'm not.
All right.
Today's game is brought to you by Orson's Horse Farm.
Let's kick it up and...
Our last one.
This is the tiebreaker between me and Vic.
All right.