Name: Tim From Michigan Returns for Halloween (Best of Office Hours)
Uploaded: 2020-11-03T19:36:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim From Michigan Returns for Halloween (Best of Office Hours)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim From Michigan Returns for Halloween (Best of Office Hours)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-03. Transcript available.

tim from michigan tim are you there hello can you hear me yes we can hear you
how are you sir
everybody in your family good uh everybody but me yeah
okay what's the problem well uh as predicted as predicted by myself i got too
late to start and
i'm actually i'm absolutely freaking boned oh no so your halloween predictions
came true where you
were going to get screwed by the virus because of remind me what your main
concern was because i'm
kind of so much has happened since then oh yeah in your world not mine i've
been laser focused
and you're still not able to pull it off what what's the i mean what's what's
the state because
obviously people like like in my neighborhood people are already fully you know
decked everything
out you're not ready yet are you not ready to go with your halloween display at
your house
far from it got too late of a jump and and let me tell you what you're saying
in your neighborhood
that's crap that's not what i'm talking about what are you talking about my
stuff's rare my stuff's
my stuff's things that guys like me fight over like what like i mean just like
rare halloween stuff
like stuff that you can't just get at tarjay uh-huh like where would you get it
like on uh at a
halloween store exactly a store that's about halloween and it's for halloween
which were closed and when
they opened it was there was too many guys like me trying to get the stuff they
need and it was an
all-out war and you lost the war i didn't come in dead last but i certainly
didn't do great uh-huh
well what what is your what give pay me a picture of your house right now what's
happening outside on
the lawn okay so i had to uh i had to do a little improvisation good that's
always i mean i'm sorry tim
to interrupt but i always find that sort of uh that can almost lead to a better
you know better
situation uh yeah it can if you're good at it uh but uh i had to take god this
sucks i can't believe
i'm saying this i had to take old santas and stuff and shave their beards
like shave their beards shave their heads and turn them into serial killers
just to have something
kind of scary uh-huh well i got that sounds kind of sounds kind of unique but
go ahead what else
everybody can tell they're santa if you walk by they start singing jingle bells
that's kind of neat though i think it's kind of creepy it's kind of like you
know like a haunted santa
vibe no but i made him look absolutely nothing like santa shaved his beard
shaved his head took his
glasses off took the red suit on put on a uh put on like a gray suit made him a
serial killer
scary as shit but then you walk by and jingle bells this is a nightmare i'm
sorry what else do you have
do you have anything i mean unplug them or we could we could batteries out we
got some goblins back
behind us here we could always get them out to you that's all crap that's all
crap everything you
guys have is crap well i'm sorry you don't like it we like what about cobwebs
and uh anything like
that cobwebs yeah i definitely got some cobwebs i got some gravestones handmade
and i'm you know i'm
putting like funny names on them and stuff but all in all because of how i got
shortchanged so much
all in all the the haunted house is i'm not kidding about three seconds long oh
really yeah you're in and
out you're in and out pretty fast so you can go in and i mean are you worried
about covid because you
know there's been a a pretty significant there's been a pretty significant
spike recently are you
worried that you're going to be attracting people to come in i mean it sounds
like it's the positive
spin is that people aren't going to be in there long enough to be exposed but
that that's not a
concern for you no it's two seconds in and out i'm not really concerned and
word is kind of spread
that uh it ain't as good this year oh really so there's already bad word of
mouth a little bit
really well uh any last minute uh sort of hail mary's you got planned i mean
you've got a couple
days anything you want to any any any tricks up your sleeve glad you asked that
uh yeah the uh
the uh the little last minute hail mary is i'm gonna jump off my roof
i'm gonna jump off my roof into the top of the thing
when folks are in there i'm gonna fly off the roof and that'll if they're not
expecting that and
and i'm just gonna fly off right through the top of it jesus have you are you
prepared uh some kind
of safety i mean are you is that is that something that were you going to
become injured after doing
that this is like a one and done stunt now as a kid my dad threw me around and
like uh like
i had not in a bad way he was a tumbler and uh he threw me around so my i know
how to fall i know
how to fall really well so yeah i'm gonna get a running start i'm gonna leap
through the top of
the house hopefully i dodged the santa yeah but so walk me through that just
let me dial in on that
so people are going to come in and at some point what is the structure that
they're walking into is it
is it like uh what's the structure made of the haunted house it's an old it's
an old nativity set
that i repurposed an old nativity set okay and and are you worried about
actually landing on someone
as you come crashing through the nativity set uh i hadn't thought about that uh
i i was just
planning on just going you know just jumping as hard as i could right through i
think that i have
it timed out enough that i'll just go right through two people you'll go right
through two people yeah
like split the difference with the middle of two people okay so let's say that
that that happens you
go that moment happens then what because you hopefully you get more people
coming in and that's
sort of that's moments kind of come and gone
right it's gonna take a while to reset for sure i think i'll just have to space
out the times that
we go through because i'll have to reset the roof because the roof has got real
shingles on it and
crap and there's an attic up there where i got a like a a fake cat so uh yeah
it's gonna take some
reset for sure but i think it's the only way to up it i mean like i've been
screaming louder than i did
last year at the end of it and stuff but yeah you just gotta find ways to
improvise right well i mean
or or or just let this one go dude like just let this one come and go and you
know i'm just worried
you're going to hurt yourself maybe you just take sort of eyes on the neck eyes
on the prize when it
comes to next year is one angle but i don't want to push you in any direction i'm
just suggesting as a
somebody doesn't want to see anybody get hurt no tim honestly uh if the risk of
me getting hurt for
flying off my roof into the house is uh is very small compared to if i didn't
do this the risk of
my life uh my life ending well dry dial in on that a little bit i'm a little
confused by that you're
you're worried that if you don't go through with this that's something negative
you're talking about
this is a life-threatening situation how does that work if i if i don't do this
if i don't get my
scares and my smiles then uh yeah i'll i mean this is morbid but i'll die you
will die by your
own hand or i it grief you know that you hear those stories of like a couple in
love and then
the husband or the wife dies and you know a week later they're dead broken
heart syndrome yes i think
that i think that for sure well if i don't i don't know man it seems like you
want to temper your
expectations a little bit i have a question go ahead doug uh yeah do you get um
your scares in any other times of
the year or do you just have to get them all in in this time of year i gotta
pile them all in at this
time of the year uh honestly when november one hits i don't i don't i don't
think i'm recharged with
the scares and the smiles i got and i don't think i dive right into christmas
but now i've kind of
screwed all my christmas decks that was going to be my next question have you
created sort of a
a deficit problem for you look looking past halloween or talk to me about your
christmas
uh experience at the house that seems like it's in jeopardy oh my god i've i've
eaten into my
christmas stuff so bad this is this is a this is a cycle right here now i gotta
now i gotta try and
get my christmas stuff in order because i've bitten into it pretty harsh repurposing
stuff i gotta i got
a frosty i made into a frankenstein well it's too bad i think it's a good
lesson you know uh you got to
take what comes at you and you can't start because we do this as a culture as a
country we sort of live off
of debt live live off of you know worrying about tomorrow not worrying about
tomorrow to to enrich
today and i think a great message maybe that you're showing us through you know
an example we can try
to steer clear of is accept the reality of the situation and don't don't uh try
to make everything
perfect now because that could affect the future so i'm worried about you tim i'll
be frank and i hope
things go well on halloween but let's check in on christmas because i feel like
you're just digging
yourself a deeper hole yeah uh at this point i'm trying not to think about
christmas because i'm
absolutely screwed i hear you all right well don't have that attitude just look
these are supposed to
be fun things by the way these holidays they're supposed to bring us joy and
they're not have you
been naughty or nice right yeah but nobody saw this coming and now i'm behind
on everything all right well
we work we we uh feel feel terrible for you and uh can we send him can we send
him something we had a
a go fund me for tim going or something and just i just don't oh my god that
would be great i think
we should try to get your scares in you know throughout the year instead of you're
building
it up throughout you know and focusing it on this one month where maybe you
could do some springtime
scares uh-huh or some like yeah what do you think about that easter scares i
just want to yeah like
release the the pressure valve a little bit don't let it build up that feels a
little feels a little
inauthentic to me i love it i think you take july 4th and you make that a
little spooky just put a
little edge to it i appreciate you guys saying this stuff but it honestly is
not helping all right i'm
sorry tim well listen get some rest you got a busy weekend coming up let us
know to make sure we don't
want you to uh to be injured of course so be safe maybe just go i mean i know
it kills you go to target
and just get a couple some ghosts or something yeah no can do i'm already i'm
already just gonna jump
through the roof jump through the roof okay very good thanks tim good luck
thank you thank you so much
happy halloween there he is tim from michigan bye everyone loved it everyone's
appreciative of your time